So... it's been an incredibly long time since I've posted a chapter for this story. For that, I'm terribly sorry! Life happened and I lost my motivation to write. I've been slowly coming out of my funk and I will try to keep posting chapters and not waste a year of writing! Please forgive me and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever own it.
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Begin Again
Chapter Six
Lily's POV
Not many things were able to take Lily by surprise, but this was one of them. Lily stared at her former best friend, baffled. Her emerald eyes were wide while her mouth opened and closed like a fish. She was sure she had heard Severus wrong. Sure, James was brash, determined, unpredictable and always had to get his way… but this? A love potion? Was this some sort of twisted joke that Severus was playing on her? No, Severus was many things, but he had never lied to Lily. Hidden things from her, yes, but he always came clean about it eventually. His dark eyes bore into hers, pleading with her to believe what he said. There was a part of Lily that did believe, that knew what James was capable of, but another part of her scoffed at the idea. How could someone stoop so low to take away the free will of someone they loved?
"A love potion?" Lily asked breathlessly, "But… why?"
"Because the love potion that was already in your system was gone," Severus said with malice, "That bastard has been giving you a love potion since our fight. You don't think it's strange that you suddenly wanted to be with him after years of despising him?"
Lily wracked her brain for a moment, infuriated when she found that what Severus said was true. Her eyes snapped back up to his, burning in anger, "These last few years have all been a lie? I was drugged?!"
There was no denying it, Lily was a rather logical individual. The love potion would explain why she suddenly forgot all about Severus in school. How his suffering didn't call out to her as it normally would. How, after being imprisoned by Death Eaters, all affection for James Potter was suddenly gone and replaced with the loathing she felt for him during her first few years at Hogwarts. Lily was breathing rapidly, her hands clenched so tightly that she could feel her nails cutting her skin. Everything could have been different! She could have found the courage to tell Severus how she felt about him. She could have kept him away from the Dark Arts. She could have saved him… but James had ruined everything! Lily was brought out of her thoughts when Severus grabbed her hands in his and gently pried them apart. She was still seething with anger, but his touch brought her peace.
"Oh Sev," Lily whispered, "He ruined everything."
Her eyes had filled with tears. Whether they were tears of anger, sadness or both, Lily wasn't quite sure. She let Severus wrap his arms around her and pull her into his lap. He smoothed her hair away from her face and held her tightly. She burrowed into his embrace, basking in the feel of it and his smell of lemon and mint. Lily knew she didn't want to stay at the safe house or any of the Order's safe houses. She wanted to be as far away from James Potter as possible. She would talk to Dumbledore, maybe he would let her stay with Alice and Frank. She concentrated on her breathing and the sound of Severus' heartbeat. She wanted to hex James and Sirius into oblivion, but not when she was so comfortable and safe. Here, with Sev, nothing could touch her.
"He only ruined a small part," Severus said suddenly, "But now that we know, we can keep him away from you and you can start living your life the way you want to."
"I don't want to be anywhere near him!" Lily spat.
Severus ran his fingers through her hair, "I'll speak with Dumbledore, have him moved to a different safe house."
Lily leaned into Severus' touch for a moment before pulling back and staring at him, "I don't want to be around any of them. I want to go somewhere else. Please don't make me stay here."
Severus was silent as he thought of another solution. Slowly he began, "What about staying with me? At Spinner's End? I know plenty of wards. I can keep you safe."
"You would take me with you?" Lily asked, her eyes shining as she stared at him.
"I'll do anything to keep you safe, Lily. I'll do anything to keep you close," Severus uttered softly, cupping her cheek.
