Chapter 3

As Jake went outside to talk to Daisy, Sarah couldn't resist turning back and heading outside too, just to see what else she had to say - and while Jake spoke her, Sarah waited by the back door, watching and listening whilst casting a stony glance in Daisy's direction.

"I know its been scary," Jake said to her, "And we're all worried about Louie – but you can't give up on him."

And Daisy looked up at him as she sat on the swing seat, and the expression in her eyes was unreadable as her gaze gave away no hint of emotion beneath the surface.

"You can think what you like," she replied, "But I have to make my own plans. Life has changed now."

"Before the crash you and Louie were inseparable – how can you change your mind now, when he needs you the most?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you," she said quietly.

The look in his eyes hardened.

"I'm starting to wonder if you ever loved him in the first place!"

Those harsh words made her crumble and she blinked away tears, and as she spoke again her voice was cracked with emotion.

"Me and Louie had plans! That is all gone now. Do you think it's fair on me to wait around and watch him die? You wasn't there when that plane crashed, you didn't hold him in your arms for hours while he was lying there bleeding!"

The anger had faded from Jake's eyes as he sat down beside her.

"You're running away because you're scared of losing him? Don't you know he needs you now more than ever?"

She blinked away more tears and looked back at Jake.

"Only Louie would understand why I feel as I do. He would understand, Jake."

What she had said made no sense, but neither did Louie's need to send him the message that he was sorry, and his thoughts turned again to why as he changed the subject.

"Why did Louie want me to know he was sorry? I don't understand."

"Neither do I," she replied, "Have you quarrelled with him?"

"No, Jake told her, "Last time I saw him he asked if he could use the plane and I said not until the weekend, and he seemed fine about it."

Then Jake fell silent as he recalled that last time he had seen Louie, standing there on the dock on his white suit as he smiled and said, "It is not a problem, mon ami – I will think of an alternative solution..."

And that was how Jake remembered him before the crash – same old Louie and no, they had definitely not argued about anything, which made the mystery deepen as he wondered why he would have told Daisy to give him the message that he was so very sorry...

"Daisy," he said, "I know Louie is the magistrate around here, but he's not above cutting a shifty deal – was he in any sort of trouble?"

"No Jake, of course not! I would have known, he told me everything."

Jake gave a sigh.

"I just can't figure out what he thought he had to apologise for."

"He didn't know what he was saying," Daisy replied, but still Jake got the feeling that Louie had very much meant those words he had said after the crash, but he was yet to figure out why he had said them.

"I spoke to Bess," he told her, "She's staying on the mainland to keep an eye on him and she said this morning Louie seemed a little stronger. He's not out of danger yet, but so far its looking hopeful. Would you come with me and Sarah and see him tomorrow?"

Daisy blinked away tears and nodded.

"Yes, I'll do that," she said in a hushed voice, and as Sarah stood in the doorway she felt her insides twist into knots as she wondered how she could visit Louie and see him so badly injured after the crash and not let her true feelings show in front of Jake and Daisy...

Next morning Jake took the plane to the mainland, and the flight was taken in silence as Sarah stayed lost in her own thoughts whilst Daisy chose to share hers with no one. Jake left Jack with the plane and then the three of them went to the hospital, and still neither women had spoken.

When they reached the door that led to Louie's room, Sarah struggled to hold back from crying as she remembered how Louie had made her promise never to tell Jake their secret – now it was more important than ever, because Louie would not want Jake to know under these circumstances, and although Daisy had sounded sure that Louie told her everything, she was pretty sure he had not told her that he had enjoyed a passionate love affair with Jake Cutter's girlfriend...

As Jake made a move to open the door, Bess joined them in the corridor.

"How is he?" he asked her.

"No change since I spoke to you on the telephone," she replied, "He's a lot stronger, it looks like he's going to make it – but we can't stop the sedation for a few more days. I've had a word with my boss and he said I can take the rest of my leave when ever I want – I can just leave my job here and come back to Boragora for a while, I thought it might be a good idea to do that when Louie's well enough to fly back, that way he'll have a doctor taking care of him."

Gratitude shone in Jake's eyes.

"That's a wonderful idea, Bess, thank you. But he probably won't need your help once he's recovered."

He had sounded optimistic, but then he saw the look in her eyes and all hope faded from his gaze – no, this was not going to be easy...

"We don't know if he can make a full recovery," she reminded him, "I was suggesting flying him back to the island so he's not stuck here all alone for months. It could do him good to be back home, at least that way he has you and Sarah and Daisy close by all the time."

