A/N: I know, I know. It's been far too long and this chapter probably doesn't make up for it! Thanks for being patient! Hope those of you who have stuck around enjoy a bit of Teddy. I actually completely re-wrote this chapter based on all the requests for Teddy and a very tedious shopping experience of my own! Enjoy.
Candie xx
Chapter 55 - Cookie Monster Babies.
CPOV
I feel like I'm on cloud nine. Literally. Everything I could have ever wanted, dreamed about, or thought I'd never get to experience is real. I am living the American dream. I have a gorgeous, perfect wife, 2.5 children, an amazing house...it doesn't get much better than this. I pull away from the very inappropriate kiss I've smothered Ana with and cup her cheeks.
"How can I ever thank you?" I stroke her porcelain skin with my thumb.
"Just seeing you this happy is enough of a thank you for me, besides, you did all the work." She smirks slightly.
"Congratulations kids." Ray slaps my back. "Another grandson to take fishing." He smiles proudly.
"Thank you Ray... And that cake...perfection." I nod, letting him know how grateful I am, not only for the incredible cake, but for being a stable in Ana's life. I know how much she adores Ray.
"Son." He nods in return.
"Daddy, me wan cake." Teddy tugs at my shirt, his forehead creased with a frown. "Wen we have cake?"
"You can have a piece son." I take a plate from the table and slice a piece of the book cake for Teddy. "Do you know what this means?" I crouch down to his level and point at the blue sponge.
"Me not know, Daddy. But it be blue like cookie monsta, so it be cookie cake." He grins cheekily.
"Not quite. I means that you are going to have a baby brother. What do you reckon? Would that be cool?"
"Me no wan baby. Just cake." I roll my eyes and pass him his small slice of cake.
"Take it to the table Son, and be careful not to drop it." Carla steps forward and helps Teddy carry his plate to the table.
"Congratulations Bro." Elliot punches my upper arm from beside me. "Go on, get it over with." He groans.
"Elliot, it was your theory, not mine." I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow. I do feel sorry for him. He had his heart set on a son. "Maybe you'll get lucky next time." I pat him on the back as a gesture of sympathy. He's going to be surrounded by females - and if his daughters are anything like his wife, they'll be high maintenance for sure.
"I'm going to grab a beer, you want one?" He asks.
"No, I'm good." I want to steal Ana away for a few minutes. I scan the room and see her sitting on the sofa talking to Mom.
"Baby,". I nuzzle her neck from behind. "Can I steal you for a little bit?" I smile at Mom who's looks to be in Grandmother heaven. She is beaming from ear to ear.
Ana looks up at me curiously. I chuckle, I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm whipping her away for a quickie. I shake my head 'no', to which she frowns a little but stands anyway. Insatiable! The little minx wanted one.
I lead her to the kitchen and sit her down on one of the breakfast bar stools.
"Stay here, I'll be 10 seconds." She rolls her eyes at me and motions for me to get moving with her fingers. "Don't move." I growl then bolt through to Dads office and grab the box, opening it to make sure I have the right one, then skidding back through to the kitchen.
Ana giggles, watching amused as I come to a half in front of her.
"For you." I wrap her up in my arms and hold her tight, "thank you,"
Pulling away I hold out the box. She glances up at me, her mouth dropping open when she sees the little ring box. "I know how much you love rings, but I never buy you any because I want your wedding and engagements rings to be the only ones people see...but I don't mind sharing you with the children."
"Christian...I..." She opens the box slowly, looking into my eyes as she does. Her eyes flutter down and she gasps. "Oh my god... Christian it's beautiful." She mutters, her eyes wide with delight.
I take the box from her hand and take the white gold ring out. There is a pink stone in the middle and a blue one either side with tiny diamonds encrusted in the band. I take her right hand and slip it on her finger. It fits perfectly.
"I don't know what to say... Thank you..." She stutters, twisting her hand to inspect the ring a little closer. "Wow... I love it... I love you." She cups my face and tugs my lips to hers, her soft lips moving slowly against mine. "It's perfect." She whispers against my lips.
"Like you." I rest a hand on her stomach - above our son. "I love you so, so much."
"I can't believe we are having another boy, I was so sure it was going to be a girl." She murmurs.
"It's because i'm a god in bed." I laugh.
"What?" She giggles. "Where did you get that from?... I mean you're amazing in bed but..."
