Chapter 10: In Your Head

Blurb: Hi guys, I realize this chapter has a lot of scenes in it that focus on Beth and her care, but that's pretty important. If I just skipped over that stuff, it wouldn't seem like much time has actually passed. Also, Daryl isn't really involved in Beth's care like Ellen is. So that is intentional. I think it's important to realize just how separate Ellen and Daryl's worlds actually are. ~This chapter is titled after Zombie by The Cranberries.~

Ellen was in the kitchen peeling an apple with Beth when it happened. Everything seemed fine at first. Maggie was in the adjoining room talking to Glenn, as usual. The house was quiet.

Beth was at the kitchen sink doing dishes. She was simply lathering, rinsing, and drying each dish before placing them in the drying rack. Nothing seemed out of place about her mundane chore.

Ellen focused on her apple. She practiced getting the angle of her knife just right, so the skin would peel off in one long strand. Whatever practice with a knife she could get, she would use it- even if it was domestic.

Ellen's concentration was interrupted by the loud clash and clatter of plates hitting the floor. They shattered and the broken pieces puddled out across the kitchen tiles. Ellen rose immediately at the alarming sound, just as Beth collapsed to the floor near the broken kitchenware.

Ellen rushed to her side, crouching down to check for injuries. Beth's eyes were wide open, an alarming sign. Maggie was right behind Ellen then, "What happened? Oh my God! What do we do?"

Ellen's brows knit together, "Help me bring her upstairs. We need to get her lying down. She looks like she's in shock."

Maggie nodded, moving to Beth's feet to offer support. Glenn moved around Ellen then, taking Beth's torso, "I've got this part, Ellen. You're still recovering."

Ellen nodded, "I'll head upstairs and make sure the bed is ready for her."

Ellen rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Beth's room. The bed was a mess, so it was a good thing Ellen had offered to go ahead. She quickly began clearing off the extra clothes and books covering the bed before straightening the covers.

Glenn and Maggie came in then. Ellen instructed them to place Beth gently down on the bed. Once Beth was in the bed, Ellen got to work. She asked Glenn to go get her a flashlight so she could assess Beth's pupils. He left the room in a hurry, apparently knowing exactly where to find a flashlight.

Then, Ellen grabbed a few extra pillows from Beth's bed and used them to prop up her patient's feet. "We have to keep her legs elevated. It will help the blood circulate back to her head."

Ellen grabbed a light blanket then, "Can you get more blankets, Maggie? We can't let her get cold."

Maggie nodded vigorously before leaving to find more blankets.

Ellen was left to watch Beth. There wasn't much else she could do for Beth at this point. She honestly wasn't sure if it was appropriate to immediately start Beth on IV fluids while she was in this initial shock. She needed Hershel.

It didn't take long for Glenn to rush back with the flashlight. He was out of breath when he returned. Handing the flashlight over to Ellen, Glenn said, "Flashlight. I couldn't find Hershel. Lorie knows. She'll tell others."

Ellen nodded, "Thanks, Glenn."

Ellen began performing her assessment. She flashed the light in Beth's eyes, moving it in the appropriate directions as she tried to illicit a response from Beth. There was movement, but it was slight. This both relieved and worried Ellen.

She turned to Glenn and whispered, "I need Hershel."

Glenn looked alarmed, "I'll keep looking, but I didn't see him anywhere. What will you do?"

Ellen shook her head, "Whatever I can. Someone has to stay with her to make sure she gets turned to her side if she starts vomiting. If that happens, I'll need to start fluids. But I won't start them until then."

Glenn nodded, "I'll go look."

As Glenn was leaving the room, he crossed paths with Maggie in the hallway. She had large down blankets in her arms. They exchanged a quick look of mutual distress before going their separate ways.

Maggie covered Beth in the blankets. "What do we do?"

Ellen sighed, "I've done what I can, Maggie. I need Hershel."

Maggie nodded in understanding. Then, she sat down at the edge of Beth's bed. She began cooing down at her sister, asking her if she could hear her… asking her to wake up.

Lorie was at the door then. "Where's Hershel?"

Ellen answered, "Glenn's looking, but we're having trouble finding him."

