A/N: This chapter got away from me

Gail

"Steve I'm going to kill you!" I growled into the phone, I saw Dr. Payton walk into my room in the reflection of the tv. "Gail I'm sorry if I had known you were actually being discharged today I wouldn't have called her, they kept pushing back your release date, I figured it would be safe." Steve sighed as I pulled on my boots, home, as an idea seemed weird after spending over three weeks in the hospital. I would be in my home, my bed, with an unlimited supply of my own clothes in a few hours. "This isn't over Steven!" I threw my phone on the bed as I turned to Dr. Payton who stood watching me with an amused smile.

"Ms. Peck once we have your stitches out, you are a free woman." He set a quire of papers on my bed along with a tray for instruments. "Are you sure they should be out?" I worried pulling off my shirt, I hadn't ripped my stitches since he had replaced them all over a week ago. "You're healed, the stitches need to come out." Dr. Payton laughed, running an alcohol wipe over the first incision. The wounds were no longer inflamed and crusty, they were now pink and raised. "This may tickle but it shouldn't be painful." Dr. Payton nodded as he picked up the scalpel and cut the first suture, the sensation of the thread being pulled from my skin couldn't be described, I knew that I didn't enjoy it though.

"The areas will be tender for a while, you will need physical therapy, and you will be authorized to start work in 6 weeks, lite duty until your physical therapist says otherwise." Dr. Payton muddled as he moved to the next area of stitches, I couldn't contain the giddy smile that appeared on my face hearing him explain my after care, I would be home today and back to work soon.

"These are for you." Dr. Payton grinned once he had removed the last of my stitches, 52 in total; the number had increased with every tare. "I hope to never have you as a patient in the future Ms. Peck, give Holly my love, head home where you belong." He handed me the discharge orders and shook my hand. "Thank you Doc." I grinned bounding out of the room, noticing Chris by the nurse's station waiting for me since Steve had called Holly out to a scene an hour before her shift ended.

"What is that?" I eyed the oversized gray sectional that had replaced the worn leather couch in our living room. "It's a couch." Chris shrugged dropping my bag by the stairs as he made his way towards the kitchen. "Holly gave me the old one, it's in my apartment." Chris observed me as I eyed the couch, it had to be as deep as a twin sized bed with large gray pillows, it fit the décor in the room but still felt out of place. Everything besides the couch seemed to be exactly as I remembered it, I had expected it to be different for some reason, to not resemble the room I had been trapped in in my dream, but it felt right being home. "Holly mentioned that you didn't like the leather one and she wanted to redecorate." Chris held out a glass of water and sat on the other side of the couch.

"Yeah me and that couch would have had issues; I had weird dreams in the hospital." I mumbled sipping from the glass, it didn't feel right being home for the first time without Holly. "How's therapy?" I turned towards Chris, his unshaved face and messy hair suited him, he appeared healthier and fit. "Great! Oliver told me I might be able to apply for an administrative rotation in a month. I'll have weekly drug screens for two years after I'm reinstated, I can rejoin the force as active duty in 7 months if my therapy sessions and screens stay on track, I'll be a rookie again but I'll be back to work. I'll be under major scrutiny, if I stay clean, I'll be back on track in a few years." Chris shrugged glancing around the room, he hated talking about how much he had messed up his career as a cop.

"I plan on staying clean, I've had a rough couple of years, I can't do drugs and be a cop. I knew that in high school too, I couldn't play football and snort coke." Chris laid back and stared at the ceiling, his lips were pursed as he nodded to himself. "I'll kill you if you relapse Chris, you're my best friend and you need to be here." I laughed and picked up my phone to text Holly, needing a distraction from my uneasy feeling about being home with her.

Love: Chris has chauffeured me home, I miss you and I wish you were here. Do you know what time you'll be doing?

Nerd: It won't be until late, I have three bodies

Nerd: I'm happy you're home.