Lily took a deep, shuddering breath before she broke eye contact with Severus, her eyes focusing on her fingers as she pulled at the hem of her shirt. She felt Severus' hand leave her face and while she missed his touch, she was glad that he wasn't touching her so intimately. It had nothing to do with her imprisonment, it had everything to do with the guilt she felt. She felt guilty that she had let James give her a love potion and had essentially forgotten about Severus. She felt guilty for hurting Severus. She also felt guilty for how much she wanted to kiss Severus at that very moment. While James was a bastard by resorting to such underhanded measures for winning her love, in his own sick way, he did love her. Now, she wanted nothing to do with him after dating him for a year and engaged to him for another year. While she knew everything she felt was a lie, she didn't want to move on so quickly. She needed time to get back to being herself. She needed to remind herself what Severus was like, what she felt for him. She wanted to make sure that he felt the same way.
"Is Dumbledore here?" Lily wanted away from this safe house as soon as possible.
"I believe he is," Severus said, "After that scene with Potter and Black I would be surprised if he wasn't."
Lily pushed herself to her feet, "Then let's go talk to him."
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Severus' POV
Severus could only nod as he watched her stand. For a moment, just a moment, his Lily had come back to him. She was bright eyed and fierce, wild and lovely. Once Severus stood and moved closer to her, she was gone. The uncertainty that he had become so used to seeing since he found her shadowed her face and her bright eyes dulled. With a small sigh, he moved ahead of her and made his way back into the house. He didn't need to turn around to know that Lily was following him, he only hoped that they didn't run into Potter on their way to find Dumbledore. Luck seemed to be on their side and they found themselves in Dumbledore's office with no interference. Severus knocked on the door.
"Come in," came the muffled voice from inside.
Severus pushed open the office door and let Lily through first. She gave him a slight smile as she moved past him and into the room. He closed the door behind him to find a scowling Lily standing before their old headmaster, staring down at her feet. This was not how he knew her. It saddened and infuriated him to see what her time at the Dark Lord's home had done to her. Severus moved to stand next to Lily, close enough so she could reach out and touch his hand. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes and when it was obvious she wasn't going to speak, Severus did it for her.
"Are you aware that Potter has been giving Lily a love potion?" Severus asked, biting out Potter's name.
Dumbledore looked at Severus over his half-moon spectacles for a moment before answering, "Yes. Remus came to inform me after your altercation with him."
"Lily doesn't want to be anywhere near him," Severus stated, "And I don't want him anywhere near her."
"I figured that would be the case," Dumbledore said, "And what do you propose, Severus?"
Severus still found it strange how Dumbledore would ask for his opinion, it was new to him, "She could stay with me, at Spinner's end."
"Does Voldemort know where you live? What about any of the other Death Eaters?" Dumbledore studied them, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth.
The question surprised Severus because he wasn't sure. None of the other Death Eaters had been to his home and neither had Voldemort, but did that mean they didn't know where he lived? Would Lily really be safe at Spinner's end? He glanced at Lily quickly and saw how rigid she was. Her hands were clenched into fists around the hem of her shirt and her shoulders were shaking slightly. He had not even thought about whether or not his home was known to the Dark Lord. What would he do to Lily if he found her hiding at his home? What would happen to him? Severus was quickly running through the different scenarios and options he had. He wanted to get Lily away from Potter, but he also wanted her to be safe.
"I'm... not sure if they know where I live," Severus said slowly, "But I know I don't want to risk it."
Dumbledore nodded in agreement, "Might I make a suggestion?"
"Of course," Severus said, relief evident in his voice.
"There is a safe house near Hogwarts that is used for taking care of the children of deceased or missing Order members," Dumbledore began, watching Lily carefully, "We... lost one of our caretakers recently and we could use another set of hands helping."
Severus was once again watching Lily. He was irritated with Dumbledore's suggestion even though he knew it was a good one. If there was anything Lily really wanted to do with her life it would be to work with children. Lily would take him up on his offer and he would loose her. He had wanted her at Spinner's End so she could be close to him. He watched as she chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. It was a nervous habit she had and Severus forgotten how much he enjoyed the sight. Lily sent a quick look towards him and then looked back to Dumbledore.
