Harry Cocker Chapter 14, a harry potter fanfic

Before he had time to voice his confusion, the parchment disintegrated into black smoke which swirled around his hands, coming to a stop in the middle of each of his palms. It formed one word on each palm.

On his left was "Caramell". On his right, "Dansen" was written in the same elegant hand. It glowed a bright white, before the music began.

Chapter 14

Severus saw red. Another prank!

"Silencio," he growled, trying to mute the music. It didn't work in the least. In fact, the music got louder. He was going to kill Harry for this! And who or what is Caramell Dansen? Whatever it is, it's incorrectly spelled. He went to the bathroom, intending to try and wash the ink from his hands. But that just ended up making his hands hurt under the boiling water and the harsh scrubbings. If this didn't end soon, he wouldn't be able to teach. Only the gods knew how that would affect the already atrocious potions-making attempts of his students. The ghastly song seemed to be coming to an end, the last awful words warbling out as the 'artist' finished. He hoped it was the end of this whole thing and that Harry was just having a bit of fun.

Alas! Another song started. And, by the sound of it, it was Muggle.

This was never the way I planned

Not my intention

I got so brave, drink in hand

Lost my discretion

It's not what I'm used to

Just wanna try you on

I'm curious for you –

Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it

The taste of her cherry chap stick

I kissed a girl just to try it

I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

Severus cringed. This song was so up-beat and in-your-face. He loathed it. Fucking Potter! I'll get you for this!

He stormed out of his room, up to the Great Hall where everyone was merrily eating their breakfast.

Harry could hear a faint rumbling coming from the Dungeons exit of the Hall. He knew Severus was making his way to breakfast. And he knew the man would be pissed. He grinned, trying not to give anything away.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and the voice of Katy Perry followed the Potions Master to his seat at the staff table. Everyone in the Hall burst into laughter, as Severus tried to look as though nothing odd was going on at all. Harry thought he was going to have a heart attack. He could see the Weasley twins rolling on the ground, holding their stomachs. Ok, it's not that funny… he rolled his eyes at their dramatics.

Finally, the song ended. A few chuckles sounded out throughout the room, some even coming from Dumbledore.

Just when everyone thought it was over, the next song began.

I think I did it again

I made you believe

We're more than just friends

Oh baby, it might seem like a crush

But it doesn't mean

That I'm serious

'Cause to lose all my senses

That is so just typically me

Oh baby baby

Oops I did it again

I played with your heart…

Britney Spears' Oops!… I Did It Again was just what everyone needed to lose themselves in laughter again. The songs playing around their Potions Master were just the opposite of anything they would ever associate with him that it was priceless. Hilariously so. And Harry agreed. He had to thank Hermione for lending him her CDs. (He'd been saving this prank for something special.) He looked over at her and grinned. She smiled back, shaking her head, trying to be mature.

"Enough, ladies and gentlemen," Dumbledore stood up, his voice magically enhanced to reach his students' ears over the music. "It is –uh – most unfortunate that yet another – ahem – prank has been played on our Potions Master. I ask for whomever it was to come forth and remove it from him. You will not be punished if you come forth now." He looked patiently around the room, his eyes lingering on the Gryffindor table. No one stepped forward. Everyone looked around to see if there was someone who looked guilty. Everyone had huge grins on their faces, so the perpetrator was not given away. "Most unfortunate. Well," Dumbledore continued, "for the record, I hereby give Professor Snape the permission to retaliate to this situation as he sees fit. May he have mercy upon whomever is discovered to be the prank-master."

Harry liked the sound of that. Hmm… Prank Master? Sounds good. I think the second generation of Marauders has a name. He grinned up at Severus as the next song began.

Hiya, Barbie

Hi, Ken

You wanna go for a ride?

Sure, Ken

Hop in.

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world

Life in plastic

It's fantastic

You can brush my hair

Undress me everywhere

Imagination

Life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party

Severus hid his face in his hands. He just had to choose the most horrendous songs, didn't he? He scowled at the students as he made his way back to the Dungeons for his next lesson. He didn't have Potter until later, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy terrorising the other students in the mean time.

Barbie Girl finished playing as he got to his classroom, the next atrocious song to assault his ears was Monster Mash.

I was working in the lab late one night,

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,

For the monster from his slab began to rise

And suddenly to my surprise

[He did the Mash]

He did the Monster Mash

He cringed. How appropriate, Potter. I will get you for this… He growled as he prepared for the first lesson of the day. He decided his classes would be relatively simple. He didn't want the inevitable failures caused by his situation to be too catastrophic, after all. In the end, he decided each of his classes would be making a Sleeping Drought with varying degrees of potency. Nothing too lethal would happen with those.

