It's the first of September and I am standing on platform 9 ¾ searching for Julia. She told me she might be late catching the Hogwarts Express, but I'm determined not to let her slip by, so I'm planning on standing out here until the last possible moment to meet her as she comes through the barrier.

I need to finally see her. I had hoped we could spend our last ride to Hogwarts together, but I also am hoping that seeing her in person after so long will put my overthinking brain to rest. Talking on the phone with her is okay, but it didn't quell the doubts that had surfaced on my birthday.

It's been a month since my birthday and though I have tried my hardest to move past what happened that day, thirty-one additional conversations with Julia couldn't stop my mind from making me wish I would never have to sit through another of Julia's agonizingly boring stories about leather pumps or something equally as lame… or comparing her to Meredith.

It definitely didn't help that I had seen Meredith another five times in the past month with little difference in my reactions to her. I did succeed in having a complete conversation with her without stuttering the last time we'd hung out. Well, almost.

Meredith, Fred and I are lying out in the grass at the Burrow after playing a game of two-a-side Quidditch. Teddy was my partner, but the game was cut short when he got an emergency summons for work. Being on-call must suck.

"How has the guitar been coming along?" Meredith asks. "Learn to play anything, yet?"

Fred laughs from the other side of her. "Right, Mer. He's only had the guitar for a couple of weeks. We may be able to do magic, but I don't think amount of magic would teach him to play any better."

"Hey!" I shout defensively. "What do you even know about it? You haven't been over to my place since before my birthday."

"Whatever you say, James," Fred says dismissively. "The only thing you've ever had dedication enough to learn in a couple of weeks is Quidditch. You'd have to have been practicing practically non-stop since your birthday to have even learn one song."

I hear a 'thump' as Mer whacks Fred on the chest. "Was I even asking you, Fred?" she asks, slightly annoyed. To be honest, he did have a point as to why he would doubt me. I do seem to have a hard time motivating myself to actually learn on my own. Unfortunately for him, he is completely wrong.

"Well, Mer," I begin with a slight smirk, "Since Fred is so doubtful of my magnificence, why don't I just show him what I've learned. Accio guitar!"

I flick my wand in the direction of the Burrow and Fred rolls his eyes, "You brought it here, with you? Blimey, James. What is wrong with you?"

Meredith is smiling brilliantly at me and I have to look away and gulp hard as the tiny instrument soars into my palm. I return it to its original size, place my left hand on the fretboard, my right hand over the strings, and look up at Fred. "It's not going to be the best thing that you've heard, but I'm better than you're letting on."

"Just play, Potter," Fred responds cheekily. "I bet you're just going to play 'Hot Cross Buns' or something like that." I flip him off with my right hand then reach into my pocket for my pick.

I find my starting chord and strum, switch between a few chords before I start. "Alright, here it goes." I start playing a pretty simple chord progression and get into a good rhythm as I play, enjoying the music and, of course, enjoying the attention. Mer's face is beaming as she watches me play and Fred is trying to look unimpressed, but he's failing. I notice his eyebrows keep rising the longer I play.

"James, that was brilliant!" Meredith catches me in a hug and squeezes me tight. My heart starts to beat a little faster at her proximity, but my reaction is overshadowed by Fred, who slaps me on the back of the head.

"Hey!" I shout rubbing the spot he hit. "What the hell was that for? I thought swats to the back of the head were reserved for Mer."

"That's right!" Mer concurs, crossing her arms. "Only I'm allowed to do that."

Fred just ignores both of our statements and addresses me. "You really have been playing practically non-stop since your birthday, haven't you?"

"Who cares?" Mer responds for me, stepping back and laughing freely. I join her as Fred just shakes his head. He hadn't been wrong about the practicing, but I'm not going to admit it.

"Fred!" A voice calls from the house. Aunt Angelina was standing in the yard waving him towards her. "Get over here! I thought I told you we needed to leave at five!"

Fred glances at his watch and curses. "Five forty-five? Well, she could have called sooner if she needed to go. Honestly…" Fred turns back to us and gives a short wave. "Sorry guys, I'll see you soon." He walks backwards a short bit, and says, "James, that's actually is pretty amazing, but don't let it get to your head!" He shouts this last part as he runs towards the house. I flip him off, again, even though he won't see it because his back is turned.

He knows it, though.

"What an arse," I say to Mer before turning towards her again, running my hair through my hair. It's sticky from sweat from our Quidditch playing. She laughs. The sound of her laughter fills me and it's infectious, and I can't help by smile at her crinkled eyes and wide grin. "If someone didn't know me they would think I'm full of myself."

"You are full of yourself."

"Well… I have reason to be." *Smack* I rub the spot on the back of my head where she hit me (the same spot Fred just got) and stick out my lower lip. "Gosh, Mer. You hit harder than Fred."

"And don't you forget it." She sticks her tongue out playfully and looks away across the property. I follow her gaze and see the lake. Oh, no. She's going to ask to go swimming.

"Let's go swimming!" she suggests happily, as I'd expected. This isn't good.

It's not that I don't like swimming. I love it. We've gone swimming together a lot. But… just the thought of Meredith in her bathing suit…

I take a deep breath to try to steady myself. Meredith has turned back to me and sees me blushing. (

Oh.

