Chapter 22: Don't Wanna Be Your Girl

Blurb: Hi everyone! I have some time now that vacation is coming up. So I'll be updating pretty regularly for a few days. I hope you guys like it. I really appreciate all the support I'm getting. It's truly wonderful. ~ This chapter is titled after the song Don't Wanna Be- by Wet.~

Begin:

Ellen was so tired that sleeping that night wasn't a problem for her, despite lying in the cold dirt. She woke up to the feeling of sunbeams on her face. There were a few birds chirping the distance. Ellen pushed her aching body upwards so she was sitting now. Her limbs were burning with lactic acid build up, probably from running and fighting walkers by herself outside the farm. Remembering the previous days events sent a wave of nausea through her, and she thought she might throw up on the forest floor. Ellen felt herself dry heave, retching her body forward. But her stomach was empty, and nothing came up.

Pawing the dirt with her fingers, Ellen tried to focus on her breathing… inhale… exhale…

There wasn't much to be done about her situation now, and she knew it. Life was all about survival now. She'd have to let the fact that she'd been abandoned go. There was no way she'd be able to survive on her own. She needed these people- Rick's group- to keep her alive now… even if they had left her for dead.

But that didn't mean she had to trust them.

Clearly, it was a dog-eat-dog world now. And she'd have to become one of the dogs if she was going to keep up.

Glenn must have been on watch when Ellen woke up, because he could see Ellen heaving over the dirt now. He spoke softly, not wanting to startle her, "You ok?"

Ellen whipped her head around to look at him. Despite the burning pain in her chest that signified their betrayal, Ellen found herself trusting Glenn. Glenn and Maggie weren't involved when she was left behind. Perhaps they would never have done that to her… "I'm fine now. Don't worry about it."

Glenn seemed dissatisfied with how Ellen brushed off his concern. But he gave her space, and nodded his acknowledgement quietly.

Rick seemed to wake up when he heard Glenn and Ellen conversing. He was on his feet before the rest of the group. Making rounds, Rick began waking everyone else in the group up.

When the group was awake and watching Rick with bleary eyes, he addressed them, "Look, I know we're all tired. I know we're discouraged. But we're going to make it. We have to stay strong. We've been out here like this before. And we can make it work again. But you've got to keep goin'. We can do this… we'll do it together."

Rick's eyes fell on Lori, who was lying beside Carl near the dead fire. Rick's gaze faltered for a second, and after a beat of silence, he continued, "We have to make it. There is… more to consider now."

Seeming to realize what Rick was referring to, Lori tried to warn him, "Rick, you don't-."

Rick cut her off, "No, Lori. The group needs to know. They deserve to know…"

Silence hung heavy around the group. They waited in anticipation for the next bomb Rick would drop on them. First they were all infected, then they were caught up in a dictatorship… What next? Rick continued, "My wife… Lori, she's pregnant. We don't think she's very far along… but…"

Hershel asked, "You know for sure?"

Lori nodded in affirmation, "Yes… I know."

Hershel let out a sigh. He must be considering the complications that come with a pregnant woman on the road… or even a baby.

Rick considered this aloud, "It will be hard on the road like that… We'll all be vulnerable. That's why it's so important for us to keep moving. We need to find a safe place to stay…. A place we can call home for a while. I know it seems far-fetched, but we had the farm. It may be gone now, but it was somethin'. We can have that again- something better. We just have to be smart about it. We have to stick together… be strategic about how we proceed with this. Now, you got a concern then you come to me. But we have to be unified in this."

Rick paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. Then, he began the planning; "Hershel and Ellen are the only ones in our group now with medical experience."

Hershel nodded, "That's correct. We'll be needed when the baby comes… and before. We have to monitor Lori's progress. Babies are a serious business. Especially in the wild like this."

Rick grew very serious, "Alright, then we have to agree. The safety of Lori and the baby come first. Which means Hershel and Ellen are also a priority. We keep them safe… Of course, we need to keep everyone together and alive. But Lori is in more danger if we lose Hershel and Ellen."

Glenn supported Rick's logic, "We'll pick up the slack, Rick. We can work as a team to make sure Lori delivers safely. I understand that you aren't prioritizing us in different ways. We just… all serve different purposes. And with Lori pregnant, it's important to keep a medical team ready for her. We get that."

Rick accepted Glenn's statement, "Thank you, Glenn." He addressed the group then, "He's right, I'm not trying to endanger anyone else in the group by putting Lori's safety first. I just… can't give up on this. WE can't give up on this. And if we're going to be successful, we're going to have to work together. If you resent the way things are happening here, you can go. But that's just the way it's going to be now."

