'you should never fight your feelings.'
Sister Julienne had been welcoming, she'd shown Shelagh to her office and sat her down. It had been a very long time since she'd seen the young woman as who she really was but she remembered the day she joined them as though it was yesterday. She'd been very young barely even 20 years old. She was shy but clearly very good at being a nurse. She was gentle, and quiet and patients trusted her undoubtedly.
She remembered how Shelagh had sat across from her on that day, her hair had been longer and lighter in colour and it had cascaded over her shoulders. Her Scottish accent was much thicker having only just come to London. She remembered how she'd asked her why she had left Scotland. Shelagh said she had no family to speak of, she wasn't needed there. Her calling was to be in Poplar. She was right there, she was needed. The National Health had just started and there was a high demand for trained nurses.
She'd grown close to 'Sister Bernadette' over the years after that, thought of her almost as if she was her daughter and took her under her wing, giving her guidance when possible. Until recently she thought her sister was happy but then she'd come to her sounding so upset, so unsure it had broken her heart. She didn't know how to help her. When her TB was discovered it only made it harder.
She'd prayed with her sisters and she'd prayed alone for Sister Bernadette's recovery. For the first weeks in which her Sister had been away she'd struggled to hide her worries from the others, but as time went on she got better at it. She kept her faith.
When Sister Bernadette had asked her to visit she had a feeling what it was about and when her sister had explained that she didn't believe the religious life was her calling any more it was difficult to hear but she could see that she was obviously unhappy. The last thing she would do was talk her into staying in a life that made her upset, so she said whatever she decided she would support her, but she must be sure of what she wants. Sister Julienne knew what it was like to question your feelings, to question whether you made the right choice, for her those thoughts had passed and it made her certain she'd done the right thing. They had not for her Sister...
Shelagh filled out the forms she needed to and handed over her ring all without saying much. When they had stood in front of one enough ready to say goodbye she found she could no longer keep up the brave face she had on. Instinctively, in a mother-like fashion Sister Julienne had hugged the younger woman and Shelagh hugged her in return. This wasn't goodbye forever and they both knew that but it was the end of something. With every end comes a new beginning. But what was that new beginning?
Shelagh stepped back slowly, her gaze meeting that of Sister Julienne's, who's eyes brimmed with tears just like her own.. "Sister, I'm so sorry..."
Sister Julienne shook her head. "My dear child, you should not apologise when you have done nothing wrong." She took Shelagh's hands and gave her a comforting smile. "Yes I am sad to see you leave here but I want you to be happy and I hope you will find happiness out there."
"Thank you Sister, for everything."
"It has been a pleasure..."
Shelagh then left the office and the moment the door was shut she lent her back against it, unaware Sister Julienne was doing the same thing of the other side of the door. She breathed deeply wiping her eyes. She had found her happiness, she'd found a family but Sister Julienne and the other sisters at Nonnatus had been her family a long time. She knew she was making the right choice, for the first time in her life she was dong something for herself but that didn't stop the sadness she felt about leaving them and Sister Bernadette behind. They'd made her into who she was. Stop it, she told herself, you're acting as though you'll never seem them again. She was starting over, but hoped her sisters would still be part of her life, she knew they would be.