Now Daisy was looking worried again.

"I thought he was getting better."

"And hopefully he is," Bess replied, "I know it's 1938 and we have modern medicine and all the rest of it, but no one can really say how he will come out of this, head injuries can be unpredictable. There's a risk that he may not fully regain consciousness. When the sedatives wear off it could be a long time before he's the Louie you know and love again – or he may never fully wake up, we just don't know."

"Really?" Daisy had spoken in a hushed voice, and as Jake caught that look in her eyes again, his heart sank.

"Don't start thinking the worst -"

"Sorry," she said abruptly, "I have to go. I'll meet you back at the plane."

And then she turned away and walked off down the corridor.

Jake gave a weary sigh.

"I don't know what's going on with her," he said to Bess, and then Sarah left them to talk and went into Louie's room and took a seat next to his bed, and as she looked at him she remembered Jake would be coming into the room at any moment, and knew she dare not shed the tears that were threatening to blind her as her vision stung hot and misty.

For a moment Sarah said nothing as she looked down at Louie, what ever she had imagined him looking like after a plane crash was nothing like the reality – he looked as if he were sleeping, he had a small dressing on his temple to cover a wound and she saw some bruises on his shoulder and his left wrist was bandaged, but he didn't look as if he had been in a plane that had crash landed.

"Why did you say that?" she whispered, "About telling Jake you're sorry? He doesn't know, Louie! I haven't breathed a word to him, I won't, I'll keep my promise."

And then as he lay there with his eyes closed she leaned over him and kissed his cheek, but then sat back sharply as Jake came into the room.

He noticed she looked tearful and his gaze shifted to Louie and then back to Sarah as he walked over to the window and looked out, purely because it was the easiest way for him to distract himself, if he did not look too long at his injured close friend, Sarah would not know he was also struggling as he tried not to weep.

"Bess has been explaining it all to me," he said quietly, "It doesn't look good, Sarah, all we can do is hope that he recovers – and that could take a long time."

"What else did she say?"

"I'll tell you later."

He turned around and walked over to the bed and looked down at Louie.

"I don't know why you wanted to say sorry to me, but there's nothing to apologise for," he told him, "Did you hear me? There's nothing to be sorry about, Louie."

Sarah leaned in a little closer and ran her hand gently over Louie's hair, it was a brief show of affection and all she dared do in front of Jake, and then as she spoke, she did so quietly, willing herself to stay calm and not fall apart.

"Please wake up," she said, "It's all going to be fine, everything is okay. And we're all here for you."

Jake looked away, thinking, except Daisy – she didn't want to be there for him at all... And he tried to hold back on showing his anger, remaining silent as he recalled how Daisy had heard the bad news and simply walked away.

And then Louie gave a sigh and turned his head towards Sarah and slowly opened his eyes.

"Louie?" she said, and then as he struggled to focus as the sedatives kept hold of him, he looked to Jake, tried to focus on him and then as he recalled the mess he had made by apologising after the crash, he drew in a slow breath and found the strength to speak.

"Jake..." he whispered, "Tell me, mon ami...tell me I am still your friend.."

And Jake looked down at him in surprise as he took hold of his hand.

"Of course you are! Why did you say that, Louie? Why did you say sorry? What was that apology for?"

As he struggled to stay awake he turned his head again, this time away from Jake as he felt confused, remembering the crash and his final confession...

"No..." he murmured, "No, forget that... forget... Sarah..."

And he drew in a sharp breath as he felt a flicker of pain run through his healing body, and then he closed his eyes again, and his grip on Jake's hand grew weak as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

"Louie?" Jake said, but he gave no response. Then Jake noticed a tear had run down Sarah's face.

"I can't bear this!" she said, and stifled a sob.

Jake moved closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Bess said he could be confused for quite a while. He's still sedated, but trying to fight it. We wont know how he is until they take him off the meds. He's just not making sense right now."

But he was, and Sarah knew it...

"I want to sit with him for a while," she said, and Jake nodded.

"Okay," he told her, "You wait with Louie – I'll go and tell Bess what happened."

And then Jake left the room, and Sarah stayed at Louie's bedside, watching as he slept peacefully, and then shifted restlessly, and for a moment he opened his eyes and looked at her, and she hoped he would wake fully but instead he murmured something she didn't catch and then slid back into a deep sleep once more.

And as she sat beside him, Sarah felt torn between wishing he would recover quickly and hoping he would not say too much in his confusion and confess all to Jake...