Lorie looked concerned, "I'll get Rick on it." She turned to leave in search of her husband.

Ellen sat down in a chair in the corner of Beth's room, watching Maggie with her sister. They sat in silence for a long time. Ellen watched the rise and fall of Beth's chest closely, counting her respirations like her life depended on it. With every alteration in breathing pattern, Ellen grew more and more nervous. She felt inadequate and small. The Greene's were relying on her to help Beth, and she was afraid she would fail them. They had been nothing but kind to her. And now she would repay their kindness with more death? Ellen was terrified of the possibility.

Glenn returned then, asking for Maggie to come with him. They needed her to help go through Hershel's room. Apparently Hershel was actually missing. The news made a hollow pain grow in Ellen's chest. And she was left to watch over Beth alone. It was just Ellen, unconscious Beth, and thoughts of death and failure. Ellen felt incredibly alone in her task. There was too much responsibility on her shoulders. She needed Hershel to share the weight.

So why had he abandoned them?

It was about half an hour later before Maggie returned, "Glenn and Rick are going out to find Dad. They think he's in Town."

Ellen was confused. Hershel had never gone on a run by himself before, "In Town?"

Maggie didn't meet her eyes, "We found some liquor in his room. 'Think maybe he went to Hatland's."

Ellen's jaw dropped slightly. Hershel was off DRINKING? While she was here watching over his potentially dying daughter? Ellen shook her head in disbelief, "Fat bit of good he's going to do me drunk."

Ellen's sarcastic remark set Maggie off, "Hey, he's been through a lot the last few days."

Ellen was a little surprised Maggie had reacted so callously towards her, "Sorry, Maggie. I'm just under a lot of pressure trying to keep Beth safe without him. I know he's been through a lot. We all have."

Maggie paused, letting herself mull over Ellen's words before she spoke, "Thank you for watching her, Ellen. I don't know what we would have done without you."

Ellen smiled, glad to be forgiven.

Patricia came in then, ready to relieve Ellen of her duties. Ellen was ready for a break. She made her way down to the kitchen to retrieve the apple she had long forgotten, and began to finish the peeling process. Once she was done, she chopped it up into small pieces and savored eating each bite. Apples were precious in this new world.

When she was done, Ellen decided to bring a few glasses of water back up to Beth's room. She would return to looking after her patient.

But when she got to Beth's room, she was surprised to find more people than usual. The room was occupied by Maggie, Patricia, Jimmy, and Andrea. Ellen was alarmed, "What's going on?"

Patricia was feeling Beth's forehead, "She has a fever."

Andrea cut in then, "And her heart is racing. We need Hershel."

Ellen felt very small then. She couldn't do anything for Beth. She needed more guidance. She needed Hershel as much as Beth did. So she made a decision, "I'll go look for him."

Lorie came in behind Ellen then, interrupting her with a protesting remark, "No you won't, Ellen. We need you here with Beth. Rick and Glenn are already out there. Let it be."

Ellen felt incredibly helpless. Beth was no longer in a stable condition. There was no way for her to retrieve Hershel on her own. She'd have to rely on others to do that for her. They each had their own individual jobs.

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Ellen was still watching Beth when Carol came in to check on her. Carol broke the silence first, "Hey, Ellen. We're all getting set up to eat downstairs. Do you want me to take a shift up here so you can go down?"

Ellen shook her head, feeling the responsibility rested on her, "No, thanks Carol. I'll just stay here."

Carol nodded in understanding; "I'll bring you up a plate."

Carol left Ellen with her thoughts. Ellen continued to assess Beth every five minutes. She kept a running log of what she believed Beth's vitals were. Her list of vitals was growing long. But it gave her comfort to know she was doing something to try and help Beth, even if it was just keep a record of her vitals for Hershel. It helped to feel more in control.

About ten minutes later, Carol returned without a plate of food. She looked panicked, "Lorie's gone. We think she went after Rick and Hershel."

Ellen was alarmed, "What? She left on her own? Why would she-." But then, Ellen remembered how she had been willing to go on her own as well… to do the exact same thing.

Carol answered her, "Shane's going out to look for her. He'll bring her back."

