ON THE RECORD
HOLLY
For the second morning in a row, I woke up on an uncomfortable couch alone instead of in my bed with Gail. After the Peck showdown last night I had only planned to calm my nerves, I definitely did not intend to fall asleep in my office. The murky gray sky outside my office window signaled the early morning, the sun had just started its ascent bring with it a new day. My glasses sat near a glass of water and a note on the coffee table, the quilt from our bedroom had been draped over my lap. Gail had checked on me at some point last night.
You were too peaceful to wake up. 3 G.
I took my time smoothing my hair and discarding the button up shirt I had worn to last night's ambush, I had a strong urge to burn everything I had been wearing; Gail liked my jeans too much to allow for that though. After watching the sky turn a pale blue, a color that reminded me of Gail's eyes, I decided to venture out into the house. The smell of bacon and pancakes flooded my senses, reminding me of Saturday mornings when I lived at home.
"Morning Doc." My dad smiled from the kitchen tending to the griddle. "Dad." I yawned, glancing around the room, trying to determine if all of this was an elaborate dream. "Gail went to grab us coffee and syrup you were out of both." My dad pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "What are you doing here?" I asked as my mom walked out of the guestroom, her hair damp and braided, wearing a loose sweater and sweats. "Gail called us last night; she told us what happened at dinner and what her mother told you." My mom sat at the counter giving me a once over with concerned eyes. I tried my best to stretch my sore muscles, making a note to buy new couches, the two that we had were unforgiving, I suddenly felt guilty for allowing our friends to spend the night on them.
"It's time for us to talk Holly." My mom sighed, glancing towards the door when I heard Gail come in. "About what mom?" I asked, waiting for Gail to walk into the kitchen; I could hear her shoes being kicked into the wall and her keys clattering on the vanity, tell tail signs of her arrival home. "Coffee and Syrup." Gail walked into the kitchen holding out a grocery bag, her sweats hung low on her hips, her hoodie failed to meet the waistband leaving 2 inches of her hips and stomach exposed. "Thank you." my dad smiled, taking the bag from Gail and quickly busying himself preparing coffee and finishing breakfast.
"Morning." Gail stared down shyly shoving her hands into the pocket of her hoodie, her disheveled hair brought a smiled to my lips; I had fallen in love with the utmost adorable person on the planet. "Morning." I wrapped my arms around her taking a moment to let her smell calm my nerves, I felt guilty for abandoning her for the second night in a row. "What is it that you need to tell me mom?" I asked, letting Gail turn to face her before pulling her back against me, needing the contact to center me. Two nights sleeping without her in my arms felt weird, for 6 months we had shared my bed nearly every night. "Everything Doc." My mom watched Gail and me before standing up and walking back towards the guestroom, her and my father were reluctant to meet my gaze. "Shannon, we will eat breakfast first!" My dad called watching the coffee machine percolate, his voice felt hollow lacking all warmth and depth I typically felt listening to him.
"I should let you guys talk, I'll be at Steve's if you need me." Gail turned and brushed my hair out of my face, her eyes searching mine, her eyes holding apology from last night. Gail blamed herself for subjecting me to her mother's condemnatory behavior, I read the somberness of her eyes, the way she wouldn't truly meet my gaze. "Please stay, I need you here." I leaned forward to kiss her, hoping to convey my need to be near her, to not let her out of my sight. "I won't leave unless you ask me too." Gail searched my face; I could feel the apology preparing to tumble from her lips.
"Please." I breathed against her lips before kissing her, attempting to employ her own tactics; if her lips were busy she wouldn't be able to apologize. "You did nothing wrong Gail, it's not your fault." I kissed her forehead, allowing my hands to slip under the marital of her sweater pressing firmly into her back. I could feel my dad watching us, I had never been affectionate in their company, with Gail, though I felt an overwhelming need to touch her at all times.
"You should freshen up, breakfast will be ready soon and I'm sure you're both hungry." My dad smiled, turning back to the stove. I followed Gail up to our bedroom needing to change and brush my teeth. "I'm sorry; I didn't know who else would be able to help. You seemed lost last night and I feel guilty for that." Gail rambled sitting on the edge of our bed, her eyes trained on the floorboards. "Thank you." I stood in front of her running my fingers through her hair, causing it to stand up, I loved how easily Gail's hair became disheveled, how the simple gesture made her pout and quickly correct the mess.
"We will figure this out, together." I nodded before walking towards the bathroom to brush my teeth; needing a moment to collect my thoughts. I had a feeling that my entire life was about to be turned upside down, I'm not sure what to expect, I knew that I needed Gail to be with me, she's my rock and judging by my mother's apprehensive tone, I needed her to ground me so I wouldn't float away.
"Doc, we need to tell you something." My dad sat at the table across from Gail and I, my mom sat to his right playing with a palm sized cardboard box. "Holly, your adopted." My dad breathed, attempting to stifle his laugh, to him the adopted joke never lost its humor. "What's going on?" I asked, shaking my head at him; he always used humor to lead into a serious discussion. "Jason, please." My mom shook her head and set the box on the table. "Holly, we're adopting Gail." My mom laughed sliding the box towards me earning a high five from my dad. "Your records are in a safety deposit box at the Royal Canadian Bank. The Key is in there, it is in your name." My mom sighed before fixing her gaze on my dad's profile.
