A/N: Lazy night at home so I was able to get this out. The day we have all been waiting for - The wiggles concert. I just ran with whatever came to mind, I really had no plan for this scene in particular so I hope my imagination doesn't let you down.

As always thank you for your reviews and follows. This ones for Carolinagirl87 whose messages always make me smile. Thank you!

one quick thing... I do not condone child swearing, it's just a bit of fun xx

I won't ramble on... Here it is...

Chapter 37 -The breastest funny shit.

CPOV

"Is everything set?" I ask Andrea, my only ally in this fucked up situation.

"Yes Sir." She giggles. Nope not even remotely sexy. I don't think I have ever heard Andrea laugh before but it definitely does not get my dick growing like Ana's giggle does.

"Good, and afternoon tea?"

"All sorted. As long as they stay away for a few hours everything should go ahead without a hitch."

"Excellent." I smirk. "Thank you Andrea, I owe you."

"No, you owe them - a considerable amount but I'll leave a copy of the invoice on your desk for you to sign off. They have signed an NDA.

"Andrea, i would pay a billion dollars for this - if that's what it took. I'll be out for the whole day so take any messages and leave them on my desk, email me anything important and don't divert any fucking calls to me unless GEH is on fire understand. It's Teddy's day and I don't want it to be interrupted by work shit."

"Gotcha. Fire only."

"Good." I hang up and sit back in my office chair. I'm a fucking genius! They will be sorry they've been giving me shit about the Wiggles for the past few days. I always get the last laugh, don't they know that?

I rise from my seat and head to the dining room where everyone is having breakfast. Oh funny guys.

"Purple really suits you." I plant a kiss on Ana's head. She is wearing a purple wiggles t-shirt. Elliot is in blue and Kate in red.

"Thought we would help you get into the spirit of things." Elliot grins smugly.

"I'm sure you did." I grin back, equally as smug. He looks suspicious for a second.

"Would you like some Dorothy toast?" Ana giggles. She reaches to the middle of the table and picks up a plate of toast that has been cut into dinosaur shapes.

"Don't mind if I do." I shrug and grab a dinosaur - shoving the whole thing into my mouth.

"Is that what you are wearing?" Ana frowns.

"Yes, problem?" I look to her while grabbing my coffee.

"No,". She shakes her head. "Um you don't think it's a little to casual sexy for a kids concert?"

"Baby it's a shirt and jeans." I roll my eyes knowing full well she'll be reeling the whole time knowing I'm wearing a tight fitting white shirt and the pair of distressed jeans she bought me because they were 'fucking hot'- her words.

"I just... Oh forget it." She rolls her eyes.

"You don't want me to wear the jeans you got me? Baby I love these jeans and I rarely get a chance to wear them out." I mock being confused.

"I guess I don't mind." She grabs some dinosaur toast and pops it in her mouth.

"Well I think you look great." Kate shrugs. "I mean they are great jeans." Kate says innocently. Unaware that they remind Ana of my playroom jeans.

"You sure you don't want to come Elliot? I got an extra ticket just in case?" I smirk.

"I'm good bro."

"Great." I clap my hands together loudly getting everyones attention, "because I've organised a fairy princess afternoon tea party at Moms for our girls this afternoon. Seemed like the fair thing to do seen as how Teddy is getting Daddy to himself." I take a sip of my coffee to prevent the laugh dying to escape my throat.

"You.. You what?" Elliot stutters.

"A fairy princess party."

"Awe babe, that's so sweet." Ana kisses my cheek and wraps an arm around my neck. "I love you." She coos in my ear.

"Mmmm." I turn to face her, "keep a tiara handy for tonight." I wink.

"So, there will be nail painting, hair and make up etc...cupcakes and cotton candy, pink lemonade, the works! ...Elliot seen as how you don't want to go to the wiggles I'll need you to help Taylor with the party." I smirk at him. "Sophie Taylor is bringing all her friends so Jason wants to stay and monitor security himself. I'll take Sawyer with me instead - just incase."

"You basssss." He looks at Teddy and cuts his sentence short.