Ellen could only nod weakly. She could hardly believe so many people were off the farm… away from safety. Would they be her next patients by the time they returned?

"I'm sorry, I forgot your plate downstairs. I'll bring it up right away."

"Thanks, Carol."

Ellen was left to wait.

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Patricia came in some time later to relieve Ellen. "You need to sleep, Ellen. You've had a stressful day. And with your own recovery to worry about…"

Ellen caved, allowing Patricia to take over in her place. She hadn't been doing much to help Beth in her unconscious state anyway.

Once in her own room, Ellen was free to change her clothes and get comfortable. But she couldn't quite keep the stress from creeping its way into her mind. She was afraid for Beth, and the Greene family. She cared for them. Losing Beth would be a scar she wouldn't easily recover from.

It was with these distressing thoughts that Ellen fell into dreamless sleep.

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Ellen woke up in the late hours of the morning. The sun had been up for a few hours. She stretched the sleep from her limbs and climbed out of bed. Then, she changed quickly and washed her face, brushed her teeth, her hair… When everything on her person was in place, she left her room and headed straight for Beth.

She was surprised to find that Patricia had already started an IV. Patricia was sitting in the chair in the corner, and she looked up at Ellen when she entered. "Good morning, Ellen."

Ellen got right to the point, "How is she? She needed fluids?"

Patricia nodded, "She was dehydrated. I started it earlier this morning."

Ellen looked concerned, her attention was fully on assessing Beth now. Patricia stood up from the chair, "I'll leave you to her. Do you want me to bring you some breakfast while you're up here? Maybe some coffee?"

Ellen spared Patricia a brief smile before returning her attention to Beth, "Yes, Please. I'll stay with Beth for a while."

Patricia agreed, "Alright, I'll bring it up as soon as it's done. Let me know if you need any help with her."

"Of course."

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Ellen switched with Maggie for another break about two hours later. She was downstairs in the kitchen boiling water for oatmeal. She was starving, and oatmeal seemed like the most filling and substantial meal on hand.

Once her oatmeal was cooked, Ellen took it to the dining room. She sat at the table, where she had an easy view of the campsite through the front window. As Ellen at her oatmeal, she watched the figures moving around the campsite. She could just make out Shane, T-Dog, and Daryl by the old pick up. It looked like they had rifles. Were they planning to go after Rick and Glenn?

Ellen resisted the temptation to take her food outside. Although she hadn't been out in a while, due to Beth's condition, she felt that she might get in the way of the others if she left the house. She hadn't actually seen Daryl since the day of Sophia's funeral. He'd completely avoided the house since Beth had gone into shock. He didn't even come up for group meals.

Ellen wondered if maybe he was avoiding her, not the house. She would give him space. For now, her place was here… in the house… with her oatmeal.

Ellen continued to watch the group outside. She noticed how they all turned simultaneously to look in the direction of the road. Ellen wondered why at first, but then the sound of a motor met her ears.

Ellen stood up from her chair, abandoning her oatmeal at the table. She peered out the front window, trying to get a better view of the road. Her eyes met a red truck barreling down country road. It moved closer to house, and stopped right in front of the porch. Ellen smiled when she realized Hershel was in the truck, along with Rick and Glenn.

Everyone else inside the house with Ellen were also summoned by the sound of the engine outside. Maggie, Patricia, and Carol ran out to meet the returning party. Ellen decided she should follow them out. She made it out onto the porch just in time to hear Hershel command, "Patricia! Prepare the shed for surgery."

Hershel stalked past Ellen without a glance. He opened the porch door and walked inside the house, leaving her confused. Why would they prepare the SHED for surgery? And for WHOM?

Then, Ellen heard T-Dog ask, "Who the hell is that?"

Glenn answered, "That's Randall."

A few members of the group moved forward to explore the back seat of the vehicle, where a blindfolded and ill-looking young man was sitting.

Ellen forced her limbs to propel her forward, making her way down the porch steps. She approached Daryl and Shane, who were also peering in at the boy, Randall. Daryl shifted uncomfortably when she approached, but Ellen ignored him. She had bigger things to worry about now.

