AN: well looky here, I guess the three feet of snow in my yard did some good, wrote out the next two chapters! Yay go me! Should have another chapter up on Saturday!
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Gail
I came to a decision, I don't fear dreaming, I absolutely loathe it. The voices and the commotion from the too bright white room had invaded the calm of the flat. My refuge had been ripped from me, and the constant presence of the disembodied voices that sounded underwater had caused a migraine. The lines on my palm were tender now; my sense of feeling had returned in a way, I still couldn't tell you if the carpet was softer than the hardwood floor, but my head pounded, my hands hurt, and my muscles ached for reasons I couldn't recall.
My eyes slowly fluttered open in a bright room missing the commotion I had begun to associate with the bright lights. My throat hurt, as did the rest of my body. Slowly the room came into focus, the tiles on the ceiling were a light shade of gray and the walls were stark white, I knew I hadn't woken up in the room from my dream. The faint beeping next to me drew my attention, as did the sound of soft snoring nearby. The dripping of a faucet startled me, I quickly assessed the situation, trying to determine if I was in the basement in Periks house, was this another dream. I quickly turned to the left and groaned, my body felt sore and stiff and my head foggy.
"Hmm?" a soft hum came from the other side of the room; I stared at the machines slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. The beeping had come from a heart rate monitor, keeping steady time with my pulse based on the wires coming from my shirt. I tried to push myself up, noting first the IV in my hand and second the sharp pain radiating from my side. The whimper that escaped my lips must have been louder than I realized as the rush clamber of feet on tile moved towards me.
"Gail!?" her voice sounded frantic, I couldn't focus on her, everything had blurred together. "Gail, lay back ok, it will hurt less." Holly hushed as I felt her hand on my shoulder gently pushing me back against the mattress. "I'm going to grab the doctor." She whispered before disappearing from my view. I had no recollection as to why was in the hospital, in such pain, or how long I had been here. My eyes felt heavy, opening them after blinking took effort and energy. "Dr. Payton will be here soon." Holly called as she rushed back into the room, I couldn't force my eyes to stay open. "I love you." I muttered through chapped lips as I drifted back to sleep.
-maybe 4 minutes." My brain woke up to the sound of Holly whispering softly. "But she woke up?" Steve asked, I had caught bits and pieces of different conversations every time I woke up, I couldn't force my eyes open, I only woke up for a few seconds before falling back to sleep. "Yeah, she tried to sit up." Holly whispered, I could hear a mixture of frustration and worry in her voice. I wondered how long I had been here, or how I had injured myself.
In passing I've heard people generalize their pain or discomfort as being hit by a bus, I never fully understood the colloquialism until now. The expansion of my chest with every breath I took excited a shooting pain from my side, my throat felt dry and scratchy, and my leg felt too large for my body. I wondered if a vehicle had actually hit me. "Has Dr. Payton been in?" Steve sounded tired, his voice lacking its usual finesse. Slowly I tried to force one eye open, I felt my eyebrow twitch and my jaw clench, small victories in my battle for vision. "He said she may be in and out for a few more days, it just depends on her." Holly muttered, her voice moving further away as I heard the sound of a zipper being pulled. "One day at a time Hol." Steve reassured her completely unaware of my battle to wake up.
"It's been 6 days Steve." Holly huffed, her voice suddenly agitated the footsteps followed the distinctive sound of socks on tile pacing back and forth. God I needed to open my eyes, to see her, to focus on her, to ease her worry. Had it been 6 days since I had last woken up or 6 days since I entered the hospital, I had a million questions. "Gail spent three of those days in a medically induced coma Holly. Dr. Payton told us that she would wake up when she's ready, that all of this is part of the healing process." Steve sighed, I felt like screaming, I couldn't find my voice though, I was trapped inside my body.
"J'ai montré mon chef d'oeuvre aux grandes personnes et je leur ai demandé si mon dessin leur faisait peur. Elles m'ont répondu: "Pourquoi un chapeau ferait-il peur?" Holly whispered, I could feel her fingers drawing patterns on my arm, waking up this time felt different I noticed, my eyes opened with ease and no longer felt heavy. She was reading le petit prince, my dad used to read it to me before bedtime. "My drawing did not show a hat. It showed a boa snake, who digested an elephant." I whispered finally focusing on Holly as I adjusted to the light in the room. The book in her hands fell to the floor as she quickly stood up.
