Chapter 11: What If It Makes You Lose Faith In Me

Blurb: Hi, so I'm pretty excited about this chapter because it explores the dynamics between Daryl and Ellen. They're really different people and I love their relationship. Ellen's really determined to become strong enough to survive, and she believes Daryl can help her achieve that. She is a very brave person, even if she is weak. Daryl recognizes this in her, and he views it as one of her biggest strengths. One of the reasons he is so willing to take Ellen under his wing is because of her bravery. He has hope she can change, become stronger, and survive. Otherwise he wouldn't waste his time with her at all. She'd just be another "dead girl".

Also, this chapter could change Ellen's perception of Daryl. It presents a side of him she's never seen before, and she has to decide how to process it. Daryl definitely isn't perfect. But it's his imperfections, and his rough past, that make it so much easier for him to survive in this new world. Ellen has to decide if Daryl is as good of a person as she believed him to be, or if he is just a calloused individual.

~This chapter is titled after What If by Safety Suit.~

Ellen was outside helping Carol with the laundry when she heard hollering inside the house. She dropped the shirt she had been scrubbing in a basin of water and turned to look towards the house. The sound floated towards them. It sounded almost like Maggie and Beth. But why would they be yelling at each other?

Ellen turned to Carol, "I should go see what's going on. I'll be back, ok?"

Carol looked concerned, "Sure."

Ellen made her way towards the house, climbing the porch steps with impatience. The first people she saw upon entering the house were Lorie and Andrea. Ellen gave Lorie a quick questioning look, and Lorie answered by waving for Ellen to come into the kitchen.

Ellen entered the kitchen as Lorie's wave instructed, and asked, "What's going on?"

Lorie answered, "Beth hid a knife from me. She's talking seriously about suicide. Maggie's up there arguing with her about it."

Ellen was shocked. Beth had recovered well over the past week. Hershel had been able to bring his daughter back to consciousness within a day, and now she was back to eating solids. But suicide? Perhaps the events at the barn had brought the reality of this new world to her mind with less subtlety than she needed. It must have overwhelmed her, the trauma sending her into shock. And now that she was awake, her thoughts were manifesting as severe depression.

Ellen sighed, "I didn't realize it was this bad."

Lorie nodded, "None of us did."

Andrea watched Ellen silently struggle with the news. She interrupted Ellen's thoughts, "You should go back out with Carol. Maggie's got it for now. We'll let you know if anything comes up."

Ellen smiled weakly, "Ok, make sure to come get me if it gets worse."

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Ellen and Carol were hanging up the wet laundry to dry when Ellen heard Maggie calling her name. Ellen's head whipped around to face the house. Her eyes immediately went to the figure of Maggie, leaning out Beth's bedroom window. "ELLEN! ELLEN, COME QUICK! WHERE'S DAD? DAD!"

Ellen turned and raced towards the house. She aggressively opened the screen door and scrambled up the stairs to the second floor. Once she made it to Beth's room, it was clear that Ellen was going to need a medical kit. Maggie had tears streaming down her face, "Beth cut her wrist with the edge of a mirror. She's bleedin' real bad."

Ellen nodded, kicking into nursing mode. She turned the corner to see Beth in the bathroom. Stray shards of mirror lay across the bathroom floor. Beth had her left hand covering her right wrist, which was bleeding out badly.

Ellen reached for a washcloth on the drying wrack to her right. She calmly approached Beth and spoke to her in soft coos. "It's alright, Beth. Move your hand a bit and we'll cover that wound with this here, ok? You're gonna be fine."

Beth's sobs deepened at Ellen's gentle approach. Ellen replaced Beth's hand with the washcloth, and put pressure on the wound. Then she turned to Maggie, "I need a med kit."

Maggie nodded vigorously and left in a hurry.

Then, Hershel appeared in the doorway. Seeing that Beth was in good hands with Ellen, he took a step back. He seemed to be taking in the scene before him. His daughter had just attempted suicide.

When Maggie returned with the med kit, Hershel took over the cleaning of the wound. Beth needed a minimal amount of stitches and a bandage.

As soon as Beth was cleaned up, Ellen got to work sweeping up the glass mirror shards in the bathroom. The rest of the Greene family was still as Beth's bedside. It was nice to see them supporting her.

Ellen brought the trash downstairs from cleaning up Beth's bathroom. Lorie was in the dining room with Maggie, who looked infuriated. Ellen approached them, "Did something else happen?"