Nerd: I can't wait to see you

Love: be safe, I'll be here when you're done

"How are you and Holly?" Chris turned on the TV, we hadn't spent much time together since he had been replaced from rehab. "we're both in therapy working through our issues." I shrugged laying back, my eyes growing heavy. "I'm going to order dinner, what can I order for you?" Chris asked pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Anything." I shrugged checking the time; it was just past 5 pm. My energy levels were depleted and I slept for nearly 20 hours a day, the doctors had explained that my stress levels combined with the significance of my injuries would impact my sleeping patterns for at least 6 months until my body had fully recovered. "Wake me up when it's here." I pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around myself, letting my eyes close no longer capable of staying awake.

Two Weeks Later

I stood in the kitchen staring at my laptop screen hell bent on making dinner tonight. I needed something to keep my hands busy to ease my cabin fever. "Do you need help?" Bailey asked from her perch on the kitchen counter, she had been watching me with an amused smirk for nearly 20 minutes. "No, I'm going to make dinner and you'll deal with it. Leave, I can't cook with you watching me!" I growled, not looking up from my screen, I had no idea what dinner would actually be, I knew what we had in the house though, which narrowed down my selection.

"If you need me to run to the store, let me know." Bailey called as she walked into the living room laughing to herself. I continued staring at my laptop screen searching for a suitable recipe for dinner; I couldn't stand the thought of ordering in, we had cycled through every decent restaurant in Toronto at least twice in the last month. I heard the front door open and ginned walking into the hallway to find Steve. "you're not Holly." I pouted turning back towards the kitchen to continue my search dinner ideas.

"I brought you coffee!" Steve laughed, as he walked past the kitcchen setting a cup on the counter on his way towards the living room. I checked the clock, Holly should be home soon and I still hadn't the slightest idea for dinner. "Thanks." I picked up the cup and shut my laptop settling on the random combination of ingredients.

"Are you ok?" Tracie leaned against the counter, she seemed overly amused by my current state of annoyed. "I'm going crazy Tracie, I can't work for another month and I don't know what to do with my time!" I complained, setting the coffee cup on the counter with a pout, I had officially gone crazy while at home. I had rearranged the house, cleaned everything, and taken three carloads of junk to the donation center.

"You seem busy, therapy 3 times a week, physical therapy twice a week, and Holly mentioned that you took up knitting." Tracie laughed as I turned to glare at her; I had tried knitting only to find I didn't have the patients for the calming activity. "Tracie have you ever had two months off of work and done nothing, this isn't a vacation this is a torture test!" I threw a spoon at her as I pulled ground beef out of the freezer; pasta with meat sauce seemed to be the winning option for dinner.

"The fact that you're not having sex to release that energy can't help much." Tracie shrugged picking up the spoon; I almost regretted sharing that bit of information with her over lunch a few days ago. "We are still working out our drama, we haven't had an actual conversation about whats going on. We are writing these letters to each other and sex will only complicate the process." I turned and started pulling vegetables from the crisper in the fridge, in the two weeks I had been home, I had learned to prepare different sauces with tomato substitutes. "The emotionally aware Gail is kind of freaking me out." Tracie laughed as she walked towards the living room where Steve and Bailey were watching TV.

We had guests at least 5 days a week and the couch quickly turned into the best purchase due to the increase in company, we now had room to host more than 3 people comfortable. I hated the attention, not being alone helped pass the time between appointments and Holly coming home though. I had become engrossed in making bell pepper and beet sauce that I didn't hear the front door open.

"Hi love." Holly wrapped her arms around me, causing me to jump back, my heart rate picking up. "Don't scare me." I whined turning in her arms, smiling as her eyes searched my face, the crooked smile on her lips made my heart melt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Holly voice faded as she kissed me, her hands pulling me flush against her as she ran her tongue along my bottom lip seeking for entrance that I immediately granted. The kiss was slow and sweet, her hand running up the back of my shirt reminded me that we weren't alone. "Mhhm." I groaned, pulling away, watching her eyes flutter open and the pout appearing on her lips, I motioned towards the living room where she met three pairs of eyes.