"Oh don't worry Elliot, I had some male dress up costumes bought in. In fact I think the Peter Pan outfit is just your size."

Ana splutters in her coffee.

"Oh you wait." Elliot seethes.

"Sorry bro I'm on a schedule today, me and my boy have a lot on, don't we champ." I reach across and high five Teddy. "After the Wiggles we have a private training session with the Mariners."

Standing up I grab another piece of toast. " you are going to be the prettiest princess at the party baby." I gaa gaa talk to Phoebe who is chewing on some toast. "Daddy loves you. Only the best for my girl." I wink at Elliot. "You ready Ted? We have a concert to catch then a baseball pitch to get to."

Ana stands up to see us out.

"Enjoy the crowd of Mommies." Elliot gets one last dig in.

"Oh you don't need to worry about that Lelly. As I said, Only the best for my boy. We have VIP backstage tickets. We won't be in the crowd, we are watching from the side of the stage in a private area. No mommies in sight."

"Oh thank god." Ana exhales making me chuckle. "I'm sorry but those jeans..." She fans her face.

"Well feel free to admire my ass in these jeans when we get back." I wink playfully at her making her blush. "Oh by the way, I have a little surprise for everyone tonight so make sure you are all home by say 6?"

"You are so good to us." Ana leans on her tip toes and kisses me passionately, her hands roaming my ass.

"Mmmmm..." I groan into her mouth. "Hold that thought." I pull away before things get R rated.

"Have fun Teddy bear." Ana squats down and give him a big hug.

"Daddy taking me in his 8 car." Teddy grins.

"Oh he is? Well it's a super cool car for a super cool boy to ride in."

"We better get a move on Champ, wouldn't want to be late."

"K daddy." Ana pulls his little puffy jacket over his shoulders and zips it up. "Bye Mommy."

"Bye baby."

"Love you. Don't forget the princess party, Taylor will take you over at 2.30. The girls princess dresses are hanging in our closet behind my shirts." I give Ana one last kiss before taking Teddy out to the R8.

"What the fuck." I sigh as we drive past the theatre that the Wiggles concert is being held at. "Sawyer." I push hands free and voice dial Sawyer.

"Sir." He answers.

"Where are you?

" I'm nearly there Sir, I had your brother jump in the SUV as I was pulling out of the garage." I laugh silently. Fucking douche, couldn't handle the thought of a princess party huh.

"Right well there is media here so I'm going to need some backup getting in."

"Sir, carry on to the next block. On the left is a cafe with side parking, if you pull up there we will swing by and get you."

"Thank you Luke."

I pull up at the cafe and look at Teddy. "Sawyers going to come and get us okay. There are a lot of cameras there and I don't want anything to happen to you. He won't be long."

"Daddy why ebry un wan my picture. Me just Teddy."

I sigh. "Because everyone wants to know about Mommy and Daddy. I will explain it all to you when you are a bit older okay bud." I hold my hand out for him to high five. He slaps my hand. "They be pain." He puffs.

"Tell me about it." I imitate his puff, slump back in my seat and look at the cafe. "Want to go get a milkshake while we wait for Sawyer?"

"Yes peas Daddy."

I unbuckle Teddy from his booster after sending sawyer a text to let him know we would be in the cafe. We walk hand in hand into the cafe. There are a handful of people in here but it's not crowded thank goodness.

I pick Teddy up to look at the picture menu. "What do you feel like? They have heaps of different flavours; chocolate, vanilla, banana, caramel, raspberry." I rattle off the list of milkshake flavours to him.

"Me want that." He points to a picture on the children's menu. I look at the description and read it to him. "A fluffy. It's warm fluffed up milk in a cup with chocolate sauce, marshmallows and a chocolate stick. Sounds good champ. Are you hungry?"

"No, me be okay." I place him back on the ground keeping hold of his hand.

"We'll have 2 fluffies to go." I tell the waitress while digging for my wallet in my jeans pocket. When she doesn't respond I look up to make sure she's still there. "2 fluffies to go." I repeat annoyed.

"Ahh, sure, um okay. 2 fluffies." She chokes, flustered.

