Chapter 20: This World Is Not Meant For You

Blurb: ~ This chapter is titled after the song Run Boy Run- by Woodkid.~

Begin:

Daryl bolted through the forest, not caring if he was making too much noise. Usually, he was quick and quiet. But his current enemy was time. If he couldn't reach Ellen soon enough, she'd be dead. That is- if she wasn't already.

Ellen had very little experience fighting walkers. And he'd always been there with her, when the walkers came crawling. Now, she was surrounded by hordes of wandering walkers. He tried not to think about them converging on her, leaving her no escape. He couldn't imagine her making it through such a situation.

Daryl's panicked thoughts drove him faster and further. He wouldn't give up on her now, not like everyone else had. Even if the group left him out here, as he had instructed them to do after the four-hour mark, it didn't matter. Screw them. They couldn't be trusted anyway. They'd left her out here, when he'd trusted them to watch after her.

Whole and functioning group, my ass! They'd been broken a long time. And Dale's death hadn't been strong enough glue to hold them together.

He could survive without them. And God knows he just might have to.

But if he never found Ellen, and the group left him… he'd be totally alone. Not to mention emotionally distraught. He would be in no condition to think critically. He'd be vulnerable.

The thought of being alone was too much for him at that moment. As he barreled through the woods, dodging trees, thickets, and uneven ground: he couldn't help but realize that Ellen's loss would mean… What exactly would it mean? He'd been struggling with the realization that Ellen meant more to him than he was comfortable admitting. He'd never cared about anyone so much in his entire life. It was fucking ridiculous. But something about the way she didn't turn him away, despite his faults, was impossible to ignore. Nobody had ever offered him as much attention or care as Ellen had. His entire life had been spent at the mercy of others whims. He'd followed Merle around like there was no world outside of his brother's shadow. But now it was his turn to be the support, the foundation, for someone else to stand on. Ellen needed him. And he was fucking failing her.

Daryl heard a shuffling noise to his right, and whirled around with a grunt. His knife was in his hand in less than a second, and he poised himself to meet the source of the noise. Standing still and silent, Daryl waited for another sign of life. The shuffling continued, and soon a walker emerged from behind a group of trees. Daryl lunged himself at the walker, only giving it enough time to snap at him before the knife was driven through its skull. It was a quick kill, and Daryl turned to continue towards the farm. He needed to be fast. There was nothing more important in that moment.

More walkers came forward to meet Daryl as he scrambled through the woods. Each walker was more feral and determined than the next. It seemed like a never-ending stream of walkers inhabited the trees. It was all Daryl could do to make the fastest kill possible and move on to the next one. He was desperate to keep moving. Movement was life.

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Ellen pushed a walker to the ground, and her body straddled the monster below her. It wriggled and screeched with anger, but Ellen brought her fist down on its skull. The hilt of her knife sunk into the walker's head, breaking the bone and releasing an ooze of putrid liquid.

Ellen couldn't help but remember Daryl's order to, "Stop tackling shit!"

Whatever got the job done.

Ellen was pulling all sorts of stunts she'd never imagined she'd resort to. She was wild with need- the need to survive. Ellen fought dirty. She was desperate, and there were no rules in this new world. She grabbed at a nearby walker's hair and dragged it to the ground, delivering several bullets to its head. Now, this may have been unnecessary. But it sure felt really god damn amazing. She was furious with the walkers around her for blocking the path to freedom. They were standing between her and her new family. And they were going to lose.

Since Andrea's departure, an intangible switch had been flipped in Ellen. It was making her more dangerous, and more determined. She was willing to do just about anything to make it out alive. It was an animalistic feeling. And she let it take over. Because she trusted this feeling to get her out alive.

But this animalistic feeling also made her stupid. She would take on three walkers at a time, not thinking clearly about the odds in this situation. They would converge on her together, and paw at her limbs. But she blew them away one by one, letting the crack of the gun serve as her reward.

Ellen knew she had little to no experience with walkers. But this is what she wanted, wasn't it? To be thrown into the deep end quickly… to be forced to adapt. And here she was. If she wanted to survive, she would have to give up aspects of her former weaknesses. She had to be proactive, not passive. She had to trust her instincts and not hesitate. She had to keep herself together and not break down in a fit of tears. Emotion was not welcome here, and she buried her feelings deeply for the time being.