Just as Monster Mash was finishing, his class filed in, not daring to look at him as they found their seats. They didn't want to seem like they were the ones behind the prank. They heard what Dumbledore said. And they didn't wish to be on the wrong end of Severus Snape's evil little mind.

Just when he was about to instruct them on what to do, the next song started, cutting him off.

I love myself

I want you to love me

When I feel down

I want you above me

I search myself

I want you to find me

I forget myself

I want you to remind me

I don't want

Anybody else

When I think about you

I touch myself

Not even his most menacing glower could stifle the laughter erupting forth from the mouths of his delinquent students. He was so close to hexing every last one of them. Damn Potter! He pulled out his wand, aiming it at the general direction of his class. The laughter stopped immediately. He smirked.

"Thank you all for finding it in yourselves to focus on my lesson." He flicked his wand, making everyone's textbooks flip open to the appropriate pages. "You will read this chapter before preparing your ingredients. If you are unsuccessful in today's potion, ten percent of your overall Potions grade will be deducted. Get to work." He glared at them as they hurried to do as he said. I still have it. He elegantly sat behind his desk, riding out the embarrassment of I Touch Myself. Fucking Divinyls. He grimaced. Fucking Potter!

So far, Severus had heard some of the most horrendous songs. He wanted to maim whomever had created such atrocities.

At one point, a very repetitive song had played. And he was sure it was meant as some kind of torture device in Muggle prisons.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!

Severus was just about to greet his next class at the door. He'd had lunch in his office, not wanting to face the Great Hall in his condition once more. The song that began as he watched his Seventh Years file in was the most annoying yet. It consisted of the same lyrics over and over again. He was not amused. He grit his teeth as he gave his lesson over the persistent song, hoping something less annoying would play – he'd learned not to hope that a song was the last on the list. They never were.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!

As the last of the words to Banana Phone died off, he was able to give his instructions in his normal drawl, rather than shouting. The silence between songs was the only respite he'd had all day.

Looking back on that lesson, he shuddered. That song would not leave his head! No matter how many other annoying, offensive songs were played, that was the one that stuck in his head. He was going crazy! He was going to take it out of Harry's hide.

Finally, his last class of the day arrived. The double with Harry. He was going to make this lesson quite difficult. And, if a cauldron blew up in someone's face, it wouldn't have been his fault. How could he help this situation? He was the blameless victim! He smirked as he sipped his tea, waiting for the morons to seat themselves.

Once everyone had taken their places, he banished his cup and stood in front of them, waiting for the last song to finish before he started.

Slam your body down

And wind it all around

Slam your body down

And wind it all around

Slam your body down

And wind it all around

Slam your body down

And zig a zig ah

If you wanna be my lover

[Lover, lover, lover]

He waited for the snickers to stop, also. This was really starting to piss him off. He didn't even know any of these songs! They were embarrassing beyond all belief and he couldn't believe anyone would listen to them willingly.

"Today, you will be brewing a Sleeping Drought. This particular variant is given to patients at St Mungo's when they undergo difficult magical surgery. Usually to the head or heart. Make sure you pay attention to every detail. If you fail this potion, you fail today's class. And, if you fail today's class…" He trailed off, smirking at them all, "You will forfeit ten percent of your overall Potions mark. Get to work."

Circle circle dot dot

Uh-huh

I got my cootie shot

Uh-huh

You think that girl is hot

Uh-huh

I think I'd rather not

Uh-huh

Severus grit his teeth, narrowing his eyes at his class, daring them to laugh. Go ahead. Make my day. He didn't know why, but that thought sounded very cliché. He mentally rolled his eyes and stalked around the class, making sure everyone was paying close attention to their potions.

Harry was trying hard not to laugh. He really was. But a snort managed to make its way out when Severus passed his table. He looked up just in time to see the man stiffen and turn slowly back to him. He was in for it now!

"Mr Potter," he reached Harry's working station, drawing up to his full height, obviously meaning to intimidate. "What, may I ask, do you find humorous about this lesson?" He crossed his arms, glaring at Harry, challenging him.

"Nothing, sir." He couldn't help the huge grin that spread across his face as he said that. They both knew who was responsible for this. And Harry couldn't wait to see what would happen as a result.