There was a long pause before anyone else spoke. It was strange to have Rick acting the part of their sole leader. Ellen raised her hand slightly, asking for the group's attention, "I was a postpartum nurse for a short period of time… it's what I'm most passionate about. I know how to keep Lori and the baby safe post-birth. We can make it work."

Rick gave Ellen a small smile, "Thank you, Ellen. That makes me feel much more confident about this."

Daryl interrupted, "What are we going to do about it now?"

Rick turned his attention to Daryl, remembering that they currently had other problems to think about. "Well, we need to get some gas for the vehicles. I won't have us traveling on foot and getting separated."

Maggie answered, "Glenn and I can go on a run now. It's light out. We don't have many other options."

Rick approved, "Yeah, you two go siphon some gas for the group. But you be back in an hour or the whole group is heading out after you."

Glenn acknowledged his terms, "We'll be back. Let's go, Maggie."

Maggie and Glenn both got up and rolled their sleeping supplies closed. The group watched them pack with somber expressions. Once their things were packed, Glenn and Maggie waved goodbye and headed in the opposite direction of the herd of walkers.

As soon as Maggie and Glenn were out of sight, Rick turned to the rest of the group. "Daryl, Ellen. You want to go out for some food? We need something to keep us goin'."

Daryl got up immediately, "She ain't gotta come. Let her rest."

Ellen didn't make eye contact with either Rick or Daryl. She just listened to the exchange quietly.

Rick seemed to understand, "Alright, just stay close. You come back in an hour too, regardless of whether or not you have somethin'."

Daryl grunted his acknowledgement and stalked off to the woods.

Ellen was tired. But she wouldn't let the others brush her aside. She wanted to contribute. "I can keep watch."

Rick looked Ellen over critically, "You sure you're up for that?"

Ellen nodded, "I'll be fine."

Rick allowed her to take watch for the group. Ellen climbed up to the top of the stone wall, taking over T-dog's watch. Ellen scanned the area, looking over the trees and forest floor around her. Realizing she didn't have a gun with ammunition, Ellen knew she would have to warn the others if she saw a walker approaching. She could hear Rick instructing the women and Hershel to load up their supplies into the cars, which were still parked in the road near their campsite.

With Glenn, Maggie, and Daryl out on runs, there were still not many domestic chores to be done. The best thing the group could do was wait and rest. The waiting was long and Ellen found it difficult to keep her eyes open. It appeared that she was more exhausted than she even realized. But she did her best to keep alert for danger while on watch.

Maybe forty minutes later- Ellen wasn't sure- Daryl returned with two rabbits. He had the animals slung over the back of his shoulder. Upon realizing Daryl had been successful, Lori and the others grew excited. "Oh, thank God. Daryl has food."

Daryl brought the animals toward the rest of the group. "I'll skin 'em. But we're gonna need more fire wood to cook them."

Beth was on her feet then, "I'll go look for some now."

Carl blurted, "I'll go with her."

Lori was about to protest, but Carl didn't seem to acknowledge her. There was tension there. Ellen guessed it had to do with the baby. But why would that be so? Shouldn't he be excited to have a new brother or sister? Unless…. Oh. It must have something to do with Shane. Ellen had her suspicions about Lori and Shane. He was just so protective of her. But, what did that mean for Rick? Was the baby even his? …and yet he was still willing to risk everything for Lori and this baby… She was the priority in the group now.

Daryl was crouched in the center of the group, near the dead fire pit. He was digging into the first rabbit with his knife. Ellen glanced down at him from her perch on the stone wall. It was a bloody mess. It looked like a bundle of fur and oozing red liquid. Ellen turned away, preferring not to know where her food was coming from. She let her eyes dart across the terrain again. A movement caught her attention at the far end of the woods. Ellen perked up, focusing in on the movement. But she relaxed when she recognized Maggie's figure, followed closely by Glenn. They had red plastic canisters of gas with them. Feeling relieved, Ellen was glad to see they were safe and had gotten supplies without problems.

When the group was fed and packed, Rick decided they should head back to the cars. It was important to move as far as possible away from the herd that had taken the farm.

Glenn and Maggie helped to disperse the gas between the three vehicles. Luckily, they had a bit left over and were able to store it in the trunk of the Hyundai. As the group broke off into the different motor vehicles, Ellen decided to head back to the Hyundai with Maggie and Glenn. The group set off, following behind Rick. The group seemed to silently acknowledge that Rick was in charge, and they would go wherever he led them. There were no questions by the rest of the group about direction. It fell on Rick to decide.

