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Gwynne tossed and turned throughout the rest of the night. No matter how hard she tried to block the images of the wildling out of her mind it seemed to be an impossible feat. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and all she wanted was to close her eyes and fall into a deep asleep. Maybe this was nothing more than a bad dream. Maybe once the sunlight streamed through her window and she opened her eyes again she would realize that it was nothing more than her imagination running wild once again.
She felt the warmth of sunlight caress her cheek and opened her eyes. She had lain motionless in her bed for hours, unable to sleep, and it seemed that the night had effortlessly slipped through her fingertips. A groan slipped through Gwynne's lips as she pushed herself out of bed and prepared herself for another day in Winterfell.
She heard commotion in the castle, more than usual, and followed the voices until she reached the source of theml. Dozens of men were standing around, voices and conversations overlapping one another as Gwynne approached Robb and his brother. She greeted them and tried her very best to hide the fact that she had a restless night.
"What's going on?" Gwynne asked the brothers.
Robb smirked at her, his arms cross over his broad armoured chest. "We're going hunting today, Gwynne. Did you forget?"
"Oh." How could she have forgotten about the hunt? The boys had been looking forward to this for many moons and had spent just as long talking about it amongst themselves.
No one had been more excited about the hunt than Jon Snow. He was beaming this morning, his eyes shinning brighter than Gwynne had ever seen throughout the years. Ned had agreed to take Jon with his hunting party and she swore nothing had made Jon happier. He had always wanted some sort of approval from his father and whenever he got some, even an ounce, it made him realize that all the heartache and names meant nothing to him. The only thing that meant something was his family, even if some of them despised his existence.
"My lady." Gwynne bowed her head as Cat approached the trio.
Cat smile warmly, acknowledging the young girl she had come to think of as her own. "Have you come to see the boys off, Gwynne?"
"I have, my lady. There are a lot of men here today. It seems like it's going to be a successful hunt."
"Yes, I expect it will be. Ned is especially excited to spend some quality time with his son in the wilderness. Robb, why don't you prepare your horse for the journey? You'll be gone for some time."
"Yes, mother." Jon gave his mom a quick kiss on the cheek before motioning for Jon to follow him towards their horses.
Cat turned to Jon. "Where are you going?" Her voice had suddenly turned to ice. The hate buried beneath each word caught Gwynne's attention instantly.
"He's coming with us, mother. Father said it was okay if Jon-"
"Where is your father? I must have a word with him."
Lady Cat stormed off before any of them could get another word in. In silence, they watched Lady Stark approach her husband. No one could hear the words being spoken between them, but Cat's face said it all. She wasn't going to let Ned Stark's bastard go on a hunt with her first born. It was bad enough that she couldn't keep them apart on a day to day basis, but she would be damned to the seven hells if Jon thought he was going hunting with the good men of Winterfell.
"Its okay, Robb. Go prepare your horse for the hunt. I'll stay here." The sadness in Jon's voice was adamant, even though he had tried his best to conceal it from his brother.
"No, Jon, we've been talking about this for ages. You and me, out there together. Just like we planned when we were kids. I'll talk to mother; she'll let you come with us."
Jon shook his head solemnly. "She won't. You know that."
Ned had a grim look on his face as he approached his sons. "I'm sorry, Jon."
Those three words had confirmed every fear Jon had about the hunt. In his gut he knew that Lady Stark was never going to let him go with her husband and her eldest son. But that didn't stop him from having a splinter of hope when he awoke in the morning. He managed to force a smile and nodded. He wouldn't give Lady Stark the gratification of seeing him crushed. Not today.
"You'll take care of your brothers and sisters while we're gone, right Jon?" Ned asked sympathetically, resting a hand on Jon's shoulder. His son nodded. "And Gwynne, as well. Try not to get into too much trouble while we're gone, the both of you."
"Yes, Lord Stark." Gwynne assured him.
Ned turned to his heir. "Come, son. We've a lot to do before we leave."
Robb gave Jon a small smile, almost as if to apologize for his mother's actions, before turning away and walking side by side with his father. Gwynne turned to Jon and looked up at him. She could see the hurt in his eyes and felt a sharp pain suddenly stab her chest. Someone might as well have taken their sword and stabbed her in the heart at that moment.
It had taken Cat some time to forgive her husband for his actions all those years ago, so why couldn't she put her hate for Jon aside and be the mother he desperately needed? She understood that Jon was a constant painful reminder, but he had no say in what his mother and father had done. Why should he have to pay for someone else's actions for the rest of his life?