"Elliot had this theory that all the outstanding lovers have boys, don't ask me where he heard it from... But now he's having another girl..." I burst out laughing, oh that is funny. Elliot got played at his own game, that'll teach him for coming up with his bizzare theories.
"Ohhhh," Ana catches my drift. He's basically labelled himself a shit lover.
"Ohhh." I nod and have another chuckle to myself. "Poor bastard."
"Christian." Ana growls with a giggle. "Be nice."
"Shall we get you a piece of cake." I stroke her face with the back of my hand, my thumb running across her bottom lip.
"Mmm, yes please. Then I think we should get Teddy and Phoebe home, it's getting late." She wraps her arms around my waist and cuddles into my chest.
"The sooner we get them to bed the sooner I get to rearrange our furniture." I mumble against her hair, inhaling her delicious scent.
"Rearrange furniture?" She asks.
I place my hands on either side of her head and tilt her face to mine. "When we get home, I'm dropping our mattress to the floor and I'm going to fuck you until you fall asleep on me."
She visibly shudders with my words, her mouth parting so she can lick her lip. "Lets skip the cake." She whispers on a breath.
I give her a knowing smirk. "Does someone need seeing to?" I raise an eyebrow.
"I always need you." She grins lifting her thigh so she can rub her knee against my erection. I close my eyes and groan.
"You just want me for my body...admit it." I chuckle, nuzzling into her neck as she wraps herself around me.
"It's a mighty fine body." She moves in for a kiss, tilting her head and coaxing my mouth open with her tongue. She explores leisurely, making little whimpering sounds - oh she's suffering alright.
"We should get back." She pants.
"Yes you should." Carla's amused voice answers from behind us.
I clear my throat. "Uh hh. Carla." I jerk my neck uncomfortably. How much of that did she hear?
"When are you going to start calling me Mom?" Her words have me chewing my lip. Can I call someone else Mom? I mean I know she's my mother in-law but...
"Mom." I nod, the look on my face making her laugh. Well this is awkward.
"Off you go." She waves her hand in a twisting motion shooing me out of the room.
I look back at Ana who is giggling, her hand over her mouth. Rolling my eyes I stroll out and head back to the living room.
"Daddy, Daddy." Teddy hurls toward me like a hurricane. "Me hab fee cakes." He holds up 10 fingers.
"Three bits of cake?" I ask dramatically.
"Mmmm hmm me did. An Uncle Lelly gave me."
"Did he now?" I narrow my eyes at Elliot who lifts his hands up in a show of innocence.
"Daddy me wan go hoooomme." He tugs on my pants.
"Okay buddy. I know it's getting late. Let me get your sister." I walk over to Mom who is bouncing Phoebe on her knee. She gives me a gummy smile when she sees me.
"There's my Princess." I put my hand out and take her from Mom. "Hello beautiful." I nuzzle her nose with mine and kiss her face, every inch of it. God she melts my heart. Her huge eyes and little pouty lips - now she's going to have two brothers to help swat all the fuckers away when she's older. "You're just toooo cute. Yes you are." I blow raspberries on her chubby little cheeks. She snorts and starts pumping her legs up and down. "That's right princess, you're going to need to learn to kick... kick really hard, yes you are... We need to keep all the little pricks away from you don't we."
"Christian." Mom growls.
"What?" I kiss Phoebes little button nose.
"You're impossible." She scowls, shaking her head.
"Shall we go? Get you in bed?" I rub my cheeks over her hair.
She blows through her lips making them vibrate, "Da Da da."
"Daddy loves you.. Yes I do..." I mimic her lip blowing action.
"Come on Daddy, time to go." Ana presses her hand to my back and rests her head on my shoulder.
It's over an hour later - after hugs, kisses, congratulations and goodbyes - that we are pulling up at home.
Ana sorts Teddy for the night while I take Phoebe.
I place her gently in her crib, after giving her a bath - washing my shirt in the process, and dressing her in a pair of pink pyjamas adorned with yellow butterflies.
"Goodnight Princess." I run my hand through her chocolate locks.
"Da da dada." She lifts her arms up, her eyes smiling.
I look down on her with a smile - a smile reserved only for my 2 girls. "What's the matter baby, aren't you tired?"
"Daddda." How can I resist that. "You're going to get Daddy in trouble young lady." I pick her up and hold her to my chest. She smells like strawberries and cream. I take her down the landing and into our bedroom. I clutch her firmly and climb onto the bed, propping her up on my stomach so we can watch television. She lays with her back to me, bouncing her legs up and down as we flick through the channels. "What do you reckon Princess." She starts grizzling so I turn her over and lay her stomach down, her head resting on my chest. I rub her back with my hand and she relaxes instantly.
