ULTIMATE DISCLAIMER IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!

ULTIMATE WARNING IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!

AU, OOC, SLASH. (Nothing extreme.) Spanking of an adult (the disciplinary kind) in Outsider POV, bad British words (I tried my best...).

Hey, everyone!

Here's the new chapter! Before I let you go read it, I need to say something. Before you start thinking that I'm a child abuser or something, remember:

SAM IS AN ADULT! I had to up the dosage, so the lesson gets through that thick, brick wall of his skull. And he deserves it, since Season 4. *stands defiantly, stubborn pout on her face, Sadie and Missy backing her up* You know I'm right!

Anyway, hope you'll like it! I didn't feel too confident with the actual scene (no experience), hence the Outsider POV.

So, enjoy the chapter!

Sam froze hearing that voice. His body tensed, knowing he was busted. Slowly he turned around and came face to face with its owner.

"I asked you a question, little brother" Dean spoke in a calm and collected voice. Even his eyes hid away the anger Sam knew his brother was feeling. The young man suppressed a shiver crawling down his spine: the last time Dean had that cold, emotionless look in his eyes was on the night he tried to kill Sam with his own hands. However, being the stubborn Winchester he was, he raised his chin up defiantly, gazing straight into the cyanide-green eyes, daring Dean to do anything against him this time.

"It's none of your business" Sam answered with the same cold tone his brother was speaking. Dean didn't give an outward reaction, which spread the feeling of dread deep inside his gut.

"Don't make me repeat it again" Dean said softly. "Where…" he stepped closer to the young man, making Sam swallow. "Have…" another step. Sam tightened his hold on the strap of his duffel bag. "You…" another one, quickening Sam's breath as the distance lessened between them. "Been?" the last word was hissed. When Dean took another step, Sam instinctively stepped back, as well, just wanting to get away but his pride not letting him.

"I don't have to report to you" Sam spat back, feeling self-righteous anger bubble in his stomach. Judging by the narrowing eyes, Dean didn't like that answer. Sam felt like he was under the sharp, stinging scrutiny of his father. He was an adult now, though, no one, not even his brother can intimidate him…

"So you're saying it's okay to leave in the middle of the night" Dean spoke his voice lower than ever, "not even caring about others worrying themselves to death if you would come home in one piece or ever? Is that it?" Sam didn't answer, just glared back at his brother angrily.

"I don't have to explain myself to you" Sam replied stubbornly, when Dean didn't seem to continue his lecture. He was chanting in his mind: 'I can do anything I want, I don't need to ask for anyone's permission, I didn't do anything wrong.' He just needed to convince his instincts, as well.

Dean let out a growl and grabbed the collar of Sam's jacket.

"Yes, you do" his outburst just angered Sam. The young man hit Dean's hand away and shoved at the man's shoulders.

"No, I don't!" he shouted back. "I'm an adult now, not some snot-nosed little kid you have to keep on the straight and narrow! I can take care of myself and I don't need your help!" Panting from his rant, Sam turned away from his brother and made his way towards the house. Deep inside he was quaking, knowing he angered the older man, but he just squashed it down further, not letting an old, childish habit rule his will.

"Come back here!" Dean cried out after him, but it was still too calm for Sam's liking.

"Leave me alone!" he shouted back over his shoulder.

"That's it!" Dean exclaimed behind him.

Suddenly Sam was yanked backwards by his arm and two very strong hits landed on his backside. He yelped after each of them, the hits leaving a mild stinging behind. He looked back at Dean with wide, shocked eyes, this reaction totally out of the blue. Sam kept a hand on his backside as he gazed into angry green eyes.

"You want to act like an irresponsible little brat then I'm gonna treat you like one!" Dean hissed out, shaking Sam by his arm still in his grip.

"What the hell-Ouch!" Sam yelped again when another strong hit landed on his bottom, Dean's hand landing with a loud smack on his jeans.

"Now you listen to me, young man!" Dean started, pulling Sam closer. "You're going to go upstairs, take a shower, change into your pajamas and head straight back into the living room. You have 15 minutes, you understand?"

