ULTIMATE DISCLAIMER IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!
ULTIMATE WARNING IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!
AU, OOC. Harsh words (you were warned!)
Hey, guys! I could finally post my biggest monologue I've ever written. Hope you'll like it! It came from my heart, when I wrote it.
IMPORTANT!
I put up a new oneshot, its title Whatever It Takes (no connection to the Jade!verse!). Please, only read if you're not squeamish, it turned out to be pretty dark. If you don't want to read it then please, send your opinions about CrossDress!Harry. I'm considering putting him in here! If you decide to read it, then please, write your opinion about it there! Although, it doesn't matter where you write it, I just thought this would be a well-organised thing. So I only ask to review your opinion on this topic, too, if you're reviewing! Thanks!
And now, on to the chapter! Enjoy!
The morning rays sent their greetings through the window, answered by slowly opening hazel eyes. Sam was lying on his back, head turned towards the window. He carefully reached back to his lover. However, his fingers touched a silky material, which wasn't the sheet on the bed. Now that he woke up completely, he heard the small hiccups next to him. He turned towards the noise worriedly and his jaw dropped open from shock.
Ebony-black sea greeted the hazel-green irises, the waves caressing a small, porcelain-white skinned form. Sam immediately knew that the boy was naked – just as he first saw him. Sam cautiously rolled onto his side as if he was sleeping, but Harry, who had his back towards the young man, believed it – unfortunately: he began softly sobbing.
Sam couldn't take it: he slid behind the boy and wrapping his arm around the slim waist he began shushing the terrified soul. All of a sudden the ebony locks began shrinking to their original length and Harry's pajamas reappeared on the boy's body. The sobbing, though, hadn't died away, nor had it strengthened; Sam didn't know what to say, but then he took the courage to do it:
"It's okay, Jade."
Harry went silent at the name.
"Why?" he breathed at last.
"Why what?" Sam asked confused, but Harry broke out of his embrace and jumped out of the bed.
"Why are you calling me that?" he shouted, spinning back around angrily. His locks tumbled down on his shoulders as they grew out to waist-length from the movement in a second. "Why are you wasting your time on me? Or to make me feel good?"
Sam sat up and slid in front of Harry.
"Come on, gorgeous…" he took hold of his lover's wrists tenderly, but Harry yanked his hands away from him; from the sudden move his locks fell down to his calves.
"WHY?" he screamed enraged but more distraught. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I'M NOT GORGEOUS! I'M A DISGUSTING WHORE, WHO'S NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE USED UP! WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME BY PET NAMES, WHEN EVERYONE ELSE CALLS ME WHORE, BITCH OR LITTLE FAG?"
Tears were profusely streaming down Harry's face and he was continuously backing away. However, Sam didn't let him escape: he shot up and embraced his struggling lover.
"Why are you torturing me" Harry sobbed brokenly "with a better life on a silver platter, when you're going to take it away, before I can reach for it?"
"That's not true" Sam's voice was still soft and gentle, even though inside his emotions were raging like a thunderstorm. "I wouldn't do something so cruel to you. I want to give you the opportunity and I just want you to accept it."
As he said that, Sam noticed that Harry's locks began shrinking again. Taking it as a good sign, he continued:
"You asked me why I call you Jade." As he talked, he sat back onto the bed with his lover in his lap. "When you first got to us as that tiny little kitten, I felt that this innocent soul needs a home, food, but most importantly care. So much horror happened in my life, but I was full of love and the want to help others and I wanted to share that. Dean could only accept as much as his pride let him, although it was just a wall, because he was feeling the same way. When I found you, I instantly knew that you need me and I jumped without complaint, because you gratefully accepted everything that I wanted to give you.
"As you got used to us, you became happier and more lovable." Sam caressed the boy's back, the ebony locks reaching only Harry's waist already. "When you changed back to human, I got to know you and I learned about your past. Seeing that much wound they gave you, I decided to help you, because I knew that inside this small form hides the great amount of love and happiness that was emanating from the tiny kitten. I know how hard it is to forget about that much horror that you had to survive, but because of that I felt you closer to me, like I was looking at a few years younger version of myself. The reason I waste my time on you, as you put it, and call you Jade is to make you see and understand what a great person you are and that I'm offering you your new life on a golden platter, without any wish to deny that from you; that love can find you, as well, opening the gate to your happiness.