"Detention, Mr Potter." Severus flicked his wand, making the contents of Harry's cauldron disappear. "You will re-do your potion after class."

I want to break free

I want to break free from your lies

You're so self-satisfied I don't need you

I've got to break free

God knows

God knows I want to break free

Severus couldn't help but think that these particular lyrics hit quite close to home. He closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth once more, before looking back at Harry. The boy nodded once in understanding and gave a small smile.

"The rest of you should be halfway through. Your potions should be simmering on a low heat as you add your doe aortas. This should render the colour to a sky blue. Stir five times counter-clockwise, or until the blue brightens. At this point, you may leave your potion for five minutes, still on a low heat, while you take notes. After exactly five minutes, you will add your lavender." He stalked around, talking over I Want To Break Free, hoping that his instructions would prevent something too terrible from happening.

As it happened, not even Neville Longbottom failed too miserably. He was somewhat impressed. The potion would kill someone if the dose was high enough, but the cauldron hadn't exploded and the fool of a boy hadn't fainted once. Things were improving.

When the world keeps trying

To drag me down

I raise my head

Gonna stand my ground

I say [hey!]

Have a nice day

The last words of Have A Nice Day played as Severus concluded his class. He had a feeling Harry had something to do with the timing of that particular song. Cheeky brat.

"Professor?" The boy acted innocent until the last student left, closing the door behind themselves.

"Drop it, brat. Reverse this. Now." He sat on the edge of his desk, arms folded.

"Eh… I can't." He had the decency to look sheepish and rub the back of his neck, at least. This didn't make Severus feel any better though.

"What do you mean you can't?" He flinched as the next song came on. It was a lot different from the rest.

So Fucking What

"Potter, where did you get these monstrosities?" He cringed at the words filling the air around them. "And why would you choose this song?" He glared at the boy, not impressed. At all.

"I didn't know it sounded like this!" His eyes were wide, his cheeks flushed. He was telling the truth, Severus surmised.

Well I've been to Hastings

And I've been to Brighton

I've been to East Port too

So what, so what

And I've been here, I've been there

I've been every fucking where

So what, so what

So what you boring little cunt

Well who cares

Who cares

Who cares what you do

Yeah, who cares about you, you, you

Well I've fucked the Queen

I've fucked fuck

I've even sucked an old man's cock

So what, so what

And I've fucked a sheep

I've fucked a goat

I rammed my cock right down its throat

So what, so what

So what, so what you boring little fuck

They listened in horror as the disgusting lyrics assaulted their ears. Until Severus spoke over them, at last.

"How do I end this?" He sounded as though he was restraining himself from annihilating Harry right then and there.

"Uh… well, on your hands, there should be a couple of words."

"Yes. Caramell and Dansen."

"Eh-heh-heh…" he laughed nervously, taking a step back from his teacher.

"What. Potter?" He stood, unfolding his arms, glaring down at the boy.

"Well… you see… The Caramelldansen is a… dance." He seemed to be unable to bring his eyes to Severus'. "And… to end the prank… you have to do it." He finally met his teacher's gaze.

"And… how exactly do you do… the Caramelldansen?" He didn't like the sound of this. Not at all. It sounded as though Potter was going to humiliate him further. At least it wasn't in front of the Great Hall.

"Uh… can we go to your office?" Harry was wringing his hands, now. He was obviously nervous about something.

Severus led the way to his office, shutting the door when Harry had taken a seat in front of his desk.

"Explain," was all he said as he stood next to the boy, his arms by his sides, fists clenched.

"Uh… here," he pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket.

On the folded piece of parchment was a drawing. A moving drawing. A very bad, moving drawing. The boy had drawn it himself. If things were different, Severus may have laughed at the pitiful attempt.

"What do I do with this?"

"Eh… follow the instructions."

"Follow the… do you mean to tell me that… this… this is what I have to do!" He was furious!

"Y-yes." Harry's voice was small, nervous. He was obviously re-thinking his plans. Well, too late now, you idiot! Severus wanted to swat the boy upside the head.

"I refuse. You will take this spell off me, now."

"I can't! The dance is how you stop it! Here," he took something else out of his pocket, got up and sat it on a shelf, facing the two of them. It was what appeared to be a little black box with a hole in the centre. "This plays the music to the dance. It cancels out the music that follows you around for a while… long enough for you to do the dance. If you don't do it, you won't have another chance until tomorrow." He looked slightly apologetic. "It's a tough bit of magic and I couldn't get it to last very long."