Ellen brought her hands up to unlock and open the back door. Daryl was at her side in a flash, "Woah, Ellen. He could be fakin' it."

Ellen huffed in reply, blowing stray hairs away from her face, "It's fine, Daryl. I need to look at him."

Daryl seemed to relax a bit, but he didn't move away. Ellen began sweeping her eyes over the boy, "What happened to him?"

Glenn spoke up, "He fell off a roof; got his leg stabbed by a spiked fence. It went clean through. We almost had to leave him."

"Almost?" Daryl asked sarcastically. Clearly, he would have preferred they had.

Ellen looked to Daryl then, "Will you help me move him to the shed?"

Daryl nodded, moving around her to get a hold of the boy's upper body. Shane spoke up behind Ellen, "I'll take his legs."

Ellen didn't meet Shane's gaze as she moved to let him pass. It was strange to see these two men working together so soon after fighting in front of the barn's entrance. Ellen certainly hadn't forgiven Shane. She wondered why Daryl was willing to accept his help at all.

Ellen turned on her heels to make her way toward the shed, "I'll go on ahead. We need a safe place to put him down."

Daryl grunted in reply as he and Shane lumbered slowly after her.

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Once Ellen was done assisting Hershel and Patricia with the procedure, she was left to watch over the boy. She was alone in the shed with him. But he was unconscious, knocked out by the combination of blood loss and pain. Ellen monitored his breathing from a distance, preferring to stay a few feet away incase he was actually faking it like Daryl had suggested.

Hershel and Patricia had gone back to the house to inform the others of the boy's condition. Rick's group was currently debating the safety risks involved with bringing the boy on the property. Ellen was glad to be left out of the conversation. She wanted to be far away from Shane's hot head and sharp words.

The boys shifted in his sleep, muttering out a painful moan. Ellen watched him with hesitation. She preferred not refer to the boy as 'Randall'. If she started to think about him as a person, to recognize that he had as much value as the people she cared about, it would be more difficult to carry out whatever decision the group decided. She had a strong feeling that Shane would lead the group down a path of doubt. He would convince them the boy was a danger. His group would come looking for him, and bring violence with them. In truth, Ellen was terrified by the prospect of other strangers, other human beings, trying to harm her loved ones. If this boy was going to bring death and violence with him, she had to build up a wall when it came to how she felt about his safety. He wasn't 'Randall'. He was just some boy.

About an hour later, Ellen's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the shed door opening. She turned around to see Rick in the entrance. He gave her a nod in greeting, "Hey, Ellen. Hershel wants you back in the house. I think he's about to look over Beth."

Ellen looked concerned, "What about the boy?" Perhaps she wasn't as coldhearted as she had tried to be. She wasn't able to build that wall high enough.

Rick hesitated before speaking, "I'll take care of it, Ellen."

Ellen was suddenly suspicious, "What do you mean?"

Rick shook his head in exasperation as he let out a long breath, "Nothin' gets past you, does it? I gotta lock him up. We can't have him getting out of the shed and wandering off. It's for the safety of the group."

Ellen still wasn't convinced, "Who is going to monitor him while I'm gone?"

Rick shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, "Well, no one. Honestly, Ellen, this kid is lucky to even be alive. We've done a lot for him already. You've spent a lot of time looking after Beth these past few days. The last thing you should be doing is watching this guy."

Ellen hesitated before asking her question in a soft voice, "Are you going to kill him?"

Rick stood very still. Ellen had cut straight to her uttermost fear regarding the boy. Rick understood that the ethics involved in this situation was entirely unique, and Ellen was extremely innocent. Rick's answer dashed Ellen's hope, "We're considering it."

Ellen turned her eyes away from Rick then- away from the boy. She was trying to keep herself together, "Are there any other options?"

Rick nodded, "We're doing the best we can to find some. But we gotta do what's best for the group, Ellen. And you need to do what's best for you. I can't let you stay here with him. Can't let you… get attached."

Ellen could only nod. She had been expecting this. She just hadn't realized she would be so right in her prediction. She forced her feet to make the necessary steps forward, moving her towards the shed entrance; "I'll leave you to it."