"Let me go!" Sam tried to pull himself out of Dean's grip, but it held on like iron. "You can't do this-"

"You bet your ass I can!" Dean raised his voice, drowning Sam's protests out. "My hand was itching for a major ass-kicking for a long time, which you deserve more than anything else. So you better do as I say, or you're going to regret the day you decided to sneak out the first time." With that Dean shoved Sam towards the porch steps. The younger man stood stock still, completely stunned by the change in Dean's behavior. "NOW!" Dean's sudden shout made Sam jump and obeying to the tone and the little-brother-instincts it awakened from the past, he rushed up the stairs. Soon he was in the bathroom, ready to take a shower.

His inner trembling increased tenfold, his body now visibly shaking from what he knew was going to come. As he pushed his pants and boxers down, he caught the tell-tale redness on his skin. He gulped audibly, knowing what Dean was going to do to him. Despite his strong objections and the will to fight against the childlike treatment, Sam already felt that he couldn't win this. He could only hope that this night will end soon.

By the time Sam emerged down into the living room, Dean was sitting on the couch, waiting for him, eyes on his watch. Sam stopped in the doorway, his hands twisting the hem of his T-shirt. He stayed quiet and unmoving. Maybe he could get away with this…

"What are you waiting for?" Dean spoke without looking up. "Get your ass in here, pronto!"

Sam startled by Dean's booming voice in the silence. Where could the others be? Why wasn't anyone coming to end this madness? With a shaky sigh, Sam walked to the couch, sitting on the far end, away from Dean. He felt a sense of Déjà vu surround him and he was sixteen again, caught by his father and brother as he had come home from a joyride in the Impala without a license. He had received double of everything, as if Dean and John had discussed Sam's punishment beforehand.

"I'm gonna ask you one last time" Dean spoke, turning to Sam, who shrank into himself at that. "Where have you been?" Sam stayed silent for a few minutes, glaring at the floor.

"'S none your bus'ness" he mumbled, his defiance shaky but still intact. Not for long, though.

"Fine then" Dean growled out. Sam yelped as Dean grabbed his arm and with a hard yank, draped him over the older man's lap, face down. He began squirming, trying to get away, but one of Dean's arms wrapped around his torso, clamping down on him tightly. Sam tried to kick his way out of this pose, but it was futile.

Suddenly, his sweatpants were pulled down and he knew what was coming.

"Dean! Let me g-AH!"

Upstairs two heads snapped up at the sudden cry of pain, preceded by a hard, loud slap. Kyle's eyes narrowed, feeling angry for what Sam had done. He felt no guilt or remorse for the younger Winchester: he deserved what he was receiving in this very minute. Despite the closed door, the commotion from downstairs was heard crystal-clearly in the room. He wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders, but the green eyes were pinned onto the door.

"AH! D-OW! Stop-OUCH!"

"You know" came Dean's strong angry voice, cutting through and drowning out Sam's cries and yelps, "this attitude of yours was bugging me since you were a teenager! You seemed to sear the thought into your head that since you're officially an adult, you can do whatever the hell you want and get away with it!" In the background of Dean's words, the hard smacks and loud yelps never ceased to exist. "It's about damn time that you learn that your acts have consequences!"

"St-OW! Stop-AH! Ple-OW!"

"And those consequences involve me punishing you as you deserve it!" Dean shouted enraged. "I raised you since you were six months old! I gave you food, clothes, tried to create a semblance of home in your childhood! I have every right to discipline you, which means that I!"

SMACK! "OW!"

"Can!"

SLAP! "AAH!"

"Do!"

WHACK! "STOP!"

"THIS!"

SMACK! "AAH!"

Kyle flinched at the last one, partly from Dean's bellow, partly from the harsh slap that he almost felt on his own backside. He glanced at his companion next to him, Harry's body tense. However, the boy's eyes never wavered from the door.

"Now" a brief pause in the hits signed that Dean let the spanking up temporarily. "Will you answer my question, or should I beat it out of you?" Silence filled the next few seconds, before another slap and Sam's cry of pain interrupted it.

"NO! STOP!" the younger man screamed frantically. "I'll answer, just stop!"

Another pause, Kyle straining to hear something then…

"WHAT?!" Dean's roar of fury made the two boys jump. The slaps started up again, harsher and louder, just like Sam's yelling for reprieve. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU IDIOT?! You went after her ALONE?! Are you suicidal or just plain dumb?! She could've killed you in a heartbeat! You went to Stanford, then use that college brain of yours!"

"AH! You d-AAH!-don't un-OW!-derstand-OW!"