I turn the television off and throw the remote onto Ana's side of the bed. There is nothing but shit on.
"Mmmm." I wake with a grin.
"I seem to remember a promise of rearranging the furniture." She hums against my stomach, trailing kisses all over my skin.
"Fuck, Phoebe."
"In bed." She smiles, looking up at me through her thick lashes. "You looked so adorable curled up together, but I need servicing and you need to get this mattress on the floor."
"I'm sorry, baby." I mumble, still half asleep. "You shouldn't have had to carry her through." I lower my hand to her head and massage her scalp.
Her teeth graze my nipple before biting me. "Ahhh fuck." I growl, god that felt good.
I look up at her. She's naked - just the way I like her. "Thought I'd save us a few minutes." She bites down on her lip.
"I like the way you think." I push myself up and wrap my arms around her. She raises her mouth to mine and starts devouring me with possessive, needy strokes of her tongue.
"You, handsome husband, are wearing far to many clothes." She glides her hands up my chest and over my shoulders, pushing my already unbuttoned shirt down my shoulders.
Her breasts brush my chest as she reaches around to push my shirt further down my arms, instigating a surge of blood to my groin.
"You are so sexy." I growl from low in throat. She brushes her lips across mine.
"Take me."
"Get up. I want to fuck you good and proper."
She giggles and shuffles off the bed. I grasp the edge of the mattress firmly and pull it off the bed - sheets and all. Fuck it's heavier than I thought. I drag it completely off and let it thump to the floor.
"Your sex pad awaits, baby." I chuckle. She has her hand clamped over her mouth stifling a laugh and her eyes are lit up like Christmas.
She crouches down and crawls on, patting the space beside her.
I drop my pants and boxers, kicking them off and crawl on top of her, kissing all the way up leg, over her hip and up to her bump. Our son.
"Hello in there my boy." I kiss every inch of her belly, my hands resting on her hips. I turn my head and rest my ear against her skin. I don't know why I do it, I know I won't be able to hear anything. Ana's fingers weave through my hair, the pads of her fingers massaging my scalp.
"I love you." I whisper.
"I love you more." Ana breathes.
I turn my mouth back to her stomach and continue kissing her - her breasts, her collar bone, across her shoulder then up her neck to her mouth.
I nudge her knees apart with mine, lowering myself to my forearms then sink into her.
"Daddy's home." I chuckle.
Her gasp is cut short with a burst of loud laughter.
"Who's your Daddy?" She chokes, her laughter causing her stomach to tense and her walls to clamp around me. Oh that feels good.
I pull out, circling my hips then glide back in.
"Oooh hh." She moans. I keep my eyes firmly fixed on her. She's so fucking beautiful. Her mouth opens and her tongue darts out to glide over her lip. "That's so good." Her eyes flick up to meet mine as she moans with satisfaction.
Her face is flushed with desire and it makes my head spin. There is nothing more arousing to me than seeing my wife turned on.
I continue to work her, driving her into a state of pure ecstasy, my force strengthens and pace increases. Closing her eyes she tilts her chin up and lets out a low groan.
"Baby, look at me." I hiss through gritted teeth. "I want to watch you fall apart."
She draws a long breath and tilts her head back to mine. "Oh goddddd...I love you, I love you, I love you."
"Fucking hell baby, ahhhh, you feel...fuck you're amazing. I fucking love you." I pound into her and she screams, her hands slapping my back before dragging her nails down to my ass. She starts contracting around me, gasping and whimpering simultaneously. My body stills then jerks as her core milks me of every last drop. "Fuckk!" I hiss.
I drop my sweaty forehead to hers. She's all pants and shivers, taking short sharp breaths. "You completely consume me, baby," I murmur, kissing along her jaw and up to her ear.
"Ditto," her voice is raw and dripping with satisfaction.
I wrap my arms around Ana's shoulders and pull her back to my chest. "You okay?" I kiss the top of her head. She nods, her hand raising with a saddened wave as Ray drives down the driveway. It's just after lunch. We dropped Carla and Bob off at the airport this morning and now Rays gone. Ana's bound to be upset.
"I'm okay." She chokes.
"Why don't you pamper yourself this afternoon? You deserve it, baby."
"Pamper?" She sniffs.
"Get a masseuse in, get yourself one of those pregnancy massages." I suggest. She turns into my hold and rests her tearstained cheek on my chest.
