Delphine's face alone would have been worth the late night trip. Sarah had always gotten a kick out of that. (It certainly wasn't the first time she'd done something of the like, either.) But she supposed she had business to attend to. If you could even call it that.
Sorry, Frenchie. Cos is out right now.
"I'm sorry, I don't…" She trailed off and Sarah was left to assume the rest of her statement. (It wasn't hard to do.) "I'm not sure I understand."
Sarah shrugged and continued to walk further into the diner. She noticed Delphine take a step back (unconsciously or not, she couldn't tell,) but she didn't comment on it. She figured she'd scared the other woman enough for now. Cosima was already going to be planning her funeral as it stood. Not that it would matter in the end.
"I'm totally kidding." Sarah forced a smile and an American accent. Of all of Beth's alternates, Sarah was the best at this, at pretending to be someone she wasn't. She was a chameleon. (A valuable skill wasted on a con artist, according to Alison.) Collectively, she was their survival instincts. Alone, she was a wrecking ball and her own first priority.
Delphine still looked hesitant, and really, there was no reason she shouldn't. Sarah hadn't exactly been aiming for subtle. Then again, she wasn't really sure what she was aiming for. Fun, mostly. Sarah had typically been the think on your feet type of person. She acted first. Thought out the consequences never. And now, she was curious. Curious about where Cosima was spending her time. About who she was talking to. About what she was telling them.
Sarah had every intention of leaving this all behind. She didn't want to do it anymore. Not the diner, but this. Every rule. Every moment of their lives that they had to share and give up. It all felt suffocating and restrictive. So she ran. She always had.
But something was stopping her. At least momentarily. And she couldn't even put her finger on what exactly it was. Sarah didn't typically allow herself to be tied down, but for some reason, the first chance she got, she had gone there.
She didn't think that she was much like Cosima at all, didn't think they had much in common. If there was any way they could actually have a conversation, Sarah didn't doubt that it would somehow end up catty and she would just leave, irritated. But she had someone that Cosima didn't. Though she didn't deserve him, Sarah had Felix. Every time she'd run, she'd had someplace to go. For all intents and purposes, Felix was her brother. Beth had Paul (though it wasn't really a secret that none of Beth's alternates actually liked the guy.) She had Art, a partner who, (though he didn't know all of their secrets,) always had her back. Even Alison had people. She had Sarah Stubbs and when she could, she threw herself into community theatre. In a strange way, Alison even had Felix.
But Cosima didn't.
While Sarah didn't necessarily feel guilty for running, she was aware enough to know that this person, that Delphine, was the first real friend that Cosima had had in a long time—and she was taking that away. The least she could do is supply some semblance of closure, some sort of goodbye.
When Delphine didn't speak, her eyes just following Sarah's movement, Sarah took it as her cue to spew more bullshit. "Weird joke, I guess. Sorry." She waved her hand through the air in an attempt to mimic Cosima's gesticulations. Really, it just looked like she was wiping a dirty window. "My sister's clothes. I thought I would try something different." She paused, searching for an appropriate Cosima explanation. "I wanted to ya know, shake it up. Or whatever." She pointed to her eyes and the sore lack of eyeglasses. "Contacts. Ya like?"
She probably should have changed. At the very least nicked Cosima's glasses. Maybe she would have had she thought this whole venture through. But then again, Sarah couldn't stand the ridiculous prints she consistently found in their shared closet. She hadn't planned to be there for very long anyway.
"I see." Her face said the opposite-much to Sarah's irritation. At least she wasn't backpedaling anymore. Unconsciously or otherwise. "They're nice," Delphine answered after a beat.
"Look, I just came to say goodbye." Sarah attempted a smile. The left side of her mouth lifted awkwardly and she showed a full set of teeth. She looked as uncomfortable as she felt.
Delphine's expression softened for the first time since Sarah had stepped through the glass door. "Goodbye?"
"Yeah. Um." Sarah tiled her head to the left, hovering about an inch above her shoulder. "I'm kind of skipping town for a bit. Something came up back home. In the Sates… Which is where I'm from." She internally winced. Smooth.
"Oh." Delphine frowned. "Is everything…"
"Totally. Yeah, yeah." Sarah nodded, picking up the question that had faded into the space between them. More window wiping. "Just stuff. I should probably get going now, actually. It's late."
Sarah took a few steps backward and offered Delphine a small wave. "Cool. Yeah. I'll just get out of your hair." She jerked her thumbs behind her, towards the door that she had walked through only minutes prior. She didn't wait for a response. She just turned and started shuffling towards the exit. She already regret walking in there to begin with. She wasn't good at this. Everything she touched, crumbled under her fingertips.
"Cosima. Wait." It was the sound of Delphine's voice caused her to pause mid-stride more so than the name that she didn't answer to. Sarah didn't turn around, but she stopped. Her eyes were still glued to the exit. She couldn't see the expression that played across the other woman's face, but she heard the sigh, the indecision. "I will… see you again, yes?"
"I don't know." Sarah answered without skipping a beat. Her accent slipped with her last word, but if Delphine noticed, she hadn't said anything. It was probably the first honest answer that Sarah had given since she'd gotten there. Well, except of course, for her opening line. But that had been more for her own humorous benefit than Cosima's. "You've got my number." It was an assumption that Delphine didn't seem to disprove, but then again, she didn't stick around long enough to find out. She was uncomfortable. Delphine made her uncomfortable. The friendship that she was going to tear away from Cosima made her uncomfortable.
