Chapter 1
What If?
A post BD story, canon pairings to start, then AU.
**I know, I'm starting another story, and not updating the others in progress. I've been trying, trying to update. Working on the others and not happy with what I've produced. This one's been sitting untitled on my computer. So I fiddled with it and here it is.***
We sat staring out at the ocean from the rocky beach. I still didn't feel the cold and Ness had a light wrap on her shoulders. She sat close to me, but we weren't touching. Our legs crossed and arms folded loosely around our legs. I hadn't said anything in a while, and Ness just let me enjoy the fresh air and my home.
Finally, she broke the silence. "Quil and Claire's wedding was really beautiful. What'd you think?"
"It was nice. It was very them, a lot of fun."
"Thanks for dancing with me. I had fun. I'm glad the guys didn't let me feel out of place or anything," Ness said.
"I'm glad we got to come. I miss being here. Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed everything we've done together the last 15 years. But so much has changed. I mean, I know you haven't seen the Atera's store, but it's gotten so much bigger. We used to have to go to Forks to buy anything besides the basics," I turned and looked at her. I smiled.
I blew out a breath and stared back out at the beautiful scenery. I'd been all over the world the last decade with the Cullen's. It had really been amazing. I had seen every wonder of the world with Ness, yet my heart missed home.
Ness reached out and rubbed her palm across my back. "Things change over time, whether you're here or not. You ready to get going?" she asked. I stood and rubbed the sand off my jeans and opened my hand for hers.
She clasped her hand into mine and we walked slowly toward my car. Electric cars were good for the environment and all, but really they weren't that much fun to drive or work on.
I still had mine and Bella's old motorcycles, but we weren't dressed for riding tonight.
"Do you mind if we swing by Billy's for a bit?" I asked her, simply out of courtesy. I knew she wouldn't mind seeing my dad.
"Of course not, Jake," she smiled at me, as she buckled her seatbelt.
As we pulled up in front of my dad's house, I stared into the window. The curtains were open and I could see my sister and Paul on the couch talking with my dad. They checked on him and helped him out now. After they first imprinted, they decided they didn't want to have children. While Paul had come to accept his wolf, he didn't think it was right to bring any other kids into it knowingly. In a way, I felt bad for my dad. Rachel and Paul weren't going to give him grandkids and neither would I.
Ness opened her door first and headed toward the front door. I followed behind her and we walked in the house without knocking. All 3 heads turned to look at us.
"Hey! Long time, no see," Billy joked.
"So funny, Dad. It's been what, 45 minutes?" I laughed with him. I leaned over and hugged him again because I'd missed him a lot. His hair was a tad bit grayer and his face looked only a little older.
Ness leaned in and gave him a light squeeze before finding a seat on the couch near Rachel.
"What are you guys up to tonight?" I inquired.
"We just brought Billy home and we were discussing the highlights of the night. The gossip at these events runs far and wide, Jake. You just don't know," Rachel laughed.
I sat listening to all of the local gossip, from Charlie and Sue getting caught making out in the broom closet, to Embry getting busted for smuggling Old Quil's special recipe herbs and getting half the pack high out back.
I longed for the friendship and fun I used to have with the pack. Things with the Cullen's just weren't the same as it was hanging with a group of guys from my tribe. Of course, I wasn't the same 16 year old I was when all of the drama of my life went down.
Ness smiled and joined in the conversations. She quietly reached over and placed her hand on my arm. She showed me a picture of her family, all sitting around quietly working on some task or another. No one talking and having fun, no one really to relate to outside of the family. I felt the feeling of envy through our bond. My other hand reached out and patted her hand. I knew how she felt.
I noticed my dad was starting to get quiet and even though he wasn't showing outward signs of being tired, I could tell he was. I figured he was so happy that we were all here, he was going to fight sleep to the bitter end. So I decided to help him out.
I yawned. Big. Loud. I made a show of being tired. "We better get going guys. Thanks for hanging out with us. We both really loved being here. Maybe we can get together for dinner while we're here."
"Sounds great, Jake," Dad said. I leaned over and gave him a hug, and gave Rachel one too, before shaking Paul's hand. "See you guys. Call me."
Ness gave everybody a hug before we went back out to the car. I started it and backed out of the driveway. I'm not sure if I'd ever get used to the silent engine of an electric car, but whatever.
We headed back to what I called "the old Cullen house." No one was staying there but us and we were in town for a week before we headed back to our current life. La Push remained my only home, no matter where I lived.
I opened the heavy, wood door and swung it open so Ness could walk in. We headed upstairs and went to our own bedrooms. Ness was staying in Edward's old room and I was using the guest room.
As I lay in bed that night, I wondered why Quil and Claire's imprint had progressed to a relationship, but Ness and I had remained friends. Of course, I was tied to her and adored her. She was truly a kind, caring person. She was very intelligent and well read. Often, I felt dumb when it came to her. But, she'd laugh and say, she couldn't fix anything that was broken, and that was what counted in real life.
We had an easy friendship, but that's all it was. Back in our current residence of the mountains of Tennessee, I had my own cabin a few miles from the main Cullen compound. They had several houses clustered close together, but I'd insisted on having space away from Edward's annoying gift.
Most of the time, Bella kept her shield in place to let everyone be at peace and freedom with their thoughts. I mean, we all enjoyed a good daydream every now and then right? There were times people pissed you off and there was nothing better than imagining strangling them. Then, you're over it and move on. You know you'd never actually do it.
Sometimes, Bella would get sidetracked by something and let it slip. Once, I had seen this beautiful woman sunbathing on the beaches in France. The Cullen's were in our hotel-of course, they couldn't be out seen in broad sunshine without sparkling. So I went out alone to explore. I'm not a vampire, so why should I be stuck inside on a gorgeous day? In 15 years, I'd refused to do it. Ness had learned to cover herself with light clothing and a sun hat so it was never an issue for us.