"Didn't you learn from our mistakes in the past?! HUH?!" Kyle swallowed: Dean was going harder and harder at Sam. The young man's answer must've been pretty bad. "Dad did the same thing because of Mom and what happened?"

SMACK! "STOP!"

"HE DIED!" Dean bellowed over Sam's screams. "And then I did that because of you and guess what?"

SLAP! "AAH!"

"I DIED! And then you did the same thing because of me going to Hell!"

WHACK! "ENOUGH!" this time, Kyle heard sobs hiding in Sam's voice.

"THE WORLD ALMOST ENDED! I can see a pattern here, can't you?!"

In the brief pause of Dean's rant, harsh, loud sobs drowned the continuous slaps out.

"And now" Dean snarled angrily, "you do it again and you know what? You could've lost Harry!"

The tense body in Kyle's arms jerked. Kyle laid his head onto Harry's, rubbing his back soothingly.

"You know where he is right now?" Dean's voice was lowering to an angry hiss, but Kyle knew that wouldn't last long. "In our room, scared out of his mind, because you LEFT HIM ALONE!"

Sam's scream at that was possibly the loudest throughout this whole ordeal, followed by shattered sobs, slightly muffled. Sam must've buried his head into his arms.

"You left him in a dark room, despite knowing he was afraid of the darkness! How could you do that to someone you love?! How could you be so selfish?!"

"I'M SORRY!" Sam screamed out, almost choking on his sobs. "'M S-SOR-R-RY-Y!"

And then… the smacks stopped.

Dean's hand slowly lowered from the air onto Sam's thigh. His little brother was convulsing in his lap from sobs, suffering from guilt and shame as he finally understood what he did. The sweaty mop of brown hair was under Sam's arms: the boy hid himself away from the world.

"What were you thinking?" Dean spoke softly, but Sam jerked as if he was shouted at. "What do you think we would've felt if you had hurt yourself? What do you think I would've felt if I had lost my little brother, my only family, for the same thing I've lost Dad?"

"D-D-Did-d-n-n-n't w-wan-n-want to h-h-hu-hurt you-u…" Sam wailed quietly. Dean, seeing the deep red skin of his brother's backside, pulled the sweatpants up onto Sam carefully then lifted him up from his lap, standing up with him. Sam's face was pale, his cheeks flushed to rose-red, eyes swollen, tears and snot trickling down his face. He was swaying from the force of his sobs.

Dean tightened his hold on Sam's upper-arms, when he felt the younger man try to push closer, wanting comfort from his big brother. However, Dean couldn't give that to him. Not yet. He had to make sure Sam realizes the wrongs he had done before Dean can forgive him. Sam crumbled even more from the rejection. Dean steeled his heart against the pain of hurting his sibling.

"Come on!" he murmured and began leading Sam towards a corner of the living room. He had cleared it while Sam had been showering. He turned Sam towards the wall. "Don't move or you'll regret it!" Sam's head jerked up and down in a poor imitation of a nod, his sobs strengthening even at the memories of many long minutes spent standing in a corner. With a self-assuring nod Dean walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, getting two beers from the fridge. Opening them, he heard the steps from the staircase before Kyle joined him in the kitchen.

"You're done?" the boy asked, sending a fierce glare towards Sam's back, ignoring the harsh sobs drifting into the room with some difficulty. Sam deserved what he got.

"Not yet" Dean replied, handing a beer to his lover, when he sat next to him. "Just a few more minutes."

A choking cough made them glance at Sam's shivering form in the other room. The young man was fighting for air through his harsh sobs. Dean looked on with worry, ready to jump into action if it was necessary, but after a few moments Sam settled, returning to gasps and whimpers, occasionally breaking down into broken sobs again.

Sam tried to breathe, but everything got messed up inside him. He lost control of his emotions, his thoughts, even his own body. He did everything he could to stop crying, but after Dean's punishment he realized what an asshole he had been behaving lately. He regretted every hurtful things he thought of the others, every escapades of his to hunt down Meg alone – he didn't regret hunting Meg, just that he did it alone – and mostly he regretted leaving Harry by himself, leaving him without protection or comfort.

That thought made him choke on one of his sobs and he started a coughing fit. The force of the hacking coughs was so strong that it left him breathless. He felt the others' eyes on his back, but he would suffer alone. That's what he deserved.