It didn't matter that these walkers were once human, like her. They had fallen prey to the disease, and turned. She couldn't have pity for them now. Or else she would become one of them herself.

Ellen bulldozed her body toward another walker, knocking it to the ground. The walker was stunned, and struggled to get back on its feet. But Ellen kicked her boot into the walker's head, forcing the life out of its eyes. It didn't matter that she was dirty and smelled like the dead. Whatever she had to do, she would do it. She needed to live.

Another walker grabbed Ellen from behind and for a moment, she didn't have control of her right hand. She used her free hand to grab at her knife and stabbed the walker thoroughly. It fell to the ground slowly.

Ellen was panting heavily. She'd been fighting these monsters for at least an hour now. It was draining her energy quickly, and she was nearing the point of exhaustion.

As soon as an adequate path had been cleared between the oncoming walkers, Ellen shifted away from them. She urged her legs to keep moving, despite the lactic acid build up. Her calves were burning and her arms felt heavy. The only thing keeping her going at this point was pure adrenaline.

As she moved, more walkers emerged and sent her growled warnings. Ellen met them all with bullets, not willing to risk close combat with the knife now. She was losing energy quickly. How far was the highway? Maybe another mile? Ellen wasn't sure.

But the sun had already started to come up, lighting her path and making her surroundings much more visible. Ellen was glad for the sun. It allowed her to spot walkers from a further distance. She was prepared for them before they even noticed her.

But then, something terrible happened. When Ellen reached for more bullets- a means to reload her gun- she found herself frantically grabbing at her bag. Her hands slipped around the fabric, but no metal met her fingers. Ellen's hands began to shake violently. She was out of bullets. Daryl's stash hadn't been enough for her.

Ellen ran. The use of all her bullets shot renewed panic through her bones. Now, all she had was a knife. And close combat was her only option.

She cursed out loud, the word slipping of her tongue violently. After everything she'd done to live, she wouldn't let this be the factor that snuffed out her life.

Another walker came at her then. She'd been distracted by desperate thoughts. Ellen was caught off guard and the walker pushed her to the ground. She hadn't realized until then, but she was in the middle of a clearing. It was almost a small field, and very few trees surrounded them. The walker snapped its jaw a few inches from Ellen's face, and Ellen couldn't help but scream. The walker pushed at her arms, trying to force them away so it could reach its teeth at Ellen's neck. For a split second, Ellen thought that maybe this was the end. It would take a hunk of flesh, and her jugular would be irreversibly bitten.

But as the walker pushed towards her, Ellen succumbed to a wild surge of power, driven mostly by desperation. She wiggled an arm out of the walker's grasp and plunged the knife at the walker. The knife stuck in the walker's neck- the very place it had been begging for on Ellen's body. Unfortunately, the walker was not deterred. Ellen kicked frantically at the walker, but it didn't budge away from her. Of course, they couldn't feel the pain. Ellen resorted to wrapping her legs around the walker's torso. She rocked her body to the side, forcing the walker on its side. It still had hold of her left hand, but Ellen had a better position now. The walker charged its mouth toward Ellen's wrist. But she plunged the knife down into the walker's forehead before it could reach her.

The walker lay frozen next to Ellen's sprawled body. She felt completely spent physically. Two more walkers came from the woods and entered the clearing. Ellen sat up straight, but kept herself in position on the grass. If they were going to have to meet anyway, Ellen thought they might as well come to her. She didn't have the energy to make her way towards them now.

The first walker spotted her, probably smelling the blood that oozed through Ellen's pants on her scraped knees. She met the walker's eyes and watched as it came towards her with purpose. It came towards her quickly at first, but slowed its movements as it came closer to her. Ellen thought maybe the walker was anticipating the kill and… reveling in the thought of it.

The walker dropped down to its hands and knees, and crawled toward her. Ellen watched the creature, heart thumping hard in her chest. The walker was on her in one dizzying motion. It clawed at Ellen's shoulders and brought its head forward. Ellen punched the walker in the cheek, sending its face to the side. Ellen thought she heard a horrible snap when she met the walker with her fist. Sure enough, the walker's head was tilted at an awkward angle now. She'd likely broken its neck.