"I was going to take Teddy to get some shoes." She mutters bringing her fingers up to play with the fabric of my t-shirt.
"I'll take him. He needs new shoes already?" I ask, didn't we buy him a couple of pairs just a few months ago?
"He's a growing boy, Christian. You really don't mind?"
"Of course not. You go organise a massage... Make sure who ever it..."
"No men." She giggles. "And Sawyer can have them sign an NDA. I know the drill."
"Good girl." I smack her bum and lead her into the house.
I get Teddy ready for our outing, dressing him in a pair of jeans and his new favourite t-shirt, blue with a helicopter on front. He's completely obsessed with helicopters since his trip in Charlie Tango and I couldn't be happier about it.
"Ready to go Son?"
"Yip, me am. Me gone get Helllicopterrr shoes. Me wan red ones or back ones wike uncle Lelly cos me wan ones with ting on akshy.
Like dis." He holds his hands up and starts moving his hands around. What the fuck? He lost me at Uncle Lelly.
"Wassup my main man." Elliot traipses into the living room and gives Teddy a high five. Teddy laughs and starts jumping up and down on the sofa.
"Teddy, don't do that please." I growl.
"What are you up to bro? Kate made me drive her over, her and Ana are getting pregnancy massages or something. Told her I could take care of that for her but noooo." He slurs the 'No' while rolling his eyes.
"Taking Teddy to get some new shoes."
"Me gon get shoes wike youuuuu." Teddy jumps of the sofa and into Elliot's arms. Jesus fucking Christ, the boy thinks he's superman. "You come Uncle Lelly. Pweeeease." Teddy screws up his face, begging dramatically.
"Like I'd miss out on seeing the Tedster buying shoes." Elliot scoffs jokingly.
"Whatever," I roll my eyes at him. "You can show me where you got your shoes so Teddy can get a pair." I look down at his sneakers. He's wearing a pair of blue and neon green nike trainers. Are those the shoes Teddy wants?
Elliot carries Teddy out to the SUV while I poke my head into the kitchen to let Ana know we are leaving.
"Kate." I nod and give her a polite smile. "We are off, baby." I wrap my arms around Ana from behind and kiss the top of her head.
"Okay. Have fun." She reaches forward and takes a sip of her juice. She's sitting at the breakfast bar talking with Kate who is strapping Ava into Phoebes high chair.
"That's it? That's all I get?" I breathe into her ear, my finger running along the nape of her neck.
She swivels on her stool with a grin. "I'm sorry, babe." She wraps her arms around my neck. "Don't be too long, I love you."
"That's better." I lean forward, resting my hands on the counter behind her and run my tongue along the crease of her lips. "I love you too, baby." I part my lips and kiss her properly.
"Mmm." She hums, her hands rising so she can fan her fingers through my hair. Her mouth opens to return my kiss eagerly, her tongue dancing with mine sensually.
"Fuck, you are making me hard." I breathe into her mouth. She gives me a quick peck then pulls away with a mischievous look in her eye.
"Are you sure you don't want me to take Phoebe?" I ask.
"No, it's fine. She going to have girl time with us when she wakes from her nap."
"Okay." I brush her hair from her face. "Love you." I give her another quick kiss then head out.
"Pull up over here." Elliot instructs.
"You are joking right?" I look out at the shoe store. It's huge. 'Shoe warehouse', it looks like a fucking supermarket.
"No." He scoffs.
"I'm not fucking going in there!"
"You asked me where I got my shoes!"
"Daddy, me wan Lelly shoes." Teddy yells from the back of the SUV. For fucks sake, the place is packed.
I curse under my breathe and pull into the carpark. "Fucking shoe warehouse."
"Stop being such a dick. This is where all us common folk shop."
I jump out of the car and open Teddys door, unbuckling him from his seatbelt then lifting him out.
"Hold my hand, Son." I take his hand, shut the doors and lock it with the key fob.
We walk across the lot and through the glass sliding doors.
"Daddddddddy." Teddy screams, yanking his hand from mine and bolting away.
"Teddy." I growl, but he is running across the foyer to the row of child size shopping carts. They are red, with tall yellow flag poles. Oh fuck me. He grabs one and runs it to me.
"Brrrrrm brrrrrrrrm." He makes car noises as he snakes the cart side to side. "Look, Daddy, Look!" The enthusiasm in his voice is evident.
"Wow, look at that. You get your own shopping cart!" I try to sound as enthusiastic as him. "Don't run away again okay!" I add.