Lorie sighed as Maggie turned to look at Ellen. Maggie was the first to respond, "I left Beth with Andrea. She left Beth alone! She encouraged Beth to 'choose her own path' and 'make her own decision'. She allowed this to happen!"

Ellen was confused, "Why would she do something like that?"

Lorie appeared serious; "Andrea tried to commit suicide when the option was given to members of our group in the past. Dale prevented her from going through with it. She feels like it was an injustice."

"She wanted Beth to make the decision she wasn't allowed to go through with?" Ellen asked.

Lorie nodded, "Basically… I asked her to stay away from Beth. I can't believe this."

Maggie turned her attention to the front porch entrance. Ellen followed her gaze to see what Maggie was looking at. It was Andrea. She was running towards the house.

Ellen wasn't surprised when Maggie stomped out the front door and down to the bottom porch step, barring Andrea from entering the house.

"Where were you?" Maggie asked Andrea sternly.

Andrea ignored her question, "I heard, is she alright?"

Ellen had just come out onto the porch, watching the two women cautiously.

"She would be if you had stayed with her. Where were you?" Maggie insisted.

"How bad is she?"

Lorie interrupted, "It wasn't deep."

Andrea looked satisfied, and she nodded in approval, "She wants to live. She made her decision."

Maggie was infuriated, "She tried to kill herself."

"No, she didn't."

"My father is stitchin' her wrist right now!"

Andrea was adamant, "She'll live." She tried to step around Maggie to enter the house. But Maggie blocked her path.

"Stay away from her," Maggie seethed. "-From both of us. Don't you dare step foot inside this house again."

Andrea looked shocked. She turned her gaze to Lorie for aid, but Lorie was equally protective. Andrea nodded in defeat and turned to leave the front of the house, heading down towards the camp.

Maggie was satisfied. But Lorie stopped her before she could make it inside without another word, "I'm not going to say she was right, but Beth has made her choice. She wants to live and now she knows it. And sometimes you have to cross the line."

Maggie acknowledged Lorie's words with a slight frown, and reached for the doorknob of the house.

Ellen let her go. Honestly, Ellen didn't like being involved in the drama that came with the women of Rick's group. They had bigger things to worry about, especially with Rick and Shane taking that boy eighteen miles away. They'd chosen that distance to keep him away from the farm, and to use only a moderate amount of gas. They would drive him out with a blindfold, and drop him off to fend for himself. It would be too much of a risk to take him in to the group.

Ellen just hoped their decision to drop him off on his own didn't come back to haunt them later. He might find his group again… somehow come to the farm for revenge…

Ellen shook her head aggressively, trying to get the terrifying thoughts out of her mind. Rick and Shane were taking care of it now. They would make the right decision. The boy wouldn't be a problem anymore.

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Ellen was dead wrong. When the Hyundai pulled up later that afternoon, she had been relieved. But then, she noticed the battered state Rick and Shane were in, and the almost shameful expressions their faces shared.

Shane walked to the back of the car and popped the trunk, revealing the one thing Ellen never wanted to see again.

The boy was still in the back.

Daryl seemed to charge out of nowhere towards the trunk of the vehicle, hands flying in accusation. "What in the HELL is that piss pot still doing here?"

Shane stood by the trunk in a relaxed stance, unthreatened by Daryl's advance. "He went to school with Maggie. We couldn't leave him out there just to come find us again."

Daryl's face made a grimace, like he had just been smacked. He didn't reply.

Ellen moved toward the back of the Hyundai then, to get a better view of the boy. He was blindfolded, and his ears were covered with headphones. Loud music was blaring from the buds of the headphones. Ellen looked to Rick then, ignoring Shane's presence, "He doesn't know where you took him? Or where we are?"

Rick sighed, "Can't know for sure. He's a threat now, no question about that. Daryl, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Daryl's eyes looked suspicious, but he nodded and sidestepped Shane to walk towards Rick. Rick lead him away from the Hyundai, leaving Ellen with Shane and a few of the others who had come from the camp to figure out what was going on. Carol had come out from the house, and she motioned for Ellen to come stand next to her near the porch. Ellen agreed and walked over.

Daryl and Rick talked for about five minutes. Ellen was surprised Shane wasn't involved in their conversation, but the boy needed to be guarded by someone. And Shane had probably been part of whatever decision Rick was discussing with Daryl now.

When Rick and Daryl were done talking, Daryl turned on his heel and made for the back of the Hyundai with renewed purpose. He went straight for the boy. Ellen shifted around the side of the vehicle to get a better view of what Daryl was doing. He yanked the earphones out of the boy's ears, and growled roughly, "Get your ass up. We're going for a walk."