"Hi!" Bailey laughed, turning back to the TV as Holly's eyes widened and she slowly stepped away from me, a shy smile playing on her lips. "Hi guys!" Holly waved awkwardly. "I need to shower; I'll be down in a little while." Holly bolted up the stairs as Steve and Tracie snickered to themselves.

"Pervs!" I called as I turned back to my tomato-less sauce, dinner needed to be finished so I could kick them out of the house. Tonight Holly and I planned on sitting down with a glass of wine and sharing our letters, it had taken almost a month to write them. I knew that it would take a while to read them, I had written Holly a six page letter; I knew that Holly's would probably be longer since she had a way with words.

Holly and I sat on opposite ends of the couch staring at each other, neither of us knowing exactly what to say or how to start. Holly and I had fallen back into a pre safety deposit box routine, cuddling, watching movies, and talking about work. We hadn't dealt with the fall out though, the post safety deposit box month.

"Can I grab you a glass of wine?" Holly stood up suddenly, her nervous energy winning the battle of sit or stand. "I had two at dinner; I can't stomach another, thank you though." I reached for my water that sat on the coffee table, apparently having part of your kidney removed meant limitations to drinking coffee and alcohol, my days of binge drinking at the Penny were over.

Holly walked into her office with a glass of wine and the bottle; I could hear the shuffling of paper as I played idly with the envelope on my lap. "I have a suggestion." Holly stated when she reappeared, an envelope in hand, missing her wine glass and the bottle she had collected from the kitchen. "If I sit out here with you, I'll watch you read my letter instead of reading yours. I'll read in my office while you sit out here or in our room, and we should reconvene in say an hour?" Holly asked, walking towards me, she seemed overly anxious, I knew she was right if we both sat on the couch we would never actually read them. "Ok, I'll stay here." I held out my letter trying to control the tremble of my hand. We quickly exchanged envelops and she bent down and kissed me softly. "An hour." She turned and walked back into her office.

I stared at my name written in Holly's calligraphic writing for a while before I turned the envelop over in my hand, taking a deep breath I ripped it open. I pulled out a stack of neatly folded cream-colored papers that smelled like old books. The tattered edges of the paper gave away their origin; they had been ripped from a medical journal Holly had purchase at an antique store as a kid, searching for a medical breakthrough in the handwritten notes and diagrams.

I put the paper to my nose and inhaled deeply, while I didn't share Holly's love for reading and all things nerdy, I loved the smell of old books. The way the paper seemed to trap the sent of the world from which it had been born. I took a slow breath unfolding the stack of papers, each page covered in Holly's immaculate handwriting.

Gail,

I'm sure you're expecting a dissertation length letter about my complex emotions. I've realized that what I feel is simple.

I love you and I can't lose you.

Loving you came naturally, I didn't realize it had happened until it was too late, until I was in too deep to turn back. We were friends, or at least it started that way, you easily fit into my life becoming the most important part of me. Looking back at our friendship I see the signs, were we stopped being friends, where our relationship transformed into more than either of us were ready to admit at the time. When you kissed me in the interrogation room my world turned on its head, everything that was up was down and I could only think about kissing you again.

When Tracie showed up at our door, I felt as if a piece of me had died, our relationship played out in my mind as I waited for the doctors to let me into your room. Like a movie playing, I saw you smiling at me, leaning in to kiss me, waking up in my arms, and every stupid insignificant fight we've had in the past year.

One memory stuck out though.

I kept recalling the first morning we spent laying around the house content with life, we had been officially together for a week, but it felt as if our lives had always been that way. Your head on my lap reading from your iPad while I edited case notes. We always had an easy rhythm, from the moment I walked past you in the woods we fell into an easy existence. That morning was the first of many and it felt as if we had spent a million mornings together already.