"Hi nerd." I coughed before grabbing my side, the combination of coughing, moving, and putting pressure on my side hurt more than it should be possible. Holly's eyes darted to my side before she rushed out of the room, fresh panic etching into her face. My fingers felt warm and wet all of a sudden I couldn't bring myself to look, I knew the sensation could only be caused by the presence of blood. "Gail, I need you to move your hands ok?" a man with blue scrubs asked, rushing into the room; I slowly moved my hand from my side and brought them towards my face. Yep, blood not a significant amount, though, a positive observation I'm sure.
"you've torn a few of your stitches, I need to grab a suture kit and we will fix you right up ok?" the man asked and I just nodded, staring at Holly who stood at the foot of my bed, he pressed gauze to my side before disappearing. "You've lied to me from the beginning, huh?" I rasped letting my hands fall to the mattress, I wasn't sure what to do with them, they itched to touch her. "What?" Holly asked not meeting my eyes, her gaze fixed on the gauze the man had taped to my side. "You told me you would never wear my stuff, It didn't fit your style. That's my hoodie." I smiled, recognizing the University of Toronto crest on the front, Holly quickly glanced at the sweater and then back to my side.
"Are you in pain?" she asked as her grip on the footboard tightened, the tips of her fingers and knuckles turning white. "Come here." I muttered needing to feel her, to prove that I wasn't dreaming. Holly shook her head; I noticed the tears building in her eyes the pain that had replaced her warm and loving gaze.
"Ok, this will pinch you won't feel the stitches though." The man walked back into the room with a silver tray. "Glad you're awake Gail, you should limit your movement though, you're still healing." The man tisked as he pulled on white latex gloves. "How many?" I asked, I still could not remember what had happened, how I had ended up here. "How many what?" He asked, holding up a syringe carefully measuring from a vial of medicine. "Stitches?" I gripped the sheet under me, I hated needles and the one he held would be put into my side. "42 in total." He nodded, preparing the needle and thread to fix my stitches.
"Ready?" he asked smiling, I nodded and tighter my grip on the sheet. "This shouldn't feel too awful." He muttered quickly sticking me with the needle, compared to the pain in the rest of my body I could barely register the needle prick. "Alright, quick work." The man muttered as he placed three new stitches. "As I told you before limit your movements." He nodded while cleaning up; I let my grip on the bed sheet relax as Holly moved back to her seat. "Dr. Payton will be in once he's out of surgery; you have my number if you need anything." The man smiled as he left the room.
"It smells like you." Holly whispered as I studied her face, the dark circles under her eyes, and the slight swell of her bottom lip. "I'm wearing your hoodie because it smells of honey and gun powder." Holly repeated as I smiled at her, it had taken a moment but I could see her eyes softening. "I love you." I reached out to touch her cheek, needing to feel her skin. "I love you too." She whimpered, the tears felling from her eyes, I quickly wiped them away with my thumb. I wanted to climb out of bed and pull her into my arms.
"Be here when I wake up?" I asked, feeling the heaviness return, my eyes felt weighted, a sinking sensation suddenly radiating through my body. "Always." Holly muttered, turning to kiss my palm, I couldn't fight off my tiredness, the couldn't lift the weight as my eyes fell closed and I drifted back into my dreams.
I woke up in a panic, the beeping of the heart rate monitor became sporadic as I searched the room. I hated nightmares, they always showed up at the most inappropriate times. "Gail, Gail you're safe." Holly stood over me, her hands gently pressing into my shoulders, holding me against the mattress. "Concentrate on me, slow breaths, you're safe." Holly repeated, I reached up and grabbed her wrist trying to pull her off me. "Don't." I breathed, "I need to sit up, please." I gasped, trying to push myself into a sitting position. "Stop, let me adjust the bed." Holly pressed me back against the mattress before pushing a button on the rail of my bed; I heard the motor whine as the top of the bed slowly moved into a sitting position.
"You need to calm down." Holly sighed adjusting my pillow. "I'm sorry." I wheezed searching her face, she had bags under her eyes as she stared back at me. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Holly breathed pulling my blanket up to my lap, I reached out and touched her cheek, and she turned and smiled at me briefly before reaching for a cup on the table. "Slow sips." She nodded, holding the cup out, the water felt both soothing and felt as if I had swallowed razor blades. I licked my lips and finished the water to alleviate the dryness in my body. "More?" Holly asked, reaching for the pitcher, I shook my head and closed my eyes, my heart still pounded but my breathing had calmed.