"Kay Daddy. Look Uncle Lelly."
"Jump in little man, Uncle Lelly will take you for a spin."
"Don't even think about it." I narrow my eyes at Elliot. "How old are you?"
"Age is only a number Bro...Sorry Ted, Dad's a grumpy ass today."
"Watch your fucking mouth." I hiss quietly.
"Sorry Teddy, Donkey, Dad is being a Donkey." Elliot laughs.
"Wike pooh bear?" Teddy asks innocently as I lead him into the main store.
"Yeah, something like that." Elliot chuckles but quickly stops when I narrow my eyes at him again.
This place is enormous. Aisle after aisle of shoes.
"So where's the section you got your shoes?" I stop and ask Elliot as I look around.
"Bro," he looks at me like I'm clueless. "How about we try the children's section?"
"Which is...where exactly?" I look around.
"Well we aren't going to find it just standing here are we?" He starts walking down an aisle. Teddy takes off after him, pushing his trolley like a bat out of hell.
"Sorry." I shrug apologetically as he whirls past a lady.
"Control your... Oh ...my." Her hand flies up to her chest when she looks up and me and she nearly stumbles backwards onto the shelving.
"Boys will be boys." She mumbles, her hand still spread over her chest. Her eyes are wide and scanning over me.
"Uh, yeah. My apologies." I run off after Teddy and catch him by his t-shirt.
"You Mister, need to slow down and watch where you're going! You nearly hit someone. Don't make me take you home." I growl.
"Sorry Daddy." He pouts.
"I mean it Teddy. Slowly."
"Kay." He smiles, "me fine shoes now." He skips off down the aisle. "Brrrrrmmmm, brrrm, brrrrrm."
"God fucking help me." I mutter following closely behind him.
We find the children's section at the other end of the store. Fucking typical that they would have it the furthest away it could possibly be. As if taking a hyperactive toddler shopping is bad enough, they make you prolong the process by having to walk them miles just to get there.
"See anything you like?" I ask Teddy.
"Me wan deees ones." He points to a pair of blue flip flops.
"Okay, well what size are you?"
"Um me big boy." He states proudly.
"Elliot try these on him while I phone Ana."
I pull out my phone and dial home. She takes forever to answer
"Mmmm, hellooo." She purrs, fuck me!
"Well Helloooo to you too." I chuckle.
"Remind me to thank you for suggesting this.. Ohhhh that's good." She moans.
"Baby, I'm in the middle of the children's section at a shoe store, mind keeping the moans to a minimum? And you'll be thanking me alright!"
"Sorrrrry. Everything okay?"
"What size is Teddy, and what kind of shoes does he need? He's wanting flip flops."
"Oooooh god. Um, try a 9 or 10 and he needs sneakers. Baby, he never wears flip flops, if you buy them they'll only sit in his closet. Mmmmmm."
"Okay baby, enjoy the rest of your massage, and none of that happy ending shit."
She giggles. "Only you would think of that! Get your mind out of the gutter."
"Baby, my mind was in the gutter the second I thought of phoning you. Bye beautiful."
"Love you."
"Love you too, baby." I hang up.
"Perfect fit." Elliot stands after find a pair that fit him.
"Me no wike these." Thank god because we need sneakers.
"How about we look down here?" I lead him down to the sneakers.
"Mmm hmm me wan dees." He nods.
"Which ones do you like?"
"Ummmmm." His eyes look over all of the pairs. He tilts his head from side to side, purses his lips, walks further down the aisle then walks back up. "Me no wike." He pouts. "Me wan those." He points up at a mannequin that's dressed like a fucking clown with fire engine red rain boots on.
"Um...no." I screw my face up.
"But me wan them Daddy." He pouts. I inhale deeply and pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Mommy said we have to get sneakers, Son." That's right, put it on Ana - my subconscious scowls at me in disgust.
"Mommy no say dat, Mommy say hab fun."
"What about these?" I hold up a pair of white sneakers with blue laces."
"Me no wike tight, Daddy."
"How do you know they are tight? Try them on."
"No, tight." He says dramatically, tugging on the laces. "Me no wike tight."
"Maybe he means he doesn't laces because they are too tight?" Elliot muses out loud.
"I guess, all his sneakers usually have the velcro strap." I scan the shelves for sneakers that aren't lace up.
"Here, what about these? I think these are pretty cool." I say with enthusiasm, trying to spark an interest.