I dream of a million mornings with you Gail, a million nights in your arms, and a million more I love you's. It's impossible because we only live for a short time and a million mornings would be over 2000 years, it still isn't an adequate amount of time to spend with you though.

Sitting in your room waiting for you to wake up I thought of the things that had made me fall in love with you, the moments I had missed in my month of puerile behavior. I had missed the way you refuse to smile before your morning coffee, how you mouth the lines along with the TV. Your capacity to love amazes me daily, even if you try to hide it behind a claim to hate everyone and everything.

I can't express my love for you in a letter, I can't express how helpless I felt when you were in the hospital, and I can't express how it felt when you opened your eyes and smiled at me. How I didn't deserve that smile after the last month I spent pushing you away.

I felt trapped, I knew that I shouldn't push you away, but I didn't have control over my actions. I became obsessed with my biological family, with the idea that they would rewrite my entire existence because I had faces to put with the names. I had convinced myself that you would stop loving me, due to the fact that my biological family ran a gang.

I asked Steve if your attack had been my fault, that they had learned that I had those files. I thought my past had caught up with me, the same people asking my parents for money had come back to collect. When Steve came back telling me that none of it had been my fault I still felt guilty, I had pushed you away that night. You thought we were breaking up when really I was desperately grasping at the unraveling threads of our relationship. Searching for a way back into your arms.

When you left for work that night, I sat on the stairs replaying every detail of our conversation, wanting to turn back time, to walk into the house and kiss you, hold you in my arms, to simply exist around you.

When they asked me about the DNR my heart crumbled, the jagged edges ripped at my chest, I couldn't lose you. I couldn't let that night be the end of our story, I couldn't let you go thinking that we were over and that I didn't love you.

I fell in love with you against my will, I fell in love with my best friend who hated everyone, my best friend who dated men.

I never expected you to love me back, to kiss me, to want me, or for you to anchor me in place, you did all of it, you brought hope back into my heart.

I know that we have so much to work through; our problems won't be solved by words written on paper.

I'm declaring to you that I'm in this, I'm fighting for us, for the way my heart skips a beat when you smile before kissing me. The way you touch me with such tenderness that I feel as if I might shatter if anyone else were to replace your hands. My soul screams your name Gail and I ache to be near you.

You're it for me Gail Peck and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, I want a million mornings with you and a million more I love you's.

Always,

Holly

Holly

I sat in my office staring at the red envelope, I wondered if Gail was having a hard time opening my letter. Downing the remaining wine in my glass I reached out and pulled the flap from the shoulder of the envelope revealing the slate gray parchment paper inside. Ignoring the tremble of my fingers, I pulled the papers out and gently unfolded them, smiling at Gail's type font handwriting.

Holly,

I've written and rewritten this letter a hundred times, I can't seem to put the words in the right order or make my thoughts come out clear. I'm sorry, this might not make sense and it may be a jumbled mess of random and incoherent thoughts.

When you strolled into my life wearing gumboots and that green jacket that I may or may not have run over on our second official date, I knew you were going to change my life. You didn't put up with my shit and you laughed when I tried to be rude. I hated it at first, you didn't follow the patterns everyone else did when dealing with me.

I didn't know if you would be the best thing to ever happen to me, or be the person who made me up my game. Right now I can tell you that you were both, you've made me a better person and I've upped my game because you're insanely smart and quick.

Growing up I dealt with my mother telling me that I needed to uphold the Peck name, I needed to be the best cop and I needed to marry a guy that she approved of because our family had a reputation. I've felt out of place with my family my entire life, I never fit the mold my mother built for me and she never let me live it down.

Every time I tried to live my own life I would be forced back on the Peck Family Path, earn a degree, graduate at the top of my academy class, be placed in a prestigious division in Toronto, and move up the ladder.

