Chapter 9

As I woke up the next morning, my head hurt so badly and all I could taste in my mouth was alcohol. I sat up, realizing I was still in the same clothes from last night. I threw off William's coat and decided to hang out in my pajamas for the rest of the day until I had washed my clothes. Then I would go to work. Wait that was William's coat. Did he take me home? Oh gosh, I must have gotten drunk.

I stripped off my clothes and threw on black baggy pants and left my upper body shirtless. I scrambled around my house, washing clothes, making lunch, taking a shower, the typical chores. I figured I would take a half day and then go back to the office and give William his coat back. I hope I did not do anything irrational last night. At least, I don't think so. After all, I woke up clothed, not in underwear, which was a hopeful sign.

After putting my damp clothes on, I walked to the Shinigami building, carrying William's coat in one hand. I walked past my office and went down the hall to knock on the door that had my superior's name on it.

A voice answered from the inside, "Come in."

"Hey," I started out, "Thanks for last night, I probably didn't pay for my drink, so here is some cash to cover it and you left your coat at my house." I quickly pulled a twenty dollar bill out of my pocket and laid it on top of the coat on his desk.

"Grell, do you remember anything that happened last night?" he quietly asked while looking at me.

"No… What happened?"

"Nothing." He turned his head back to his paperwork.

"Tell me."

"No. You don't need to know… It was only my own stupid thoughts."

"What do you mean? I want to know what happened so I don't get a call from the lady down the street asking me if I want to spend the night with her again."

"It's nothing. If you don't remember, then you don't need to know," he paused, "Really."

I frowned. "Tell me Mr. Spears."

He blushed. "No is my final answer."

I slammed my hands down on his desk. "Mr. Spears, why can't you tell me? I would think what I did was because of my irrational drunk thinking, and I will probably regret what I did. Just tell me. I want to make sure I didn't hurt anyone."

"You kissed me."

"Oh. Well sorry about that." I turned to leave.

"What?" he exclaimed, standing up and walked next to me, "That's all you say?"

"Yeah. What do want me to do?"

He blushed more and looked at his feet. "You toyed with my feelings! When you pushed up against me and started kissing me, I realized something. The reason I got so worried when you left is because I had feeling for you! I couldn't tell you when you returned because you didn't think of me in that way. But, we all thought you were dead. Can you even imagine how I felt when you were gone forever without me saying goodbye? It was miserable Grell. I became more focused with my work, trying not to remember you. Then you came back, all different. How can I live like this anymore?" His eyes were filling with tears. "This is all my fault, and you don't know anything of it. You don't even care about me anymore." He started crying.

"I know that you probably left the old me heartbroken, and about that I don't care. That was in the past. Everything is now. The only problem is that I can't get rid of it. I need to get my past back. How? I do not know. I have left many people behind, like you, and I come back disappointing them. I need to know how I possibly turned out like this, without any memories. Then, I can possibly find out how to change back. My mind is messed up, I'm living in two dimensions. I cannot say that I can or cannot love you, I am sorry. Right now, I really don't know how to love anyone. I cannot because I can't love myself. I care about you. You are my boss and friend, and I would protect you." I gently placed my arm around his back. "If you can get me my memories, I can give you the old Grell."

He looked at me. "Are you sure you want that?"

"As I said before, I'm living in two dimensions. I have two personalities now. One wants to remember everything and be with you guys again. It is flirty and passionate in remembering who I was. The other is evil. It is like a demon within me. It wants to consume me. It wants me to forget everything; to leave my old life behind completely. It wants me to kill, and it's overpowering me."

"Oh. If we are going to recover the old you this is going to take some preparing and thinking. I believe that you do not remember anything. But, we need to know who or what took away your memories and if they took anything more. This will be a hard task."

"Mr. Spears," I let my arm drop and faced him. "Will you be able to help me?"

"I will try, Grell."

"Thank you."

"You said you came out at a door?" He sat back down at his desk.