He shakes his head and turns around. "Dees ones." I turn around as he's pulling a pair off the shelf.
"Teddy those are girl shoes." I eye up the white and purple high tops.
"Shall we see if we can find them in black or blue?"
"Ummm ello."
"Yellow?" He nods. Oh fuck me? Really? Yellow high tops?
"Come on then." We turn back to the boy side and look for the high tops. As I suspected there are no yellow high tops. "I like the black ones." I hold them up for him.
"Okay, Daddy by them for Daddy." He smiles, well that didn't work.
"I meant for you Teddy. Don't you like them?"
"Me no wike, cos me wike the ones with the fingys." What the fuck is a fingy?
"Okay, well just choose a pair Teddy."
He resumes looking up and down the aisle. I sit down on metal seat and watch as he inspects all the shoes.
"Teddy, what about these?" Elliot holds up a pair of fawn coloured boat shoes.
"Mmmm. Me no wike." Teddy screws up his face.
"Just choose a pair Teddy... Any pair." Fuck we've been in here for what seems like hours.
"Is there anything I can help you with today?" A young female sales assistant in a bright blue polo asks.
"Just looking for shoes." I sigh.
"Anything in particular?"
"Any thing at this point is better than nothing." I groan. I slap my hand on my knees and push myself up.
"Seen anything Teddy?"
"Dees." He picks up a pair of sneakers that look like cars.
"Shall we try them on?" I take them from him, aware of the sales assistant creeping up behind me. Fuck off!
He climbs onto the seat I just vacated and pulls his shoes off with an exaggerated grunt, he sends them hurling behind him.
"Teddy." I growl. He wiggles his feet and lets me slip the car shoes on. Okay, this is good, we are making progress.
"Perfect, shall we get them?"
"Um...no. Cos me no wike them."
"Shall I bring a selection for him to try on?" The sales assistant crouches beside me - too close for comfort and look into my eyes, her tongue swiping her lip.
"We are fine." I stand up, and back away.
"My Daddy be a donkey." Teddy sighs, like the thought on his father being a donkey is both frustrating and tiring.
"Teddy. Enough." I growl trying to stop his running mouth before he gets started.
"My Mommy hab a baby, and it be wike cookie monsa and me eat him."
"For fucks sake." I groan. "Teddy!"
"You be nawty Daddy. My Daddy go nawty corner." He informs the sales assistant before pushing himself off the seat with a grunt and grabbing my hand. Elliot is laughing silently and the sales girl is looking on astonished.
He drags me down to a seat further away and pushes me down. "You be nawty,". He huffs.
"Teddy." I groan rubbing my face. "Yes, Daddy said a naughty word and I apologise for that... But Daddy wasn't happy because you were telling the Lady things that you shouldn't be telling her." I take his hand in mine and pull him onto my lap. "We don't tell people we don't know about things that happen at home, because those things are special things for only us to know, no one else."
"Okay Daddy." Teddy responds in a way that tells me he wasn't really listening.
"Go find some shoes. Uncle Elliot will help you." I groan and bury my face in my hands. I'm more than happy to sit in time out if it means I can relax for a few minutes.
"And my Daddy gives my Mummy babies like cookie monsa when he eats her face."
Someone fucking shoot me!
"Teddy!" I growl fiercely. I shake my head in frustration and pull my phone from my pocket to phone Ana.
"Hi babe." She answer quickly this time.
"Baby, I'm giving Teddy 15 minutes to choose a pair of shoes before I drag him home without any. I want you waiting for me... on our 'fuck' mattress." I whisper the end of the sentence.
"I take it you are having fun?" She giggles.
"There is nothing funny about our son telling a sales assistant that Daddy gives Mommy Cookie Monster babies when he eats her face!" I groan.
She bursts into laughter. "Sounds like Daddy needs Mommy to give him a happy ending massage." She purrs.
"Fucking hell, five minutes, that's all he's getting. See you soon, baby."
I hang up. "I'm giving you five minutes to choose a pair of shoes Teddy, then we are going home."
With 17 seconds to spare he finally settles on a pair of navy blue high tops with velcro straps instead of laces.
"Looking good Teddy." Elliot wiggles his eyebrows as Teddy walks to the car sporting his new shoes.
"Me look goooood. Me big boy." He wiggles his eyebrow back. I chuckle to myself. I can see it now, Teddy is going to grow up with Elliot's quirky personality.
"Daddy, me need new jack it too. We go get one?"
Oh no! I'm leaving the shopping to Ana from now on.