They actually managed to get a few hours of sleep that night before Fred woke them with his cries. She arose to get him, bringing him back to bed with her a bottle clutched in his little hands. She'd been trying to wean him off it, but she still had a couple tins of the really good formula with the fatty acids that were supposed to make him smarter that she'd give him on mornings like this.
Alec was awake when she came back, blinking up at her blearily as she deposited the toddler next to him. She sat down on the edge of the bed.
Fred, bottle in mouth, turned and started tapping Alec's nose with his free hand. Alec caught her eye and she smiled. Something passed between them as the boy continued to touch his new friend's face, apparently quite fascinated by it now.
"You ready for this?" Ellie asked, gesturing to the boy. "Being a dad again?"
"I've always been a dad!" he protested, and Fred's hand went to Alec's mouth, deciding that was more interesting.
"You know what I mean," she said. "Feedings and changings and getting up in the middle of the night. This one'll be walking soon, tearin' round the house."
"I remember those days," Alec replied, slightly wistful. He reached up to gently remove Fred's hand from his mouth. "Daisy was a terror."
She smiled at that as Fred finished his bottle, waving it in the air and nearly smacking Alec in the face with it in the process. Ellie reached over and snatched him up, pulling him into her lap.
"I am ready," Alec told her. She turned to look at him. "Even if there's another one coming along. I will be, in time." She nodded at him, touched by his conviction, but now wondering about her own. In the cold light of day things looked different. Another baby at her age? She'd thought she was done with all that. Ellie shook her head. No good to think about it now. Alec had sat up and joined her on the edge of the bed.
"I've got to take him to the minders' now and head out to work. Might not get time today to follow up on Sandbrook, but I'm off tomorrow," she told him. "You ready to go back there?"
He nodded.
"Okay," she said, stroking her son's blond curls. "I'll see you later." She made to get up but Alec's hand fisted in her t-shirt and pulled her back down toward him.
He kissed her before she could protest, moving his hand to the back of her head and angling his mouth to deepen the kiss. After a few seconds, Ellie pulled away, her cheeks hot and her lips swollen. She sighed deeply, looking up at the rumpled Scot sitting next to her.
"That wasn't a dream last night, was it?" she asked. He shook his head.
"No," he said. "It wasn't. I'm glad it wasn't." Ellie smiled, her cheeks reddening.
"So am I," she told him. She stood, shifting her son to her hip. She leaned down and gave Alec a quick peck on the temple. "I'll see you tonight. Take care of yourself."
"I will do."
She took Fred to the childminder's and went to work, sending Lucy a quick text. Her sister promised to let her know as soon as she got word when Tom would go up in the box.
Work in Devon was simply going through the motions. She needed the paycheque. Her head swirled with thoughts of Alec, of their night of unprotected passion while she doled out traffic tickets disaffectedly.
She supposed she could have easily slipped out to the druggist and got that pill, the morning-after one, but she felt at her age, there was no excuse. She'd made her bed, so to speak. Not to mention there was precious little time to stop in and purchase it, in between picking up her son and returning to Hardy's house to make dinner.
The timing was not ideal, that she could admit, but then again she had no plan for her life these days. When would be a good time to have a baby with her former colleague, anyway? The two things that mattered most right now were the trial and Sandbrook. When those were over and done, plans could be made. And if those plans included a new addition to the family, so be it.
She received the text early the next morning from Lucy. They want him on the stand today. Ellie read it while Alec slept soundly beside her. She'd stayed the night again. She groaned. At least she didn't have to work today. She was already so distracted and moody she was sure she would be getting a stern talking-to from her Detective Superintendent any day now.
She dropped Fred at the minders', getting another text from her sister as she walked back to the car. Should be around 1 o'clock, it said. She froze. Four hours. Her pulse quickened. She called Lucy back, telling her she was changing her mind. Tom would need her there.
"He says if you come, he'll ask you be removed from the room," Lucy told her, and Ellie sighed, deflated. Of course he would, she thought. She hung up and wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't want to make a scene in the courtroom, have the whole town see firsthand what a shit mother she was. She took a deep breath, then started the car to go pick up Alec.
