I Am Not The Way That I Used To

Be I Took The Record Off Repeat

You Kill Me But I Survived

And Now I Am

Coming Alive

I really didn't know how I was going to get through the day. I just kept reliving the day I found my mom dead over and over again. But I had to be brave. I couldn't let anyone know my life was like this. So instead of moping around I went to go get ready, then changed.

I slipped into a dark blue tank top,skinny jeans, , and dark blue sunglasses. I put on mascara, natural eyeshadow, and coral lipstick, and brushed out my hair. I went to go get breakfast and thank god I had my car back so I didn't have to rush and eat my breakfast.

"Thanks Bridget. I'll see you later, bye!" I said getting my keys and walking towards the door.

"Bye Clary." she called out.

Once outside I noticed that Seb's car was gone but John's wasn't. That boy really has to start using his car!

While driving I thought about how much I would have appreciated having someone that knew what I was going through. The only people I had are my brothers. But when I talked to them about stuff like this it was... awkward. Since I wasn't paying any attention I ended up almost crashing two or three times. But I thankfully arrived at the school in one place. I found the nearest parking spot, which just so happened to be next to Maia and Jordan. Maybe talking to Maia will help me get my mind off things I thought. I noticed they're holding hands, but I pull Maia away anyways and lock arms with her. "Jordan I'm stealing your girlfriend for the day."

"You've never liked any of my girlfriends and now you're stealing one!" He exclaimed.

"That's not true your last girlfriend was amazing!"

"I don't know she was kind of a pain in the ass."

Me and him got into argument about his last girlfriend. I mean come on she was amazing! But apparently he wanted to get me even more worked up. Finally Maia spoke up.

"Wait! Who was your last girlfriend?" she asked. Me and him smiled at her. She was going to find out sometime right?

"Me." Was all I said in response.

She was obviously upset and I felt her stiffen beside me. This is what I was trying to avoid. Me and Jordan had only gone out on a few dates for a short period of time. It was just one of those things were you knew each other for a long time and wanted to see if it could turn into something more. I tried it out with Simon too, but neither ended up well. I guess I should of expected that when I started dating Simon. After all I only went out with him out of pity. He had a crush on me a few years back so I decided I'd give him a chance.

I could feel Maia stiffen next to me and I knew she was uncomfortable. This is exactly what I was trying to avoided. I really thought me and her could become really good friends. But now she was probably a little freaked out.

So deciding I would have to defuse the tension I said, "Don't worry. I worry I would never stoop that low again." Then quickly turned us around and led her away.

That's when Jordan called out "Hey Fray! You'd be lucky to go here again."

That of course earned him some weird looks from students passing by. I quickly turned my head to see Jordan face palming himself. Me and Maia laughed the whole way to the halls.

"Hey I got a go but I'll see you at 3rd period!" She said while running off to what looked like the direction of her locker.

Once again I was left alone to think about the day I found my mother's dead body on the floor. And you know what that's what bothers me. That instead of most people that their mother also died who think about the day that they were told their mother died, or remember their funeral, or even remembered their mother dying on a hospital I remember that I, me at 13, found my mother lying dead on the ground. I'm so deep in thought that I don't realize I've stumbled into a abandoned hallway until I trip over my own feet. I thought I would hit the ground but didn't. I open my eyes to see goldilocks with that annoying smirk on his face. I quickly get up and fix my shirt.

"You know you don't have to throw yourself at me to get my attention right? If you wanted it you should of just said so little red."

I roll my eyes at him and then quickly hurry off to class or at least try to. Jace grabs my arm and spins me around.

"What." I say angry he won't let me go. I continue. I'm not in the mood right now for this."

He looks at me with this strange look on his face. Then suddenly it changes to a softer more gentle look. "What's wrong. Come on tell me."

I stare at him. For some odd reason I'm actually trying to decided tell if I should tell him or not. I quickly decided against it though and shake my head.

That's all it takes for him to let me go though and I'm thankful for that. Like I've been saying... I'm so not in the mood. I find my way to class and see that it is fairly early so I take out my notebook and start sketching something not quite knowing what I am drawing. It happens sometimes- its rare- but sometimes I just draw random lines and then it turns out to be some kind of scene or picture. Always it turns out to be whatever was on my mind. And those always come out the best because the drawing that you put the most feeling into are the spectacular.

"Alright class." I hear our teacher say. That's when I realize everybody has taken their seats and Jace is sat down next to me staring at me notebook. I lookdown to see what looks like a shape of a body. I quickly shut my notebook to find that has already started assigning partners.

Listen Big Guy. I say in my mind to god. We're cool right? What am I saying of course we are! Silence... I mean after all we go back 16 years! Of course at that time I was in diapers and didn't understand anything still 16 years. More Silence... Yep it counts. Now this means that we're old friends. And old friends do things for each other. Even more silence... You know you're an awfully quiet guy. But anyways could you do me a tiny favor?... PLEASE DON'T PAIR ME UP WITH GOLDILOCKS OVER HERE! I will take anybody else on this planet just not him. Nothing again.

Then suddenly "Clary Fray and Jace Hernalde."

"Fine I guess we're not friends!" I meant to think but say out loud instead. Thankfully no one but Mr. Rodgers and Jace heard. Mr. Rodgers told me and Jace there was no talking in his class and then got back to announcing partners. Jace however didn't let it go that easily. He looked at me funny and asked me, "What the hell?"

I just shrugged while trying to bite back a laugh. Then failing miserably. The teacher looks at me but I then cough pretending that's all it was.

C&J

I hurry towards the door anxious to get out of this prison. I am so close but golden boy comes out of nowhere and decides to stand in between me and my freedom.

"Not so fast. Were you not listening in class?"

I look at him slightly embarrassed and then shake my head.

"What am I going to do with you red? He said that we have to answer these questions tonight before we start the project. So let's go over to my place. I'll give you a ride of course."

"But what about my car?" I say holding up my keys. He snatches them out of my hand and holds them out to... my brothers?

"Didn't your brother not take his car. He can drive yours." He tells me.

I don't really car. I mean we have to get it done right? My brothers on the other hand don't look as cool about it.

"Well then where is Clary going?" Jonathon asks protectively.

Jace explains that I am going to his house though not in the best possible way. After a while my brothers finally agree to let me go -as if I would've listened to them- but I had to be back by 8.

I rolled my eyes at them, made them leave, and then followed goldilocks to his car.

Oh my god! I am so sorry I haven't updated. Its been like what 2 or 3 months? The first month I have an excuse for the others I don't. To tell you the truth I was kind of deciding if I should just not continue it. I like to do this but it takes me a while, and I'm not even that sure if it is that good. So tell me do you think I should stop or keep going?