STILES
He had tried to sleep, and he did for awhile. It helped that Scott had stayed. It was reassuring to have his best friend there with him. And his sleep had been a little more restful, at least, until he woke up screaming again.
It had been a few hours since then, and everything blended together in Stiles head. They had gone to see Deaton, but no new information revealed itself. Peter also claimed to know nothing, according to Derek.
The three of them had gone to Scott's were Lydia and Kira had been waiting for them. Once they went inside, Stiles took a seat in the living room at the furthest corner. He couldn't help but still feel shaky. It wasn't even just what had happened anymore. His dreams were really what was getting to him.
He could hear Scott explaining the situation to the other two in the kitchen, but Stiles just stayed quiet and began to zone out. He knew he should have tried to take part, tell what happened first hand, but he couldn't. All he could do was fixate on how Kira seemed nervous around Scott, and the concerned looks Lydia kept shooting him.
"You need to talk," Derek said suddenly, taking a seat next to Stiles. Stiles hadn't even realized that Derek had come over to where he was until now. "In all the time I have known you, I've never seen you this quiet."
"I would have thought you would have preferred that," Stiles replied simply. "You never seem to be much of a fun for my wit."
"Stop trying to dance around the subject," Derek replied simply. "You can do that with Scott all you want. He'll even let you get away with it. He's worried about saying the wrong thing, about triggering you."
"And as usual, Derek Hale doesn't care, right?"
"I actually do care, Stiles, but I'm also not going to let you pretend nothing is bothering you, or that you need space. That's not what you need right now," Derek said simply, looking at Stiles blankly.
"Why would I air out my dirty laundry to you?" Stiles asked matter-of-factly. "We're not exactly close. I can't think of a single one of our encounters that didn't involve you expressing your disdain for my presence in a physical form."
"Look at it this way," Derek replied. "You don't owe me a single thing. And by the way you look at the others in there, I can tell you think you owe them something. And why? Because they got involved in the Nogitsune mess when that's something they would have, regardless of you being involved?"
"Yeah well, you're not the one who got possessed and was responsible for everything that happened," Stiles replied. "You wouldn't understand."
"You're right. I wouldn't understand how it feels to be responsible for the death of others. I mean, it's not like I dated a psychotic killer who ended up slaughtering nearly all of my family, and then proceeded to get you and Scott involved years later when I came back here."
The room went silent after that, other than the chatter from the kitchen. Stiles wasn't sure how to respond to that. He felt stupid for not realizing what he had said. He'd known just how much Derek blamed himself for the fire, even if he had never actually expressed it. It had been one of the mysteries regarding Derek Hale that Stiles had pieced together. And here he was, bringing that up.
He felt like a huge asshole, both for his uncaring attitude, and for saying something actually hurtful to Derek.
"I'm sorry," Stiles replied.
"You don't need to apologize, Stiles," Derek replied simply, although Stiles could have sworn his demeanor was slightly off now. "What you need to do is talk. Or at least let your emotions and feelings out through some outlet. It's not good to let them bottle up."
"I've… It's not just what happened," Stiles began. "It's…"
"What?" Derek asked, staring at him. Stiles looked at Derek, trying to read his face. There wasn't really a scowl or any brooding on his face at the moment. His face didn't really have a specific expression on it. Maybe he could talk to Derek about it.
"When the Nogitsune took over – even before it did – I had nightmares. At first, it was because of what me, Scott, and Allison did. But it got worse when the Nogitsune came, and even though it left, I still have the dreams. Sometimes, I'm reliving what I did as the Nogitsune. Sometimes, it's other things entirely. But even when it is things that didn't happen, it feels so real, and I can always see the faces of Allison and Aidan, looking at me, judging me, taunting me."
Stiles wasn't sure how else to explain his dreams. There were some things that he honestly couldn't remember in addition to that, and some things he didn't want to remember. Like the weird skull man…
"Nightmares are the worst," Derek replied. "Especially since, you don't always find a way to make them go away forever. I can't pretend to understand how bad your dreams are, since I know there is a darkness that you and Scott let in that day that no one else really will be able to understand. But I know how bad it was for me. And eventually, you'll either realize you have nothing to fear, or that there is no real point in torturing yourself."
"I don't deserve anything else but torture," Stiles replied. "I'm not even sure I can really feel certain emotions even more."
"Stiles –"
Derek shifted in his seat and looked at Stiles like he was going to say something, but Scott walked into the room with the two girls following behind.
"What do we do now? We're out of information," Scott said, not realizing that Derek and Stiles had been in deep conversation. Stiles noticed, however, that Lydia was looking at him and Derek, afraid maybe they had interrupted some deep conversation.
"I tried calling my mom, asking if she had any idea, but she was just as clueless as us," Kira replied with a sigh. "What do we do now?"