"Come here please." I took her hand, trying to move her closer; she frowned and shook her head. "Please." I tugged and she took a tentative step towards me, her stare fixed on the mattress. "Please look at me." I whined, I hated that she could not look at me and I understood why, I no longer questioned how I had ended up in the hospital, my dream had answered the question in high definition detail.
It took a moment for her eyes to meet mine; the tears running down her cheeks broke my heart. "I love you." I breathed tugging her closer as she sobbed her chest heaving and her breathing becoming erratic. "I love you too." Holly nodded as I wrapped my hand around her neck gently pressing my fingers into the base of her skull.
"I'm sorry Holly." I pulled gently urging her forwards, her tears still falling as I pressed my lips to her forehead. Her hair smelled like cinnamon and her skin felt warm. "I've missed you." I breathed as I kissed down her cheek, gently pulling her forward to meet my lips, her lips tasted of coffee and salt. "I've missed you too." Holly pulled back and searched my eyes, I could see the fear and concern as she stared at me.
"Sit with me?" I asked, letting my arm drop to the mattress, I felt weak and exhausted. "I could hurt you." Holly shook her head as she wiped her tears, the worried expression coming back as I frowned. Logically I understood that moving too much could rip my stitches, but it had been over a month since she had held me and I needed her close. "Please?" I asked, chewing on my lip, I wasn't above begging. "I just need you to hold me." I stared at my hands; the scrapes on my palms from my dream were real, and were nearly healed. I hated hospitals; sick people stayed in hospitals, people felt obligated to visit people they barely knew. In my moments of consciousness, I had heard nearly every person from 15 in my room, I had heard Jason, Shannon, Bailey and I heard my dad.
"Tell me if you're in pain ok?" Holly asked, lowering the rail on the right side of my bed; I watched as she toed off her sneakers and sat on the edge of my mattress. After a moment of shuffling and readjusting Holly sat next to me, at least an inch separating her from myself, that inch felt like a mile, as if the Grand Canyon stood between us. The pain MEDs were wearing off bringing attention to the ache in my side. I hated the pain medication they had me on, my dreams were too vivid, too real, I needed to be awake for a little while, to clear my head.
"Is this ok?" Holly asked, pulling the blanket over her lap, her fingers idly playing with the seam as she stared forward. "No." I shook my head and reached out to still her hand, her nervousness worried me. "Please?" I asked raising her arm and leaning into her side, the pull and strain on my stitches made me grit my teeth.
"I love you Holly Stewart." I breathed against her neck. "So much." I kissed her neck, feeling her muscles relax, her hand gently pulling me closer. I could tell by her breathing that she had started crying again. "I'm here." I mumbled, pulling her down to me as I kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you Gail." Holly gasped as I wrapped my arms around her, needing to be close to her. "God, I fucked up." Holly groaned, trying to calm down and I forced her to look at me. "No you didn't, ok, I love you." I kissed her again softly, needing to comfort her in some small way, I didn't want to see her this broken up. "I love you too." Holly sniffled running her hand along my back.
I woke up in pain, the MED's had definitely worn off, it took me a minute to remember that I was in the hospital, that I had been stabbed, and that I had 40 plus stitches in my side. Holly no longer lay in my bed, the sheets were cold and I didn't see her bag. I slowly reached out and pressed the Call nurse button before raising the bed to sit up.
Oliver sat next to me, a ridiculous smile on his lips. "Hi Kiddo." He grinned, holding a chip bag in true Oliver fashion. "Hi Oliver." I groaned, trying to readjust my pillow and blankets, my back ached from laying down. "Did Holly leave?" I asked, surveying the room trying not to sound concerned. "Yeah, right, that girl of yours hasn't left the hospital since you came in, she went to shower." Oliver laughed crunching on a chip.
"You gave us all quite the scare." He gave me a once over as I winced, I could feel the placement of every stitch as they pulled against my skin. "Need me to call the doctor?" He quickly stood up as the same man from a few nights before walked in wearing black scrubs this time. "Ms. Peck if we need to stitch you up again, I'll tie you to the bed." He smiled, checking my IV and my heart rate. "My side's killing me, can I have pain medication, preferably something that won't knock me out." I asked, scratching my head, even my hair hurt as I moved it back. "I'll be right back." He nodded before walking out of the room; I still didn't know his name.
