Chapter 12: My Head is A Jungle

Blurb: Hi. I'm really sorry that it has taken so long to get another chapter out. But I'm on break now and free to pump out chapters for a few weeks. :) Also, I am so thrilled by the reviews I have been getting lately! You guys are awesome.

~ This chapter is titled after the song Jungle by Emma Louise. ~

After exiting the shed, Ellen turned around to face the structure. It looked large and sad in the shade of the trees. No one could have guessed the brutality that had taken place in there.

Daryl shut the wooden panels of the shed door closed with a creak. Then, he bent down to pick up his crossbow, which was leaning against the wall of the shed. He turned to head towards the camp, inclining his head for Ellen to follow. But he never made eye contact with her.

Not a word was spoken as they trudged across the field towards camp. Ellen could see that most of the group was huddled around the epicenter of the camp, questioning Rick about something. They were probably waiting for word about the boy.

Ellen shifted her attention to Daryl, watching as he walked through the grass ahead of her. She could just make out how his shoulders were set in tension, even if he walked with ease. He was putting on a brave face, but his body language spoke volumes for Ellen. Daryl didn't know where he stood with her anymore. She didn't belong in that shed with him. Truthfully, she didn't really belong in this new world at all. And that was the core of the problem. Ellen needed to change, and she desperately knew it.

Clearly, Daryl knew too. Was he afraid of how she would feel about him after seeing what she had? Was he afraid of… hurting her…. in some way? Did he think he had shown her too much darkness too fast?

Ellen could only frown at the winged pattern on Daryl's back as she contemplated this. She wanted to reassure him that she was not afraid. She needed to show him he could not break her.

They approached the group then, Daryl coming up ahead of Ellen. Rick nodded in acknowledgement of Daryl, letting him have the floor immediately. Daryl didn't hesitate to deliver a report, "Yer boy there's got a gang. 'Got thirty men and heavy artillery. They ain't lookin' to make friends. They roll through here… our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna…. gonna wish they were."

Carol asked the obvious question, "What did you do?"

Daryl shifted from his position in discomfort, "'Had a little chat."

Carol looked disappointed. She clearly didn't approve of the group's chosen method. She turned and left the group, heading toward her tent.

Rick picked up the conversation, "No one goes near this guy."

Shane nudged his head in the direction of Ellen, "What's she doin' near him?"

Ellen met Shane's inquisitive yet threatening gaze. She set her jaw and squared her shoulders, determined not to let Shane see her squirm. But she didn't reply.

Daryl spoke up, "She's with me."

Shane let out an exasperated laugh, "Damn right she is."

Daryl's eyes narrowed, but he didn't retaliate.

Rick turned to Shane, "We all 'got our place, Shane. Today, Ellen's was with the boy."

Shane didn't argue, he just shifted his weight from on foot to the other in a predatorial manner.

Lori asked, "Rick, what are you gonna do?"

"We don't have a choice, he's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."

"You're just gonna kill him?" Dale asked in protest.

Rick ignored him, "It's settled, we'll do it today."

Rick turned on his heel and walked away from the group. Dale followed after him in a determination.

Seeing as Rick had left the group, the meeting seemed to be over. Everyone started to break off in different own directions. Daryl didn't hesitate to turn away from the group. He didn't acknowledge Ellen as he made for his tent.

Ellen had to think fast, before her opportunity to bring down the walls between them slipped through her fingers. She called out to Daryl as he walked away, "Daryl! I'll bring supplies down from the house to clean your hands."

Ellen had noticed earlier that Daryl's knuckles were bloody and bruised. It would be safer if he had them cleaned properly. Otherwise he risked infection.

Daryl didn't turn to her as he replied, "Don't bother."

Ellen's eyebrows furrowed in frustration, "Ain't nothin' you can do to stop me, Dixon!" She deliberately spoke with a slight drawl, imitating Daryl's usual speech pattern.

Daryl seemed thrown off guard by her sudden use of humor to deflect him. He let out a slight chuckle and turned his head with a nod of acknowledgement while rounding a corner.

Satisfied, Ellen smiled and turned to hurry toward the house. Once inside, she gathered the necessary supplies for cleaning minor wounds, including some gauze and wrapped dressings. When Ellen was sure she had everything, she headed back outside to Daryl's campsite. He had moved his tent futher away from the rest of the group, so now his tent was across the length of the field. It turned out to be quite a trek across the uneven foliage to Daryl's camp.

