Chapter 6: Worrying
Holly
Gail and I have had a total of two fights in the 5 months we had been together, which is assuring considering Gail often referred to herself as a cat in a tree. We've had the we are having fun fight from the penny the night she met my friends Lisa and Rachel. That fight ended with the angry your my girlfriend, we're not friends, this is more than "fun" makeup sex. The second fight had been the You did an autopsy on me in your sleep Fight. Which had been amusing, ordinarily I couldn't control my curiosity, and when I had a bone I ran with it. That fight had ended with the when I'm ready I'll tell you ok? makeup sex.
By the way Gail glared at me, I knew my gaze had started fight number three. "really?" Gail eyed me, still holding her shirt in her hands. We had just arrived back to her place from an early dinner before she started the night shift. "Why won't you just tell me?" I asked, glancing at the scar on her hip. This would be the it's been months, let me in fight. The scar both intrigued me as well as terrified me, I knew the dangers of being a cop, I saw what people were capable of every day. "Holly, drop it ok, I'm not in the mood, If I wanted to tell you, you would know!" Gail pulled her shirt on quickly turning away from me, she had just toped the angry version of Gail I had been confronted with before. The cut had been deep, by the color I could tell it hadn't been there 2 years ago, and obviously fixed with multiple stitches. She squirmed every time I kissed it, tensed when I touched it, and brushed me off when I question it.
"it's no longer a baby?" I asked, rolling my eyes at her back as she stuffed a change of clothes into her work bag. In the last three months the only time she called me Holly or Dr. Stewart had been when other officers were around on a scene of in the lab. "yeah, right now its Holly." Gail barked kicking her bedroom door open and storming out. In the months we had been together, we had made an equal effort to spend time at the frat house and my place. Gail would be wasting money on her share of the rent otherwise, and neither of us were ready for the living together step in this relationship.
"Babe!" I called after her only to be met by the sound of her front door slamming. "Fuck." I muttered and quickly pulled my shoes on. This was not how I had planned this evening to ed, up until she caught me staring at the stupid scar it had been great. "Everything ok?" Chloe asked as her head popped into the room with the signature bounce in her step. Much to Gail's amusement, I could only deal with her in small doses before her voice became grating and her pep made me motion sick, that women never stood still. "yeah, just a disagreement." I played it off and left the apartment, being there was weird without my girlfriend. Sure, I had spent enough time with her friends to start calling them my own friends, on the other hand, we definitely hadn't reached the stage in those relationships to hang out without Gail around.
Dr. Hot Stuff: I'm sorry :) (can you feel my puppy dog eyes)
It had been 2 days since Gail had left me alone in her room, and 4 hours since my last text, which like the other 5 had gone unanswered, as did my e-mail, and 2 voicemails. We had officially breached the longest amount of time we had gone without as much as a text message. Even after she walked out of the penny she returned my first few texts before she asked me to leave her alone for a while.
My last resort would be to start sending "I'm sorry" flowers to work, to the frat house, and downright stalking her. My world wasn't right without her, I felt off balance and unable to catch my breath. I started imagining something bad had happened, she always replied, even if we were fighting. Dov, Chris, Andy, or Tracie would tell me right!? Maybe I should start texting them in a few hours if I hadn't heard from Gail.
I tried to focus on work, there were cases to be solved, criminals to be caught, and the public to be protected…But the pixie cut blonde plagued my thoughts. Why did I fixate on the stupid scar on her hip? Could it be that she refused to tell me, or that the doctor in me wanted to make a diagnosis.
My phone chirped and I nearly face planted during my frenzy to answer it, my heart hoped it Gail had finally made contact. That my constant thought of her had telepathically transferred my apology and she would let me right my wrongs, the radio silence was driving me insane.
You can cuff me anytime: Just a heads up
You can cuff me anytime: Steve's on his way to find you
The two messages accompanied by Gail's picture quickly brought a smile to my lips, she had finally responded. My smile disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, her messages made me panic, she was hurt, and Steve would be coming to drive me to the hospital. Every worst-case scenario started running through my head, shootings, stabbings, fights, possibly a car accident. Why did I push her to the point of walking out? My palms started sweating, I felt my pulse quicken, my mind began to race. Unlike when Gail and I started sexting, No, i feared that she had been hurt in the line of duty, I started feeling dizzy.
Dr. Hot Stuff: Are you ok?