The boy looked terrified, but he stumbled out of the vehicle with Daryl's hand's guiding him roughly from behind. He was still blindfolded.

Ellen watched the spectacle with concern. She searched Daryl's face, but he looked intent on his mission. He didn't spare a look in her direction. Ellen had a feeling that looking at her, even for a moment, would only make Daryl lose his nerve with the boy. Ellen knew Daryl had to be strong for his group, even if he didn't like the task he was asked to do.

Then it dawned on her, had Rick asked Daryl to KILL the boy? So quickly? Would he DO something like that? Without even consulting the rest of the group?

Ellen was alarmed. The panic set her feet in motion, and she whirled her body around to stomp towards Rick. He looked surprised to see her coming at him. But he straightened himself and asked in a quiet tone, "What is it, Ellen?"

"What did you tell Daryl to do?"

Rick hesitated and averted his gaze before answering. But then his eyes met Ellen's, and he said, "We need more information from the boy. We don't know the full extent of the situation. Daryl is going to… get that information. In whatever way he has to."

Ellen was almost relieved. Daryl wasn't going to kill the boy. But… what means would Daryl have to use? "Are you saying that you just sent Daryl to act as your interrogator… and TORTURER?"

Rick let out a long breath, "We have to do what's best for the group."

"So you send Daryl to do the dirty work?" Ellen accused.

Now Rick was torn, "What would you have me do, Ellen?"

Ellen was silent for moment as she processed the situation. It didn't take her long to come to a conclusion, "Send a moderator, someone to draw the line… share the burden."

Rick let out a slightly exasperated chuckle, "You want me to send someone to tell Daryl when he's gone too far? When to stop? He isn't going to like that."

Ellen stonewalled him, "Send me."

Rick's face was the picture of disbelief, "Why in the hell would I send YOU in THERE?"

Ellen shrugged, "I'm a nurse, I have a good idea of can be healed and what can't."

"You ain't strong enough for that," Rick answered, referring to the torture Daryl would put the boy through.

Ellen raised her chin in defiance, "You don't have a clue what I can and cannot do. I was the only one to try and stop Shane from opening the barn. I did that- ME. Not some weak little girl."

Rick looked taken aback by her argument, almost as if he had completely forgotten about Ellen attacking Shane in front of the barn until now. After a few seconds of mulling it over, Rick sighed in defeat. "The group can't always protect you from the realities of this world. Maybe it's best that you aren't kept from them… Daryl was always meant to be your teacher."

Ellen nodded, taking that as Rick's acknowledgement. She motioned in the direction Daryl had taken the boy, "Did they go to the shed?"

Rick nodded.

Ellen didn't let Rick get another word in. She turned and bolted across the grass, past the house, the Hyundai, and Carol. Ellen could just make out the patch of trees near the shed. The shed door was closed. Crap. Daryl must have already taken the boy inside.

Once Ellen padded up to the shed's entrance, she saw that the padlock was splayed across the grass. The door was unlocked. Daryl must have tied him up, he wasn't afraid of the boy running off.

Ellen hesitated at the shed door. She could hear Daryl's gruff voice from inside the wooden building. She could almost make out a figure pacing back and forth inside from between the wooden slants of the shed. It was then that Ellen realized just how bad of an idea this was. Daryl would be livid. He would never want her involved in this. He hadn't even spared her a glance when he'd taken the boy from the Hyundai.

Ellen's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of fist on flesh, and the gasping moan that followed. Daryl continued to bark questions at the boy from inside. It was then that Ellen decided she had to get this over with.

But she royally screwed up. Ellen reached for the door with her knuckle and let her hand rap against the wood lightly- almost too lightly. Ellen could have kicked herself. That light ass knock was going to send the message that she was a weak, fragile thing… someone who didn't belong at an interrogation.

Trust Daryl's sharp ears to catch just about anything. He was at the door in seconds, his scowling face peering down at her from the shed entrance. He looked disgusted to see her, but his voice softened slightly, "What in the hell are you doing here, Peaches?"

Daryl had barely propped the door open, only enough to let his head poke out to speak to her. Ellen realized he was probably hiding the mess that was now the boy, from her sight. She realized he was trying to protect whatever innocence she had left in this world. But she didn't want that. She wanted to be strong.

So, Ellen reached for the door. She pulled on the handle, trying to gain entrance to shed. Daryl didn't budge, and neither did the door. "HEY! Stop that! What are you doing, crazy woman?"

