Chapter 3

Have you ever been in love?

I'd say 3 times, maybe once couldn't be classed as real love. The second time was but it wasn't happy love. The third time was the best time ever. Real, true, requited love which is the best feeling ever. - Dan Howell.

So I based it off this quote, and kinda took it to the extreme version of what was said (This never happened I don't think) but yeah its OC but it will eventually become phan. Enjoy!

Also if anyone cares I have been writing a story about Phil and Carrie (yeah I know weird) it's about them going to find pancakes at stupid o'clock but I don't know no if I wanna upload it, so if you do wanna read it tell me and I will upload it otherwise I won't bother :)

Her dads funeral went okay and everyone had calmed down after my fuck up with her cousin. I had slept on the sofa incase I was annoying her by being in the way. I didn't wanna upset her anymore than I already had. She wandered in about half 2 slightly drunk with tears spilling down her pale face. Her heel banged against the wall and her keys fell upon the table. She ran as fast as possible up stairs not even stopping to look at me. She threw up everywhere. I couldn't be angry at her, she was just drowning the pain in a bottle of vodka. Something I was too used to doing.

I got up dangling my legs off the side of the sofa and placing them firmly on the ground, before pushing myself up onto my feet. The sound of sick hitting the toilet stopped and I took that as my que to go see her. I crept up the stairs trying to be as quiet as possible, and avoid any dodgy floor boards.I pulled our bedroom door open slightly peaking my head round the corner to see her sat up in bed, her puke stained dress laying across the floor as she sat there with her shorts and panda top on. How she manged to put them on without a problem amazed me. She was cuddling her teddy whispering sweet nothings into its ear.

"He was a prick wasn't he? A complete and utter arsehole! So why have I cried so many tears over him?... I guess he is my dad and I do love him...did love him but that doesn't excuse how awful he was right. Right?" Of course she was crying this, her head buried deep into the teddy bears chest. It was very rare I ever caught her not crying these days. I missed her sweet smile. I closed the door. She didn't want me there, if she wanted me there she would of come to me but instead she told that fucking bear.

The bear was old and tattered, it ear had nearly feel off once and she cried and panicked until it was fixed again. His brown fluffy fur and chocolate eyes make her feel at home. The bear was who she wanted me to be in her eyes. The day I gave her that bear was the day our relationship started to disintegrate, so it reminded her of what was.

Who I was.

Of course I am the same person, the only difference was that back then we had no stress, no worries, and the thought of eachother happy didn't make us both sick to the core. I let her talk to the bear and made my way back down stairs back onto the sofa. She was stressing me out to fucking much. I tucked myself into a ball making myself comfy. I place my head upon the pillow , sinking deep into my bedsheets. My eyes sore I tried to drift into a deep sleep. I was exhausted a lot usually, my mother blamed it on the sadness wearing me down. She was properly right but I was gonna let her know that.

To Dan.

CAN WE GO TO LONDON PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE GO TO LONDON! X

I read the text under the table giggling slightly to my self before taking a swig of coffee. It had turned cold creating a horrible after taste in my mouth, I pulled a face at it before taking another swig. My throat stung and no matter how much it tasted like shit, it soothed my throat making it a little better with each sup. So I kept drinking it.

To Phil.

Why the hell do you wanna go to London? X

Sure London was the capital but there wasn't much special about it, the queues everywhere where massive and everything was more expensive and that pissed me off about London to be honest. But then again for Phil living in York it must be weird going somewhere about 3 times the size.

To Dan.

Because I have never been before and it looks great! Please please please take me to London! X

To Phil.

Okay we can go to London... But you have to promise me to go to the harry potter studio! X

To Dan.

PROMISE! I'm so excited to meet you! I have thought about this for so long it's unreal! X

I had thought about it too. I imagined us meeting on a bus randomly, through a friend, meeting up at a secret location and laying under the stars with him, our fingers intertwined as I laid my head on his chest listening carefully for his heart beat... It was no lie Phil was attractive and I was a fool to say I hadn't developed a crush on him before I met Eva. I pushed the thoughts of being anything more than friends with Phil a few years ago burring them in the back of my mind. Luckily they never appeared much anymore, and if the did it was more of a my friends so attractive lucky sod! Kind of way.

To Phil.

SAME! When are we meeting? X

To Dan.

I can try and get some train tickets for next week? X

To Phil.

Perfect! I can't wait! X

To Dan.

Me either! X

I smiled down at my phone.

"Hey" I jumped at the sight of Eva dropping my phone on the floor and looking up at her like a dear in headlights. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as she heard a bang hit the floor.

Shit.

She wandered up to me bending down slightly and reaching for the phone as I held my breathe unable to comprehend what was going on. She looked at it with caution as if it was about to blow up in her face. My heart rate increased beating hard against my rib cage, as I swollowed hard shaking slightly.

"What is this?" She asked tears starting to well up in her eyes as she bit her lip hard.

"Nothing!"

I finally reacted jumping up out of my seat and launching myself forward trying to grab the phone. She spun round fast turning the phone on allowing the brightness to blind me. She clicked on messages running into the living room as she did so. I looked around the kitchen desperately trying to find an escape or something to help me in this situation. I ran over grabbing a plate and running after her into the living room. She stood there tears now dripping off her chin as she shouted out my texts to Phil.

"I wanna be there with you! I have missed you what have you been doing! Hahaha I think it's cute when you do that!" I ran towards her ripping the phone out of her hands and throwing it towards the other side of the room as she began to shout even louder in my ear.

"ALL THIS TIME I HAVE THOUGHT YOU WHERE HELPING ME WITH THE FACT THAT MY FUCKING FATHER DIED WHEN REALLY YOU WHERE FUCKING TEXTING HIM!" She screamed as I felt something hard smack me on the head. I fell down to my knees releasing my weapon and curling up into a ball as she began to kick me hard in the ribs.

I hissed at the pain, my eyes overflowing with tears. There kicks became hard and more fierce sending tiny shoots of pain down my back. My body began to ache every where as she cried out words of hatred towards me. Blood trickled down my forehead head making me close my eyes shut hoping it would all just go away. Even though she was only little she had a lot of fight on her.

I couldn't breathe as her kicks where so sharp. It was a while before I became numb to the pain and it all just drifted away. I imagined I wasn't there, I imaged it was all a dream and that I was just gonna wake up and she was gonna tell me about her day and how it went and that she loved me. I imagined I was the bear.

Then it when black.