"Let's go," he said as he jumped into the passenger seat. Ellie hesitated. She knew what that town did to him. What the Gillespie girl's death and the discovery of her body continued to do to him. Not to mention the fact her firstborn son was going to get up into the witness box while she was gone and she should be there for him, no matter what the little shit said.
But she put the car in gear and set off down the road nonetheless.
Σ
Some time later she watched him stare into the river he'd retrieved the lifeless body of Pippa Gillespie from years before. She knew he was reliving it, in his head, as he probably did night after night. She reached out and grasped his arm as he stood on the riverbank, stepping over next to him. She knew she couldn't comfort him, take those thoughts from him just as he couldn't change anything about Joe. But she wanted him to know she was close.
After a little while, he turned and she released his arm. He went over the area with her, the access points and the remoteness of it. She nodded and checked her watch.
"What time's Tom going in the witness box?" he asked and she told him. "We could get back in time," he said, as they walked.
She told him what Lucy'd said, somewhat ashamed, and he apologised. It helped. She knew he had insecurities about his own parenting skills.
Then it was all about the case again. Bluebells, Claire bloody Ripley. She was so tired of that woman, her volatility, her inability to control herself around a man who she was purportedly afraid of and who could have very well killed those two girls. She didn't trust her. So she told Alec to put some pressure on her. She was curious to see how she reacted. Something had to give.
Then her phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket. He's going in now, was all it said. Her stomach dropped. She sighed and put it back in her coat.
"Call Claire," she told him, and he did.
Σ
When they got back into town he dropped her at the Gillespies'.
"Where're you going?" she asked.
"I've got to meet with one of the other officers on the case," he told her, avoiding her gaze. She scoffed.
"If you're meeting up with your ex-wife, you can just tell me that," she told him.
"Fine, I'm going to ask her for help. We're close, Miller, I can feel it." Ellie nodded.
"Okay," she said, "don't be long, though, please? Gillespie's an arsehole and his wife's not much better."
"I know," he said, "I'll be as quick as I can."
"Be nice to her, Alec, please. She'll probably be more inclined to help someone who's not such a massive wanker."
"Duly noted, Miller," he replied, slipping the car into gear and driving away. She sighed and turned toward the Gillespie home, steeling herself, and went up to ring the doorbell.
Σ
Tess handed him the flash drive and he pocketed it, asking her about Thorp Agriservices while knowing he was pushing his luck.
He barely registered her stern refusal before dropping the bomb. Him, hospital, tomorrow, pacemaker. He held his breath as he watched her reaction.
Surprise, panic, a little bit of concern. It was all there. It was what he expected. Distant.
"Well, um, good luck," his former wife told him and he knew she meant it. It'd been a bolt from the blue to her, surely, but he'd had to do it. Just in case. Just as he'd had to call Jocelyn the day before to make a slight amendment to his will after Ellie'd gone to work.
As he watched the woman in front of him, this woman to whom he'd once pledged his life to, he felt a slight twinge of sadness. The man he'd been two days ago would be debasing himself right now, scared and alone and just wanting to be a family again.
But so much had changed, now. If they could make it work, he'd have a new family soon enough. If Ellie didn't maim him for keeping the operation a secret from her. If he made it through in the first place.
"Thank you," he told her, taking a sip of his tea. She was watching him curiously; had been watching him, really since he'd told her about the surgery. He frowned at her.
"Something's changed with you, hasn't it?" she asked. He sighed. Was it that obvious? He'd tried to keep his face that practiced mask of neutrality touched with irritability. "You've met someone?"
Alec rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," he told her, his tone brooking no further argument.
"But—oh, Alec, you didn't," she said, and he frowned again.
"Tess," he started, not wanting to get into this now.
"It's Ellie Miller, isn't it?" she asked, and he looked anywhere but at his ex-wife. "It is! Alec!" she exclaimed, and he looked at her warily. "Her husband is on trial for murdering an eleven-year-old boy!"