This particular day, as I was enjoying the view of the magnificent boobs around me, Bella raised her shield just long enough to give Edward a view of me imagining my mouth wrapped around them.
Of course, I had no idea. When I returned to the room, Edward was furious and gave me a real father-like talk. Did he expect me to be a priest or something? It wasn't Nessie's boobs I was drooling over, so I never did understand his problem.
Another time, poor Jasper got caught unaware as he dreamed about seducing a woman and sucking her dry after she brushed up against his crotch in a museum. Edward stormed out and we didn't find out until later exactly what his problem was.
Anyhow, it was for these reasons I refused to live in a place where I constantly had to control every thought in my head. I'd like to say I am an awesome enough wolf to keep my thoughts under lock and key every moment of every day, but I can't. So I was close enough to run to the main house in a few minutes and Ness could run to see me by herself when she wanted.
I'd kept in touch with all of the original pack over the years. Sam and Jared had given up phasing. Quil had to keep phasing in order to stay young for Claire. Paul had slowed down on how much he phased, but he still did every so often. Seth, Leah, Brady and Collin still phased regularly. While I was technically alpha of the pack, since I wasn't around, Leah ran things. Quil had the bloodlines, but he was such an immature goofball, it didn't seem like a good plan to leave him in charge.
But keeping in touch wasn't the same as hanging out and playing ball on the beach. I missed bonfires and was excited that they planned to have one tomorrow. Frankly, I missed eating meals with other people. Ness and I ate dinner together every night. Sometimes, she'd just eat a little bit, but she still hunted as well. Now that she was old enough to go on her own without my cajoling, I didn't go with her.
While I had long ago accepted my wolf, a lot of that having to do with my imprint to Ness, I was leaning toward my human-side these days. I longed for a normal human life and I was thinking about how to give up the wolf when I was in the constant presence of vampires.
I often wondered about the purpose of my imprint with Ness. I'd accepted that we were friends and wasn't going to press the issue. Ness ran the romance department and right now she wasn't interested in it. We were comfortable with each other, a lot like Bella and I had been. We held hands, she sat with me, and I kissed her forehead when she hugged me. But that was it. We didn't kiss on the lips, we never had. I didn't date. I couldn't date. What woman would understand my situation without knowing the supernatural? I couldn't bring any innocent woman into this messed up life.
I turned over to my side and stared a hole in the wall until I fell asleep. I could hear music softly playing from Ness' room. I don't know how long I laid there awake, a million thoughts running through my head. Eventually I drifted off and slept.
A dream startled me awake. I didn't really remember all that happened, but my heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I should be ready to fight someone. Sitting up in the bed, I turned and looked around the room, listening for anything out of the ordinary. I rubbed my palm over my heart, willing it to slow down and stop the adrenaline.
The only snippet I remembered was Bella was human and she was about to be attacked. By what I didn't know-I couldn't recall.
Sleep was not going to come back soon, so I swung my feet off the edge of the bed and went to the bathroom. I splashed my face slowly with warm water and then turned it to cold, swishing my mouth out and drinking a few swallows as well. Before I left the room, I decided I'd better take a leak as well. Sometimes those crazy dreams wake you up so that you go to the bathroom. I went to the windows and looked outside, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Just as I sat back on the mattress, Ness opened the door.
"Hey, you okay?" she asked softly. "I heard you up and your heart was racing. What's going on?"
"Ahh. I had a bad dream. Sorry I woke you up. I think I needed to pee and I was so tired I wasn't waking up."
"You want me to stay?" she asked timidly. Her hand snaked around my wrist and she showed me a picture of her sitting in the arm chair by the bed, feet resting on the mattress. Her intent was friendly, not a romantic gesture.
"I'll be okay, but you can stay if you want," I shrugged. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get back to sleep or not, but her presence was always calming.
I laid back on the bed. Despite its exorbitant cost, it still was hard to get comfortable. In your own bed, you knew just the right spot and your pillows were all formed to the shape of your head. It smelled like your laundry detergent. Wiggling around, I got comfortable. Ness' tablet lit the room minimally as she fiddled with her games and ebooks.
Deep breath after deep breath, I started counting backward in my head from 1,000 to 0. I lost count around 568 and fell asleep again.
The next morning, Ness dropped a bomb on me.
"Jake? What would you say if I told you that I wanted to date someone?" she looked at me to gauge my reaction. My breath was momentarily sucked from me and my fork full of eggs and sausage froze on its path to my mouth.
"Who?" I breathed out. Had she changed her mind? I hadn't felt a change. I wasn't feeling a romantic pull to her.
"Do you want me to let you go? To release you from the imprint?" she asked again.
I gulped. Did I want that? I wasn't sure. It wasn't something I considered. Ever. In the last 15 years, my life had focused on what Ness wanted and how I could be there for her. I got what I wanted within the realm of her needs. She wanted to vacation in Asia, we did. But I insisted on seeing and doing what I wanted to do while we were there. I refused to sit in on a sunny day and I refused to travel as an 8 pack out in public.
But not until recently had I started to wonder when my life was going to change. When it was going to be about what I wanted first.
The truth was I was scared to be released from the imprint. What would I do without Ness? What would I do without Bella in my life? She had been an integral part of my life for nearly 20 years. I spent years pursuing her, then imprinted on her daughter. Everything led us to believe, her daughter would be the love of my life.
She wasn't. I loved her. I absolutely loved her. I wasn't in love with her though. I sat staring out the window as I contemplated the answer to Ness' question.