"I've really gotta go."
It wasn't long before Sarah was driving across town. It was a drive that she had done far more times than she could possibly put a number to. Even before she could drive, she'd taken a bus. She'd used her legs. Though the end location had occasionally varied, when things were turned upside down for her, she always went to Felix. He was her brother. Not biologically, maybe, but in every way that mattered.
"You're late." Felix declared as he slid open the door to his converted studio. (They hadn't used proper greetings or introduction in years.) He took a step back, looking Sarah up and down before she followed him inside. "Where were you? You were supposed to here hours ago. All the bloody clubs have stopped serving by now."
"Sorry," she mumbled the apology while her jacket slid off her shoulders. She tossed it carelessly in the direction of Felix's couch and walked over to the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of whatever beer he had. (Really, the only reason he stocked any was for Sarah. He preferred the harder stuff. Or at the very least, the fruitier.)
"Well?"
"Well, what?" Sarah fell back onto the couch near the chair that Felix was occupying, cross-legged. Lacking a bottle opener, she slammed the glass bottle against the coffee table a foot in front of her. A subtle, but triumphant smile pulled at her mouth when the bottle cap flew free.
Felix glared at her and gave her a look that very clearly said, watch it.
She returned it with a look of her own: You pulled this out an alley. Who fuckin' cares?
He rolled his eyes. "Where were you?"
"Oh. Right." Sarah took a long drink before shrugging. "I had something to take care of. It took a longer than I thought."
Unsurprisingly, Felix didn't appear satisfied. For as close as they were, it had always been like pulling teeth trying to get anything personal out of Sarah. She opened up eventually and was usually the better for it, but it was never easy. "And?"
"And what? Just a chat with a friend." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "It's not a big deal, okay?"
"You don't have any friends," he pointed out matter-of-factly.
"Thanks," she said flatly before tipping her bottle back again.
"Well it's true. You've got who exactly? Me. Contacts don't count. Maybe Big Dick Paul…" He trailed off with a mischievous smirk.
"Oy! Don't." Sarah shook her head testily. "Not in the mood, all right?" She paused. Another drink. "Just a friend of Cos's, yeah? Leave it out."
Leaning forward, Felix raised his eyebrows. "Now I'm interested. Not that I don't love our hippie starchild science geek, but Cosima's got even less friends than you do."
"Yeah, I know." A subtle frown. Cosima's isolation wasn't necessarily a secret.
For a moment, disbelief colored Felix's face before it was overshadowed by amusement. And then a strange mixture of the two. "Holy shit." He fell back into his chair and his wide eyes searched Sarah's. "You actually care, don't you?" Now he was just teasing. (Probably.)
Sarah rolled her eyes and finished off her bottle in a single drink. "No, I don't. Trust me. I don't. It was just something I had to take care of."
"You're completely full of it," he accused through amused laughter. "Sarah Manning actually gives a shit."
"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not getting into this." Sarah shook her head and stood up. She didn't want to have this conversation at all, least of all sober. She tossed Felix a look over her shoulder that warned him to lay off while she made her way over to the fridge for a second (and third) beer.
Felix's eyes followed Sarah across the room and back. He sighed and supplied a resigned, "fine." She could almost sense his hesitation. "So you're leaving then." It wasn't a question. They had been through the same routine many times before. He didn't need to know what she had said to Delphine to know what Sarah was going to do.
When Sarah sat back down onto the couch, she held up the second bottle to Felix, a silent peace offering. He didn't take it. "What happened this time?" He was irritable now, but it appeared that he knew better than to ask about Paul. That was a past mistake that she wasn't particularly keen on revisiting at the moment. Especially considering the current circumstances.
She released a heavy breath and brought both hands up in front of her chest, a bottle still in one. A silent, what do you want me to say? "Just the usual Sarah shite-storm." Not technically untrue. She didn't want to talk about it.
"When?"
"In the morning." Sarah didn't ask if she could spend the night with him. She didn't have to. She knew it bothered him that she didn't, but she also knew he would never say no.
Felix nodded, disappointment plain on his face. She felt like she was constantly letting him down. His gaze shifted from Sarah down to the coffee table and then back up to his sister. "What about Kira?" He asked, meeting Sarah's eyes with a boldness that he reserved for talking about her.
Kira was complicated. More than that, Kira was special. And she was another safely guarded secret locked away deep inside.
"She's better off without me."
There wasn't any room for argument. At least, not right now. Sarah had made up her mind. She was done letting people down. They were all better off without her. She just complicated things and hurt people close to her. Felix had called her a 'wrecking ball' on more than one occasion, destroying everything she touched. She only wished she could leave Beth, Alison, and Cosima just the same.
"You know that's not true," Felix countered gently.
"Yeah, it is." Sarah tipped back the bottle in her hand, taking a long and much needed drink. Felix would take the hint. (Hopefully.)
He did. At least, if the clearing of his throat was any indication. He leaned back in his chair and brought his legs up. His feet rested on the edge of the cushion and he hugged his knees. "Have you told your 'sisters' that you're skipping town again?"
"Oh god." Sarah rolled her eyes tiredly. "First off, they're not my bloody sisters." She shook her head. "And second, I told you that's not how it works, you twat. I don't tell them anything. They'll figure it out whenever they come 'round."
"Which is when exactly?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"