"To go." I roll my eyes.

"I'm coming... I mean coming right up Sir." She places her hand on her chest, swallows loudly then turns around whispering to herself. "Oh my god, oh my god, Christian Grey." I can hear her repeat over and over. Yea yea get the fuck over it.

Sawyer and Elliot walk in as we are sitting at the table waiting for the fluffies. "Shouldn't be too much longer." I mumble, watching the waitress fumble with the espresso machine where she is frothing the milk.

"Jesus bro. See what happens when we let you loose in public. The poor girl looks like she about to have a heart attack."

"Oh shut it. What are you doing here anyway Lelly. Thought of a princess party scare you? Nancy." I scoff.

"No, I just didn't want to miss my favourite nephews first concert." He jokes.

"Yeah right. Well we are going to miss the concert if this sorry excuse for a waitress doesn't get her A into G."

"What that be Daddy. A imma Gee?"

"It just means she needs to hurry up a bit dude, or we are going to be late." Elliot explains.

Teddy slides off his seat and walks up to the counter. Elliot has rushed up behind him.

Teddy puts his hands on his hips- like his Mom does when shes telling us off - and looks at the girl. "Me no wan miss wiggles. You be fished?"

"Um I'm sorry I don't..."

"He doesn't want to be late for his wiggles concert. Have you finished." Elliot picks Teddy up.

"Um here, on the house." She slides two paper cups across the counter to Elliot.

He pulls a 50 out of his pocket. "Keep the change." He hands one cup to Teddy and takes the other one himself.

"That's my fluffy punk." I growl as he takes a sip.

"Not anymore its not." He smirks and walks out of the shop with Teddy.

I jog up beside him by the car and yank my fluffy from his hands. "I don't think so Lelly."

"Dick." He coughs opening the back door of the SUV where Teddy's spare seat is.

Sawyer pulls up in front of the theatre.

"Fucking hell anyone would think it was the fucking Academy awards." Elliot grunts when he sees the media lined up.

"How are we going to do this Luke?" I ask.

"Elliot and I will flank you and Teddy up to the theatre, once you're inside I'll come and move the car."

"Right, you okay Ted?" I turn in the front seat and look back at Teddy. He smiles and give me the thumbs up.

I exit the car and open Teddy's door. I can hear the fucking paps getting pictures behind me. "Nice jeans Mr Grey." A lady yells out.

I lift Teddy from his seat and pull him into my arms. "Lets go see the Wiggles dude."

Holding him tightly I walk past the press.

"Mr Grey. Does Theodore like the Wiggles?"

"Do you think I'd be here if he didn't." I mutter, biting my tongue from verbally abusing the shit out of them.

"Teddy who is your favourite Wiggle."

"You don't have to answer them Teddy." I ruffle his head still walking.

"Me wike dine-saw." He says nervously then hides his face against my chest.

"Can you say that louder for us Theodore."

"He likes the dinosaur." Elliot stops and yells at the reporter. "Now leave him alone."

"Mr Grey, where is Mrs Grey?" I ignore the nosy fuckers.

"Why they be yell me Daddy, am me nawty?"

"No son, they think you are just the best, and want to know all about you so they can try and be as cool as you are."

"Me be cool Daddy?"

"No one will ever be as cool as you Teddy." I kiss his hair as sawyer opens the theatre door for us.

"Good fucking grief." Elliot sighs.

"A..ah you be nawty word uncle Lelly. You not be loud to be see Wiggles." Teddy points at Elliot accusingly.

"Bro, we don't have to walk through that crowd to get to the stage do we?" Elliot cringes as he looks into the theatre room.

"For fucks sake Elliot, let me give the fuckers the tickets first before I worry about that."

I walk up to the ticket booth with Teddy.

The man in the ticket booth just looks at me, completely expressionless. "Tickets please." He grunts. Fuck knows how many times he's said that sentence today already.

"Mr Grey." An older lady walks up behind me. "You are in the VIP section please follow me." She purrs making me shiver.

"I'm just waiting on my security." I eye her cautiously. "He won't be long."