Soon, he calmed down. As he slowly regained the control of his senses, he couldn't help the whimpers that slipped out of his mouth. His butt was ablaze, as if a huge bonfire's flames were licking at the skin, radiating the pain into his flesh and muscles, even into his backbone. He knew Dean's beating was bordering on cruelty, but Sam knew himself enough that nothing less would make him listen.

"How's Harry?" he suddenly heard Dean ask. His breath stuck in his throat. So Harry was really back?

"He's waiting for me to go back" Kyle answered. "I left the light on till then… The look he gave me for that… He was so grateful for that simple thing…"

Sam lost himself in another fit of broken sobs. How much had his lover deteriorated emotionally thanks to his acts? He was swallowed by guilt and shame for how he treated Harry, his gorgeous, innocent lover…

"I'm going to bed" Kyle spoke, his chair scraping against the floor. "Don't be too late!"

"I won't" Dean replied silently. After a moment Kyle trudged up the stairs, silence settling in as soon as the door above closed behind him. That silence stretched on for what felt like hours. Sam was starting to go crazy in the corner. He had nothing else to do but stand there, stare at the fading wallpaper and bear the pain in his butt.

Suddenly he bit down onto his lower lip. 'Great' he thought with an inward huff, his breathing still messed up to do that for real. Now the pain was stinging… Or more like itching… Sam tried to steer his mind away from the unpleasant feeling, but since he didn't have any distractions in front of him, the stinging was slowly driving him crazy. Maybe if he reached back… really carefully… than Dean wouldn't-

"OW!" he cried out, as a smack landed on his already tender butt, making him jump forward and into the wall. The flames licking at his skin increased again with that hit, bringing more tears into his eyes, pushing the older ones out before following them. He hadn't even heard his brother stand up and get to him… maybe he was so focused on being stealthy…

"I said don't move!" Dean growled in a deep low voice. It almost sounded like John for a second. Sam nodded again, feeling more sobs contracting his lungs on their way out. Never again. He would never do something like this ever again. Never ever, ever again.

Sam didn't dare to move from then on and finally the long minutes of standing in a corner were over. Dean stepped next to his little brother and waited for him to move, to realize that his punishment was over – well, the one Dean planned for him, at least.

Sam slowly turned towards his big brother, whimpering from the pain flaring up in his backside. He glanced fearfully at Dean, begging with his eyes for his forgiveness. Dean's face was less stony than before this whole thing, so Sam took that as a good sign. A moment later, Dean sighed and opened his arms. Sam didn't hesitate one bit to bury himself into his brother's chest, clinging to Dean's T-shirt desperately, soft sobs leaving Sam's steadily unwinding body.

"'M s-sor-rry-y…" Sam mumbled, his voice muffled by Dean's shoulder as the young man buried his face into the crook of his brother's neck. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam's torso tightly, one hand sliding amongst the brown locks tenderly.

"If you do something like this again, I'll kick your ass into next year, buddy" Sam hiccupped out a laugh at the threat disguised in the tender tone. He closed his eyes, completely exhausted in every way possible. Despite the harsh treatment he received from Dean, Sam felt the usual safety embrace him, letting his body relax and lean into the other man, knowing he would take care of him. "Let's get you into bed, okay, little brother?" Dean asked softly, already starting to lead Sam towards the stairs. Sam followed him, taking the necessary steps out of reflex. They moved slowly, Sam whimpering constantly as the walking aggravated the pain. After what felt like miles, they reached Sam and Harry's room and Dean helped his little brother into the bed, laying him onto his stomach. Covering the young man's body gently, just like in old times, he took a seat on the edge of the mattress, rubbing Sam's back comfortingly.

Sam watched his brother's stern face, sobs slightly muffled because of his pillow and not that forceful as he slowly calmed down. His tears soaked the pillowcase under him, but they lessened in amount.

"Try to get some sleep!" Dean said, keeping his tone soothing. "You have a long day ahead of you."

"D-don't r'mind m-me" Sam gasped out, shuddering in fear. "S-stay?"

"'Til you fall asleep" Dean replied.

"S-Sorry…"

"I know…"

As the room and then the house fell into silence, Sam's eyes closed and his mind was taken away by the deep darkness of sleep. He didn't feel the kiss pressed onto his locks, or hear the creak of the closing door. However, despite being in a warm cocoon, he still felt cold, knowing even in his dreams that he was alone. And it was his fault.