"Yes. When I woke up, I was in a large room, attached to a metal chair. I got up and walked to the first door I could find, which led me to the Shinigami building."

"Did anything strike you as surprising?"

I quickly recounted the blood and the scars down my body.

"What is it?"

"Don't freak out." I paused, "I woke up with blood surrounding me. It wasn't just a little, it looked like a hundred people were murdered and had all their blood poured over the ground. I know that it wasn't any human's blood. It was mine."

"How do you know?"

"I have scars everywhere. I hide them with a spell I found lying around my house. It covers the mishaps on the skin. It's all I could do, anything else would raise suspicion."

"Strip. Now." He looked at me with fear. "Take the spell off as well. If we can identify anything that could lead us to the weapon, then we have a chance of finding out how you memories were taken."

I quickly took off my clothes, coat, shirt, boots, and pants. "You don't need me completely naked, do you?"

"No, this is fine."

I faced him and he looked directly at me. "Undo the spell."

I chanted under my breath and red scars from a small scratch to cuts three inches thick appeared all over me.

"You look terrible!" He walked over to me once more and examined my neck, touching his cold fingers to the scars. It felt so right to me. His touch, his worrying, I love it all. Ugh! What am I thinking? I told him that I couldn't love him, which is true. But, that old part of me wants to. I lied to him because I don't want to scare him with my evil persona. That's why I kissed him. My old me took over once I got drunk. I had loved him, but I can't now. Not until he gets me back, not this demon.

He knelled and ran his hand over my chest, stopping at a huge scar at the bottom of my rib cage. "Well, it was a knife… I can't detect anything else at the moment."

He quickly examined my legs, to finding anything of interest. When he walked behind me, he gasped and backed up a good five feet.

"W – what is it?"

"A pentagram." He shook. "I would never imagine, not this…"

"I have the sign of a demon engraved on my back?"

"Yes, and this does not mean anything good. A demon stole your memories."

"Oh no…"

"Okay, I need the pentagram for evidence. I'm going to have to cut each scar slightly so I can have a blood imprint of it. Alright?"

"I guess." I winced, ready for the pain.

All of a sudden, I felt something cut into my back. It hardy hurt at all.

"All done." I then felt a white cloth press up against me. "I will look over all the markings on this. It should give an idea of what demon did this to you, and how your memories were stolen." He then spoke in a soft tone, "I am sorry Grell. I didn't want to hurt you, but I had to."

"If it can help me get my memories back, I will do anything."

"Thank you." He looked hesitantly into my green eyes. "May I do one more thing before you get dressed? You may not like it."

"Anything you need."

He marched up next to me and put his arms around my neck. "I noticed how much you enjoyed me touching your neck, Grell," he whispered in a husky voice.

I blushed madly. "Mr. Spears…"

"I think I can love you if you even if you are not the Grell I used to know."

He started kissing my neck along one long scar. "Can I tell you something Mr. Spears? I don't want to hurt you. And, if you want to love me as I am, I will hurt you." It felt good, to be kissed by him, but it couldn't be. I would kill him if he got involved with me.

"No, you can never hurt me as much as I hurt you."

"You don't know my evil side." I wanted the soft lips to touch me more, but I couldn't. I pushed him off of me. "I can't hurt you. It would hurt my old personality to be a burden to you."

"I'm sorry." He backed away. "You should get dressed."

As I was pulling on my shirt, I heard him speak. "Do you love me?"

"Do you want the truth?" he nodded. "My old personality wants me to love you, but my evil personality will consume you. I can't let that happen. Just wait until I turn back to my old personality. It will be better for you."

"I understand," he smiled weakly. "Come to my office first thing tomorrow, and I will tell you where we will find you memories."

"See ya tomorrow." I said back to him as I walked out of his office, fully clothed.

I wanted to include some Grelliam moments, but I don't know how good they turned out. Review to give me advice please, I will enter suggestions and ideas that anyone has into my story! Thank you for the follows, reviews, views, and favorites! I love you all!