"Oh, why of course." She stutters.

Oh thank god Sawyer strolls in through the doors almost immediately, 10 seconds longer standing here and I fear I may have burnt to a pile of ashes under her heated stare.

The lady whose name is Beatrice leads us down the side of the packed theatre to the front of the stage.

"Here we go Sir." She motions to an area directly in front of the stage that is roped off - but has as least three dozen adults and children already in it.

"No. Just no." I shake my head. "There's been a mistake, I paid a considerable amount of money to get my son on stage out of the public." I frown, trying desperately to reign in my temper with Teddy present.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sir, we don't allow that. Whoever you spoke to must have been mistaken."

"Bro. Let it go." Elliot wrinkles his eyes nervously when he sees me straightening myself into CEO Christian. Teddy is busy jumping around, oblivious to what is going on.

"Fine." I hiss. "Fuckers." I mutter as she turns to walk away.

"Pardon me?" she gasps.

"You heard..."

"He said thank you." Elliot interjects.

"You are most welcome." She bats her hideous fake eyelashes at me and licks her lips. Ugh. Have you no fucking dignity?

Sawyer, Elliot and myself are standing rather uncomfortably waiting for the show to start. The lighting has dimmed and some stupid fucking music is drifting over the crowd from the theatre speakers.

Teddy is talking to a little boy who is standing next to us, they are rambling on about peas by the sounds of it. His mother who looks about 16 is blatantly staring, fucking drooling even. Do woman not realise that its a fucking turn off. Suddenly there is an almighty bang. Instinctively I grab Teddy into my arms and lift him to my chest. There is smoke all around us.

"Fuck." I hiss.

"Sir, it's just the show." Sawyer chuckles.

The smoke clears and there's a dinosaur wearing a hat with fucking flowers poking out of her head standing in the middle of the stage.

"Daddy, Daddy." Teddy screams in my ear, pointing at the dinosaur.

"I'm Anthony..." A little man pops up behind the dinosaur. He's chirpy, way to chirpy for my liking.

"And I'm Dorothy..." The dinosaur bows.

"And I'm captain feathersword." A fucking pirate prances on stage.

"AND WELCOME TO THE WIGGLES!" They scream together, clapping and cheering.

"We are so happy to see you... Let me introduce you to my friends..." The fucking little fairy man bows as the red curtains open.

"Someone shoot me." I groan.

"Bro what are you talking about, this is awesome." Elliot is clapping an cheering with Teddy.

Just under an hour in and I am considering setting off a fire alarm just so I can get the hell out of here - but then I look at Teddy, beaming from ear to ear doing the hot potato dance with his Uncle El and I can't help but laugh.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I slip my hand in my pocket and grab it. It's a text from Ana. I open it and its a photo of Phoebe and Ava sitting on Ana's knee dressed in their princess dresses.

*Most beautiful girls in the world xx C*. I text back.

* how is the concert? Miss you. Xx A*

"It's great. I wish you were here to see our sons face. Xx C*. I take a quick photo on my phone of Teddy dancing with Elliot and send it to Ana.

*so handsome, just like Daddy. Xx ps, you'll never ever ever get me to a wiggles concert. Hahaha. Ever! But I do want us to have a wiggley party of our own tonight ;) A*

"Mmmm. I approve. I plan to wiggle your delectable body ALL night long. Xx C*. Fuck probably not the best idea to start a sext conversation in the middle of a children's concert.

*looking forward to it. Mmmmmm I shall think about your hands all over my body all day. Xx A*

"Fuck baby. My dicks going to be hard all day now. Xx C*

*Just the way I like it ;) xxA*

Ughhh fuck it. I look up to Teddy and he's standing in front of me now. Where the fuck is Elliot?

I don't have to wait long for an answer. "Daddy, Daddy Look a uncle Lelly." He tugs on my shirt and points at the stage.

"Hole. E. Shit." I whisper to myself laughing. Elliot has been pulled on stage to dance with Dorothy the dinosaur.

"Hay there Wigglette." Anthony holds the microphone up to Elliot's mouth.

