Title: it's where my demons hide
Sum: When Gajeel loses himself to the demons from his past, Levy refuses to let him stay lost for long.
Notes: I'm not really happy with how this turned out, but I can't figure out how to fix it so I'm calling it done. Sorry it's a tad OOC.

He wasn't sure how long it'd been happening, just that it was suddenly so much worse. Maybe it was his punishment for allowing himself to be happy. It was the least he deserved after all he'd done.

You don't deserve happiness. You must suffer, as your victims have suffered. You must pay for your sins.

The words were whispered in his ear all day, and screamed all night until he could barely think of anything else. Every morning he'd wake up and find it harder to remember where he was, who he was. Then he'd feel the warmth of Levy pressed against his side, hear her quiet breathing, and he'd remember.

He knew he didn't deserve her. He'd hurt her, and yet she'd forgiven him. She shared a home with him. She loved him.

You're a monster.

And he knew, if he didn't leave, he would hurt her again.

x

Levy saw the changes in Gajeel, knew he was going through something, but when she asked he just brushed it away with a forced smile. He found more and more reasons to stay away from her, until he just stopped coming home altogether.

She was losing him and she didn't know what to do.

"It'll be okay," Lucy said, but Levy could hear the false note in her voice.

Lies.

"Yeah," Levy murmured. "I'm sure it will be."

So many lies.

Lucy gave her a smile that made her grit her teeth. She didn't want sympathy right now, she didn't want sugar coated words. She wanted someone to tell her where Gajeel was.

But no one knew.

He'd just vanished overnight.

"I have to go," she muttered, pushing herself to her feet so fast her chair toppled over, but she didn't pause to right it. She strode from the guild, her eyes on the ground and her body thrumming with emotion. Worry curled in her stomach, anger stung her throat, and fear filled her veins.

What if he left because he doesn't love you anymore? What if he's never coming back?

She made it halfway home and had to stop, her breathing had quickened to pants and she could feel tears sting her eyes. She blinked a couple of times, pushing the tears back, and took a deep breath.

This wasn't about her, this was about Gajeel. If he didn't love her anymore then she'd cross that bridge when she got to it. The most important thing was finding him and making sure he was okay, and bringing him back …

If he wanted to come back at all.

She took another deep breath and shoved the thoughts out of her mind. She'd worry about all of that when she found him.

If you find him.

She shook her head and continued walking, each step bringing her closer to the empty house. Maybe she should just take up Lucy's offer to stay with her, but she knew she couldn't. She had to be home, in case he came back. What if she wasn't there and he thought she'd abandoned him?

She paused at the door, her hand hovering over the handle. A flash of hope shot through her and her hand began to shake. What if she opened the door and he was there? What if he had just needed a week to himself? If he apologized she would forgive him, she knew she would.

She practically threw the door open, but inside was dark and silent. She searched every room, every corner and came up with nothing. That flash of hope shriveled up and died and she released a shuddering breath, falling to her knees in the middle of the living room. She wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her eyes shut as the first tears began to fall.

"Gajeel," she moaned, all the pain she felt filling that single word.

Come back.

x

It had been almost two months since he'd vanished. Levy slept on the couch every night, unable to even open the door to the bedroom without feeling the gnawing emptiness. She knew the rest of the guild was worried, but she couldn't seem to fight it anymore. She knew she should be strong, that she shouldn't give up, but she just didn't know how to anymore.

She was still in the same spot she'd been when she woke up, even though it had been hours since she opened her eyes. She just couldn't seem to find the strength to move. She barely registered the sound the door opening, probably wouldn't have realized anyone was with her if Lily hadn't landed on her lap.

She glanced at the Exceed, blinking in surprise. It had been weeks since she'd last seen him. He'd been coming and going, searching for Gajeel, refusing to give up.

"Levy," he said, and she knew what was coming next before the words were even out of his mouth. "We found him."

Her entire world seemed to shift on its axis. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, trying to leap up her throat, and a glimmer of hope sparked in her stomach, filling the empty void with warmth and light.

"Where?" she croaked, her voice hoarse from crying. She stumbled to her feet, swaying slightly before managing to find her balance. She stared at Lily, not caring that she hadn't showered and that her hair was probably a mess. Not caring that she was sure she looked crazy.

Only one thing mattered now.

"Where is he?"

x

They'd brought him to the clinic. They said he was pretty unresponsive, that he didn't seem to recognize any of them. She took it all in, but her thoughts were all focused on one thing.