Ellen huffed at him in frustration. It wouldn't be easy to win him over. "Rick sent me to moderate. Let me in."

Daryl was no longer amused, "Woah, Rick did what now? C'mon, girl. He wouldn't send you down here for nothin'."

Now Ellen was angry. She crossed her arms in defiance, "Well he did. So open up."

Daryl observed her determined stance with both appreciation and concern. He spoke seriously then, seeming to believe her words, "You know what it is we're doing in here?"

Ellen didn't bat an eyelash. "You're doing what's necessary."

Daryl looked content with her answer. He nodded in reply, and asked, "What exactly do you plan on doin' in here?"

Ellen shrugged slightly, "I'm here to be your moral center."

Daryl chuckled, "How's that?"

Ellen met his eyes, intent on conveying her support in this situation, "I'll stop you if you're going too far. We'll share the burden in this. You won't do it alone."

Daryl let out a long breath in frustration, "Ellen, you ain't gotta be here for this- especially not on my account. I'm already damaged goods. What's another mark on my record?"

Ellen didn't back down, "I'm not going to change my mind, Daryl. I need to be here."

Daryl's eyes swept over her, taking in her overall appearance, "What is it you think you're gonna achieve by being in here? For yourself… not for me."

Ellen considered his question, then answered, "I'm going to become stronger. I need to be exposed to more of this world. And I would rather get that exposure with you, where I'm safe, then on my own when it's too late."

Daryl looked surprised by her answer, but it seemed to satisfy him. He nodded, and pushed the shed door open for her, "Alright, Peaches. Welcome to hell."

Daryl reached his hand out to her, offering her support up to the level of the shed. Ellen accepted his hand, and her soft hands met his rough ones. His were large and calloused. The knuckles were getting red with the irritation of delivering blows to the boy.

It was strange to Ellen that she and Daryl were dissimilar in so many ways. But that didn't make her want to turn and walk in the other direction. In fact, it made her feel lucky to have him near her. She felt that she had a lot to learn from him, a lot he could teach and offer her in this world. And Ellen was more than willing to develop what skills she could.

When Daryl lifted Ellen up into the shed, Ellen was met with darkness. He motioned for her to step further into the shed so he could shut the front door. More light was cast out as he did this.

The boy was sitting in the corner of the shed. He was chained to the wall, a more drastic measure than Ellen had pictured. He also was no longer blindfolded. This terrified Ellen. The boy's eyes followed her as she walked across the shed floor.

Daryl nudged Ellen's arm, and she turned to look at him, "Sit there." Daryl motioned towards a bench at the opposite side of the shed.

The shed was small, so Ellen wouldn't be far away. But she also wouldn't be totally involved, either. Realizing that this was Daryl's intention, Ellen didn't argue with him. It was enough to be allowed in the shed at all.

The boy spoke then, sending shocks of fear up Ellen's spine, "Who is that girl?"

Daryl blocked Ellen from view and crouched down to the boy's eye level, "You don't look at her, you understand me? She's here ta' be your guardian angel. So you best leave her be."

The boy didn't reply then, so Daryl stood up. He began pacing the length of the shed like a panther, "We gonna get back to our conversation, boy?"

The boy grimaced in reply. His nose was bleeding from previous blows. Ellen braced herself for the front row seat she had just earned to this boy's beating.

Daryl questioned the boy sternly, "Where's your group at?"

The boy was silent, but his eyes pleaded for Daryl not to continue. But Daryl had a job to do, "Where they at?"

SMACK! Daryl's fist met the boy's face.

The boy whimpered.

Daryl kept pacing as he asked, "How many in your group?"

The boy was silent again.

Daryl took another punch. SMACK! The boy fell on his side, his body hitting the floor.

Daryl's fist came down on him again. SMACK! He took a few steps back, then went in for another hit. SMACK!

The boy moaned and spit blood out of his mouth, "I told you!"

Daryl's anger boiled. He bent down and reached for the boy, pulling him up into a sitting position once again, "You ain't told me shit!"

As Ellen watched Daryl with the boy, she wondered how this would change her perception of him. Was Daryl a protector? A martyr? Or was he simply… dangerous? Ellen tried to push the thoughts away, focusing on the fact that this had to be done. The group was depending on Daryl now. This boy, and the group he originated from, were threats to the farm. They had to know exactly what they were dealing with.

Daryl delivered another punch to the chest before setting the boy against the wall.