"Hey man." Elliot shakes his hand.

"We need a few more volunteers to ride in our big red car. Who did you come with?" Anthony asks him.

Don't you dare Elliot, don't you fucking dare. He grins down at us and points.

"My awesome nephew Teddy who loves you guys, and my brother Christian Grey. Woohooooo." He cheers. FUCK YOU ELLIOT. I grind my back teeth. Everyone gasps and cheers looking at me and Teddy.

"Come on up Teddy and Dad. Would you like to drive the big red car Teddy?"

"Daddy me drive car." He jumps up and down squealing.

"Ugh. Come on Ted." I take his hand and manoeuvre our way through the crowd to the stage and lead him up the stairs slowly.

"I love you Christian." A woman screams from the crowd.

I wave at the crowd quickly then walk Teddy over to Anthony.

"You must be Teddy." Anthony lowers himself to Teds level and holds the microphone up for him.

"Ah ha, me be Teddy." He grins but his cheeks blush nervously.

"We'll it's very nice to meet you Teddy. And is this your Dad?" The fucker points to me.

"Uh huh dat be my Dad. An dat be my uncle Lelly."

"Shall we go driving?"

"Toot toot." Teddy yells jumping up and down. God he's cute.

The little fucker leads us to the cheap painted plywood car. He sits Teddy in front of the wheel and makes Elliot and I sit in the back.

I jump startled when the music starts blaring from a speaker directly behind me. "I'm going to fucking kill you." I snarl in Elliot's ear.

"Chill bro." Elliot waves to the crowd like he's a fucking king on some sort of royal parade. Teddy is turning the steering wheel and pretending to beep the horn.

"Toot toot chugga chugga big red car... We travel near and we travel far... Toot toot chugga chugga big red car, we're going to drive the whole day long." The theatre erupts into song.

"Uncles in the back seat." Anthony hands Elliot a fake guitar.

"Playing his guitar." Elliot stands up and starts air strumming the guitar like he's fucking 'Slash' from Guns 'n' Roses. He is swinging his arm around in the air dramatically and head banging like a bat out of hell. Fuck me, what a hoot. I can't hold in my laughter. This is fucking hilarious. What a fucking douche. I am holding my stomach I'm laughing at him so fucking much. Fuck I hope Sawyers getting this on video.

"Daddy's in the back seat, of the big red car... Toot toot Chugga chugga..." Oh thank fuck I don't have any fucking props I need to act out.

Teddy is laughing and smiling more during this song than I think I have my whole fucking life. It is such an awesome sight to see.

The song finishes and we climb out of the car. Anthony makes us join hands and we all bow. I lead Teddy off the stage while Elliot continues to bow. I think Captain Feathersword actually physically pushes him towards the stairs, he won't stop fucking bowing.

"Fuck Elliot, what are you 5?" I laugh when we get back to the VIP area.

"Bro that was awesome." Elliot is pumped.

"Daddy that be so fun." Teddy jumps up into my arms.

"It was. You did awesome son."

"Me wan be a wiggle when I gow up." His statement makes me laugh. There is no way in fucking hell I would let my son be a wiggle, but I'll let him keep his dream alive until he grows out of it.

"You would make the best Wiggle ever Champ."

"You be Wiggle too Daddy." He asks.

"I'll think about it." I grin but cringe internally.

The rest of the concert doesn't seem that bad after our little performance.

As we make our way out of the theatre we are damn near mobbed by every mother in the building. A few ask for Elliot autograph, he gets a few marriage proposals too. He laps up the attention. I have Sawyer swatting away all the women trying to get close to Teddy and I. Fucking shameless tarts. Do they not know what I have waiting at home for me? Anyone who thinks they have anything on Ana for even a second is out of their damn mind. I breathe a little easier once I get Teddy safely into the car.

"How was that son. Was that cool?" I smile at him as I strap him into his seat.

"That be the breastest Daddy." He claps. I laugh loudly at his word slip up.

"Best son, best, and I'm happy you had a good time."

"Tank you Daddy. You be the breastest too." I lean in and give my boy a hug.