They drove for about an hour without incident, until Rick stopped outside of one of the small towns. There were neighborhoods close to the road. Rick stuck his hand out of the side window and motioned for the group to follow him in. They drove through the abandoned streets. Ellen felt uncomfortable and alert in the Hyundai, watching as the tomb-like houses flashed past her slowly. What dangers might they find in this neighborhood? What was the purpose of being here?

Rick came upon the end of one neighborhood street and stopped his car. The other vehicles stopped behind him in a caravan line. The group filed out onto the street. Ellen noticed the houses were near a forest tree line, which must mean they were still near the edge of town. They should be able to retreat from town quickly if things went south.

Rick called the group to him, and they all huddled around to form a game plan. Rick instructed them, "Alright, we'll clear this house here. It's more separate from the others and looks like it's easier to spot danger from. We'll go in a team. I'll take a group of my offensive members in: Daryl, Glenn, T-Dog. You'll help me clear the house. The rest of you wait outside. We'll give a signal when it's cleared."

Ellen didn't argue when her name wasn't called to help clear the house. She'd had enough of the walkers for a lifetime. And Rick wasn't taking Maggie in either. Perhaps he didn't have enough confidence in the women's abilities yet. But that would have to change if they were going to survive. Otherwise the men would end up carrying all the weight and exhausting themselves.

The group watched near the cars as their offensive members approached the front porch of their selected house. Daryl tapped on the front door slightly, trying to draw out any nearby walkers without arousing the entire neighborhood. Nothing happened. So the group proceeding inwards with a mechanical and disciplined manner. Ellen could see Daryl and Rick were both using silent hand signals as they disappeared into the house.

There was silence for about ten minutes, with no sign of trouble being seen from the road. Finally, Daryl opened one of the lower-level windows and whistled for everyone to come in.

The group turned to the car, grabbing supplies to haul into the house. Ellen grabbed her pack and what little gear she still had left. As they filed in, Ellen could see there were a few bodies strewn across the hallway floor. Some of the men were dragging the bodies from rooms and out into the hall. There were apparently a few walkers hiding inside the home when they had entered.

Ellen stepped over one of the bodies to get to the living room, watching the monster carefully to make sure it didn't awaken on her suddenly. This may have been overly cautious of her, but she wouldn't take any chances.

Rick instructed everyone to make camp in the large living room. "We'll stay together. That's what's most important now."

Ellen found herself a corner of the living room and laid out her sleeping bag, already ready to check out if she had the chance.

"We'll rest now. But tomorrow we've got to keep moving. We have to find somewhere safe for the baby. We can't stay in one of these houses with a crying baby. It'll bring the walkers crawling." Rick explained his reasoning.

Ellen laid back on her sleeping bag, which had been stored in the Hyundai incase of emergencies. She was extremely grateful to have it now. Ellen couldn't fathom sleeping in a dead man's bed. That would be like sleeping in a coffin. She would rather sleep on the floor than do that.

Ellen was interrupted by someone approaching her. Daryl was looming over her, looking down at her on the sleeping bag. He held something out to her, "Here, it was upstairs in an office room."

Ellen hesitated for a second, but reached out to accept the object in his hands. It was a small book, most likely a classic novel. Ellen appraised the book with her eyes, feeling the pages with her hands. It was a collection of classic novels; all written in small print so more novels could be fit into one small-bound book.

She looked up at Daryl, not sure how to respond to his kind gesture. She still didn't trust him, or the rest of the group, for what they had done to her. Daryl tried to fill the silence, "How you doin', Peaches?"

Ellen's voice was stern, "Don't call me that."

Daryl shifted his weight from one leg to the other, clearly uncomfortable. His voice was soft and low when he responded, "I'm sorry, Ellen."

Ellen scowled, "Whatever."

Pausing for a second, Daryl crouched down so he was closer to her eye level, "If I had known, I would never have left you out there, Ellen. I didn't know they left you behind. I would have given anything to help you then. You don't deserve that."

Ellen grew impatient with him, "What do you want me to say? That I'm FINE? That there is NOTHING wrong with me? I can HANDLE myself? You don't have to be SORRY? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Throughout her rant, Daryl tried to reach out to her in comfort. Despite the fact that this was a rare gesture for Daryl, Ellen pushed his hands away. "Don't touch me! Just GO! …GO!"

Daryl didn't respond at first. But he seemed to understand that he wouldn't get anywhere with Ellen at that moment. So he stood up from his crouched position beside her and walked away without another word.

If she wanted space, he would give it to her.