"Can you hand me that water?" I asked once Oliver had returned to his seat, my voice sounded harsh. "Yeah, sure." Oliver filled the cup before he handed it to me, his posture relaxing for a moment as he watched me. "How long have I been here?" I asked once I had gulped it down. I had a gnarly case of cottonmouth and the worst morning breath in the history of morning breath. "8 days total." Oliver nodded refilling my cup.
"How's Dov, he took a nasty blow." I remembered the attack, calling Holly, everything leading up to me waking up the first time. Part of me wished that I did not remember the attack, the conversation with Holly before leaving for work, the entire month leading up to it all. "Dov has a few stitches; he's back at work though." Oliver watched cautiously as I sipped the water, it didn't alleviate the dryness in my mouth but it soothed my throat. Oliver's worried stare concerned me more than Holly's.
"Have they found out why we were attacked?" I groaned setting the cup on the bed next to me, I heard Steve mention it to Holly when I couldn't open my eyes. "Steve's at the station right now sitting in a meeting regarding the case. They have a few leads, I don't know much." Oliver shrugged, I knew he wasn't telling me the truth, I decided to bug Steve about the case since his division had caught it.
"Want me to order lunch, I bet you're starving." Oliver smiled, trying to change the subject the chip bag crumpling on his lap. "You should eat, you don't have dietary restrictions, and it's been a week since your surgery." The man came back into the room with a syringe in hand. "Burgers?" I asked, the mention of food instantly made my mouth water and my stomach grumble. "Let me place the order." Oliver stood up and walked out of the room with his phone to his ear.
"This won't put me to sleep will it?" I asked the man as he readjusted my IV and cleaned the injection port with an alcohol wipe. "Nope, you should be awake and alert for a while, if you're still in pain I can administer stronger pain medication in 4 hours, it will put you back to sleep though." He smiled pushing the plunger on the syringe; I nodded reading his name tag. "Camden." I read aloud, trying to remember why the name sounded familiar. "Good, you can read." He laughed quickly making a note in my chart, He didn't look familiar, his black short hair and pale skin didn't strick a memory but his name did.
"You're friends with Holly, right?" I asked, feeling the pain in my side settle, the tightness eased and I felt as if I could breathe again. "Yeah we did our undergrad together." He nodded, returning my chart to the foot of my bed. "You're a doctor, why are you doing the nurses job?" I remembered Holly mentioning him, he had dated Rachel for a while and Lisa hated him. "Holly's threatened a few of the nurses, they refuse to come in here." He laughed, holding out his hand and easy smile playing on his lips. "Camden Links, pleasure to officially meet you." I shook his hand and smiled. "Gail Peck." I laughed, trying to imagine Holly angry with the nurses; she did not have a temper usually.
"I can come back up in an hour and walk you around; I imagine you are getting rather restless." Camden smiled, turning towards the door as Oliver walked through in with a triumphant smile. "I usually hate exercise, but please get me out of this bed." I nodded eagerly noticing that the pain had nearly disappeared, the stiffness remained but I no longer hurt. "I ordered you lunch too doc." Oliver picked up his bag of chips and shoved a few in his mouth. "Thank you Oliver, I will be back soon." Camden nodded before walking out of the room.
"Holly yelled at the nurses?" I asked slowly pushing myself up to properly sit, I needed to move, I feared staying in the same position for much longer would turn me into a statue. "Steve had to hold her back at one point, a nurse tried to push the wrong medication into your IV and she lost it." Oliver shrugged popping a chip in his mouth trying not to laugh. "Nick may or may not have a video of it happening." Oliver chuckled crumpling the chip bag and tossing it into the waste bin.
"Holly told us you woke up a few times, yet every time we came to visit you just slept. I started believing that Holly had hallucinated it due to the amount of time she has spent in this room." Oliver laughed as I stared at my hands, lost in my own thoughts for a moment. "I heard people talking, I heard you, and Steve, and I heard my dad." I muttered chewing on my lip. "I couldn't open my eyes, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't open them, I felt trapped in my body." I took a deep breath as he leaned forward and touched my arm. "You were healing; your body just needed the rest." Oliver smiled and squeezed my arm. "You're awake now, that's what matters."