"I know that," he said, losing his patience now. He could not believe she was going to start to lecture him over his choice in lover, considering her history. He sighed.
"And you arrested him."
"I know that, as well," he told her, now getting angry.
"How long has it been going on?"
"How is that any of your business?" he returned, staring her down. Blue eyes bored into brown eyes until finally she looked away. They sat in silence. "Not long," he told her after some time, his voice low. When he looked up, her expression had softened.
"Do you love her?"
"Tess!"
"I'm only curious, Alec, and surprised, I suppose. I'd heard the defence accused the two of you, but I never believed it."
"It wasn't true then," he said, trying to keep his tone even. He sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He really had not wanted to get into this with her now. Ellie was probably currently trying to keep the Gillespies from murdering each other, probably with a smile and that sickeningly sweet demeanour she could put on if need be. He smiled, involuntarily, at that image. Then he looked up at Tess. "I do," he said, "I do love her." He watched her expression go through the usual stages: shock, surprise, concern, perhaps a tinge of possessiveness. Something in him flared up and he had to tell her, had to explain this to her, now.
"She has been through hell and back, Tess. They were very much in love, the two of them. Went over for dinner once. Then I had to tell her her husband had killed her son's best friend. Her friend's son." He paused as Tess took that in. "You know Joe was a stay-at-home dad? Quit his job to stay home while she worked. Boys adored him. She went from that, to a single mother with no house to live in, in a day. Hours, really. Her friends turned on her, her son turned on her. Everyone in that town thinks she was in on it. And you know what she wants to do? Help me solve this case." Tess smiled at that, shaking her head. "She puts up with all the shit I throw at her, with all the shit everyone throws at her, and she just takes it. She throws it right back at me sometimes, but she just puts up with it. She's the only friend I've got in that town, the only one I trust. And two nights ago she told me she was going to solve this case and get me my life back. Why? I don't know. I know I don't deserve it." He stopped, sighed, took a quick sip of his tea. "That's why I love her. Didn't go looking for it, Tess. Just happened."
Tess Hardy raised her eyebrows, shaking her head again. "Wow," she said, looking back up at him. "Well, I am happy to hear that, Alec, contrary to what you might believe."
He really didn't know what to believe right now. He knew this woman in front of him had caused him so much pain. She'd taken a piece of him that he'd never get back. He'd thought at times that maybe someday they'd've been able to put it behind them, that after he solved Sandbrook they could be a family again. He'd be lying if that hadn't crossed his mind. But now he saw in the genuine smile Tess gave him that she was happy for him. And not just happy, there was relief there, after the initial territorialism. She wanted this for him, and had for some time.
"Did you tell her about the surgery?" Tess asked, and Alec shook his head silently. Tess took a sip of her coffee before speaking again. "Is she the reason you're doing this now?"
"I booked this two weeks ago," he said, quelling the irritation her question had incited. "Some time after our dinner with Daisy," he told her. "It's getting worse and I can't stand it anymore, Tess. I'm doing this for her, and for Ellie and Fred and Tom." Tess nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. He checked his watch. Shit. "I've got to get going."
Tess nodded as he stood, reaching forward to envelop him in a hug. He acquiesced to the embrace, mindful that they had once shared everything. "Take care, Alec," she said, and he could see the apprehension in her eyes. He tried to ignore it. It'd be fine. Routine procedure. "And you should tell her about it."
He nodded at her, not bothering to specify in which manner he would break the news. "Goodbye, Tess."
"Bye," he heard from behind him as he left the café. He didn't turn back.
Σ
When he knocked on the Gillespies' back garden door she nearly laughed with relief.
"Everything alright?" she asked, after they'd stepped out into the garden. He nodded.
"Yeah," he said, "it is." He produced the flash drive and explained its provenance.
"You two left on good terms?"
"We did, actually," he told her, sounding almost surprised.
"Good," she said, nodding. Then she sighed. Explained the situation. Lucy not answering, Ollie not tweeting. They had to get back. Something had happened. Alec nodded.