"Can Sev come too?" she asked hesitantly, "He makes me less... nervous."
Severus felt his face warm at her comment and looked towards Dumbledore once more. His fingers were still steepled in front of his mouth and his eyes regarded the two of them thoughtfully. Severus could never tell what that man was thinking. It was almost impossible to read what was behind his eyes, but Severus knew that look well and knew that Dumbledore was going through his options. It seemed like it took forever before he moved his fingers away from his mouth and folded them in his lap.
"Severus is still going to be working with Voldemort," he said, "It's important that we don't lose him on the inside."
"I know that!" Lily snapped, her eyes burning for just a moment, "I just meant... can he come stay with me when he isn't busy?"
"If Severus wants to, he will have full access to the safe house and you," Dumbledore stated, "We will take you to your house so you can pack and then head to the safe house."
Lily visibly relaxed and turned to Severus, giving him a small smile. Dumbledore pushed himself out of his chair and made his way out of the office. Severus gestured for Lily to follow and then moved behind her. Dumbledore led them towards the front of the house and out the door. Severus was confused for only a moment before he recognized their surroundings. They were at a safe house in Godric's Hollow. Potter's house was only right down the street. She stood on the patio, looking out over the sleepy town he hadn't dared to visit when he noticed Lily shivering. He quickly took off his robes and draped them over Lily's shoulders. She jumped slightly at the contact but then looked back at Severus and smiled.
"Thanks, Sev," she whispered.
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Lily's POV
Lily pulled Severus' robes tighter around her, the chill seemed to seep into her bones and his lingering warmth was comforting. She inhaled his scent before following Dumbledore down the road to the house she had been living in since she graduated from Hogwarts. They walked for a few moments in silence before they rounded the corner and James' house came into view. A slight tremor wracked her body at the sight of it. She had so many memories in this house... and all of them were lies. She hugged herself, willing the flood of memories away. She wanted to forget that her life with James Potter had ever happened. They were almost to the door when Lily stopped suddenly.
"Lily?" Severus asked.
"James isn't here, is he?" she asked quickly, her voice shaking.
"No," Dumbledore confirmed, "Mr. Potter is still at the safe house under lock and key. While love potions aren't necessarily illegal, what he did to you is an entirely different matter and we aren't sure how to handle it at the moment."
"I don't care," Lily muttered, "Just keep him away from me."
Dumbledore nodded absently and with a flick of his wand, the door to the house opened. Once inside, Lily felt out of place. She remembered everything that had happened in this house, but it was like it had happened to someone else. A different version of herself that she was disgusted with. Her heart sped up slightly when she felt Severus take her hand and squeeze it gently. She drew strength from the simple gesture and went upstairs to gather some of her things, Severus following behind her. Once in her room, she grabbed a bag and started throwing her things in it. She still mourned the loss of her wand and she knew she would have to go to Diagon Alley eventually to get a new one, but she just wasn't up for it quite yet. She didn't feel comfortable around people yet and she was afraid she would have a melt down in the middle of Ollivander's. She could feel Severus' unease from across the room and turned to look at him. His shoulders were tense and his fists were clenched as he looked around the room. She finished packing as quickly as she could, she wanted to get out of the house as much as Severus did.
"I'm all packed," Lily said faintly once she was done.
She watched as Severus strode across the room and pulled out his wand. Lily stiffened slightly but relaxed once he had shrunk her bags and stuffed them into his pocket. Lily led him back downstairs to where Dumbledore was waiting in the doorway. Without a word, he walked back out into the snow and held his arm out. Lily looked at it warily, uncomfortable with the thought of touching the older man. As if sensing her distress, Severus placed his hand on Dumbledore's arm and held out his other hand, his eyes beseeching her. She hesitated for only a second before her hand sought his and with a familiar tug behind her navel, they were spinning away from Godric's Hollow and her false life.