"We can wait, see if the man pops up again," Derek replied to the others. "Scott and I checked to see if he left a trail, but he didn't. This man is careful. The only way we'll find him is if he is hunting something else again. His style is like a Hunters. We won't find him unless he wants us to find him, unless we can catch him off guard while he is hunting prey."
"Well, what are we supposed to do in the mean time? Sit around our homes and hope that if he breaks in, it's not to murder one of us?" Lydia asked shrewdly.
"I don't think that guy will come after us," Stiles said suddenly, gaining everybody's attention. He was suddenly very conscious of himself. "It's just – I mean, he went after that boy, but from what I gather, him and his family were killers. And none of us here are."
"It's possible," Lydia agreed, "but I've experienced all the psycho killers I've wanted to in life, so I'd rather get this figured out and wrapped up as soon as possible. I'm tired of feeling like a victim."
"Speaking of which," Scott interrupted, "there was something I wanted to talk to you guys about – specifically Lydia and you, Stiles."
"What is it?" Stiles asked hesitantly. He wasn't often grouped together with Lydia, and judging by Scott's expression, he seemed troubled.
"Derek and I were talking earlier, and he had a good idea. The two of you don't know how to fight, and well, we kind of live in a supernatural hot zone," Scott replied. "So, I was going to ask the two of you if you wanted us to teach you how to fight."
"Like, as in with claws?" Lydia asked. "Because, I don't know if you've noticed Scott, but Stiles and I are lacking on that front."
"If you were wolves, that probably would be a style we'd teach you," Derek began. "But you're not. Despite being a banshee, you and Stiles are as human as just about everyone else. So we'd need to teach you typical self defense."
"And I was thinking, maybe also how to use weapons," Scott replied. "I don't really know how to do that, but Kira –"
"Me?" Kira asked, looking around the room helplessly.
"I was going to ask if you could teach them how to do that," Scott replied, a helpless grin on his face.
"I'm not even sure what else I know how to use besides a sword," Kira replied. "It just sort of comes to me. I didn't even really learn it myself."
"I have faith in you," Scott said, and Stiles noticed the blush that appeared on both his and Kira's faces. "If you will, that is."
"I'll try my best," she replied.
"I'm in," Lydia replied suddenly. "I've been kidnapped twice already, and help hostage in a school at night, and I can probably list off a million other examples, but frankly, I'll just say I'm tired of not being able to do anything."
"What about you, Stiles?" Derek asked.
"I… I guess," Stiles replied. "I mean, yes."
"Alright, then it's settled," Scott replied happily.
The group continued conversing again, and Stiles tried to listen, but he couldn't. There was a strange chill going through his body all of a sudden. It felt foreign, and yet welcoming at the same time. Stiles felt like getting up and moving, following the feeling. It was strange.
Before he knew it, his vision had begun to blur into darkness. Then, it was clear as day again, but he was no longer in Scott's home. He didn't actually know where he was. It looked dark, and there were multiple tunnels and trails of water passing through them. It looked like a sewer.
It was then that Stiles heard movement, and saw two figures running from one of the other tunnels, coming toward him. They seemed more focused on what was behind them.
"They're still following us! We can't fight them in here. There's way too many, J," one of the figures said. It sounded like a boy around his and Scott's age, and oddly familiar.
"Just because I'm from here doesn't mean I know the workings of the sewers, Leo. Hurry up, there has to be an exit through here somewhere," a second voice replied, and Stiles knew he recognized that voice perfectly. It had been so long since he had –
"Stiles?"
The vision blurred away, and Stiles was back in the living room, standing and looking directly at Lydia.
"Huh?" he asked, confused.
"What are you doing?" Lydia asked, that concerned look on her face again. "You just got up and began walking off without saying anything to us, like we weren't even here."
"I… I saw something," Stiles muttered, but nobody had quite heard him.
"What?" Lydia asked.
"Nothing," Stiles replied. "I just, I zoned out. I was thinking too much, I guess."
He looked around the room, as if trying to reassure everyone, but from the looks he could tell nobody believed him for a second.
Stiles wasn't even sure what had just happened. He hadn't hallucinated like this in awhile. But this was different. In his hallucinations, he felt like he was actually there, trapped. But what had just happened… it had felt more like some weird dream. Like some movies he was watching and not a part of.
He went back to his seat besides Derek, who didn't say anything. Eventually, everyone began to clear out, until it was just Scott and Stiles alone again.
"Even if I ask, you're not going to say anything, are you?" Scott asked Stiles, a worried expression on his face. Stiles couldn't help but feel a sudden rage. He was so tired of everyone looking at him like that.
"I'm going home," Stiles said suddenly, getting up.
"Derek drove us here. Your car is still at home," Scott said.
"Then I'll walk," Stiles replied.
"Stiles – "
"Just leave me alone right now, Scott," Stiles replied. "I just… I want to be alone."