"And finally" Sam stood up and led Harry to the full-length mirror. He stood the boy in front of the mirror, standing behind him. Harry's locks were only reaching his shoulder blades. "I know what the wizards and those, who used you, forced you to do and what they made you believe. However, despite all of this, I only see a boy with ebony black locks glinting in navy blue, and with the most beautiful emerald irises; with porcelain-white skin, curved, symmetric features, slim, light, elegant body and small, enchanting form. But your whole outlook is even more beautiful, thanks to the kindheartedness and most importantly – the love emanating from you."
Sam carefully reached forward to wipe the tears away.
"Even like this, eyes slightly puffy" the man tenderly caressed the flushed, warm skin, "and lips thin but still pink" his thumb brushed Harry's lower lip, "you're absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful. Now only you have to realize it. Because that's why I call you my gorgeous, why I call you by pet names. Because I'm completely, whole-heartedly in love with you."
Harry glanced up fearfully at the reflection of the man behind him, almost pleading to him to be right, but he was instantly rewarded with the answer in Sam's gaze.
"Think about this" Sam whispered lastly, pressing a loving kiss onto the now short tresses that were similar in length to his own hairstyle after leaving Stanford. With a reassuring smile he left the room, leaving Harry to his thoughts.
He walked down the stairs and onto the backyard, not looking anywhere, only forward. He tiredly plopped down onto the ground then folding his legs he buried his face into his hands. He noticed that his whole body was shaking, his breathing was rapid and his eyelids wanted to close. He tried to calm himself down, but a hand resting on his back caused him to startle and gasp in a breath. However, with that his lungs refused to take in air in any other way. He laid his hand on his erratically jumping chest and the world began swimming in front of his eyes.
Suddenly two strong arms pulled his body into a hard chest: he instantly knew who was with him. Sam felt the deep breathing of his brother and the deep, protecting voice constantly hummed in his ears. He attempted to follow the man's lead, but it was like his body ripped itself free from his control, tearing up the iron chains like a piece of paper. He felt desperation surround him that he can't get air into his lungs, that he's going to choke, but then his brother started rocking him in a slow rhythm. After a while seeming like forever, his gasps and their volume decreased and Sam realized that Dean was humming a melody to him to calm him down. Sam recognized the lullaby that followed him throughout his childhood. He was already feeling the effects of it.
Dean then stroked his little brother's cheeks, who realized that he began crying from the effort he went through. After that the man buried his fingers into the chestnut-brown locks to give comfort, and Sam finally relaxed his tense muscles, recognizing the known movement, letting the lullaby work its magic.
"Sammy?" Dean whispered shortly.
"Dean?" Sam croaked out tiredly.
"I heard Harry. Is everything okay?"
"I hope so" Sam slurred. Dean caressed his brother's locks.
"You're exhausted" he noted. "Let's get you inside, so you can get some sleep!"
With that the older man pulled his brother up with surprising strength and laid Sam's arm on his shoulders; they stumbled back into the house like that. Soon Sam found himself lying on the couch, but he was alone. Sleep, though, didn't want to come. Trusting big brother to solve everything, he began scrambling upwards, but his arms buckled under him and he fell off the couch. He was just getting himself together from the sudden fall, when two strong arms were already lifting him back onto the couch.
"-what Harry made" Dean's pleasant voice reached him then a gentle hand stroked the hair out of his eyes. Sam slowly, but with great effort, opened his eyes; he didn't even notice that they were closed. His eyelids revealed an unexpected sight.
Dean was watching his brother worriedly, but the other emotions glistening in the grass-green eyes were what took Sam's breath away. The sunlight falling through the window rebounded on the man's short tresses that were almost golden blonde from the lack of gel, just like their mother's hair on the old photos. If Sam hadn't known that his brother was sitting next to him, he would've thought that Mary was looking down at him with motherly concern. The young man involuntarily let out a smile.
"What?" Dean asked softly.
"It's good… to see you… without your walls…" Sam murmured then closed his eyes again. The hand stroked his hair once more, causing him to sigh out:
"Mom…"
Dean's eyes widened from shock, when he heard the barely audible word floating up from his brother's lips. He didn't have time to think about that now, because Bobby returned with a phial of red potion. Dean took it then carefully lifted his brother's head up.