How many times had Gwynne had to bite her tongue throughout the years over Lady Stark's cruel words and actions? She had lost count when she was just a child. She had been on the verge of confronting Cat and standing up for Jon many times. But when it came down to it, she knew she could never speak up against her.
The Lord and Lady of Winterfell had taken her in when they had absolutely no reason to. Yes, Lord Stark had promised her father that he would take care of Gwynne and protect her like she was one of his own. But even the greatest of men can go back on their word. They could have given her away to the closest man and she would have been nothing but a thing of the past. Instead, they took her in, clothed her and fed her and had given her privileges she had never dreamed of. How could she go against them, even if at times it was unbearable to watch the misery that was Jon's life?
Gwynne couldn't change how people treated him or what they said, but she could be there for him whenever he needed someone.
Without saying a word, Jon turned and walked away from Gwynne, trying to keep his head up with whatever pride a bastard could possible wield. He heard her call out for him but ignored him as he continued to put a distance between himself and those who were better than him. He wouldn't cry in front of them. He wouldn't give Cat the satisfaction of seeing that. Not again.
Gwynne heard footsteps approach her and spun around to come face to face with the only mother she had ever known.
"Come with me, Gwynne. Let's go see how the girls are fairing with their sewing."
"But I don't want to! How come I have to learn how to sew while Robb and Jon learn how to wield a sword and defend themselves?" Arya nearly threw her needle at the old woman who was trying her best to be patient with the young Stark.
"One day your brother may have to use the techniques he's learned to defend Winterfell and your family." The woman rationed, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.
"But that's the point! What am I going to do with a sewing needle? Make the enemy a cushion?"
Sansa rolled her eyes. Arya was about to snap at her, warning her that if she continued rolling her eyes at her like that, they may very well fall out of her head. But her mother's voice was quick to silence the young girl before she could say anything.
"Your brother is the heir to Winterfell, Arya. He must learn to protect it should he ever need to. You, on the other hand, will be married to a strong young man who will use the same skills he's learned to defend you and your children."
Arya looked over her shoulder to see Gwynne and her mother standing side by side. The young Stark bit her tongue and turned back to her needle, continuing to sew without speaking up again. It would do her no good to argue, she had learned that already. A small sigh slipped through her lips, silently cursing the Gods for putting her in a girl's body. If she had been born a boy maybe she would be out there hunting today. Instead she had to sit next to her perfect sister while she sewed the perfect cushion.
"Did they leave yet, mother?" Sansa asked, not taking her eyes away from her sewing.
"I imagine they'll be leaving shortly. Now, in the meantime, why don't you show me what you've made today?" Cat moved to her oldest daughter and looked over her work, admiring the beautiful design Sansa had created.
Arya looked back at Gwynne, motioning for her to approach the young Stark with her eyes. Gwynne smiled sweetly and did just that, taking a seat beside the girl she had come to love so deeply.
In a hushed voice, Arya leaned closer to Gwynne. "Did mother let Jon go today?"
Gwynne shook her head sadly. Arya nodded and stared down at the butchered cushion clutched in her small hands. "I didn't think she could. Poor Jon."
Gwynne nudged Arya gently, flashing her a small smile of reassurance. "Your brother is strong, Arya, you know that. He'll be fine."
Jon slammed his bedchamber door shut, not bothering to care about disturbing anyone in earshot. At that moment, he couldn't have cared less if someone heard his anger. He untied the belt wrapped around his waist and flung it across the room as warm tears blurred his vision. He tried to force them back desperately, but it was no use. They streamed down his face and he felt as though he was on the verge of completely breaking down.
She had always hated him. She had made no effort to hide it over the years. Even as a child, she refused to hold him, refused to acknowledge him. He should have known she would never have let him go hunting with his father and brother. He had been foolish to think she would, even for a second. No matter what he did, no matter how much he obeyed his father, she would never accept him. Some days he had come to terms with her hate and had managed to push it aside, but other days proved to be a lot harder to deal with.
He would never lead the life his brother would. He would inherit nothing. He would have no wife, no children, because no woman would want a bastard's baby growing in their stomach. No matter how much he desperately wanted her, he would never have Gwynne, either.
She would go on to marry someone else and bear his children. She would leave Winterfell and star a new life somewhere else. And she would never think of Jon again.
It was now or never. Robb wasn't there to stop him and even if he was, there was nothing that could change his mind. It was time to leave Winterfell. It was time to get on his horse and never look back.