My.

God.

No. No. No. No. NO!

Why? Why is this happening? Is it so much to ask that I could just act normal around Mer?

I'm starting to act like I fancy her.

This thought causes me to choke and I end up coughing loudly.

Mer raises an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay?"

"F-f-f-fine," I stutter. "I j-j-j-just don't think now is the time to… uh… you know… swim."

Meredith cocks her head at me. "You don't want to swim after just sweating like a pig playing Quidditch in the Summer sun?" I nod, hesitantly, and she scrunches up her mouth to one side. "Suit yourself! I'm going!"

Bullocks. "Uh… well, you really shouldn't swim alone…"

"Then come on, Mr. Party Pooper, or I'll throw you in, myself!" Meredith runs to the house to change and I stare after her in a stupor.

Meredith… grabbing me… in her bathing suit.

Oh, Merlin…

No.

I gotta think straight. I have a girlfriend! I shouldn't be acting like this since I'm dating Julia. Meredith's just my mate. It's not like I haven't seen her in a bathing suit before. I just have to think of her like Fred or Phillip or Roger. She's just one of the guys…

Right?

I'm still standing in the yard, stupidly, with my guitar in my hand as Mer reemerges from the house in just a pair of gym shorts and her bikini top.

Oh please, you moron, I think to myself, eyeing her tanned legs. Those guys have never looked that good.

I close my eyes and sigh in resolve. I should just go with it. It would be a lot more awkward for me to try to tell her why I can't swim with her than actually swimming with her. I'll just get Albus to come with us.

The final whistle brings my thoughts back to the platform. I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts and hear Mum behind me. "James! The train's about to leave! You better get on board."

I say quick good-byes to my family and jump on board. As I make my way down the hall of the bus, my thoughts stray to that evening with Meredith. Albus had flat-out refused to go out and swim with me, so we ended up swimming alone together. It hadn't been as awkward as I had feared. After we got in the water and I was able to focus on something other than her, it had been relatively normal.

Julia had called me first that evening drunk out of her mind. That wasn't the first time that had happened, but it didn't improve my inner battle over her. I kept thinking about what Dad and I had talked about. I have such an obvious (and slightly annoying) reaction when Meredith is around. Nothing like that has ever happened with Julia.

Stop it, brain. You've been thinking about things like that far too much.

See? This is why I want to see her. I have to believe that these thoughts are only because I haven't seen her for the whole summer.

I search through the compartments. I guess I might have missed Julia get on the train during my time spacing out. After going through half the train and not finding her, I give up and find my way back to Phillip, Fred, and Roger. As I enter the compartment, Fred looks sideways at me. "Where's Julia?"

"I'm sure she's around somewhere," I say, waving him off. "It's not like I've got to find her first thing, right?" Fred purses his lips and breaths out through is nose. I get the feeling he's not telling me something. I haven't told any of the guys about my internal battle, but I know Fred, whom I've been around quite a bit with the start of school coming up, has noticed something going on with me. I haven't been my normal arrogant self with so much on my mind.

We play Exploding Snap for the first half of the trip. Meredith joins us a little while into the game looking slightly out of breath, but eyes bright and smile as brilliant as ever.

"Where have you been?" Roger asks after she greeted everyone happily.

"I told someone I'd meet up with them and then ran into Lily and stopped to talk for a little while." She's not looking at anyone in particular after saying this, but something tells me that she's not being completely honest right now. It seems like she's avoiding eye contact at the moment.

"Well, we've got a full game," Phillip says, "but I'll let you take my place next game if you want to play." Meredith's entrance reminded me that I still had no clue where Julia was.

"Actually, I'm going to go look for Julia, again," I insert before Meredith can respond. "You can have my spot Mer." Meredith makes a very similar face to what Fred made earlier and breathed out of her nose. She's disappointed. "Don't worry, Mer," I add quickly. "I promise I'll be back."

She rolls her eyes, but gives me a half smile. "Whatever, loser. I saw Julia walking down the hall a couple carriages down. She may still be walking around." She gives me a little shove towards the door. "Don't keep us waiting too long."

"Oh c'mon Mer," Roger says as I walk out the door. "We all know it's going to quick. James doesn't last that long." I turn and see Roger smiling smugly at me as it slides closed. I give him a dirty look through the last inch of space before it shuts completely.

I walk down a couple carriages, as Meredith had suggested, and found Julia wandering the halls with several of her friends. She's hopping from one compartment to another talking with people she deems worthy and ignoring those she doesn't. I watch for a few minutes willing myself to feel something. We have been dating for a while, but even before it wasn't sappy. I had just decided that I liked her because guys like me don't do sappy stuff.

"James!" She seems surprised and not all too happy to see me. Her beautiful face flicks with annoyance for a moment before she relaxes and hugs me.

"I've been looking for you." I try to sound frustrated; to get across how confused I am, but she doesn't get it. Julia looks at me, smiles, and kisses me lightly on the lips. I groan inwardly. That's all she has? I haven't seen her in three months and such an unenthusiastic greeting after so long doesn't make me feel any better about our relationship.