I could follow the rules, I followed them to a T until Perik, until my nightmares turned into a reality and I shut down. If you ask Nick or Chris I shut down long before the Perik situation, it had only become easier to live up to being Gail Peck the Ice Queen after being kidnapped.

When I break the rules, I go for broke. I went against my mother's wishes, I cheated on nick after he had been emotionally cheating on me for almost a year, and I shut down, reinforced my walls and stopped letting people in.

You broke my rules, you showed up and I couldn't seem to keep my mouth shut. I told you about nick, and my fear of relationships and I had only known you for 5 hours. When I realized how close you were it was too late to push you away, you were in my personal space with that lopsided smile of yours laughing at my attempts to scare you away.

I knew you were different the second I saw you standing at the station the day of the shooting, you were worried. No one has ever cared enough to worry about me, we were friends, and you showed up when I needed you even if I hadn't realized it. I knew that if I didn't work up the courage to kiss you then and there that I would never have another chance, when you kissed me back you sent my world into a tailspin. My rules went out the window and I lost control.

I've fallen irrevocably in love with you over the past year, you've been patient with me and you've taught me how to be patient with myself. You've never tried to change me, you challenge me, you teach me, and you love me in return. You are everything I never knew I needed in my life and I'm honored that you have chosen to be with me.

I'm sorry for the drama my mother has caused, and I wish more than anything that I would have done more to protect you from her. Watching you struggle with the information about your biological family tore me apart, I didn't know how to be there for you, how to help you through it, or what you needed from me.

I'm sorry that I didn't fight for us or for you, that I turned into the old Gail who has the emotional depth of a rock.

I Love you, and I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make up for the last few months. My hospital stay only added stress to an already impossible mountain of issues, but I'm healing, you are helping me heal in ways that I didn't realize I had been broken. It will take time for both of us to heal and I know that we can get through this together.

I'm always going to be here for you, I may not understand all of your problems, but I will do my best to help you through them. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything, I love your voice and the way you ramble.

My dad told me that loving a person is often the hardest thing a person does in their life, you can't control your heart and you can't control the other persons either. We have to accept every piece of the puzzle that makes a person whole. You can't pick and choose, each piece is vital in creating the picture (I've learned that my dad is a sap this month).

Our picture is still forming Hol, we have all the pieces we just need to figure out how they're put together and I look forward to building my life with you if you'll have me. I imagine us sitting on the porch to some nursing home when I'm 80 watching the sunrise reminiscing about what an amazing life we had together.

You are my person and I love you.

Gail

The tears freely fell down my face as I read her words until I couldn't control my own movements as I walked into the living room. Gail sat in the corner of the couch staring at the scattered pages of my letter, a tissue balled in her fist. I moved slowly to sit with her hoping to not startle her, her eyes slowly left the pages as I sat down.

"To say I love you a million times, I'll need to say it at least 60 times a day for the rest of my life." Gail laughed as she collected the pages and set them on the coffee table as I started to cry again. "I love you." I pulled Gail into my arms, needing the contact, a way to anchor myself to this moment. "I know, you show me you love me every day Hol." Gail cried burring her face in my shoulder as she fisted my shirt. We stayed that way for a while, holding onto each other with a desperate grip. My ringing phone brought us back to reality.

"It's ok, we can talk about this in the morning." Gail smiled kissing my cheek as I pulled my phone from my back pocket, I wanted to stay here with her, to talk about everything we had written, to hold her close to me. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I leaned forward and kissed her, her lips were salty with tears but it was easily one of the best kisses we had ever shared. "I love you." I breathed when I pulled away and walked towards the entryway. "I love you too." Gail smiled from her place on the couch; she reached for the letter and stared down at the pages once again.

I came home from work to find the entryway to the flat painted a deep shade of gray, the rug by the door was missing, and the vanity had been replaced by a floating desk, the coat rack by a shelf with hooks, and a shoe rack. I searched the small room confused, wondering for a moment if I had walked into the wrong flat. "Is it ok?" Gail stood in the kitchen doorway, a concerned expression playing on her lips. "Yeah." I decided as I hung up my coat and took off my shoes placing them in the empty space on the shoe rack.

