Ch. 20: "Another Misfit Kid" - Skid Row, Youth Gone Wild
Obi-Wan knelt on the mat in front of the couch in the common room, preparing for a long session. Master Satoru's words from earlier in the day had given him something to think about. "I don't know what it will take," the Mind Healer had said quietly at the end of his session. "I don't know if we'll be able to set everything right without doing some damage.
Damage. Obi-Wan played with the word for a moment, trying to come up with what Master Satoru might have meant. He'd seen someone with a damaged mind before, but he couldn't remember where. He only remembered that the woman had been young in spirit, almost child-like, barely able to care for herself. She'd been hit in the head too many times, her caretaker had said, and it had damaged her mind. If something like that were to happen to him….
Obi-Wan took a calming breath. First things first. He needed to find out if something in his mind kept him from controlling his shields, or if something outside of himself caused it. He settled his mind, closed his eyes, and sank into the first stages of a meditative trance.
He swam slowly back to awareness when he felt a pressure on his shoulder, and he flinched away before realizing the pressure wasn't a grip meant to hurt. He looked up into Qui-Gon's face and flushed. "Yes, Master?"
"You have been meditating for a long time, Padawan. Time to break and eat something."
Obi-Wan could smell something hot and spicy, and his stomach rumbled its agreement to Qui-Gon's words. He nodded and got to his feet to follow Qui-Gon to the table. He staggered, realizing only then that he'd meditated longer than he'd thought. It took most of the distance across the room for the stiffness in his legs to work out.
"Are you making any progress?" Qui-Gon asked once Obi-Wan had cleaned most of his plate.
Obi-Wan sighed and set his fork down. "I don't know," he said wearily. "I'm getting concerned. This problem isn't getting better, and nothing we do seems to work." He gave a weary smile. "Sometimes I find it hard to keep my spirits up." And it was hard to have to stay in their quarters, although he didn't want to tell his Master that. It sounded childish to him. Even when he could leave his quarters, he felt under guard because Qui-Gon went everywhere with him, and he felt guilty because Qui-Gon suddenly had no other life. He couldn't get rid of his frustration. No matter what he did, what anyone did, it didn't change. He had to struggle to maintain his own equilibrium.
Qui-Gon nodded. "I can imagine," he said, but didn't continue as Obi-Wan expected him to. "Bant commed while you were meditating," he said after a moment, smiling when Obi-Wan looked up again. "She'd like to get together and study with you after late meal."
Hope rose in Obi-Wan. "May I?" he asked.
"I think it would be a good idea. I don't want you to think of our quarters as a prison."
Obi-Wan gave his Master a sharp look. Had Qui-Gon read his mind somehow? No, he couldn't, and more importantly, he wouldn't, not without permission. Ashamed of the thought, he looked down at his plate again. When Qui-Gon mentioned he'd finished, Obi-Wan got up and took both their dishes to the wash unit. Once he'd finished washing up, Obi-Wan went to the comm unit and contacted his friend.
Obi-Wan never thought he'd find the Archives a nice change from his quarters, but he did now. Probably because he couldn't leave without a guardian, and he tried not to at all. He and Bant found an unoccupied table in the back, and they began to work through the assignments they'd been assigned, talking quietly together. They had to
They had to look up information in the physical archives, and once settled, they started, speaking quietly as they worked, retrieving tomes to find what they needed. Obi-Wan had just retrieved another to look through when Bant nudged him. "I have a question," she whispered. "What happened to you at mid meal with Reeft?"
Obi-Wan stared at her. "What?"
"He said you ran out of the dining hall like a Sith was after you. And then I heard that something was wrong with you, because Master Ilian tried to stop you and you shrugged her off and kept running."
Obi-Wan felt himself blush. "Oh," he said, trying to hide his embarrassment. "My shields collapsed. When Master Ilian touched me, it made them go faster." He sighed. "I probably shouldn't have even come here tonight, but I needed to get out for a while." Now that he paid attention, he could tell the noise in his head increased again, if not as starkly as in the dining hall because fewer Jedi needed to use the Archives. How had he and his Master forgotten that he could not control his shields? He could tell they crumbled again, and he sighed. He started to gather his things, then got out his personal comm unit.
"Obi-Wan?" Bant asked, sounding concerned.
"I… Just a second," Obi-Wan said, stepping away from the table to give himself more privacy, and commed Qui-Gon.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?"
"I'm leaving the archives now," Obi-Wan said bluntly. He'd have already left, except he owned Bant an explanation, and he wanted to tell her anyway. "My shields are failing again."