Somehow, I had managed to type that out with only one question when I had a million to ask. I had to stop myself from calling Steve and demanding an update on Gail, was she ok, how bad is the damage, what hospital did they take her too. My phone vibrating in my hand brought me out of my internal panic attack.
You can cuff me anytime: Dandy, stuck in a van on surveillance with Trace…May just kill myself by blunt force trauma to the temple with my phone if she doesn't shut up soon.
I laughed at that, typical Gail response. She had replied, a positive sign right, it showed that she wasn't angry. Maybe she didn't hate me? We weren't over? A million new questions came to mind as I read and reread her text message trying to find a hiding fuck off holly in it. I couldn't find it though, then again Gail had mastered the art of brushing people off.
Dr. Hot Stuff: I like your new name in my phone :)
Maybe that will lighten the mood a little, I hadn't noticed the name until after our dinner the other night, until I tried desperately to apologize. The new picture came as a bonus, Gail in my bathtub the bubbles barely covering her body. The picture brought back happy memories, I remember taking that picture of her after a particularly stressful day.
You can cuff me anytime: I can't keep texting, Bye.
And there's the brush off, feeling a little relieved that she responded, those responses did nothing to clear the dark cloud following me around. I needed to stop touching, kissing, and asking about the fucking scare that had caught and ignited my curiosity.
"Holly, can I talk with you for a moment?" Steve stood in the doorway to the lab, he appeared to be overly calm, the way he would enter the room before an interrogation. "Is everything ok?" I asked, trying to hide my panic. Gail had said was in a van with Tracie, that didn't ease my mind much, after all Van could after all be code for an ambulance.
"Just came by to chat." Steve shrugged sauntering around the room for a moment. In the few times I had been around Steve, it had become apparent that as siblings, Gail and Steve were eerily alike. While Steve was naturally open and Gail more closed off, there were almost the same person. Their instant could cause whiplash, and always having a private conversation of half words and sentences that no one could follow. "ok?" I eyed him setting my phone down, giving him my full attention. I sat on the stool in the middle of a room near an empty exam table, I didn't trust my feet to walk the 20 steps to my office.
"I've been told to deliver this." Steve set a file on the table between us, he rested his hand on top keeping it near him. "Holly, my sister has feeling for you that she isn't quite ready to say aloud just yet." Steve ran his fingers along the edges of the file, he wouldn't meet my gaze. "I'm also pretty sure you have the same feelings." he met my eyes causing me to blush, I did have a feeling, ,our current situation though made me feel less obliged to express them to Steve. "My sister" Steve started "Gail" he sighed, looking at the metal table between us.
"Gail's been through so much, our parents aren't the most loving people, not how people expect affection to be shown at least." Steve seemed torn between explaining their childhood to me, or leaving that for Gail to divulge at her own time, if she ever talked to me again. Gail rarely talked about her high-ranking parents, for good reason I assumed, the few times they had come up in conversation she had never said anything positive in their regard. "They showed their love and support through pushing us down a path of honor in our family, and that has been a shoving match with Gail." Steve picked at the edges of the folder and removed his hand.
"This file, this is Gail's file that she asked me to lift off of my mother." Steve eyed the folder suspiciously. I knew he was protective of Gail but I had never seen this side of him, the glare matching Gail's watt for watt. "It holds her past inside, and if you're not willing to stick with her." His hand covered the file again, I couldn't meet his eyes. "if you're not planning on this being more than "fun" you better tell me so I can take this back with me." He moved to ensure his eyes locked with mine.
Steve seemed conflicted, trying to decide whether to leave the file with me to read, or take it with him and tell Gail to deal with it on her own. "If you read this and use it against her, as a reason to leave her, so help me, I will make your life hell." Steve inched the file closer to me before pulling it back to him, as if playing some game. "Do you understand that?" Steve asked, his voice has the same sharp bite that Gail conjured when faced with stressful situations. "Steve?" I met his eyes fed up with being treated like a fling or the prime suspect. "I'm in love with Gail, I want to protect her from the world and to prove that I'm in this for the long haul." I could feel my eyes water up, tears threatening to flow over, everything regarding my current situation frustrated me.
"Holly, I like you, I like the person Gail grew into once she found you." Steve sighed, running his fingers over the confidential stamp ontop of the folder. "Just, please, don't break her." his voice cracked, I could tell he was holding back, Steve couldn't hide his emotions as well as Gail. "You have the power to wreck her, in case you weren't aware. You leaving her, that would ruin whatever heart she has left after what she has been through, I not so sure she would come back from that." Steve pushed the folder to me before gripping the edge of the exam table. "She's animated when she talks about you, she isn't pushing people away, she's been pulling us in, and we have you to thank for that." Steve's eyes were heavy with tears he tried to blink away. "Don't break her." He shook his head before walking out of my lab. I sat staring at the folder on the table, feeling as if Steve had placed a bomb in my lab, too terrified to move, to touch it, afraid that everything would implode around me.
