Chapter 6 - Overcoming Fear

Monday morning, while Penny was getting the paperwork straight to search Sheldon's apartment that evening, making sure everything was legal, Sheldon had been finishing putting his equipment together for his trip. It was the fourteenth day from the day he left and he was now ready, well more like prepared, he actually didn't feel ready, he was more scared. The thought of actually now putting himself through time, terrified him and for the last hour he just sat at his computer trying to convince himself that the danger he was concerned about was all in his mind and not real.

Even though over the last six months, he had sent several animals back in time, and had verified there where no long term effects, he was still scared. The last animal, he had sent, was a monkey, from the department Amy had worked in at Cal Tech, and still after a month it had seemed fine, he had even checked on it two nights ago to verify that. Sheldon had also verified that the animals were not molecularly disassembled during the time travel, like a Star Trek transporter, because Leonard and him had already agreed, during numerous discussions, that doing that was killing the original and creating a doppelganger when the person was reassembled. No his machine captured the whole subject in the energy stream and transported it intact, no disassembly, but right now, knowing that, didn't even help Sheldon's fears.

Sheldon sighed and looked back at the spot in the center of the room, between the four field generators, the place where his knapsack sat, waiting for him. He had taken a huge risk getting it a couple of days ago, when he put on a hoodie and went out that night to buy what he needed for his trip. He was actually lucky in a way, he only had to go one place to get everything and it was a place he had never been before, so no one knew him, even though it still had been a huge risk to leave his room. Because even around Cal Tech on a Saturday evening people were still around and Sheldon had been so scared of being caught, the trip had taken twice as long as it should have.

However, now as he sat looking at the knapsack, while he sat in the period clothes, he found he couldn't move, even though logistically he was ready, his mind would not let him go. It had been that way for over an hour and Sheldon was feeling he would never be able to go, because the longer he sat the more scared he got. He knew the brilliant scientist never tested his machines on themselves, only the mad scientist did that, the brilliant one got some lackeys or Government soldiers to test it for him. The brilliant scientist was always too valuable to risk testing such things, so other people went out to prove or die testing the scientist's theories. Sheldon needed a grad student to send, that was it, a grad student, therefore if something happened no one important would be lost. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it couldn't work, the secrecy would be lost and he couldn't do that, it would ruin his plan of over ten years if anyone else knew.

So what was Sheldon to do, he couldn't send someone else and he couldn't go, he was caught between a rock and a hard place, and the answers alluded him. He was so frustrated, he was beside himself, and as he sat there a new thought came to his mind, Lewis had won! If he didn't go, Lewis would be the person who solved string theory, the dirty cheater, would be famous by stealing everything from Sheldon, his work and his girl. Sheldon had always thought, in the back of his mind, that once he got the Nobel Prize, Amy would understand and he would get her back, only her marriage announcement dulling that dream for him. No, Sheldon paid to much for what Lewis stole, and as Sheldon's heart sped up and his breathing increased, his eyes narrowed. 'Lewis is not getting away with this.' his mind screamed and as the rage built in him, Sheldon hit the start switch on his computer with his cursor, got up and walked to spot between the field generators, picking up his knapsack and tried to suppress his fear, while closing his eyes.

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Penny gently peeled back the police tape then put the key in the special police lock on the door. It was actually her that had the apartment sealed up like this after the initial search, she had been worried that someone would go back in and ruin any evidence they might need to find Sheldon, if things got bad, like they were now. Penny opened the door then turned to all her friends, giving them all a small lecture on what to do or not do, then she handed out the latex gloves for them all to wear. She wasn't a hundred percent certain this was a good idea, but she also knew fresh eyes sometimes found things that previous searchers overlooked, so she lead her friends in and they began the search.

Standing outside Sheldon's bedroom, Penny's mind was again in turmoil, she had searched his room before herself, and maybe she wasn't the one that should do it again now. Standing with her were Amy and Leonard, and she knew they were thinking the same thing as her, Sheldon's room seemed like temple, it was the man's sanctuary, and entering without his permission seemed like a crime.