"Wait," Qui-Gon said, with enough of a command in his voice that Obi-Wan stopped, half-turned to go back to Bant. To his surprise, Qui-Gon appeared around the stacks in front of him. Confused, Obi-Wan watched his Master approach, absently thumbing off his comm unit. He glanced once at Bant, who watched him, concert and curiosity in the Force around her. "I did not wish to deceive you, Padawan," Qui-Gon said, his hand resting gently on Obi-Wan's shoulder. Master Satoru and Theela asked for help to determine your shields act in various circumstances."
As soon as Qui-Gon stopped speaking, Obi-Wan's shields slammed up again, and he winced. Relieved that he didn't have to make another mad dash to his quarters, Obi-Wan nodded. "Return to your studies. I will not leave until you are ready," With a gentle tug on Obi-Wan's braid, Qui-Gon turned and went into the same stacks he'd come out of.
"What was that about?" Bant asked when Obi-Wan sat down next to her again, setting his things back down.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Something happened to my shields last mission," he said. "That's why they collapsed when I was eating with Reeft. I wanted out so badly tonight - and then - that I didn't think." Oh, so Jedi-like, he thought to himself, and grimaced. "My master didn't stop me from going out because we need more information about how my shields react to different situations." He shrugged, giving her a weak grin.
Bant smiled back, and they went back to their studies. Obi-Wan found it hard to concentrate, and finally gave up. "I can't stay," he said. "I'm sure my Master has things he'd rather do."
"I'm done, too," Bant said, sounding like she understood. They replaced the records they'd gotten out and went to find Master Jinn.
A few days later, Bant commed again, but this time she suggested they spar or go to the Room of Ten Thousand Fountains. Obi-Wan hesitated, and glanced at Qui-Gon. "What about the Heated Pools?" He didn't think he'd actually get to go, but he figured his Master would rather go there than to either of the places Bant had suggested.
"Sure," Bant said.
Obi-Wan hesitated, but before he could say anything else, Qui-Gon looked up from the data-pad he studied. "That sounds lovely," he said. "Would you mind if I came along?"
Obi-Wan had never been so glad of the block on their bond when resentment flared up. He squelched it to investigate later, hoping none got out into the Force. "No," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "That would be fine."
They left a few minutes later, towels over their shoulders, Obi-Wan said nothing, working to come to grips with the strange feelings he'd had. He'd never resented Qui-Gon, not even before he'd taken Obi-Wan as his apprentice. He didn't like this development.
When they reached the Heated Pools, Bant stood just inside the door. "It's pretty full today," she said, bowing to Master Jinn.
Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan. "Find a place you like. I will find one close by." He held up his comm unit. "Contact me when you are ready to go."
Obi-Wan bowed and followed Bant through the foliage. They found an unoccupied pool in the back corner, and Obi-Wan sank into it gratefully. "Thank you for comming me," he said as Bant sat next to him. "Whoever did this must have wanted to drive me crazy."
"Why?" Bant asked.
"I feel like a prisoner." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, releasing his frustration and resentment into the Force. It calmed him, and his friend's understanding smile even raised his spirits. Tired of his own self pity, he relaxed and leaned back. "Have you heard the latest from Garen?"
"That his Master is back in their quarters?" Bant asked.
Obi-Wan lifted an eyebrow. "You've had more recent news than I have. I'm glad to hear it," he added.
"We're going to get together later this week, after they've gotten settled in. I'll let you know when."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I'll let you know if I'll be able to join you," he said, frustration crowding him again.
"We'll figure something out," Bant said, and smiled when he looked at her. Obi-Wan smiled back, glad of such a good friend.
They decided to get out when it got close to late meal; Bant needed to dress to meet her Master in the dining hall. They parted at the doors, and Obi-Wan commed Qui-Gon.
"Go on up," Qui-Gon said through the comm. "I'll be right behind you."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, and left the pools.
Increased traffic in the halls put a strain on Obi-Wan's shields, and he hurried to a lift near by. No one got on with him, and he relaxed marginally, preparing himself with a dash to their quarters. As soon as he left the lift, his shields started to collapse, going faster this time, even though he encountered fewer Jedi. Obi-Wan ran down the hall, sighing in relief when the door shut behind him, completing the warding around the rooms.
"Is that you, Padawan?"
Obi-Wan's failing shields slammed shut again, and he winced as he pushed away from the wall. "Yes, Master," he responded, confused. "How long have you been here?"
Qui-Gon came out of his room. "I left half an hour after we arrived in the Heated Pools."
Obi-Wan stared, forcing down his frustration and even a small measure of anger. "More tests?"
"Yes, Padawan."
Obi-Wan didn't say much during late meal, relieved when Qui-Gon didn't say anything either. He spent most of the evening in meditation, releasing the frustration, resentment, and anger into the Force. When he felt he'd reached a state of calm and had managed to keep it for awhile, he got his data-pad, sank into one of the chairs, and read over some of the prophecies of the Force needing balance until Qui-Gon sent him to bed.