"Your very welcome son. I think you're the best-est too." I smile and ruffle the top of his head.

"What's up wigglers." Elliot jumps into the back of the SUV."

"Why don't you tell us. What took so long, were they bestowing upon you the title of honorary Wiggle." I crack up.

"Hey man don't be hating on the Wiggles." He laughs. "That was the most fun I've had in ages." He high fives Teddy.

"Okay Lelly. Would you boys like some lunch before we hit the stadium? a milk box maybe? or is it time for Lelly's nap?" I joke.

"Bro I'm down for some chocolate milk." Elliot laughs. "What about you little man?" He asks Teddy.

"Me wan joo peas Daddy."

"Joo?" I ask puzzled.

"Joo." He repeats.

"No idea." Elliot chuckles.

"Me either." Sawyer adds.

Joo? I muse. Fucked if I know. Ana will know. I speed dial her.

"Hey handsome." She answers.

"Hey beautiful. So... Joo?" I ask.

"Um, pardon?" She giggles.

"Our son asked for Joo. What is it?"

"I don't know. What were you talking about?"

"Food. I asked if they wanted lunch, he asked for Joo."

"Put him on the phone babe." She giggles. I push speaker and hold the phone up to Teddy. I tell him to say hello to Mommy.

"Hiiiiii Mommy." He wiggles in his seat excitedly.

"Hi baby boy. How was the wiggles?" She asks him.

"Day be cool Mommy. Daddy be da breast."

"Um..." She's stumped for a moment. Elliot, Sawyer and I laugh silently. "That's great baby. So Daddy said he is going to take you to get some lunch. That'll be nice." Why doesn't she just ask him what Joo is?

"Uhh huh. Uncle Lelly be havin choc millk and me wan Joo."

"That sounds yummy. What kind of Joo are you going to have son?"

"Ahhhhh me wan top kill."

"Oooo that sound really nice. I wish I could have some 'TROPICAL JUICE' too." She raises her voice and emphasises the words. Fuck she's a fucking genius.

"Me wave you some Mommy."

"Thank you Teddy. That is super nice of you, but you don't need to save me any. Can you put Daddy back on the phone please. I love you." She makes kissy noises causing my dick to twitch.

I take the phone and move away from the car.

"I'd like to hear those noises around my dick tonight baby. So fucking sexy." I murmur.

She gasps. "Christian." She whispers. "You're on speaker." Oh shit! "Hang on." She mumbles.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry.". I hear her say, followed by rustling as she walks. "Jesus Christian." She giggles.

"What? You can't make fucking noises like that and expect me not to be effected by it. It was fucking hot."

"We'll about 10 ladies heard you loud and clear."

"Do you think I give a flying fuck." I chuckle.

"Well you should because your mother, grandmother and sister were 3 of them."

"Shit."

"Yeah shit. But I can't wait to kiss your little man either." She giggles shyly.

"Little?" I choke. "Baby have you not met my cock." I laugh.

"Okay okay, your big, huge, enormous, gigantic..."

"Yea, yea, now you're just taking the piss."

"So how was it?" She changes the subject.

"Interesting. Fucking hilarious actually. Sawyer took some footage I think you'll love." I laugh remembering Elliot's on stage guitar performance that Sawyer assures me he has in glorious technicolor video. "How's the princess party?"

"Amazing. Thank you babe."

"My pleasure."

"Okay well I had better get back to the party. I'll see you later on. I love you."

"I love you too baby."

I head back to the car where Sawyer and Elliot are crying from laughter as the footage of Elliot on stage is playing on Sawyers phone. Elliot is strumming the guitar and throwing his head around in circles so violently he looks like he's about to knock himself out on the side of the car.

"That is the funniest shit I've ever seen." I join in the laughter, tears streaming down my face.

"Daddy what shit be?" Oh Fuck!

"Lets go get that Juice then play some ball." I dodge the question, wiping the tears from my face.

"Yay." He claps. "Funny shit." He laughs along with Elliot and Sawyer who are doubled over in fits.

Oh I'm in so much trouble!