This got the boy talking, "I barely knew those guys! I met 'em on the road!"

"How many in your group," Daryl asked again.

The boy hesitated, letting out a frustrated breath. He didn't say anything in reply.

Daryl was growing impatient. He reached for his belt and unhooked his knife, drawing it up in his palm. The boy saw the knife immediately and began protesting, "No no no no no no no! C'mon, man!"

Ellen knew she might have to step in if Daryl was going to use weapons. But then Daryl used a tactic she hadn't expected, and it nearly made her jump in her seat. He brought the knife down in one sweeping motion between the boy's legs, so it rested in the wood of the floorboards. Then, Daryl growled at the boy, "HOW MANY?"

The boy panicked, "Ah-ah, 30! 30 guys!"

"WHERE?" Daryl insisted.

The boy didn't answer right away, so Daryl tore off the bandage on his wounded leg. The boy yelped. "Owwwwwww, I don't know! I swear. We were never any place more than a night."

"Scoutin'?" Daryl asked. He had his knife digging into the boy's wound. "Plan on stayin' local?"

The boy answered, "I don't know! They left me behind!"

Daryl went into a tangent, trying to scare the boy, "Did you ever pick off a scab?"

"C'mon, man. I'm trying to cooperate!"

Daryl ignored him, "Start real slow at first. Sooner or later you just gotta rip it off."

"Ok! Ok! They have weapons! Heavy stuff- automatics. But I didn't do anything."

Daryl wasn't convinced, "Your boys shot at my boys, tried to take this farm, you just went along for the ride? You tryin' to tell me you're innocent?"

The boy bucked in protest, "Yes! These people took me in. Not just guys, a whole group of them. Men and women, kids too. Just like you people. Thought I'd have a better chance with them, ya know? But, we'd go out, scavenge. Just the men… One night we found this little camp site- a man and his two daughters- teenagers, ya know? Really young… real cute…"

Daryl was standing now, and he watched as the boy's eyes wandered towards Ellen. Daryl glared down at him, and the boy averted his gaze back to Daryl. Daryl didn't say anything, intent on getting more information out of the boy.

Ellen felt herself shiver slightly when the boy looked towards her at that moment. He was implying… that she…. But then the moment was gone, because she realized that Daryl was with her. He was standing between her and this boy… between her and the dangers of this world. She didn't really have anything to fear in this shed.

The boy kept talking, "The dad had to watch while these guys, they… and they didn't even kill 'em afterwards. They just made him watch. His daughters… just left 'em there. No! But, I didn't touch those girls! No, I swear!"

Daryl delivered a hard kick to the boy's abdomen with his boot. He growled in anger.

The boy pleaded, "Please, please. You gotta believe me, man. I'm not like that. I ain't like that. Please, please."

Daryl kicked him again, and the boy cried out. But Daryl didn't stop. He punched the boy in the face again- and again.

Ellen stood up. Daryl hadn't asked the boy anything. He was just beating the boy because it felt like… justice. "Daryl, stop. Please. Stop."

Daryl turned to face her then, standing to his full height. Ellen had successfully turned his attention away from the boy, but now it was on her, "What for, Ellen? This ain't no kid! He's a fuckin' rapist!"

"Even if he is a rapist, he isn't going to hurt anyone chained up like that. And you haven't even asked him a follow up question! You're just beating him up because you WANT to!"

Daryl was livid, "Yeah? Well, maybe I DO!"

Ellen stood firm, "I won't let you."

Ellen's words resounded with Daryl. It seemed as though they brought him back to the reality of her purpose there, in the shed with him. She was doing her job. Daryl's shoulders seemed to relax a bit, and he took a few deeper breaths before turning to face the boy again.

He reached for the boy and sat him up against the wall, "We're done for now."

As Daryl motioned for Ellen to head towards the door, the boy called out to her, "Thank you, Ellen."

Ellen stopped in her tracks. The boy knew her name. She and Daryl hadn't set proper ground rules about names before entering the shed.

Daryl went on the offensive again, angry the boy had addressed Ellen at all, "I told you not to even LOOK AT HER! Don't SPEAK TO HER! Ya hear me? Or do you need me to pound that into ya?"

The boy flinched away when Daryl raised his fist. But Ellen caught his wrist with both her small hands, "No! It's done. No more. Let's just go."

Daryl let his fist drop, and Ellen immediately let go of his arm. She turned to open the shed door, letting the light pool over her. Somehow, the sunlight felt cleaner and warmer than it had when she had first entered into the dark.