He's back.

When she saw him though, her heart constricted and she had to pause.

"Gajeel." Her voice was quiet, a disbelieving whisper, but it was him. There was no way it could be anyone else. He might look thinner, but it was him. She still had to feel him though, to assure herself that he was really there, and she stumbled forward. She practically fell into him, her arms wrapping tight around his neck. "Oh, Gajeel."

But he didn't hug her back. In fact instead of wrapping his arms around her, he ripped himself away from her, staring at her out of wild eyes.

"Gajeel," she whispered, reaching out. He flinched back from her hand and she felt the emptiness begin to gnaw again. He didn't want her anymore. "Gajeel, please talk to me."

He didn't speak, just kept staring at her, and she recognized the emotion in his eyes. Fear.

He was afraid.

Of her.

"Oh."

She swallowed thickly and slid back a step, putting distance between them. Something had happened to him, something bad.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she murmured, holding out her hands to show him that she meant no harm.

He just kept staring at her and she felt tears begin to crawl up her throat. What if she could never bring him back?

"I know."

The two words made her eyes widen and she stared at him, her mouth parting in surprise. His voice was rougher, like he hadn't used it for a while, but he'd spoken. He wasn't totally lost.

"Gajeel?"

He swallowed and she saw some of the wildness leave his eyes, but the fear was still there.

"I know you won't hurt me."

She stepped closer, but he shook his head, sliding back.

"You won't hurt me, but I'll hurt you. Again."

"Oh."

Then it all clicked.

It wasn't that he'd stopped loving her, it was that he loved her too much. He couldn't forgive himself. It didn't matter that Levy no longer blamed him for what he did. It didn't matter that he wasn't the same person he used to be.

He was being haunted by the ghosts of his past.

"Oh," she said again. All the pain she felt, all the emptiness and worry and anger, solidified into determination. She squared her shoulders and took another step forward, ignoring his wide eyes. He shook his head again but she just moved closer until she could reach out and grab his face, pulling it down so they were eye level.

"Now you listen to me Gajeel Redfox. You are the sweetest guy I've ever met. You cannot change your past, but your past does not define you. You've made mistakes. You've hurt people. You've hurt me." He flinched, but she held tight, refusing to let him look away. She had to make him understand. "But you're not the same, and neither am I. That's the beauty of humans. We learn from our mistakes and we grow."

Her hold on his face turned into a caress and she smiled. "You don't scare me, not anymore." Then she leaned closer, her breath mingling with his. "So come back to me, Gajeel." She pressed her forehead against his, closing her eyes. "Please. I can't keep going without you."

She wasn't sure it worked at first. He didn't move, didn't say anything, and she felt like her heart was cracking. Maybe she was too late. Maybe he'd already convinced himself that he couldn't be around her anymore, and if so then she'd have to say goodbye. She couldn't force him to stay.

But then his arms wrapped around her and she had to squeeze her eyes tight against the tears as relief flooded through her, making her feel ten times lighter. And she laughed, throwing her arms around his neck and squeezing so tight he probably had trouble breathing, but she couldn't help herself.

"Sorry," he murmured, his face buried in her hair. She just shook her head, pressing her cheek against his chest and listening to the steady thrum of his heart.

"You're back," she breathed. "And that's all that matters."

He breathed a sigh and his hands stroked her back. "I hurt you again, even though I left."

"You hurt me because you left." She squeezed him tight, releasing a shaky breath. "I love you, so much sometimes that it hurts." She leaned back so she could look into his eyes. "I want all of you. The good and the bad. I want you to share everything with me, even the things that scare you. Especially the things that scare you. We can work through things together." She swallowed past the lump in her throat and reached out, resting her hand on his cheek. "Just please, don't ever leave again."

His arms tightened around her and he dropped his face into her hair. "I won't," he murmured. "I can't." He raised his head again, a sardonic twist to his lips. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I don't think I have the strength to do it again. Even if it is what's best for you."

"Well, it's not. You being here, with me, is what's best. Understand?"

He nodded and she smiled, going up on her toes to reach his mouth. The kiss said everything they couldn't find the words for, and she sighed against his mouth. Inside the emptiness receded, filled with warmth. His warmth.

I love you.

I missed you.

I need you.

The words were unspoken, but she still heard them loud and clear. She hugged him tight and closed her eyes.

Everything was right again