As the morning sun's first beams landed on fluttering eyelids, Sam whimpered pitifully before biting down onto his pillow. Although his backside wasn't ablaze like the night before, it was still throbbing painfully. He never ever received such a harsh punishment for anything. Although Dean hinted at the fact that his wrong-doings were collecting, growing in amount steadily, until they overflowed.

Sam took deep breaths to overcome the pain. He only managed to do that after a few minutes. Only then did he begin the torturously slow process of getting off the bed and standing upright without worsening the agony he was in right now. He sighed in relief when he succeeded and changed out of his pajamas. He decided on slacks instead of jeans, hoping that they won't rub against his tender skin too roughly.

He limped out of his room, taking one step after the other on the staircase. The delicious aroma of breakfast made his stomach growl in want. He realized how obsessed he was with the whole hunting thing: he had barely eaten anything during those days, just enough to keep his strength up. Now he missed the delicious taste of eggs and bacon, even a hamburger, as well.

Stepping into the kitchen, he found Dean and Kyle setting the table and Bobby cooking away at the stove. Sam halted in the doorway, feeling ashamed about what he had done. He was scared what would await him, if the others decided to retort the hurt because of his behavior. He shuffled awkwardly, waiting to be noticed, but also hoping not to be.

Finally, Dean glanced at the door, raising a questioning eyebrow. Sam grimaced slightly, but nodded. He was alright, he can live with the pain for now. Dean nodded, too, accepting Sam's answer. However, as Kyle looked up, he caught Dean's gaze just turning away from the doorway and he glanced at it, as well. Sam swallowed, when flashing turquoise eyes narrowed as they landed on him. He couldn't help but lower his gaze in shame, afraid of the boy's reaction.

"What are you waiting for?" Kyle's stern voice cutting through the stiff, quiet air made Sam jump slightly. "Get over here and help, if you want breakfast!"

Sam quickly hurried to obey the boy's order, the least he could do after everything. They worked silently, the mouth-watering scent of bacon and eggs wafting around them, encouraging them to set the table fast. Finishing with that, the three of them took their seats around the table, Sam wincing slightly from the pain in his backside, despite the pillow that had been placed onto his chair beforehand. Glancing up, he caught Kyle snapping his gaze away. Maybe the pillow meant that Kyle was on his way to forgive him. They waited patiently, no words exchanged between them, the air a little thick with tension around them.

Suddenly, that tension was broken by a soft cough. Turning towards the kitchen doorway, Sam's gaze landed on Harry. The boy was standing still, head held high proudly, emerald eyes hardened and cold, when they landed on Sam. He was finally back.

However, Sam knew what that meant for him.

Breakfast had never been so full of tension before. No one dared to talk, fearing that it would make everything worse, and everyone had their gazes on their meals, not daring to make eye-contact with anyone. Sam was probably the only one who sneaked some glances up, but they were directed towards the far end of the table.

Harry was too busy with his food to lift his head up and notice the fleeting looks Sam bombarded him with. Or maybe he did notice them, judging by the stiff, tense shoulders. Seeing that, Sam had begun wracking his brain for a solution to make the rigidity disappear from his lover. He would have to wait, though, for the opportunity after breakfast.

The end of the meal came so slowly, even a snail could've outrun it. The sighs of relief that broke out of everyone's lungs when Harry stood up to gather the dirty plates could've started a tornado. Sam ignored the pang in his heart when Harry made sure not to touch him, not even accidentally.

As the usual noises of washing dishes started, Sam exchanged a wary look with his brother. He wasn't afraid to admit to himself that he was scared of Harry. A little. However, he only got a reprimanding look from Dean. Sam sighed and braced himself against the unavoidable. He carefully stood up and walked closer to Harry. Every step he took towards him, the boy's posture got more and more rigid, like he was expecting an attack at any moment. Finally, Sam stopped behind him. He felt the weight of Dean's and Kyle's looks on his back. With a gulp, he spoke up softly:

"Harry?"

The boy flinched at the tender tone, as if a knife's blade had just sliced into his skin. Sam glanced back at the others for a little help, but they avoided his gaze. 'Thanks, guys,' he thought bitterly, although he knew he had to do this alone.

"Harry – he spoke again after turning back to the boy, - can we talk?"

Harry's reaction was so sudden, Sam jumped: the boy slammed the plate in his hand into the sink then stormed out onto the backyard, slamming the door shut with a resounding bang.