"Drink this!" he ordered quietly and held the phial to Sam's mouth. Sam moaned in protest, but Dean quickly shushed him:
"Just a dose of Dreamless Sleep Potion to help you get some rest." With that the man made a more compliant Sam drink the potion. As soon as the young man's head hit the pillow, he was sleeping: he breathed deeply and evenly. Dean straightened up with a relieved sigh, but his mind was still going over that simple word.
Out of the blue a hand lay on his shoulder, causing him to look up with a jump: Kyle was sitting on the coffee table. The sky-blue irises showed only a question. Dean slid down from the couch onto his knees and leaned his head into the boy's lap, who began caressing the tresses comfortingly.
"He called me Mom" Dean whispered sadly.
"What do you mean?" Kyle asked softly.
"Harry broke down this morning" Dean explained. "Sam calmed him down, but he was exhausted emotionally. When I followed him out to the backyard to help if I can, he jumped from my touch and got a panic attack. By the time he calmed down, he almost fell asleep, but he was kept awake by the exhaustion. As I helped him, he called me Mom."
Kyle tenderly massaged the man's temple to sooth the suppressed distress. Dean at that started groaning softly and in pleasure, which lured a smile onto Kyle's lips: the sound was very similar to purring.
"How did your mother look like?" Kyle asked when they were sitting in the kitchen. Sam was still deeply asleep in the living room. Dean took a folded photo out of his wallet. He waved to the boy, who joined him. Dean pulled him into his lap and resting his head onto the boy's shoulder he observed the smiling Mary on the photo.
"She was really beautiful" Kyle commented with a slight smile.
"Yeah" Dean breathed, "she was."
"You look like her" the boy continued his observation. "Maybe more than your father."
"No" Dean shook his head. "Sammy is the spitting image of Mom, except his hair and eyes. And I'm just like Dad…"
"But inside you're purely your Mom" a deep voice spoke up on the opposite side of the table. Looking up the pair met with Bobby's blue eyes; the man was leaning onto the back of a chair.
"How do you know that?" Dean asked.
"John told me a lot about Mary" the older man shrugged. "And Sam is surely your Daddy's son. That's why they butted heads so much. Mary, though, she was kind, caring and helpful. She always put family first and foremost. And she always wanted a bunch of little Winchesters running around."
Deep in thought, Dean lowered his eyes onto the picture and observed his mother. He was startled out of his musing, when Kyle caressed his face. The boy was watching him with a tender smile that Dean couldn't help but return.
"You're smile is Mary's" Kyle murmured then leaned his head onto Dean's. Dean kissed his cheek and started rocking him with eyes closed. Kyle let himself be swept away by the motion with a sigh, and laid one hand on the arms wrapped around him, while the other rested on the man's cheek. Neither of them noticed Bobby leaving the pair alone to their blossoming love.
Waking up Sam met with the darkening sky. He carefully sat up, his head buzzing slightly, but the loud growl of his stomach helped him gather himself and his thoughts together. As he swiped at his face, soft words floated to him from the kitchen. Sam slowly got to his feet and walked to the entrance of the room, breaking out in a smile at the sight greeting him.
Dean and Kyle were setting the table for dinner, the smell filling the whole house. Dean stopped a few times to marvel in Kyle's light movements then as the table got ready, the man embraced the boy from behind. Kyle turned to him with a wide smile and Dean kissed him tenderly. Sam cleared his throat to indicate his presence.
"Hey, Sammy" Dean looked up and tightened his hold on Kyle. The boy nuzzled the other's neck, enjoying the hug.
"So" Sam stepped into the room, "what's for dinner?"
"Kyle cooked" Dean answered cheerfully, causing the boy to blush.
"It's nothing special" Kyle murmured embarrassed. "Just some spaghetti that I learned from my Mom."
"Great" Sam grinned. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starving."
"I thought" Kyle spoke, pulling away from Dean "that maybe we can lure Harry down."
"He hadn't come out of his room yet?" Sam whispered sadly. The negative response made his heart ache as he fell into a chair, still tired from the morning.
"Hey" Kyle stepped to him and shook the tense shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure he's fine. Maybe he just needs to sort out his thoughts. Dean told me about his breakdown."
"Yeah" Sam sighed. "His memories were triggered by the darkness. He didn't understand why I treated him the way I did. He thought I was gonna shove him back into the reality he knew."
"That takes a lot out of someone" Dean commented. "Just think of the aftereffect this had on you!"
Sam nodded then straightened out with a deep breath.
