Chapter 1: Dreaming
Gail
I tried desperately to convince myself that yesterday hadn't happened, that it had all been a dream. That my friends were not fighting for their lives, that I didn't have a mental breakdown in Holly's bathroom. That's The hard part though, ignoring her warm presence behind me quickly grew impossible. Holly's breath against my skin, her arms wrapped tight around my waist, I tried my best to stay still, to pretend to still be sleeping. I knew Holly had woken up during my internal monologue, she nuzzled my shoulder and pulled me tighter against her as her breaths started a new pattern.
"You ok?" Holly mumbled against my skin her lips stirring something deep inside me. "Peachy" I watched her hand move slowly lacing her fingers with mine. "Better." I let out, leaning back against her, Holly had a 6th sense for what I needed. "Are you ok?" Holly asked again as I rolled onto my back, turning to face her, studying her face before settling my head on her shoulder. "I was hoping it had all been a dream." I admitted fixing my gaze on our joined hands. "Oh" Holly let out a sigh before quickly removing her hand from mine, instantly I missed the contact. "I didn't mean that." I my arms around her trying to comfort her, to prove that I would never regret my actions with her.
"I wish I had been there to keep Oliver safe." My lips brushed against Holly's neck, I normally avoided this type of intimacy, but it felt natural with her. "Gail." Holly sounded concerned; I could almost hear picture her expression, the same one that donned her face when she found me on her bathroom floor. Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed her neck. "I know that I can't change what happened, the whole hind sight issue. I wonder what would have happened if I had been there though." I lost my train of thought as Holly's fingers ran up and down my back. The contact made my mind go blank for a moment, I took several breaths before trying to speak again. " I wouldn't change kissing you in the interrogation room." I smiled when I felt Holly relax below me, I chanced at her face, wanting to know her thoughts. "I'm sorry for the way" Holly quickly silenced my apology by leaning down and kissing me. Her lips were soft against mine, I knew I would never get used to the feeling kissing her. "Stop overthinking." She breathed pulling away slightly as her hand moved under my shirt to rest against the small of my back.
"I thought I had dreamed last night." I sucked on my lower lip when she pulled away, her warm eyes meeting mine. "Why?" Holly asked, her eyes searching mine, as if she could see every part of me. "I've dreamed about it before, kissing you that is." I closed the distance between us again tenderly pressing my lips to hers. This didn't fell like the first time I had woken up in her arms, kissing her, her hands on my skin. If felt as if we had done this a million times over, that somehow it had always been this way and I was just now taking notice.
"What time is it?" Holly asked breaking the kiss, I couldn't help but return the smile that had appeared on her lips. I quickly glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to her glasses. "10." I smiled snuggling closer to her. "You need to leave for shift soon, don't you?" Holly's voice gave away her worry. "yeah, at 3." I watched her simply nod, trying not to give away her worry.
"I'm sorry about last night." I ran my fingers through my cropped hair, I desperately wanted to bring her smile back. "I'm sorry for having a breakdown in your bathroom, and I'm sorry for hogging the covers." I could not contain the soft laugh that escaped my lips as Holly's signature lopsided smile appeared. Holly had gone to great lengths to make me feel normal. That the previous night's events hadn't been confusing or uncomfortable considering the short amount of time we had been friends. God, why did that happen here of all places, with her, why did she witness that, and why had she been calm and loving.
"Gail, I'm here to catch you whenever you need to jump out of your tree." Holly let out a soft laugh before kissing my forehead. "I should clean your bathroom." I cringed, remembering the discarded bottle of rum, my hair all over the floor, the tub, the sink, the scissors, I had not only made a fool of myself, but I had made a mess of Holly's otherwise neat bathroom. "Don't worry about it." She smiled and pulled the covers over both of us. "Where do we go from here?" I laced my fingers with hers again, missing them wrapped around me. "where do you want to go?" Holly breathed; I could tell she wasn't looking forward to the list of possible answers. Considering up until 18 hours ago I had been her straight friend, my desire to kiss her and to touch her had grown insatiable in less than a day.