When they returned to the island, life went on but not quite as it had before the crash. The bar opened for three days and then closed again simply because without Louie around, even though Gushie was waiting tables and the bar staff were back to work, the place just didn't seem to run as well without the owner present, it was as if the place was missing its heart and that heart was Bon Chance Louie.

Sarah stepped in and offered to help out behind the bar when it go busy – but knowing she was not the best at tending a bar, drinks came back along with complaints and after three days, they decided to close up again, and it seemed as long as Louie's future was uncertain, so was the future of the Gold Monkey Bar, too.

Sarah tried to concentrate on her under cover duties, monitoring the island for suspicious activity, but for now all was quiet - and so was Daisy - who kept out of her way - and Sarah was glad she was out of the way because every time she thought of how she had turned her back and walked away when they had gone to see Louie, the more her anger simmered as she thought about the woman who was supposed to be Louie's girlfriend.

In the days that followed, Jake went to work every day flying cargo and trying to think of nothing but work. But that question was still nagging at the back of his mind:

Why had Louie said that after the crash, when he had assumed he wasn't going to make it, why say those words if they meant nothing? Why would he have said Tell Jake I'm sorry, if there was nothing to apologise for?

That question burned in his mind like a hot coal for the rest of the week.

And then, a call came from the mainland – and the news was partly good. Louie was now stable and on the road to recovery, although exactly what that would mean in the long run was impossible to predict...

A week after the crash, Louie was brought home to Boragora, where he was put to bed upstairs in his bedroom. Sarah watched as Bess got him comfortable, and then Louie had opened his eyes and looked around, seen the fan turning on the ceiling to banish the heat of the day, heard the roll of sea to sand somewhere in the distance, and he had given a sigh.

"Thank you," he murmured as he closed his eyes again, "It's good to be back..."

Seeing him back home and resting brought Sarah some reassurance, but when Bess tried to inject him with some pain relief he struggled, and she looked away and Bess called to Jake, who had to hold him down before Bess could inject him. As soon as the medication hit his blood stream, Louie began to relax once more, and slipped into a light sleep.

"How long will he be like this?" Sarah said, "I can't bear to watch him suffer, he doesn't know where he is, at times he doesn't know us at all! He's not under sedation now, he should be getting better!"

Bess looked at her.

"I did explain it to Jake – we don't know if or when he will make a full recovery. For now he's semi conscious with moments of waking but they don't last. I'm sorry but the worst case scenario could be that he never recovers, he could be like this indefinitely."

Sarah drew in a slow breath as she held back on crying.

"Forever?"

"Maybe – hopefully not, but we can't predict how this will go. We just have to hope for the best."

Sarah's eyes were still tearful as she looked at Bess.

"Hope for the best? Is that all you can say? You're not much of a doctor, are you!"

And then she left the room and hurried away.

Jake looked down at Louie, saw he was sleeping soundly and then stepped away from the bed.

"I'd better go and check on Sarah," he said, "She's taking all of this very badly."

Jake caught up with Sarah as she walked along the sand, and then she stopped and looked out to sea and wiped tears from her face.

"You've got to stop this," he said to her, "You keep falling apart and it's no good for anyone. You used to be so strong, what happened to you?"

"Used to be," she said, keeping her gaze fixed on the ocean as it rolled to shore, "But this really is too much for me, Jake. It's very hard, seeing Louie in such a mess, and its even worse to think he might never recover."

"That's not certain."

"I know, but I don't feel any better for remembering that."

She looked at him, and her eyes were still tearful.

"Jake, I don't think Daisy will stay around for much longer. She's packed her stuff and moved into a spare room – she doesn't even want to be close to him!"

"That's because she's afraid of losing him. I don't think she's planning on leaving at all."

"Well I do," Sarah told him, "I think she's planning to leave because she doesn't love him any more. But it doesn't matter, when she's gone, and after he's turned a corner and he's getting stronger, Bess won't need to be here. I'll take care of him, I'll look after Louie."

He looked at her in surprise.

"That could be a lot of hard work, Sarah!"

"I don't care, I've made up my mind."

The determination he saw burning in her eyes surprised him.

"I had no idea he meant so much to you. But if that's what you want to do, if he ever gets well enough, I don't see why you can't do that. It's a really nice thing to do for him."

She saw such kindness in Jake's eyes that she wanted to cry all over again.

But then Jake said something that changed everything and it came out of the blue, as a total shock to Sarah at the speed at which she fell apart, after he had finished explaining all he had to say.