"When are we eating?" His question was accompanied by the growl of his stomach, causing the others to laugh.
"I'll get Bobby" Kyle said and hurried out the back door. Soon they were seated around the table: Bobby at the head, Dean and Kyle opposite the door and Sam with his back to it. Tasting the meal, Kyle blushed from the praises he got of his cooking. They chatted for a few minutes, when Dean froze as he looked up. Kyle and Bobby noticed this and followed the shocked look towards the door. Sam saw their widened eyes, so he turned around, only to be greeted by surprise.
In the doorway stood Harry wringing his hands, shyly glancing up from time to time at the group. His wavy, almost curly locks were hanging in his eyes, giving him a more vulnerable look. Sam slowly got up and stepped in front of the boy; long silence stretched between them.
Suddenly Sam fell onto his knees before Harry and wrapping his arms around the slim waist, he pulled the small form close. Harry's trembling strengthened slightly then after a long hesitation he enclosed his arms around the young man's neck, leaning his head onto the chestnut-brown locks. Shortly they separated and Sam stood up. He caressed Harry's upturned face then pressed a kiss onto the soft lips. Feeling the shy answer he smiled then led the boy to the table.
Before Harry had the chance to sit down, Kyle hopped up and ran around the table. The air escaped from the younger boy with an 'Oof', as Kyle's arms embraced him tightly, causing the brothers to laugh. Harry patted the other's shoulder, but Kyle didn't want to let him go so soon.
"Can't breathe" he choked out quickly and Kyle quickly let go. Sam pulled a chair out next to his, so his lover can have a seat. They continued the meal and the chatting; Harry couldn't stop praising the food. After dinner the group settled into the living room: Sam and Dean were sitting on the couch with their respective lovers in their laps, while Bobby was in his armchair.
"How are you doing, Harry?" the aged hunter asked. The boy laid his head onto Sam's shoulder and gave a tired sigh.
"I'm exhausted, but at the same time I feel so light" he replied quietly. Sam kissed his forehead tenderly. "Like I finally got rid of a huge weight from my shoulders. It's such an uplifting feeling."
"What about you?" Dean turned to his brother. Harry snapped his head up in worry.
"I'm tired, but okay" Sam replied.
"But what happened?" Harry asked.
"I was emotionally worn out" Sam confessed. "Panic attack."
Everyone was watching the pair tensely, afraid that Harry's improvement would set back, but the boy just caressed his lover's cheek.
"Are you sure you're alright? Maybe we should go to sleep. We're both drained. And it looks like you had a rough morning, too."
"Before you go, there's something here" Bobby joined back to the conversation. "I found a hunt."
The brothers tensed up, Harry glanced at one then the other worriedly, while Kyle froze. Dean had a silent conversation with his brother then turned back to the older man.
"Alright" he spoke rigidly. "But this will be the last one. We're gonna stop for now."
"Okay" Bobby nodded. "Some people went missing from a town close by. The mutilated bodies were found a few days later in the nearby forest. Now only two people are missing" the older man gave the brothers the folder. Kyle paled at the sight of the papers.
"Kyle, are you alright?" Harry asked noticing the strange reaction. Everyone glanced at the older boy. Kyle looked over at the others terrified then shook his head:
"No, I'm a little dizzy… I'm going to bed…"
He stood up and stumbled upstairs. Dean looked after him worriedly then returned to the discussion.
"What do we know about them?" Sam asked, studying the papers.
"They disappeared first" Bobby replied. "The odd thing is that both of them were big, burly thugs, so their disappearance is the most conspicuous.
"Alright, we're leaving in the morning" Dean nodded.
"Should we pack then?" To everyone's biggest surprise, the question came from Harry.
"You want to come with us?" Sam asked and got a nod in reply. "Are you sure?"
"I want to be useful to you" Harry shrugged shyly. "I mean on the hunt" he added quickly, seeing the others' mouth open to protest. "And I would go crazy, if I'd have to stay here without you" the boy kept his gaze on Sam, while addressing both of them. The young man nodded.
"Then go get your stuff together!" Bobby ended the discussion and they retired to their rooms. Dean joined Kyle with a little worry, but judging by the deep breaths, the boy was already sleeping. The man wrapped an arm around the slim waist and sank into his dreams and the warmth surrounding him.
TBC
So how was it? And thanks for sharing your opinion!
Have fun reading the oneshot!
See you soon!