Sam couldn't help but look back at his brother again, who just sent a meaningful look towards the door Harry just stormed through. Sam blew out a huge sigh, as he made his way towards his doom – because Harry didn't look like he was gonna jump into his arms and kiss him stupid.

As he stepped outside, closing the door behind him carefully, he noticed Harry pacing up and down a few feet away from him. Sam cautiously walked up to him, not able to imagine what a chew-out he was gonna get, guessing from the way the boy was fuming. The only thing missing was the smoke emitting from his nose and the fire from his mouth…

When Sam reached him, Harry didn't react. Sam let him walk a little hoping he will skip the worst. However, since the boy showed no signs of calming down, Sam decided to grab Harry's arm as the boy passed him.

Two words: Huge. Mistake.

Not only did Harry wrench his arm out of Sam's hold, his nails also bit into the young man's hand, leaving four deep red, bleeding streaks on the back of it.

Sam swallowed the pained hiss down, knowing this was barely the amount of what he deserved. He fisted his hand with a grimace, trying to push the pain down, while the flashing green gaze stabbed him through like a spear. When he looked up, though, he caught jade-green orbs melting into emeralds. So this must've been Jade's retort.

"Harry…" he started just beyond a whisper, but he was cut off again by the sudden slap landing on his cheek, throwing his head to the side with its force. Sam kept his gaze lowered as his hand covered the inflamed, reddening cheek. Who knew Harry possessed as much strength as Dean?

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?!" Harry shouted in rage.

"I don't know…" Sam tried but he was cut off again, making him flinch.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Harry shouted a little louder. "You always say you're smart! Then use that overly-developed logic of yours!" Hearing that, Sam realized Harry must have heard Dean last night. "And what was your bloody brilliant idea?! To hunt Meg down?! To kill her?!" A pause wedged itself in between the two as Sam started trembling at the mention of that bitch. He couldn't even find her so he could make her pay for everything…

"ANSWER ME!" the scream and the strong hit on his arm wrenched him out of his dark thoughts. He yelped softly at the pain on his upper arm. After a minute of silence filled with Harry's panting, Sam gathered the courage to speak, his words confident:

"She has to pay for what she did… She has to…"

"Let me get this straight!" Harry interrupted him again, his tone having some incredulity in it. "You went after Meg, alone, you threw yourself into a suicide mission, leaving us worried sick if you would come back or not, for bloody revenge? Are you kidding me?" Sam flinched again, this time from guilt. The way Harry said that… It sounded like the most ridiculous and insane idea ever, even to Sam's ears. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Do you ever think or care about anything other then YOURSELF, YOU WRETCHED BASTARD?!" Sam felt tears gather in his eyes at that. His heart broke at those words. Harry had never said anything like that to him… ever…

"I did this for you!" Sam cried out, finally looking up at Harry, his hand falling away from his cheek, which was reddened in the shape of Harry's fingers. "For what that bitch did to you!"

"For me?" if Sam had hoped that Harry would be touched by this, he would've been wrong. That's why the lightning bolts of the boy's gaze striking into him hadn't surprised him at all. "How could you be that warped, you sodding arsehole?! What bloody good would it have done to me if you had gotten yourself killed?! Are you really that selfish that you wouldn't even care what could've happened to ME?!" At his last word, Harry hit Sam's arm again, who yelped a little louder, grabbing at the spot where the boy's hand landed. Sam let a teardrop fall, as he realized what Harry was saying. If Sam's infamous luck would've played a huge role in his nightly actions, he would be dead right now thanks to his carelessness.

"You know why I didn't wake up?" Harry asked suddenly in a low, quiet, dangerous voice. Sam felt his trembling strengthen at the memories. "Why Jade decided to come forward instead of me?"

Sam shook his head minutely, wishing Harry would start pacing or something, anything but looking at him like that…

"I thought if I woke up and looked around, I would find out that I've lost you to her… That you left me and I am alone in the darkness. So Jade came out to help me back, to assure me everything was alright!" Talking about Jade seemed to anger Harry even more. Sam couldn't think of any reason why the boy riled himself up because of the kitten.

"And do you know what I've found when I did wake up?!" Harry seethed, his voice rising again. "I found myself in a dark room, in a cold bed, completely alone! Without you ANYWHERE NEAR ME!" Sam fought the crumbling of his own expression, but it was futile. He felt lower than dirt as it dawned on him what he did to Harry… To his beautiful Harry… To the true love of his life… "You were nowhere in sight when I needed you the most!"