"You need to understand something – Bess explained it to me back on the mainland – how he is now could be as good as its ever going to get. He may never be the Louie we used to know again. You need to remember that, you need to get used to that idea. There's a possibility that he may never fully wake up. He could be like this for the rest of his life. Bess has already said when next week is over she has to go back to work on the mainland, so we should think about hiring a nurse. That could turn out to be a long term arrangement. I'm sorry Sarah, but you have to be realistic about this. It's quite possible he won't get better."

A salt wind blew her hair back as she blinked away tears.

"I can't talk to you right now," she said tearfully, and then she turned away and started to walk up the beach alone.

Jake stood there for a moment confused by the heartache he had seen reflected in her eyes, and then he called her name and hurried up the beach after her, determined to talk to her again and find out why she had taken this news so very badly – they all cared about Louie, but Sarah wasn't just worried, she was behaving as if the world had stopped turning on the day his plane went down...

"Sarah, wait!"

As he caught up with her she stopped walking and turned around, and her eyes were still tearful as she ran her fingers through her hair to push it out of her eyes as the wind blew across the sea once more.

"Leave it, Jake. I just need some time alone. It's all been too upsetting lately."

"Why?" he asked her, and he looked at her intently, "Why are are you so devastated? I mean, its normal to be upset, sure it is - a friend of ours has been hurt. But honey, you're falling apart! What's going on?"

As she stood there and turned towards the sea she realised she was back there, on the same spot she had stood months before when Louie had met with her and told her their love affair had to end. And she thought about all Jake had said about Louie's slim chance of recovery, and it was then the promise she had made him on the day their affair ended meant nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart as she thought of all that had happened since they had parted, and suddenly the weight of it all was too much to bear.

She turned around and looked into Jake's eyes.

"Just tell me what's wrong," he said softly.

She drew in a slow breath.

"I love him."

"Sure you do – so do I, we all love the guy, he's Louie -"

"No, I really love him Jake, and before he was with Daisy he ….He loved me too. I'm so sorry!"

And then she gave a sob and as she stood there weeping he stared at her in disbelief.

"No...I've got this wrong...you and Louie? You didn't just say that -"

"Yes I did!"

Sarah's face had paled as she looked at Jake, who was still looking back at her with confusion in his eyes, but rapidly, that confusion gave way to disbelief.

"You and Louie? You're telling me you and him...No... no way..."

She blinked away more tears and spoke again.

"I'm sorry Jake," she said, "It was a while ago – we didn't mean for it to happen. We kissed and then one thing led to another and we tried to end it so many times...it was Louie who ended it eventually. And he was right to do that, he didn't want to deceive you. He's loyal to his friends."

"Loyal?"

It had hit home now and Jake was furious and hurt at the same time as he glared angrily at Sarah.

"And where did this happen?"

"I don't want to talk about this now -"

"Where?" he demanded angrily, "And what is one thing that led to another, Sarah? Did you kiss him, go for dinner with him, did you make out with him, or did it go further? And where did you do all this, in the bar, out the back after closing time? When?"

She struggled to hold back her tears as she answered his question.

"We fell in love!"

"Oh so that makes it okay, does it? You fell in love with Louie? And what else did you do?"

"Stop it!"

"What else? Tell me what he's really like, because I thought I knew the guy, clearly I don't!"

"We kissed and then we went upstairs..."

Sarah's voice was tearful but it did not make a difference to Jake's anger.

"And?"

"We spent the night together!"

"Just the once?"

She looked at him, and in that moment he knew her reply needed no words.

"Many times? You saw him behind my back, he talked to me and laughed with me like nothing was wrong all the time – when did this affair happen?"

"Months ago! It ended a while back! Then he met Daisy and fell in love with her -"

"And that's why you don't like her, I get it now! You're jealous!"

She gave another sob.

"No Jake - its you I love! Louie was right, we had to end it! But I can't help the way I feel about him, especially now!"

"Because you're still in love with him."

"No! I love you!"

Jake's eyes still blazed with anger.

"No you don't," he said coldly, "And I don't even want to look at you, Sarah – all I can picture in my mind is you and Louie together! I get it now, I know why he wanted to say sorry to me – well sorry isn't enough! I'm going to see him right now, and when he opens his eyes I'm telling him I know everything!"

"You can't do that to him – he's hurt!"

"So am I!" Jake said sharply, and he turned and walked away, leaving Sarah alone on the beach as she wept tears of regret.