"We figured you would ask about your parents' or your adoption. You never did, and when we tried to bring it up you always told us you didn't want to know." My mom played with her wedding ring before looking up at me. "We love you Holly, and it's time that you learned about your adoption and your birth parents." My mom took a slow breath before standing up and walking into the kitchen. "Are you sure you're ok with me hearing all of this Hol?" Gail asked, squeezing my knee under the table; the possibility of learning about my past terrified me. Could people who have been dead for 30 years affect the woman I grew to be? "Stay, please?" I asked, lacing my fingers with hers afraid to meet her eyes, afraid that she would sense my fear and nervousness.
My mom came back to the table with four teacups and the kettle. "Cream and sugar?" she asked absently before walking back to the kitchen, she always made tea when she needed to collect her thoughts buying herself some time. "Can I help Shannon?" Gail asked, watching my mom pace in the kitchen. "No thank you sweetie, I have it." My mom nodded before returning to the table with cream and honey, she put herself to work preparing tea for each of us. Once the tea had been prepared and set in front of each of us, she finally sat down again.
"Your father and I had been trying to have a child for nearly 5 years." My mom stated, watching my dad as she spoke. "IVF and fertility treatments didn't work and when we had all but lost hope you came knocking on our front door." I had never rally asked how my parents came to adopt me, I knew that they had tried for years to have a baby and when they lost hope, I came into their lives. I watched as my dad stared into his teacup as my mom spoke, his posture unreadable.
"Your birth parents names were Iris and Dominic; they lived at the end of our street in Vancouver. We didn't know them; we had seen you playing in the yard a few times when we drove past. Holly you were the happiest baby I had ever laid eyes on." I could hear the tears in my mom's voice; her eyes never left my dad's profile as she spoke. "We weren't home when it happened; we had pulled onto the street and noticed the police and ambulances parked in front of their house. It felt like an intrusion to ask what had happened as the neighborhood crowded on the street watching the police work. The police came to our door asking us if we had a personal relationship with your parents or if we had been home a few hours before when everything happened. We couldn't give them any information. Other than the polite wave when we crossed paths we knew nothing about them." My mom wiped her eyes before finally meeting my stare, my dad's gaze stayed fixed on his teacup.
"I thought the police had come to ask more questions when our doorbell rang. I nearly screamed when I opened the door to find you, this three-year-old angel wearing a pink dress with neatly done pigtails. You were sobbing and your clothes were bloody and torn, I was afraid that you had been shot." My mom wiped her eyes again before turning towards Gail how's thumb ran a continuous pattern on the back of my hand. "We rushed you to the ER and stayed with you while they cleaned you up, you didn't have a scratch on you." My dad finally glanced up at me, his expression sad and uncertain; he reached out and took my mom's hand before speaking.
"When Social Services finally showed up, they told us that you would be put into the system. You had no living relatives and no one from your parents' circle had been found fit to care for you." My dad bit his lip, trying not to cry himself; I could see the tears in his eyes. "It broke out hearts Hol. That morning we had a doctor's appointment where they told us our chances of having a baby at that point stood to be nearly impossible. We knew that we would never have biological children, we knew the odds before starting IVF but it still hurts when the test results are conclusive." My dad shook his head and sipped from his now tepid teacup. "Jason and I had finished the classes needed to become foster parents before we started the fertility treatments, we knew that if we couldn't conceive we would adopt." My mom let out a soft laugh, I let go of Gail's hand and pulled my hair out of my face needing some semblance of space at least physically.
"We started the process that night, we knew without a doubt that we couldn't let you disappear into the system, we needed to protect you." My dad's voice drifted off as if he was reliving that night in his memories. I could feel Gail's concerned gaze, but I did my best to absorb the information, I couldn't do anything to reassure her that I would be ok. "Only after the finalization of your adoption did we learn the circumstances of your parent's deaths. It didn't change how much we loved you; you made us the happiest people on the planet every time you laughed. For years, after it happened their names and faces showed up in the paper and on the news. They headed one of the largest cartels in Canada; the shooting had been a turf war between rival Cartels. A war that had no end in sight, the police questioned you asking if you had seen the people who had killed your parents. Asking where you had gone in the two hours between the police showing up and you coming to our door, but you didn't remember anything." my mom's voice cracked and I just stared at them, unable to move, unable to speak.
"A judge suggests that your records be sealed, that your birth parents record could potentially hurt your future when applying for college and jobs." My dad eyed the box sitting in front of me. "We had copies made of everything first, we wanted to have the information if you ever asked, you never did though. The security box holds your parents' records, their death certificates, the case files from their death, and every article published following the investigation. Your adoption records are also in there, if you want to read them you can Holly. We are staying in town for a while, if you want to talk." my mom stood up and cleared the table, the tea had been forgotten each cup still full no longer steaming.
Once the table had been cleared and the kitchen had been cleaned , my parents left to visit Bailey, who had moved back to Toronto a few months ago. Gail busied herself cleaning the house, doing laundry, mopping, dusting; I was never out of reach though, her eyes followed my every move. I had no idea what to do with the key to the security box, I had no idea how to process the information I had just been given. I felt as if my parents had given me the key to a nuclear reactor, Iris and Dominic would be the devastating blow to everything I once knew. The logical side of me told me to throw the key away, that the past didn't matter. My emotional side however had become curious about the people who had brought me into the world and how they had ended up dead.