Of Times Past
Chapter 3
Fighting Regrets
"Tadashi!" Honey Lemon gleefully yelled from across the lab.
The bubbly chemist was at her workstation, white fog pooling around her table in large quantities, and various sorts of equipment were stood on her table. Gogo was having Honey develop a new type of Super Conductor, one of which could provide practically frictionless contact, and trying to see if didn't need to be cooled to below -300 Fahrenheit every time, yet she was having only small bouts of luck. It was a strange process to find the right combination of elements to achieve the cooling effects of Liquid Nitrogen on a super conductor, but have it remain at room temperature. Even then, problems still arose of how to even translate this new chemical to her bike. She would need a way to constantly recycle the chemical back into the magnet, yet this would create too much weight. She needed a way to stabilize the magnetic field around her tires, achieving the quantum trapping effect, but she needed it without the use of chemicals. However, you had to start somewhere, getting the Super Conductor to work at room temperature was the first task, and that's where Honey came in.
Tadashi had just walked into the main laboratory, Honey instantly recognizing the signature Baseball cap, and quickly she called out to him.
"Hey Honey Lemon," Tadashi said as he walked by her work station. "Any luck with that new compound?"
She let out an exasperated sigh. "No! It keeps oxidizing too quickly. I need to figure out how to stabilize it..."
"Don't worry; I know you can do it." He flashed a warm smile, and she too gave one in return.
Tadashi was soon at the other end of the facility, stepping out of the elevator and entering his own lab off to the left. Stepping in, the warm glow of the morning sun washed over him. His thoughts, once distracted by Honey, were now crawling back to his isolation. Being with others were always a welcome distraction, but it was when he was by himself, such as now, thoughts of everything came rushing back like a flooded dam.
His little brother, his Otouto, was stuck in a coma, and it was absolutely destroying him.
He thought of it all the time, despite it being over a year since the fire, Tadashi dreamt of it nearly every night, the process that one of them could have potentially died if Hiro hadn't held onto him for one second longer, it haunted him to no end. Yes Hiro was alive, but he was stuck in a stasis, unable to wake for some reason.
Tadashi blamed himself.
It was his fault. He ran into the fire. He wanted to play the hero, and for what? To rescue the very man who started the fire? Of course at the time, nobody knew that, he used that to justify his guilt, but at every moment the face of his sleeping brother nulled that justification, and the guilt only swept over.
Hiro could be dead because of you.
He shivered. It was his entire fault, and he knew it.
He stepped up to the window, Baymax's bright red portable carting device directly below him. The city of San-Fransokyo was brightly shining within the morning light, transits running their usual course, the birds happily flying over the bay and everyone was attending to their own lives. But, Hiro wasn't here to live, to experience this life. Yes, he was still alive, but he wasn't living. He was stuck in an endless sleep, missing out on the world, and it was all because of Tadashi he wasn't there.
It was amazing, to look out and see the beauty of the world, yet be completely blinded to it by the veil of depression. Tadashi was letting this eat him alive, but he couldn't step off into the endless void beneath him, because despite his brother's face being the reason he was there, his brother was also the reason he couldn't jump. He had to save Hiro, he'd always be there for him; he wasn't giving up on him, he never would. As the sun rose higher, and Tadashi set to his morning work, he set a mark in his soul.
He vowed he'd make this up to Hiro.
Hiro dabbed at the bright purple spot forming under his eye, wincing as crimson flakes dripped into the sink.
He'd gotten beaten again today, and the reason this time? They felt like it.
He didn't know why they did it, he didn't know why they even started to hate him, it didn't add up, but at the same time it didn't matter. The bruises and aches were real enough to not question it. They started it, they did it, and they would continue to do it.
The school day soon grew to a close, and Hiro soon found himself walking towards his lab, the yellow tinted sky falling in the windows shortly behind him. The electric white lights flickered in the sterile hallway he walked down, and the various tiles of the floor reflected said light and bounced off the sound of Hiro's shoes throughout the empty corridor. He neared the door to his right, a texture like synthetic glass, in any sense almost plastic, yet durable and a spec of high tech humming throughout.
"Gogo-...Hiro would-...Tadashi."
Hiro stopped, his hand just reaching for the door in front of him. That was Honey Lemon's voice...They were talking about him...and Tadashi? He knew he shouldn't, but with the factor of his brother, he couldn't help it. He leaned in, stepping back slightly as so his shadow didn't fall through the underside of the door. His ear pressed against the cool metallic glass, and he hesitantly listened.