The truth is, I'm not sure what I want this to be, I've never let my walls crumble this way, I've never let myself feel this way. "This." I decided as I turned to kiss her, trying my best to take it slow, to keep it calm and steady. "mhmmm." I involuntarily moaned, feeling her hand against my back again. I loved that feeling, as much as I wanted to feel her everywhere I pulled back, my thoughts had gone completely NC-17. "I'm sorry." Holly muttered as I burrowed my head into the crook of her neck, breathing her in, trying desperately to hide my flushed face. Holly smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, subtle and comforting. "I don't know exactly. This feels right, and I want to be here, but I'm not really girlfriend material." I nestled against her feeling myself start to drift back to sleep. "This must be a dream too." I sighed against her neck before closing my eyes.
There is this feeling right before you fall into deep sleep, the sinking feeling of putting your feet in warm sand and listening to the waves crash against the shore. Holly's warmth enveloped me and seeped into my bones, she became my moment in the sun before I fell back into my dream. I knew this was different, I knew this was better. For the first time my feelings didn't scare me, I could be open and vulnerable with Holly, I no longer needed my barricades. "I want you." I whispered as I sunk into my dreams.
"Gail." Holly sat next to me on the bed, her voice just above a whisper. "No." I burrowed under the covers causing her to laugh. "You are going to be late for parade." I decided instantly that I liked the sound of her laugh. "Why did you get out of bed?" I missed her warmth and the smell of her skin, the bed felt less inviting without her. "its past 1 pm" Holly moved the covers from my face slowly, she smiled when our eyes met. "You didn't work." I sat up suddenly feeling guilty for sleeping so long. "It's my day off." Her eyes were searching mine as I ran my fingers through my hair, momentarily surprised by the nonexistent length. "I like your short hair." Holly smiled, sensing my uneasiness and the fact that I felt foolish for cutting off all my hair. "It's going to take me a while to grow into it." I shrugged, trying to tame the chunks that I knew were standing straight up. "I'll be downstairs, I'm working on an article." Holly quickly kissed my forehead before standing up and exiting the room.
I stripped out of Holly's borrowed pajamas and put my clothes from the previous day back on before venturing downstairs towards the kitchen. Now that I was upright and moving around I could feel the lingering effects of the alcohol, the only surefire way to cure my hangover would be near caffeine overdose . The only issue is I didn't know where the coffee makings were stored in the kitchen. I had only been here twice, last night and the night that I called Holly from the hospital after the grow op bust, neither of them is my prime examples of respectable behavior.
"Babe!" the word escaped my lips without my permission, I had never used terms of endearment in past relationships, calling Holly babe though felt right. I felt her press into my back quickly wrapping her arms around my waist before I could correct myself. "I like the way that sounds." Holly murmured, her warm breath tickling my ear, I turned to kiss her properly. "Me too." I pulled back licking my lips, watching her eyes flutter open. "But coffee." I pouted remembering why I had occupied her kitchen, why I had called out for her. "Of course." she laughed, reaching behind me to press the buttons on a machine I would never have guessed to be the coffee maker. Once I heard the water flow through the machine and took it as my queue to kiss her, closing the distance between our lips once again.
"Want me to drive you to work?" Holly asked, fixing my collar as she pulled away, the kiss had quickly escalated again. "I don't want to take you away from your article, I can call Tracie." I quickly reached into my pocket for my phone, about to text Tracie when Holly placed her hand over the screen. "I need a break, can I drive you to work?" she asked again holding out a steaming tumbler of coffee. "Please?" I smiled, taking the cup and breathing in the fumes, convinced that the smell had calmed my soul and cured my hangover. "Thank you."
"Had I known that kissing you would make you say please and thank you, I would have done it a long time ago." She shook her head at me before turning to the island behind us to grab her keys. "Mostly just the coffee." I sipped the coffee, feeling it hit all the right spots before I walked out the door grinning at the annoyed expression on her face. It still felt like the best dream I had, it didn't seem probable for me to feel this good about being with anyone. "Also, in case you weren't aware, I kissed you." I stated when she appeared at the driver's side door of her jeep. "Minor detail." Holly sighed while pulling on her seat belt. "pft, big detail." I laughed, leaning over to kiss her cheek before she pulled out of her parking space and drove towards the station.