"Harry, please…" 'stop it, don't say that, I love you,' Sam tried to say, but he didn't have the chance.

"I trusted you!" Harry continued, as if he didn't hear Sam's plea. Maybe he didn't… "I thought you would stay by my side through thick and thin! That you would help me through everything, good or bad! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

The silence following the scream cut into Sam so deeply, he couldn't believe that he was still alive. He snapped his head up in disbelief. How could Harry say such nonsense? Of course, he loved him… However, the steady flow of tears on Harry's cheeks halted the words in his throat. The last time he had seen the boy this broken, suffering from his dark memories, was the morning of his final and biggest breakdown.

"And then" Harry continued, his voice slightly hoarse from all the shouting, "I had to find out what an arsehole you were to Jade!" There it was again: the angry flash of Harry's eyes at the mention of the kitten. Sam was still confused, but wisely stayed quiet. "The only being who even lied to me to save your arse!"

"Wh-what?" Sam croaked out, eyes wide.

"He told me" Harry's voice was trembling now from tears and hurt, "until the last moment he assured me that you were here… That you were helping me, comforting me… Taking care of me… I only found the truth out after I returned…"

"But what did I do?" Sam finally asked. "I didn't do anything to him…"

"How dare you!" Harry shouted enraged again. "You treated him like the Dursleys treated me and you don't even have the guts to admit it?! How could you blame him for what happened?! How could you do that to ME?!"

"I didn't…"

"Jade is basically a part of me! If you hate him, you hate me!"

"It's not true, I don't hate you…"

"SHUT UP!" Sam's words were cut off when Harry hit him again. The young man was sure this would leave a bruise on his arm. Harry was gasping for air, not even bothering to wipe his tears away. Sam felt a few of his own flow down his cheeks from the sight.

"Ever since I woke up" Harry spoke softly, his voice shaking hard, "every second of every minute I've been asking myself 'Why did I come back? Why don't I just return to the safe darkness in the back of my mind, away from all this drama and hurt?'" Sam started shaking his head, not letting himself believe that it was true. He begged to Harry with his eyes not to leave him. But the boy wasn't done.

"And then I immediately realize every time after that question that I can't do that…" Harry gazed into Sam's hazel-green eyes, keeping contact. "I can't, because I'm such an idiot…" Sam lowered his head, his heart breaking. "And I was stupid enough to fall in love with you…" At the softly uttered sentence Sam snapped his head up, hoping he heard that right. He received his answer by the softening expression on Harry's face and in the emerald gaze.

"I'm so sorry…" Sam whispered, both of them fully aware that he was apologizing for so much more. Harry took a weak swat at Sam's chest with a broken sob, but Sam just pulled the boy into a tight, loving embrace, laying his head onto the black curls. "I love you so much you can't even imagine…" Sam breathed into the locks, shedding his tears into them as he listened to Harry's gasps, muffled by his shirt. "Don't you ever doubt that!"

They stood there for long minutes, comforting each other with their presences. Sam relaxed only when the small fingers fisted his shirt desperately, not wanting to let him go. He closed his eyes, rocking his lover slightly to both sides, just enjoying the feel of the boy's warmth against his body. He swore to himself never to disappoint Harry again with such a pointless and dangerous act again.

"I'm so sorry…" he repeated for probably the hundredth time, feeling like he could never make Harry believe it if he didn't say it enough. However, Harry went rigid in his arms, before pulling away and wiping at his tears. Sam tried to help him, just to feel the boy's cheek against his palm, but Harry slapped it away, before turning around and walking away.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked fearfully.

"For a walk" Harry shot back, not even looking over his shoulder. Sam's shoulders slumped under the weight of his actions and their consequences. Dean was right: he never should've acted so carelessly. Just because he was an adult, didn't mean that he could do anything. As he watched Harry's form getting smaller, his heart broke apart bit by bit, each shard ripping away with each step the boy took. Backing up, Sam reached for the banister of the stairs, collapsing onto one step. Hugging himself he leaned against a wooden pole and let his sobs and tears loose. He prayed for any deity who would listen not to let him lose his happiness again… His love…

His Harry…

TBC

So, how was it? It's not that bad, is it? *chewing on nails* Please, pretty, pretty please, Read and Review! Just so I can calm down.

Alright, see you at the next chapter!