Once she finally reached the campsite, she felt wobbly and uneven. The lack of a path across the field meant Ellen was stumbling much of the way across the field. Daryl had heard her noisy entrance, and exited his tent to meet her. He eyed the medical supplies in her hands with interest before trailing his eyes back up to her face. He was studying her, calculating his next move critically. The man was walking on eggshells. Ellen decided the fact that he was looking at her at all was an improvement.

Ellen took action then, deciding that if Daryl wasn't going to take control of the situation the she damn well should. She motioned toward a large log across from the tent, "Sit down, Daryl."

Daryl moved toward the log immediately, eager to please. He sat down and watched as Ellen set down her supplies carefully. She sat down next to him, leaving about a foot of room between them. If she couldn't give him space mentally, she would have to give him some sort of physical space. At least until she could reassure him she wasn't going to be broken as easily as he feared.

Ellen prepared a gauze and alcohol prep, then she held her hand out to Daryl, "Hand please."

Daryl grunted in reply, hesitantly offering his hand to her open palm. Ellen began cleaning the blood from his bleeding knuckles. He never even winced when Ellen let the alcohol soak up the open wounds. Daryl just watched her intently, gauging her movements as she worked.

Daryl built the courage to speak up, breaking the silence between them. "What do you want done with the boy?"

Ellen was surprised, both by his question and the sudden conversation. She was wrapping a dressing around Daryl's knuckles now, and focused her attention on her work as she answered. "He shouldn't die… not by our hands."

Daryl was silent for a moment as he digested her answer. But his interest was piqued, and he continued to question her, "What should we do then?"

Ellen shrugged, "I don't know. But it wouldn't be right to bring him here just to kill him. We should at least try to take him out again… further out, maybe…"

Daryl watched her eyes intently as he countered, "Put our boys in danger again?"

Ellen's brows furrowed as she considered this. Did she really want to put members of the group at risk? But… "We made a mistake bringing him here if all we were going to do was kill him. We have to fix our mistake…. Make it right again. If we kill him, it will change us… all of us."

Daryl let out a frustrated breath, "'Should 'a left him there ta begin with."

Ellen finished tying off the last bandage and let Daryl's hand drop, "There."

Daryl grunted in approval, turning his newly bandaged hands around for inspection. Ellen felt a sudden sense of urgency, and asked quickly, "You don't think Rick will act right away, do you? He won't… kill the boy? Not without talking to everybody first. –Or at least talking to you?"

Daryl shrugged, "Rick don't look to me much."

Ellen protested, "He asked you to get information from the boy. He could have asked Shane instead. But Rick knows you've got a better head on your shoulders than Shane does. Shane would have killed the boy. No doubt about it."

Daryl met Ellen's gaze then. He seemed to acknowledge the points Ellen was making in his favor. So Ellen continued, "You are valuable to the group, Daryl. I don't think Rick will do anything rash without consulting at least you and Shane first. You are the one person who knows more about the boy than anyone else."

Daryl's voice was low, "So do you."

Silence fell between them as Ellen let memories of their time in the shed fall over her. Did that really even happen? Ellen could hardly believe that the same calm and gentle man sitting before her could have brutally beaten a boy in her presence. The day's events had totally changed the dynamics between them. Ellen wasn't sure what to believe anymore. Her head told her Daryl was dangerous, and perhaps had questionable morality at best…. After witnessing Daryl's predatorial actions, Ellen realized that she didn't really know him as well as she wanted to believe. But her heart was telling her to stay… to support him… and to be brave even if he was dangerous. She wouldn't be scared away so easily.

After determining this for herself, Ellen let the concern show in her features. She met Daryl's hesitant gaze, allowing him to read the decisiveness in her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Daryl. If that's what you're afraid of, you can just forget about it."

Daryl gave her a doubting look, "You ain't afraid of me?"

Ellen didn't let her gaze waver from his, "Would I be here alone with you if I was?"