The living room had once again shifted, the table and couch moved to face the opposite direction and the shelves housed knew knick-knacks. "Thought we could shake it up." Gail walked into the kitchen, she had rearranged the living room at least 6 times in the 15 days since she had been out of the hospital. "Looks great." I nodded, moving around the room, I seemed to find new stuff every time I came home, either a different lamp, a throw blanket, pillows, or the table.

"Not that I don't appreciate the entry way or how you redid the living room, I do." I moved toward the kitchen, worried that my new interior designer had an ulterior motive for the constant changes. "Why have you been changing everything?" I sat at the counter staring at Gail's back, she turned to regard me for a moment as she placed a wine glass in front of me. "Don't freak." She sighed, pushing a piece of paper towards me. "That's no way to start a conversation Gail." I sighed as she pulled the paper back to her before I could read it.

"Ok, the bottom floor freaks me out, when I'm here alone and it's quiet I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Dr. Dwyer says it's an association trigger, I associate my dream to dying that the house would have the similar effect." Gail sputtered turning back towards the stove. The redecoration suddenly made sense, making the bottom floor of the flat different from the room in her dream.

"I'm broken and my issues are only getting worse." Gail sighed bracing herself against the counter; I quickly moved from my seat towards her. "You are not broken Gail. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, the strong and brave woman I love so much." I pressed my lips to her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her waist. "You are not broken." I breathed again filling her relax against me.

"I want to move." Gail sighed, turning in my arms, her eyes a clouded color I hadn't seen before, she seemed conflicted. "We only just moved in together officially, but I found the perfect place for us. A place where we can spend a million morning's laying around." She searched my face as she pulled away from me. "It's a commitment. You asked for a million mornings and I want sunrises with you when I'm 80, I figured that meant something." Gail rambled as she walked into the living room, I had never seen her this nervous.

"Let's move." I followed her into the living room, her eyes shot up surprised. "Gail, let's move. Simple, I go where you go." I watched her take a few deep breaths while walking back into the kitchen wiping her hands on her jeans. "Here." Gail held out the paper again, her hands shaking slightly. "A house listing?" I read over the printed information.

Three bedrooms

Three bathrooms

Two stories

Finished basement apartment

185 sq. meters

Alyesworth Avenue Toronto, Ontario

"I figured a bedroom could be your office, and the basement can be for the guests, and the third room for whatever." Gail watched me as I nodded slowly reading over the print out again, I knew the neighborhood, and it wasn't not far from work. "It's just an idea, we can stay here, and I can get over my drama." Gail rambled quickly pacing in front of me, her hand in her hair as the other one gestured wildly. "You love it here, I can learn to love it again." Gail swallowed as I reached out and touched her arm causing her to stop pacing.

"Let's call and check it out, if not this house we will find one soon ok." I nodded, pulling her into my arms, she was shaking and sweaty. "Why don't we find a restaurant for dinner tonight?" I asked, hoping I could help her calm down, I could tell she teetered the verge of having a panic attack. She had had a few since waking up in the hospital; they always started with her rambling and sweating. "Ok." Gail nodded quickly, I ushered her towards the doorway to put on her shoes. "I'll be right back, I need to change." I made sure she was busy with the laces on her boots before darting up the stairs to change into jeans and a sweater. When I came back, Gail stood in the entryway pulling on her coat, her hands were trembling as she tried to fasten the buttons. I pocketed the house listing and ushered her out the door; hopefully a few hours away from the house would calm her down enough to have a conversation.