"Honey Gogo's right...Hiro just isn't Tadashi." Wasabi said.
"But that's my point! Dios mío! Tadashi would want us to care for him!"
"Tadashi isn't here." Gogo flatly said.
Silence.
"How can you all act like this?" Honey Lemon said after a moment.
"Tadashi Hamada was our best friend. We love Hiro...we really do, but he isn't him...I feel like we're trying to replace him with Hiro, and I won't let that happen." Gogo said.
"So what, are you just going to give up on him?"
"No...I just...we can see it Honey, yesterday, you almost called Hiro Tadashi."
"An honest mistake!"
"Or that one time you tried talking Hiro into getting a Baseball Cap?" Wasabi said.
"Oh! Don't forget when you tried to get him to cut his hair like Tadashi's!"
"Enough!" Honey's voice tore through the night.
Dead silence.
A low hum was heard amongst the screaming silence, and the sound of Honey's harsh breathing somehow intensified the deafening silence.
At that moment, Fred had thrown his legs haphazardly over the legs of his chair, his thigh ramming into a spare screw of some sort which had accidentally fallen into his chair sometime during the day.
"Ow!" He cried out, hoisting his leg up and nearly falling out of the chair in the process.
An inflating sound of air hit their ears, and an all too familiar robot began to rise into the sky.
Hiro had brought Baymax into the main testing center that day to use some of the parts the others had. Instead of toting the parts back and forth, why not just work on it there? He was actually on his way to relive Baymax of that position, and have him back in the comfort of his own lab.
"Hello, I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion."
The vinyl robot waddled over to the group, his sensors quickly assessing the room and its occupants.
"I was initiated by a cry of distress. You seem to have acquired a laceration upon the sural area of your lower leg. Diagnosis: A Cut."
Fred, whom was already at this point pulling the damned nail of his leg, waved off the gargantuan marshmallow.
"Nah thanks my man. I got it."
"Are you sure?" Baymax said as he looked down on the skinny adult.
"Yeah I'm good."
Baymax, who still didn't seem satisfied, was going to comment before he noticed something. He stood to his full height; having been bent down to examine Fred's cut, and turned his attention towards the door.
"My sensors indicate another life form in distress."
Gogo's infamous gum popped into her mouth, her posture getting straighter as she leaned into the robot.
"What, who?"
Before Baymax could respond however, Gogo got her answer. Honey, which had ran over to the door upon first hearing there was someone there instantly cried out, her suspicions correct.
"Hiro!"
But he was already gone.
"You guys seriously didn't have to do this."
Tadashi stood off to the right of Hiro's bed side and the others, Wasabi, Gogo, and the rest, stood collectively around the sleeping boy. The room was filled with the soft setting sun, the clouds of a day past floating away into nothingness as the night slowly crept up with its purple cape.
"He's your little brother Tadashi; it's the least we could do." Honey said, smiling.
In her hands she held a small arrangement of sunflowers, delicately placed in a small glass vile. The others had brought various gifts as well, Fred a balloon which had 'you rock' written over it in flamboyant ways, and Wasabi a brightly colored card which had their names, alphabetized and neat I mind you, written on the inside. Gogo had a photo in her hands, framed and sheik with its design. It was the photo the six of them had taken the day Hiro had been accepted into SFIT, one of the days Tadashi couldn't help but grimace at, but smile as well.
He collectively thanked them, smiling and setting up their tokens next to Hiro's bed.
Leave it to his friends to do something like this...he thought, smiling as his did.
It warmed his heart, they came on their own accord to see Hiro, and he was thankful for each and every one of them. He loved them dearly, and quite honestly, he didn't know what he'd do without them.
They stayed, and they chatted, the evening sky soon growing bright from the neon illuminating San-Fransokyo, and the moon soon coming out to play.
Tadashi's phone went off, and seeing as it was his Aunt, quickly excused himself from the room to take the call.
The four college students were soon left alone in the room, Hiro's sleeping form rising up and down with the slow pattern of his heart monitor off to the right.
"Now that Tadashi isn't here...I'm worried about him guys..." Gogo said, breaking the silence.
"You too?" Wasabi responded.
"Hiro's been in a coma for a year now...but it's still taking a heavy toll on him." Gogo said.
Honey lemon looked down solemnly, her eyes grazing across Hiro's sleeping body.
"But what can we do?" Honey said.