"You stupid boy! You can't even undo your own prank!" Severus sat on his desk, burying his face in his hands before looking at the "instructions" once more. "You cannot expect me to do this… this is ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry. It's the only way."

"I see." He took a breath, looking down at the drawing for one final time, to make sure he had it right.

The little stick figure had a large, round head and little circles for hands… which were resting on its head, moving in a way that suggested he was to flap his own hands in a parody of animal ears. While that was happening, the figure appeared to be twisting its hips in time to a beat. Not only that… its eyes were closed, its mouth open in a bizarre smile. He hoped that was just Harry's drawing and that he didn't have to… smile.

"You have to do exactly as the drawing does." He sounded slightly apologetic again. "I didn't know that when I drew him smiling." His hand ran through his already-messy hair. "Shall I start the music now?"

"Yes. I may as well get this over with." Severus placed the parchment on his desk, locked the door to his office, closed the Floo and removed his outer robe.

Harry ogled his teacher. He had on a simple black outfit consisting of what could pass to be a Muggle business suit, sans jacket and tie. He looked very good. Harry shook his head slightly, blushing when he was caught staring.

"Sorry," he mumbled, tapping the little box with his wand.

The annoying music came on. Severus couldn't make out the words, but knew they'd be nonsense anyway. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a calming breath.

"Turn around," he ordered the boy. Harry obliged, turning to face the wall, his wand still on the little box.

Severus raised his hands to his head, closing his eyes and opening his mouth in the same ridiculous fashion as the drawings. When the beat started again, he opened and closed his hands, twisting his hips in time with the beat. He had never done anything so embarrassing in his life! When this was over, he was going to hex Potter into the next year.

Harry snuck a look over his shoulder, knowing his professor's eyes would be closed. He forced himself to hold in the giggle at the sight of Severus Snape doing the Caramelldansen.

He tapped the little box once more, making it click a little. He grinned. Now he had some leverage.

"You will tell no one of this, Potter," Severus growled, as he donned his teaching robes once more.

"Of course not. Not a word." Harry grinned at the suspicious look on Severus' face.

"You are very lucky I don't retaliate."

"I know, Sev."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry." He grinned, putting the little box away. "Should I do my potion now?"

"That would be for the best."

As Harry passed Severus, who was holding the door for him, he stopped right before him, meeting his gaze bravely, his own eyes shining with determination.

"I want to go out with you."

"Excuse me?" Severus blinked, taken aback by the sudden question.

"I want to go on a date with you. I like you." Harry took a step closer, leaving barely an inch between them.

"Absolutely not."

"Why?"

"You're my student."

"So… it's not that I'm a boy?"

"… I didn't say that."

"I know. So… yes?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Are you really that thick?"

"So what if you're my teacher? No one has to know it's a date. Why don't we just go for coffee or something in Hogsmead?"

"Potter," Severus squeezed his eyes closed once more, his hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "No. I will not go on a date with you," he opened his eyes, dropping his hand. "Brew your potion."

"We'll see," he whispered, smirking and placing a brief kiss on Severus' cheek.

Later that night, as Severus was reading by the fire, a letter came through the Floo, landing at his feet. He sighed, recognising the untidy scrawl of Harry Potter.

What could he possibly want from me at this time of night?

He opened the envelope, pulling out the parchment and whatever was behind it. He looked at the thick, glossy item. A photo. Of him. Doing the Caramelldansen.

Eyes bulging, fists clenching, he threw the photo into the fire. He knew Potter wouldn't have given him the only copy. There would be more. You little shit!

He unfolded the letter, wanting to scream when he read it.

Severus,

If you don't want everyone to see this, meet me at the carriages tomorrow instead of going to supper.

We are going to have a nice dinner. You will not hex me, curse me (magically or verbally) and we will have a nice walk in the moonlight.

The evening will be magical. Or else.

Love, Harry

AN: Ahh, and so another chapter comes to an end. :) I hope you liked it!

I just thought I'd add a disclaimer here, in case any famous singers read this and decide to sue me for plagiarism or whatever. So:

I don't own any of the songs in this chapter. Anything you recognise – Harry Potter related or otherwise – is not mine. I just have fun with them!

A huge thank you goes out to Egglorru once again. She suggested this prank. And what will happen in the next chapter is largely thanks to her as well! :P

From the next chapter on, I think things will be moving a little faster. We will be getting to the Snarry lovin' very soon! XD

AND! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Over 300! I cannot find adequate words to express how grateful and happy I am whenever you all grace me with your own words! XD Lol!