Once we were sitting in the back booth of the nearly empty diner Gail seemed to relax, her breathing had calmed significantly from her near hyperventilation in our flat. "I didn't mean to ambush you." Gail stared past me as spoke she seemed frustrated and exhausted. "You didn't ambush me, its ok." I nodded as she forced a small laugh. "Holly, you were home all of 30 seconds and I was begging you to move. That wasn't my plan, I planned on meeting you at the door with a glass of wine, we would discuss your day, I would explain the weird feeling I have in the house when I'm alone and then I'd bring up houses." Gail shook her head and stared down at the table, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

"I've been trying to start that conversation for a week." Gail shrugged and I reached across the table to touch her hand. "I feel disconnected there, it used to be home, it's been home since we were only friends. Now it feels as if something's going to jump out at me. Dr. Dwyer says its normal, I feel like I'm losing my mind though, when no one is there I hide in our bedroom, it feels safer there." Gail moved to lace her fingers with mine as her eyes raised to my face. "I feel safe when your home, and you can't always be there and I am trying to not be needy." Gail's eyes burning into mine as she teamed up, I moved to her side of the booth and pulled her into my arms.

"I wish I could be there all the time Gail, I hate leaving you, and we both get to be needy right now. I'll take tomorrow off, and we can talk to the bank and look at houses." I breathed against her hairline; I wanted to take away her fear and her worry. "God I've turned into a baby." Gail sniffled, her eyes were red and her pouting lips made it hard not to kiss her. "I hate crying and I've cried too much the last few weeks." Gail wiped her face attempting to control her breathing. "Again, its ok. In a few weeks you'll have control again." I squeezed her hand and moved back to my side of the booth.

"I never doubted that you love me." Gail said after a while, her voice still shaky, her tears seemed to fall freely from her eyes. "You said that you couldn't let that night be the end of our story, I thought we were breaking up, but I never doubted that you loved me, even when you weren't talking to me, in the moments we were in the same room I saw it in your eyes. I've never been loved the way you love me Holly, completely and unconditionally." Gail watched me, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, we had both cried more in the last few weeks than we had cried probably in our lives.

"I just figured I wasn't enough, that I didn't love you the way you needed. My mom caused it, I figured it hurt too much for you to be near me, I'm the reason you were learning anything about your parents." Gail idly ripped the napkin on the table into tiny shreds. "I wasn't enough for my mom, or the guys I dated." I closed my eyes shaking my head. "Gail, god." I breathed when I met her eyes; her blue eyes were shockingly more entrapping when she cried. "You've always been more than enough; you've always been what I needed." I took off my glasses and wiped my eyes.

"I took it out on you, you were close. When I yelled at you about your boots, I saw you break; The tears in your eyes as you walked upstairs." I tried to stop crying, every attempt just seemed to make it worse. "I cried myself to sleep that night because I had hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, to be the cause of that pained expression, the reason you cried. I tried to follow you and hold you and tell you how sorry I was, I couldn't move though." I used the sleeve of my sweater to wipe my tears again, the way she just stared at me tears falling from her eyes cause my breath to catch in my throat.

"By the time I made it up the stairs to our room you were asleep clutching the pillow tightly. You pulled away from me when I touched you and I broke. I figured it was a matter of time before you stopped coming home, I hadn't given you a reason to want to be with me, weeks went by and I couldn't stop being an asshole." I licked my lips roughly and sighed.

"I broke down with Bailey the night you left, your hoodie hanging in the bathroom broke the damn, you always wore my hoodies. Bailey refused to leave without an explanation, she demanded to know why I refused to talk to mom and dad, why you had made dinner and neither of us had eaten. I treated them horribly, and they were there when I needed them." The broken sob I had been holding back escaped my lips.

"Bailey couldn't stay in your room for longer than 4 minutes, she stayed at the hospital when she didn't have to be at work, lurking somewhere when I needed her." I noticed the server walking towards us with a weary expression, I could only imagine how the situation looked, two women sitting in a dinner both crying uncontrollably. "Can I get you coffee or tea?" She asked, setting a pile of napkins on the table, she must have been watching us for a while. "Coffee please." I nodded, picking up a napkin and wiping my eyes. "Hot tea please, and a plate of French fries." Gail nodded, her eyes never leaving mine. "Coming right up." The server hurried towards the kitchen.