"Tadashi Hamada is our best friend. He loves Hiro, but he's letting this whole thing destroy him. I've noticed he's been throwing himself into his robotics more...almost too much. He loves robotics but this...this isn't him...I feel like he's trying to replace Hiro with that... and I won't let that happen." Gogo said.
"So what do you think we should do? We can't just give up on him."
"I don't know...I-"
"That's enough."
The group looked up to the door, the silhouette of Tadashi standing there, outlined by the fluorescent white of the hospital hallway, and a sour grimace outlining his face.
"Tadashi-" Honey began.
"Save it. Do you really think I'm replacing my brother with my work?"
"Tadashi we-!" Wasabi started.
"My brothers in a coma, something that's MY fault and you sit here and say I'm replacing him?!"
"No! We just thought-"
"You just thought? You just thought you could come see my brother after god knows how long and sit there and tell me I'm replacing him?"
"Listen Hamada we-" Gogo, whom now was standing started to say.
"No you listen! How dare you...I can't..."
Tadashi's breathing was ravage, his face contorted and twisted. His eyes were wide but low, his shoulders hunched and his hair astray.
"Get out."
His voice was low, dangerously low, and the others nearly shivered at his. This wasn't Tadashi...
"Tadashi, please...we only care about you." Honey said, timidly as she tried to reach out for her friend.
"Is everything all right in here?" A nurse said, stepping in the frame of the doorway, his arrival probably mostly due to the noise of Tadashi's yelling.
Tadashi straightened his back, his face suddenly a mask of emotions, and he slowly turned to the nurse. His voice was calm, eerily calm, and he spoke with a soft intention it was almost murderous.
"No, they were just leaving."
Each soon filed out after that, Gogo being the only who tried a chance to look at the elder Hamada. Tadashi only kept his gaze straight, his stomach twisted itself into knots, and the mere thought of looking at their faces sent him drilling.
The silence drowned him as he was left alone, an impenetrable dense like stuffing which encased him like glue on skin. It felt defining, it felt unbarring, and so, he did what he could only think of to do.
He punched the wall.
A loud boom reverberated throughout the room, Tadashi letting out a strangled noise as he shook his hand, somehow trying to shake out the stinging in his knuckles. Quickly a passing nurse entered the room, Tadashi looking childish and muttering an apology. The nurse, however angered she may be, held an odd sense of understanding, as if she's seen things like this play out before. She only chided him slightly, making sure to enunciate however careful she could make it may be, that he not do something like that again.
The boy apologized, sheepishly I might add, and the girl left as she came, the door shutting softly with an audible click.
He soon was left alone again, the sound of the various machine's hooked behind Hiro being the only audible noise in the room. He slumped into his usual chair, the one closest to Hiro's bedside, and he sighed as he ran his fingers through his own hair, wincing from the soreness his hand now had.
Note to self, never do that again.
The room started to fill with the same liquid essence of silence yet again, however this one seemed sedated, almost normal in response to what he's felt coming here alone for the past year, well he wasn't always alone, Aunt Cass visited mostly, and his friends visited occasionally, and the silence that had occurred when his friends left was differently different than what was here now.
Guilt quickly amassed over him, and he instantly regretted all that he said. He had messed up, he had messed up bad. Everything he yelled at them for, everything he accused them of, it was all false. They in fact visited Hiro quite a lot, sometimes multiple times a week, they cared about Hiro too if not just as much as Tadashi. He knew they were only trying to look out for him, his wellbeing their only intentions. But the worst part, he knew they were right...
He always tried to deny it, shoveling it aside as false and outrageous, but deep down he knew, he knew he was avoiding it. Avoiding them, avoiding Aunt Cass, avoiding everything…
Hiro was in a coma...one of which he may never awake from, and Tadashi knew it was all his fault. Images of the fire bursting in his mind, Hiro asking, no, begging, pleading for him not to go, but he had to be the hero. He had to save Professor Callaghan, because someone has to help.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
If only he hadn't of done that, if only he wasn't so ignorant, Hiro wouldn't have ran after him, get struck by that falling beam which should have hit himself, he wouldn't be in a coma today.
A single tear fell from Tadashi's eye, gently caressing his cheek before slipping to the crook of his chin, eventually falling down and landing somewhere along his hand.
"Oh Hiro..." He whispered.
"I'm so sorry..."
NO TADASHI DON'T CRY I'M SORRY.
Please don't hate me for doing that. X_X
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! (One day late I know...)
