Santana and I met up at the bowling alley to go get some food since they have the best pizza. "You wanna split a whole one?" I ask her.
"Yeah." Santana says absentmindedly.
I turn to cashier and say we what a whole pizza. "What topping would you like, miss?"
I say "Bacon" at the same time she says "Pepperoni." We glare at each other and do rock paper scissors six times, but one of us would always cheat or it would tie.
"Santana, I don't know why it's an argument, bacon clearly is the better choice. " I say to her as I would a kindergartner.
"Listen here, limp dick. If I wasn't trying to buy the limited edition Spiderman comic book, I wouldn't be caught dead buying a pizza with you! We're going to fucking buy pepperoni or nothing!" She hisses.
"First off, that's not what Brittany said about my dick," Her eyes widen at my smug expression as I continue. " Second, I already have my limited edition copy so can buy a bacon pizza all on my own and your ass will go starving. " I give a satisfied grin at her angry expression.
The graying cashier looks very uncomfortable as she tries to stop us. "Umm. Miss there are people behind you. If you could just-"
"SHUT IT!" we snap at her and go back to arguing. I don't give a rats ass about the line, we're fuckin getting a bacon pizza if it's the last thing I do!
Santana takes off her glasses and her Batman earrings, ready to fight me. "You trynna say you fucked my girl? Is that it?! Well at least I don't have a dick so small it looks like raindrops when I come!"
No the fuck she didn't. I gaps and clutch the jeans in front of my wounded pride. "You can't even say hi to her without passing out, so she's not your girl! And how dare you insult Quinn Kong like that! Say sorry, or i will pop your inflatable titts!"
"I aint apologizing for shit until we buy pepperoni!" She yells. "Now you better take that shit back!"
"I said the same thing to your mom when she gave birth to you!" That's right, burn motherfucker, burn. "Now we'll take bacon!" I yell at the cashier.
"Shut the fuck up, shriveled dick! No wonder you don't want pepperoni, it reminds you too much of your FACE!"
"That's from eating your mom out last night, bitch!"
"No, 'cause she was with Papi all night long last night!" Her angry expression turns disgusted as she pauses and realizes what she said . I laugh and she glares again. "Shut up, Quinn! No one cares about your five inch dick having ass!"
"Shut up, asshole! ORDER BACON!" By now the crowd is huge but we're too far gone to do anything like calm down.
"PEPPERONI! NOW SHUT IT BEFORE I RIP YOUR DICK OFF THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE!"
She shoves me and tries to take my money to buy the pizza. My money! We end up in this awkward wrestling position and my face is smashed in between her boobs with my arm as far away from her as possible. She scratches and bites my shoulder as my other arm lifts her leg up in a way that I'm pretty sure is not suppose to move. I try to slam her to the ground like in those movies, but somehow my face ends up deeper in her bra and my knee hitting the floor painfully hard while she lands halfway on top of me.
'I'M STUCK! I CANT BREATH!'
'SHE'S TRYING TO PINCH THE DICK!'
'MOVE, MOTHA FUCKA, MOVE!'
'I CAN'T! TAP OUT! TAP THE FUCK OUT!' My arm flails around and hits her on she face multiple times, signaling her win. We straightened and glare, silently trying to blow each other up in our minds.
"Why don't you just get half and half?" An annoyed voice rings out. That's my angel's voice!
We both turn around to see Rachel standing there with a bored expression and arms crossed. I look at San and her at me and we both shrug our shoulders. We turn the she pale faced cashier with a smile. "Yes, we'd like a whole large pizza. Half bacon, half pepperoni, please."
The old lady looks like she could have had a heart attack and takes a shaky breath with wide eyes. "Okay, that's a large pizza half bacon, half pepperoni. Would you like anything to drink?"
"San, you want a drink"
"Yeah."
"We'll take two cokes."
"That's twelve dollars and fifty-two cents."
"Okay." Santana goes to get her money out her pocket but I grab her hand and tell her I got it.
"You sure, Q?"
"Yeah, what are friends for right?" I grin. She gives me a cheesy grin and puts her glasses back on and scuffs her Joker Converse on the floor.
"Yeah." Fist bump.
We get our pizza sit down at the table in the corner. Halfway through enjoying it, I realize what I could have said when she said I had a five inch dick. "It goes five inches deep in your mom!" That would have been perfect, but I always come up with the best shit after its over. Damn...
I'm brought out my thoughts when I see Finn Hudson walking to Rachel's table where she's eating her burger with no mustard extra pickles, and two tomatoes. Not that I stayed behind to hear her order or anything, I mean anybody would order that, right?
His extra-large hands lay on top of her table in a cocky manner. I bet he doesn't have this extra-large dick. I try to peek around his giant frame to see Rachel's expression. If I can just lean a little bit farther... holy shit! ouch!
"Quinn! What the hell are you doing? How the hell does your dumb ass fall out the chair?" Santana asks while helping me up.
I sit down shakily and glare at Finn Hudson while pointing in his direction. "That big tube of lard is tying to talk to the mother of my future children."
"Didn't you just meet her today? She just moved here, right?" San tilts her head in this puppy dog fashion. I shake my head and beam at her while bouncing in my seat.
"Nope! Well, she did just move here, but we're neighbors! They came to my house and I could tell Rachel was totally soaking in my charm." I say leaning back in my chair and cross my ankles with a smug look. Santana just gives me a smirk response.
"You made an ass of yourself, didn't you?"
"Yup!"