Daryl didn't reply, but he shifted his weight uncomfortably. Ellen noticed his discomfort immediately, and sought to reassure him. "Daryl, I'm fine! I'm not made of porcelain. I'll admit that I was scared- definitely scared, in fact- when we were in the shed. But that didn't really have anything to do with you, exactly…. It was more, the boy… I suppose…"

Ellen had his attention now. He was studying her carefully as she spoke. "I guess I never really expected it to be the way it was… what with you turning all alpha male and primal. But whenever I was afraid, I realized that you were the only thing standing between me and those fears. I was safe because you were there."

Daryl suddenly looked uncomfortable in his seat. Ellen realized that perhaps…Daryl didn't really know how to react to this information. Ellen had been so honest with him. The realization that she relied on him for so much was both a welcome and unfamiliar weight on his shoulders.

Daryl played with the dressing on his left hand, passing a strand through his fingers lightly. Ellen decided the best way to relieve his discomfort was to change the topic slightly. So, she asked, "What do you want to happen to the boy?"

Daryl let out a labored sigh, almost like he had been holding his breath. He considered her question for a few moments before responding, "I want him to not be a problem anymore. As long as none of us are hurt in the process…"

Ellen was concerned, "You think they should kill him?"

Daryl met her eyes then. He hadn't been able to look at her since her honest declaration about her fears in the shed. "If that's the only way ta keep the group safe. … 'Do just about anything."

Ellen realized then the depth of Daryl's own declaration. This brief explanation was his way of being completely honest with her. And Ellen drew everything she could from his words: he tortured the boy to protect the group, he would kill the boy for group if he had to. But something in Ellen gnawed at the notion that when Daryl said "group", he didn't just mean the "members of the group"…. That perhaps when Daryl said "group", he really meant one person in particular…. But neither of them was willing to be that completely honest at this point. So she let it go.

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Ellen left Daryl's campsite after he declared today was not the day to go out hunting. He wanted to be available on the farm incase Rick decided to "do the deed" with the boy. So, Ellen was sent back to the house with no current job to attend to. She had been looking forward to more lessons with Daryl since his recovery, but so far lesson number two hadn't come. It would have to wait. There was too much going on at the farm now for them to leave.

As soon as Ellen entered the house, she was met with news from Maggie, "Rick wants us to all meet here at the house around Sundown. We're gonna discuss the boy."

Ellen was both relieved by the news and anxious for the upcoming meeting, "Thanks for letting me know, Maggie. Is someone going to tell Daryl?"

Maggie nodded, "Dale was headin' over to Daryl's camp right after you left. He's pretty determined to sway people to his side."

Ellen didn't answer. She was thinking about how difficult it would be for Dale to earn Daryl's vote. Daryl was set in believing the group would be better off with the boy dead… Which was indisputable, of course. But at what cost?

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When the time came for the group to discuss the boy's fate, everyone gathered in the house's front parlor. Ellen sat on a stool near the wall, making it easier for her to observe each individual's facial expressions as the discussion played out. The group was morbidly silent as they shuffled about the room to find their positions, boots hitting the wood paneling of the floors softly.

There was a pause as everyone's attention turned to Carl, who was standing in the hallway entrance. He seemed to want a say in the conversation. But Rick wouldn't have it, and he gave Carl a stern look. Carl got the message quickly and slinked away from the parlor to sit with Jimmy in another room.

Glenn was the first to speak up, "So, how do we do this? Just… take a vote?"

"Does it have to be unanimous?" Andrea asked.

"What about majority rules?" Lori added.

Rick interrupted, "Let's just see where everybody stands. Then we can talk through the options."

Shane replied coyly," Well, the way I see it there's only one way to move forward."

"Killing him?" Dale asked. "Right? Why even bother to take a vote, it's clear which way the winds blow'n."

Rick interjected, "Well, if people believe we should spare him, I want to know."

"Well I can tell you it's a small group. Maybe just me and Glenn." Dale stated.

Glenn was silent, which made Dale question Glenn's position. He looked to Glenn in disbelief. Glenn defended himself immediately, "Look, I believe you're pretty much right about everything all the time. But this…"

Dale interrupted, "They've got you scared!"

"He's not one of us. And we've lost too many people already."

Failing with Glenn, Dale turned to face Maggie from across the room. "How 'bout you? Do you agree with this?"

Maggie sighed, "Couldn't we continue keep'n him prisoner?"

"'Just another mouth to feed." Daryl answered.

Hershel supported Daryl's answer, "It may be a lean winter."