I had been sitting on my couch for over an hour, eyeing the folder on my coffee table, the way a person would watch a suspicious dog that could strike. After Steve left I called my boss and told him I needed the rest of the day off for personal reasons, I quickly packed up my belongings, the folder, and went home. I knew I wouldn't be completing any work, aware that everything I wanted to know about Gail had been written on paper only a few meters away.
My subconscious had convinced me that opening the file would be comparable to opening Pandora 's Box, that by reading the text I would be unleashing chaos into the world, that I wouldn't to feel the same. I'm 100% positive Gail had my heart, I hadn't told her that just yet, I knew my heart was hers, it had been hers since she called me her girlfriend. "Come on holly, It can't be that bad." I shrugged picking up the file and pushing my glasses up my nose, here goes nothing sounded on repeat in my head.
Just as I thumbed the edge of the folder to flip it open, my phone chirped alerting me of a text message. A sense of relief fell over me knowing I had a distraction preventing me from opening the file. It didn't matter that Gail had asked Steve to bring the file to my office, that she wanted me to read it, I still felt like I was invading her privacy, reading her personal journal, violating her trust.
When I checked my phone I had 6 unread texts, I had been focused on the file sitting on my coffee table long enough, that my phone had gone unnoticed. I quickly typed in my password and opened my texts folder. I had two messages from Tracie, and a message each from Dov, Steve, Chris and Gail, I clicked on the first message from Dov just to clear the notification on my screen, and partly to give me time to prepare for the plethora of texts Gail could have sent.
Officer Epstein: CAN YOU AND GAIL KISS AND MAKEUP NOW? SHE 'S DRIVING US CRAZY
DET. T. Nash: Gail's using "medical jurisprudence" in her everyday banter, just and FYI
Tracie's text brought me back to the day I met Gail, the gorgeous blonde cop with striking blue eyes. I couldn't forget that image if I tried. Not that I wanted to, She didn't care that I needed to collect evidence, she just wanted me to stop rambling on her. Looking back, I'm amazed that we became friends so quickly.
DET. T. Nash: What's up with you and Gail, did you break up?
Officer Diaz: I know Gail can be difficult at times. I hope you won't let this get in the way. You make her happy, don't give up.
Steve: Don't read the file if you don't plan to do the right thing Holly.
I couldn't put into words how frustrated I felt, her friends were giving me the talk, Steve treating me like a prime suspect hadn't been enough apparently. I wanted to reply to each message telling them that my relationship with Gail would not be a topic for discussion and to leave me alone. I quickly opened the last message I had from Gail, the reason I had picked up my phone to begin with.
You can cuff me anytime: I know Steve gave you the file, once you've read all of my secrets, and you decide it's still worth it, give me a call.
Gail's text made me sad; she thought words on a page would change the last few months with us. That her brother's threats and her friend's threats could rip us apart. It hurt to know that she was unsure of my feelings for her, that she hadn't figured out that I had fallen madly and irrevocably in love with her.
Dr. Hot Pants: Please just call me Gail, I need to talk to you, we can talk this out.
Dr. Hot Pants: Also, any camaraderie I had with your friends and your brother has gone down the drain, I'm sure they all hate me.
I stared at my phone for another 10 minutes, Gail did not respond to my last text, I figured it would continue until I told her I had read the file. Which felt as if it had gained a million pounds now that it sat on my lap. I guess to learn about the people you love, you should trust the way they teach you. I moved from my living room to my bedroom convincing myself that my bed would be a better place to settle in and read the novel labeled in bold red letters: Gail Peck CONFIDENTIAL
PG. 1.
Gail Peck
Officer of the 15th Division started 2010 2nd in class.
Mother: Superintendent Elaine Peck
Father: Inspector Bill Peck
Siblings: Steven Peck
Age: 28 (2014)
Rank: 2nd Class Constable
Salary: $81,560.00 Annually
Description: 170 CM, Blonde, Blue Eyes, Caucasian
Alias: N/A
ICE contact: Bill or Elaine Peck
Badge Number: 8727 Toronto Police
Affiliation: Metropolitan Police Service Division 15