Penny looked at her friend and husband, know what she needed to do. "I searched his room before." Penny then sighed, that confession off her chest, as she noticed the sympathetic looks from them both. "I think you two should do it this time, so you could search with different eyes." Penny was actually relieved when they nodded and she wouldn't have to go in there again.

Leonard looked at Amy, the last two weeks had been really hard on her, and it broke his heart to see her like this now. "You ready, Amy?"

Amy had been feeling empty, and seemed barely aware of things around her, what they were doing now had put some life back in her, at least they were doing something, but she still felt that a part of her had been taken. The last two weeks had made Amy realize that she needed Sheldon, him being gone, had taken a part of her with him. Over the last couple of years, her hanging around with her friends and still seeing him at group gatherings had made going on with her life possible, but now him just being gone was something she could not bare. She looked up at Leonard and slowly nodded, "I'm ready." Then followed Leonard into Sheldon's room.

It was like going into another world, even with a very thin layer of two weeks of dust, it was still extremely neat, Sheldon neat, and Amy and Leonard, couldn't help the overwhelming feeling that Sheldon was still there. The both stood inside and looked around, afraid to move and disturb things, the thought of even doing something like that, being equated by them as committing a sin. So they just stood there, finally looking at each other helpless, both of them trying to will the other to do something, so that the other would not feel like they were committing sacrilege.

Penny watched from the doorway, knowing exactly how her husband and friend where feeling, she had felt the same way herself almost two weeks ago. She had stood in the room almost a half hour before she could get herself to move and even then, the overwhelming feeling that she was doing something extremely wrong, would not go away. She had to help them, "Guys, you need to search, you are not desecrating his room, you are trying to find and help him, keep that in mind." She said to comfort them and she knew she had helped when they looked at her and nodded, then began to move.

It was almost an hour later as Amy and Leonard stood in the room looking at each other, both dull from the search, especially since they found nothing. Amy felt weak, her legs were so tired, she didn't even realize when she sat down on the edge of Sheldon's bed, her mind was just so weary her body seemed not connected to it any more. It was that scene that greeted Penny as she looked in the room again, Amy sitting on Sheldon's bed, her husband standing over her, his face in worry.

"Anything, Sweetie?" Penny asked softly.

Leonard looked at her with a little surprise, her catching him lost in his own thoughts. He slowly shook his head, "No, nothing."

"How can he just disappear, Penny!" Amy's outburst caught Penny by surprise and when Amy's face turned to Penny the tears that started to fall from her eyes, broke Penny's heart. Penny moved quickly to her friend, sitting next to her and taking her into her arms, her quick movements making the bed move slightly on the floor in Penny's haste. Penny didn't see the confused expression form on Leonard's face as he stared at the corner of the bed, the part that slipped on the floor, and she didn't see his expression change to one of self thought as he tried to remember why that noise seemed important to him.

Penny held Amy for a time, while Leonard stood there looking at them and thinking, the room remaining quiet except for the occasional sniffle coming from Penny's shoulder. So when Leonard spoke and broke the silence, both girls jumped and immediately looked at him in confusion and shock. "Sheldon use to move the furniture." Leonard repeated to them as they just stared at him. "I use to hear it every so often, he would move the furniture. I just assumed it was some crazy thing he did, but what if he did it to hide something?"

Penny looked around the room, what Leonard said finally sinking in, she never moved the furniture to search, it had seemed too intrusive at the time and she could see that they hadn't done it either. She looked at back at Leonard and nodded, then looked at Amy. "We need to look behind the furniture." and Amy just nodded.

It was only fifteen minutes later the three of them were staring at the wall behind the dresser, well not actually the wall, more accurately the baseboard and how a small section of it didn't look right. Penny reached down and easily removed the one foot piece, then putting her hand in the opening, immediately finding the plastic covered object. It took only a few seconds to bring in to the center of the room, and as all three of them looked on Penny removed the book from the plastic and opened it to the first page. The three of them looked at each other it amazement, neither of them able to speak, they had found Sheldon's journal.