I hope you all had a wonderful time with family, and if you don't celebrate that Holiday, well I hope you had a good November 27th! Now, onto the reviews!
Shoyzz: Thank you! :) I'm actually still debating on how I want Hiro to react to realizing everything he went through he actually dreamed up. It's going to lead to a lot of problems I know. But I'm just trying to figure out how to approach in a way that's one, emotionally right, and two, Logically right. I've done a little bit of a research on coma's, but none of it has been that extensive. I may have to ask my Psychology Professor. ._. "Hey I'm writing this Fanfic about a mentally distressed 14 year old boy in a coma who dreams his brother died. Any ideas?" Second thought, I might NOT do that. xD
Wheeee: Thank you! :)
BrokenWings2602: Bingo! However, everything BEFORE the fire actually happened. Which means Callaghan still has a grudge against Krei. I may, or may not include that in my story. So who knows, maybe BH6 might happen after all...or maybe Big Hero 7...if you get what I mean. :)
Secret: I know. :( Don't worry, I'll make sure he gets lots of love later on. :)
Booyahkasha: Glad you're enjoying it!
Emilykit14: I think it's my way of dealing with Tadashi's death. I'M NOT IN DENIAL...
Dawn on fire: Thank you! That's one thing I always try to put effort into is my endings. I can't stand stories where the chapters end so...just badly? Of course, that is completely subjective. Some of my viewers I'm sure hate the way I end my chapters and think they are terrible. It's all up to the person reading it. :) But hey, I'm happy with how I end my stories.
Aqua Elsa: Don't kill me...but I'm really not sure I want a happy ending. I'm not entirely throwing the idea out! But I dunno...I kind of want it bittersweet, if that makes sense. But I can't say where it's going to end up. I've only thought of up to about halfway through. I'm still trying to figure out where I want this to end up at. But I can assure I'm trying to wrap up all lose ends, and I can say everyone, Tadashi, Hiro, Baymax, etc. they'll all be TOGETHER in the end. I'm not going to separate them. But just how they're together I'm not sure.
Guest: Thank you! :) I love to hear that. It really gives me motivation to write. Want to know something funny? When I was in High School, my Senior year, my English Teacher said in one of my poems I reminded her of Shakespeare. I'm like, WHAT? THIS ISN'T EVEN WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I JUST LIKE TO WRITE. ._. The class laughed at that. -.-
lambtastic: I won't spoil it! But you're close...very, very, very, very, very, very close. ._. Did I spoil it?...crap.
Sushi Hawkeye: That's one of the things about coma's I've researched. The persons brain takes in information and can and will sometimes dream up things based on what they hear. Based on Hiro's past in this story, already being depressed and bullied, his mind made up this world where he's completely miserable because that's how he truly feels on the inside. If that makes any sense. Like the two scenes in this chapter, did you catch the similarities? Based on what Hiro heard them talking about, and what he already feels on the inside, his mind constructed that conversion of them talking about Honey replacing Hiro with Tadashi. When in reality, they were talking about Tadashi replacing Hiro. I hope that wasn't too complicated. DX Sometimes I just can't get my thoughts out!
sakura240: Kura and Berry? Nice to meet you! :) Don't cry though! :( I'm sorry that this almost made you cry...it actually gets worse from this point. DX I'm sorry! And yes, Hiro WILL wake up. Just when, and how, I can't tell you. But he will wake up, and Tadashi will be there to smother and hold him all night if he has too. :)
There you have it! Thank you too all who reviewed! Thank you to everyone else as well! I really do appreciate every single one of you. :) I'd also just like to thank Fanfiction itself if I can? It's because of that, fandoms like this can come together, it's where I can share my experiences through my writing, it's where others, just like me, can express themselves, and I truly am thankful for that. :)
In other news, I might be heading up to New York soon! I'm so flipping excited! Don't get me wrong I love the college I'm at now, but I just am really liking this school I'm looking at, and so, I'm feeling so much like Hiro right now. I'm just like...I HAVE TO GO TO THIS NERD SCHOOL. I'm so excited! But so not ready for all the crap I have to do to work towards more scholarships. Ughhhh...I know how Hiro felt when he kept bashing his head against his desk.
I'm about at that point.
Well, again, thanks for reading everyone! I hope you all have had a wonderful day so far! And kudos to those who've read to this point! Baymax lollipops for all of you!
...I'm such a dork.
As Always,
R&R