After a few moments, they landed hard on the ground. Lily stumbled slightly and Severus caught her before she fell. Her lips parted in surprise and she looked up at Severus, dazed. Something flickered in the depths of his dark eyes, but it was gone almost as soon as it was there. He made sure she was steady before dropping his arms and Lily mourned the loss of his warmth. They stood on a snow covered hill, and in the distance, she could just barely make out the outline of Hogwarts. Dumbledore muttered the password and a manor shimmered into existence before them. This was probably the largest safe house that Lily had seen yet. It was four stories high and warm light spilled out from almost all of the windows. Dumbledore led them inside and they were greeted by an older witch with a kind face. Her hair was starting to gray, but her brown eyes were sharp and clear.
"Dumbledore!" she exclaimed, "We didn't expect you for a few more days!"
"Something came up," he said, smiling, "Millie, this is Lily Evans. She's here to help with the children."
"Oh that's wonderful!" Millie tittered, walking up to Lily who took an unconscious step backwards.
She grabbed Severus' arm and hid her face behind it. She could hear Dumbledore whispering to the woman and after a few moments, Severus brushed his fingers across her cheek and she looked up at him. He tilted his head in the direction of the other two and Lily turned to face them. Her cheeks were flushed in shame. She hated who she had become after her time with the Death Eaters and she wondered if she would ever go back to the girl that she was. Not that she really knew who that was anymore since she found out about the love potion. Millie was watching Lily, a gentle and concerned look in her eyes. Dumbledore cleared his throat to try and alleviate the tension in the room.
"Millie is going to show you where you'll be staying, Miss. Evans," Dumbledore announced, "If you'll excuse me, I need to get back." With that said, Dumbledore swept from the manor and left with a 'pop'.
"I'm assuming you'll want a room next to his?" Millie asked gently, motioning to Severus.
Lily could only nod. A sad smile graced Millie's lips and they headed upstairs. She took them all the way up to the fourth floor and turned right at the top of the stairs. Millie was talking, but Lily wasn't paying very much attention. She was falling behind and ran straight into Severus when he stopped to make sure she was still there. A quiet gasp fell from her lips when she collided with him and she stumbled away from him.
"Sorry Sev," she mumbled.
"It's alright," he said tenderly, "This is your room."
He motioned to the door they stood in front of. Millie was standing just inside the room waiting for her. Lily bobbed her head absently and walked into the room. Her lips parted once she walked into the room. It was the largest bedroom she had ever seen. A beautiful four poster bed sat in the middle of the room and, like Hogwarts, the ceiling was enchanted to show the sky outside. Bookshelves filled two of the walls and a large glass door led out onto a balcony overlooking the garden and playground in the backyard. There were two doors to the right of the bed, one led to a closet and the other led to a bathroom with a huge sunken bathtub and granite counters.
"This is my room?" Lily asked in disbelief.
Millie nodded, "These rooms weren't ever going to get used and Albus said to make sure you were comfortable. There is a door on the other side of the bathroom that leads to Mr. Snape's room. I'll give you a few days to settle in before I introduce you to the other girls and all the children."
With a last smile, Millie walked out of the room and left Lily alone with Severus. Lily turned to Severus, her eyes wide and her mouth opening and closing with words she couldn't find. While she had been comfortable growing up, it was nothing like this. She knew it had to be even more amazing for Severus who had grown up even less well off. He seemed just as awed as she was and with a small cry of joy, she jumped on the bed, laughing. From her place on the bed, she watched as Severus walked to the foot of it and take her bags out of his pocket, enlarging them to their normal size.
"Isn't this great, Sev?" Lily asked, slightly breathless.
"It is," Severus breathed, awe-struck, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to Spinner's End."
"I wish you didn't have to," Lily mumbled, "You could come back here every night!"
Severus smiled softly, "I just might do that."
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So please don't hate me for not updating in a year... please review and let me know what you think! It's been awhile since I wrote anything and I'd love any feedback. I'm hoping to get chapter seven up within the next couple of days.