Holly slept at my side, her hair braided and her sweats hanging low on her hips. It felt foreign almost, having her this close, I wondered if I had dreamt it. "Hey." Steve smiled from the doorway, his gaze shifting to Holly, who lay curled under my blanket. "Hi." I smiled, turning away from the TV, I had been awake for 6 hours, the longest period of consciousness yet. Camden had helped me walk around the floor for a while, Holly had stayed close watching as I slowly walked up and down the hallway. So far today Oliver, Dov, and Bailey had been to visit, Holly had fallen asleep during her conversation with Bailey.
"You're awake." Steve walked towards me and kissed my forehead, I would usually punch him for doing that, but I knew he had been worried. "How are you feeling?" Steve asked setting a duffle bag at the foot of my bed, he didn't look as worn down as Holly did but he looked tired. "Sore, happy to have my eyes open." I smiled as Holly moved closer to me, her forehead resting against my hip.
"It's good to see you with your eyes open." Steve nodded before sitting in the chair to the left of my bed. "How's the case, Oliver said you went in for an update?" I asked, reaching to pull Holly's glasses off, her face scrunched up and relaxed again as she pressed into me. "They've ID'd 3 of the guys who jumped you." Steve smiled and reached out for the duffle bag, I didn't know how to talk to everyone who came into my room, what pleasantries to use, small talk or no small talk. "Leo sent these for you; he thought you might need to refuel." He pulled a box of donut holes from the bag and set them on my lap; I grinned and quickly opened them.
"Dad's been here?" I asked with my mouth full; I had noticed the gold chain when I put clean pajama's on, seeing the extent of the damage for the first time. I noticed Holly's necklace when Dov showed up, how she thumbed the medal absently. "He's been here nearly every day, he sits and reads to you for an hour each time." Steve smiled as he relaxed into his seat, his eyes roaming the various items in the room, flower's, cards, teddy bears. "Huh." I shrugged, staring at Holly, god she's beautiful, what had I done to deserve her. "She's freaking out; whatever happened between you two has her torn up." Steve followed my gaze as I stared at Holly. I knew she was freaking out, I could tell by the way she refused to initiate contact, the way she stared at me with sad eyes. "She doesn't need to worry." I smiled, brushing the stray hairs from her face.
"I heard you talking about the case; it may have been a dream though." I sighed and turned towards him, his gaze falling to the floor as he nodded. "Mom caused all of this?" I asked, closing the box of donut holes, no longer having an appetite for them. "When she dug up information on Holly, she dug a little too deep. She overstepped her reach and upset the wrong people. The people who jumped you did it to send a message, from what we can tell from the three we have ID'd is that they're from five different gangs. Internal Affairs is conducting an in depth investigation into her actions, this case has brought up other issues with her and a few of the other white shirts." Steve's gaze stayed on the floor as he spoke. I suppressed the urge to laugh aloud; our mother had fucked up royally.
"Well." I let out a small laugh before shaking my head; I found the entire situation amusing. "She needed to learn not the dig sooner or later, Steve." I shrugged as he glared at me, his face turning red with anger. "Gail you're in here thanks to her, you died three times because of what she did." He chewed on his lip as I let his words sink in. "I died three times?" I asked, looking down at Holly, I knew she was awake; the steady, slow breaths had been replaced by shorter gasps.
"Have you not asked why you're here?" Steve stood up and started pacing along the room, his voice raising. "I was stabbed Steve, I remember the attack." I shrugged reaching for Holly's hand; I had not thought to question the extent of my injuries. "You were in surgery for 9 hours; they took part of your kidney and your large intestine. You lost so much blood." Steve stopped pacing and ran his hand through his hair. "Gail, you coded on the table three times." Steve muttered and Holly slowly sat up, pulling her hand from mine, I couldn't read her expression.
"The white room." I whispered to myself, trying to remember my dreams I had had. "What white room?" Steve asked, staring at me, his expression worried and annoyed. "I had this dream, I couldn't feel, I was in our flat and I couldn't feel the floor or the couch. Three times the room faded to this all white room with bright lights, I could hear people yelling and moving around, the room made me dizzy, I couldn't concentrate. It faded back to our flat after a few minutes though, to me on our couch staring at the walls." I glanced at the pink scrapes on my hands, reminding me of sitting on the couch, of not being able to feel, the dizzy feeling in the white room. I could feel the panic set in, my breathing speed up, my heart pounding.