"We could ration better." Lori offered.

"Or he could be an asset! Give him a chance to prove himself!" Dale urged.

"Put him to work…" Glenn suggested.

Rick crushed the idea, "We aren't lettin' him walk around."

"We could put an escort on him." Maggie offered.

"Who wants to volunteer for that duty?" Shane huffed.

"I will!" Dale answered.

"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick answered.

Lori supported her husband, "He's right, I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up."

"We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor." Andrea answered.

"Look, say we let him join us. Maybe he's helpful… maybe he's nice. If we let our guard down, maybe he runs off and brings back his thirty men. " Shane presented what Ellen didn't want to admit was a very realistic scenario.

"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he might never even attempt?" Dale was adamant. "If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead, there is no civilization."

Shane rolled his eyes in disbelief, "Oh my God."

"Could you drive him further out? Leave him, like you planned?" Hershel asked.

"You barely came back this time. There are walkers, you could break down, you could get lost. " Lori listed.

"You could get ambushed…" Daryl added.

"We should not put our own people at risk." Glenn confirmed.

Ellen spoke up for the first time then, "What if the people who take him further out are willing to do it? What if they're siding with Dale and don't want the boy to die."

Shane let loose a mocking chuckle, "And who the hell is going to do that?"

Ellen met his mocking tone with confidence, "I will."

Shane cracked a smile, "Girl, you ain't left the farm since this bullshit started."

Dale seized the opportunity, "I'll go with her! If it's just me and Ellen, then we might as well be the ones to do it."

Daryl was firm, "That ain't happen'n."

Ellen sent Daryl an exasperated look. How dare he try to dictate what she could and could not do. Ellen protested, "I won't let this boy die just because you don't want me leaving the farm. If you wanted him to die, you should have left him on that fence post. It was wrong to bring him here. We have to fix this."

Daryl ignored Ellen's pleas, "Ain't an option. He can't be alone with her. Not ever."

Rick seemed to take Daryl's advice to heart. "I'm not sending you out to fix my mistake, Ellen. We won't risk our own people for this."

Defeated by Rick's overruling decision, Ellen didn't retaliate. She just sat in her place on the stool, brooding over the rejection she had received. To her, that had been the perfect plan.

Patricia changed the subject then, "If you do go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?"

Shane answered nonchalantly, "We could hang 'em, right? Snap his neck."

Rick answered hesitantly, "I thought about that, shooting may be more humane."

T-dog jumped right to the next step in the process, "What about the body? Do we-"

"Woah woah woah woah! Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided!" Dale protested.

"We'll be talkin' all day. 'Go around in circles, you just want to go around in circles again?" Daryl asked.

Dale didn't back down, "This is a young man's life! And it is worth more than a five minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him! Now look at us, he's been tortured, he's going to be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"

Silence covered the room.

Shane broke it without reverence, "We all know what needs to be done."

"No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have responsibilities." Rick answered.

"So what's the other solution? We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could, but-" Andrea asked.

"So let's work on it!" Dale insisted.

"We are!" Daryl answered.

"Stop it! Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide, either of you- both of you- but leave me out." Carol demanded.

Dale went on the offensive, "Not speaking out, or killing him yourself, there's no difference!"

"Alright, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance." Rick offered.

Silence filled the room as those who were previously standing up from their chairs sat down in defeat.

Ellen wanted to help Dale, but she had no solutions for the problem. The group wouldn't accept her suggestion. And no matter how much she didn't want the boy to be killed, she had to admit that she wanted the problem to just disappear.

Dale could see he was losing this debate quickly, so he addressed Rick directly, "You once said we don't kill the living."

"That was before the living tried to kill us." Rick reasoned.

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were… the world that we knew is dead! And this new world is ugly. It's harsh. It's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't want to live in. And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't! Please, let's just do what's right! Isn't there anybody else that's going to stand with me?"

Silence fell once again. But it was broken by Andrea, "He's right, we should try to find another way."

"Anybody else?" Risk asked.

Everyone avoided eye contact with Dale, preferring to stare down at the floor. Dale was on the brink of tears now, "Are you all gonna watch too? Naw, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it."

Dale made to leave the parlor, walking toward the front entrance of the house. He passed Daryl on the way out and paused to say, "This group is broken."