Ellen grabbed her gun from the waistband of her jeans, ready to fire. But she remembered there were no more bullets, and resolved to bludgeon the walker with the pistol instead. Seeing as the gun was already in her hands, Ellen didn't have time to switch from gun to knife. So, she brought the gun down on the walker's head, using as much energy as she could muster. She beat the walker once, twice, three times- until she was certain it wouldn't come after her again.

Now, Ellen was sitting in the middle of the clearing with two walkers at her side. She looked up to watch the next walker coming closer. Ellen's entire body was shaking. But her gaze never shifted from the walker's face. It snarled at her and limped towards her place in the grass. Ellen felt the panic shoot through her, but she couldn't manage to make her limbs move. She was exhausted. There were just too many walkers. And even if she did manage to kill this one, more would follow. She would never be able to keep fighting her way toward the highway. Her hope was drifting away, and the adrenaline was no longer enough to urge her.

The walker stalked toward Ellen slowly, seeing as she was not making an effort to run away. Ellen sat still, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. The walker growled high and wild when it came close, only a few feet from Ellen.

In that moment, Ellen realized she had no chance of making it out alive. And she didn't want to fight anymore. She'd killed maybe a hundred walkers in her attempt to reach the highway, and she was done. And as much as she wished the circumstances were different, she realized there was no hope. So, the creature could have her.

Ellen watched the walker bend its body toward her, and she didn't fight it off. She looked it square in the eyes and let the animalistic feeling serve a new purpose. Instead of using it to fight, Ellen allowed the feeling to give her courage. And the bravery swam up and down her spine. Ellen screamed at the creature as it advanced toward her, "COME ON YOU GOD DAMN FUCKING BASTARD!"

The walker pushed her backwards, so she was lying face up in the grass. It loomed over her and snapped its jowls mockingly at her. But before the walker could deliver the final blow that would infect Ellen's system, a gunshot rang across the clearing. BANG!

The walker almost looked surprised as the life drained from its body. The bullet had shot clean through its large head. Ellen gasped, frantically trying to get enough air in her lungs. She hadn't noticed she was holding her breath. She'd never expected to breathe again.

Ellen shifted her gaze in the direction of the gunshot. A figure was coming towards her rapidly. Ellen felt the walker's body slump against her chest, and rolled over. She sat up quickly and grabbed at her knife.

If God had deemed it necessary to save her life when she had been willing to let this world fade away, then she might as well get her act together. Her body still felt like lead, but her determination was renewed. She kept the knife close as she turned to examine the figure approaching her.

Ellen's eyes widened in disbelief as she watched the man sprint towards her. And her vision blurred. Tears streamed down her face and obstructed her vision. She'd only gotten a glimpse of Daryl before breaking down in a fit of emotion.

Daryl had delivered the shot. Her body shook violently as she balled. The emotion was wracking through her.

Daryl reached her in a matter of seconds. He reached down to examine her face quickly. Then he moved to her limbs. He pushed the jacket from her shoulders and turned her arms in his hands, searching for bites. He pushed her hair from her neck and wracked his eyes over her legs. "YOU BIT?"

Ellen shook her head vigorously and her voice came out in a garbled whine, "No."

Satisfied, Daryl scooped his arms under hers and urged Ellen to her feet, "We gotta get out of here. It ain't far."

Ellen gripped at Daryl furiously, "Where?"

Understanding that Ellen wanted an explanation for their destination, he looked down at her and answered, "The group is waiting for us at the highway."

The group? Of course… Daryl must have met up with them and realized she was missing. Did he know they left her behind? Did he know they hadn't even tried to save her? And if he did, why was he okay with meeting up with them again? They had decided to leave her behind and save themselves… they couldn't be trusted… They played the game wickedly, realizing this world had no rules. They chose the easy way out.

They left her.

T-Dog left her…

Andrea left her…

Lori left her…

Beth left her…

And Daryl left her.

Ellen wasn't sure that she would ever be able to forgive them for it.