"Bailey wouldn't stay in my room because she was afraid of you." Gail's eyes closed for a moment as she collected her thoughts. "She was afraid of what would happen if you lost me, that sitting in my room with the possibility of me not waking up scared her too much. She thought you would make her leave if she hovered, she wouldn't leave you to deal with it on your own." Gail took a deep breath and placed her hand palm up in front of me, I gently placed my hand in hers.

"They no longer smelled like you; they all smelled like me no matter how I washed them they didn't smell the way you smell. That's why I stopped wearing your hoodies." Gail stammered, running her thumb along the back of my hand. "That night that you yelled at me, I desperately wanted to come home and lay in your arms all night, everything frustrated me, work, my mother, I had been called to a house, a kid an been beaten within an inch of his life and it all piled up." Gail's thumb stilled as she took a deep breath.

"We need to move past this Hol, a clean slate, to be done with all of this shit keeping us apart." Gail reached for the napkins sitting at the edge of our table. "To ensure the past doesn't repeat itself, we need a plan, a way to work out our issues." Gail pulled a pen from her coat pocket and set them both between us; the server reappeared with our drinks and plate of fries. "Thank you." I nodded up at her as she smiled and set a notepad on the table and walked away.

"First." Gail took the top of the pen and grabbed the notepad pushing her tea and the fries out of the way. "We never sleep apart, if we fight, we fight but we always share our bed." Gail watched me and I nodded. "We take time if we need it, we set a time limit." I nodded as Gail raised her eyebrows. "Two hours, we can ask for a two hour to collect our thoughts, but we always come back." I nodded and Gail added it to the list. "No silent treatment." Gail sighed and set the pen down for a moment.

"That was the worst. When you were yelling at me at least you were looking at me, you were talking to me. When it all stopped and you shut down completely it terrified me. No silent treatment, we talk, we fight, we do whatever we need. But we don't go days not talking though." Gail gulped and I nodded, I hated that I hurt her. That we were clawing to find normal again.

"Date night once a week." I picked up my coffee cup blowing softly on the steam. "One night a week with just the two of us, I don't care if it's just us on the couch with movies. One night a week we disconnect from everything else and we connect with each other." I smiled when Gail nodded and added it to the list, my tears had stopped falling and I felt as if the elephant that had been sitting on my chest for the last 8 weeks finally stood up and moved on. "We should continue going to Dr. Dwyer." Gail sighed, bringing her teacup to her lips, I watched her slowly sip from it, the drop and rise in her neck. "She's been helping and maybe it will be beneficial, keep regularly check in's." Gail licked at her lips as I nodded. "I agree." I picked up a French fry and laughed softly.

"What?" Gail's eyes shot up suddenly worried. "I just never imagined you would suggest prolonged therapy." I shrugged as Gail rolled her eyes at me. "We should also have a joint checking account for bills, at least for the house, if we buy one." Gail exhaled adding to the list, her writing precise, she had explained to me once that she and Steve had to endure hours of chirography classes when they were younger to perfect a neat and legible script. "When we buy a house, not if." I countered sipping my coffee as she continued to write.

"Anything else we need to add?" Gail asked setting the pen down and trading it for her tea, cradling it with both hands. "Not that I can think of right now, we should leave it open for thought." I sat up a little and leaned across the table. "I love you." I murmured, kissing Gail quickly, we had finally had a conversation, the first of what I assumed would be many, but we had started the conversation at least.

Post A/N: You made it, hopefully there were not too many errors in this chapter.

I love hearing what you think about the story so please feel free to yell at me or to say hi!

In addition, if you have any prompt ideas I would love to try them!

The next chapter will be up for Valentine's Day.