"I've been with some friends. You look great, babe. I love your shirt!" At first I'm confused. I wear this shirt all the time (my favorite Puddlemere t-shirt) and she always says she hates it. She seems really distracted right now.

"Will you come and sit with me?" I ask her hopefully.

"Uh…" I can tell Julia is trying to think quickly, which is not her strong suit. "Actually," she says looking left and right, before smiling, "I was hoping that we could be alone for a bit." Her friends give her a knowing look as she says goodbye and she pulls me into a conveniently empty compartment directly to our right. She wraps her arms around me and whispers "Happy Birthday, James," before kissing me fiercely.

So this is her gift?

She does this every time we have a disagreement, but there's no use trying to resist. I can already feel myself getting into the kiss. I really actually want to talk to her, not snog her. I try pulling away, but Julia puts her hand on the back of my neck and pulls me back with renewed vigor and running her fingers through the hair on the back of my head.

I really can't hold it off any longer, and I wrap my own arms around her and kiss her back.

Twenty minutes later, we emerge from the compartment trying to look as normal as possible, but still noticeably ruffled. At least my hair looks normal. I take Julia's hand and start to lead her to the compartment with my friends, but she pulls away.

"I told my friends I'd meet up with them, again." I put on a disappointed face, but she just frowns at me. "I love you, James, but I need time with my friends, too."

I drop her hand. She is so frustrating. Julia's had the whole summer to herself and she still doesn't want to be around me. She's really got to do something soon before I change my mind. I watch her retreat down the hall of the car and disappear through the door at the other end.

I return to the compartment to my mates, who have since abandoned their Exploding Snap game. Fred eyes me with a worried look and I watch as he and Mer share dark looks. "Did you find Juila?" Fred asks.

I nod, but don't say anything.

"Is she doing alright?" Meredith asks, cautiously. I look at her and see her brow knit together in concern.

I just nod again.

"Good to hear," Phillip says without sentiment. "But, Roger, do you really think the Wasps could beat the Finches if…"

I tune out the conversation. There's just too much on my mind right now. I don't say anything for the rest of the trip, but the guys don't seem to notice. Meredith keeps looking over to me. She's noticed.

The Hogwarts Express pulls into Hogsmeade station and Fred, Roger, Phillip, Meredith and I force our way out onto the platform. "Jaaaameeesss!" I look up and see Julia skipping over to me. I take a breath and step fully onto the platform. She immediately latches onto my arm and seems to be suddenly glued to my side. I guess I should have expected this. Julia Carter is Potter's girlfriend and she knows how to act like it in public. She wants to be known and this is how she likes to go about it. As James Potter's girlfriend, Julia is the most popular girl in school. Merlin knows she's not the smartest by any stretch of the imagination, but she is quite fit.

The students blatantly stare as we walk past them to the carriages to take us up to the castle. I don't have to introduce myself to anyone since everyone returning already knows me and all the first years have probably heard about me from their family and friends. By the end of the night, I'll be known by everyone and that's happened since first year, so I'm kind of used to it. It's still a bit odd to hear someone else telling your life story, though.

Julia waves at everyone she deems worthy and glares at those she doesn't. As we walk around, she seems to be talking extra loud to garner even more attention to me and, in turn, herself.

She runs her hand through my hair. "James, I love your hair like this!" A few steps later, she strokes my arm and says, "Wow, James. Quidditch is really doing you good!"

Merlin, has she always been this obnoxious? I know she has soaked up the attention since we started going out, but has it always been this way? That can't be right. I don't think I could have ignored it… could I? Has something changed to make me finally notice?

Just before we make it to the carriages, I say, "I'm sorry, Julia, but I really need to talk to you," before taking her aside.

"What's up, James?" she asks, batting her eyes.

"Well, I…" I look at her and my mind seems blank. How am I going to say this? I really should have prepared myself rather than jumping into this suddenly. "I just wanted to ask why you are acting like this?"

Julia looks at me incredulously. "What do you mean?"

"Why wouldn't you hang out with me on the train? You don't seem to have any problem being around me, now." I rub my temple and add, "It makes it rather hard to get any time alone with you."

"What about on the train?" She asks, suggestively. "Weren't we alone then?"

"Well, yeah, but I mean…" What do I mean? Merlin, this is harder than it should be. "Why didn't you sit with me? Why won't you be around my mates?" I deflate slightly at her annoyed expression. "Do you have to be so loud like you just were? I think I get enough attention without someone shouting about me to anyone within a five mile radius."

Julia's expression morphs from annoyed to pissed at my words. "What's going on, James? Why are you saying this?"

What is she so angry about? I just want to know why she isn't acting normal.

Unless she is acting normal…

"Well… uh…" I rub the back of my neck nervously. Julia's beautiful face looks back at me adorned with a frown.

Desperately, I grab Julia's hands and stare into her brown eyes. Her eyes are brown.

For a moment, I see deep blue eyes that make my heart pound. When I blink, I again see those brown eyes staring at me haughtily. I look down at our hands and say, "Julia, I love you. You mean everything to me. I'm honestly really confused with how you're acting." I will my words to be true; to reach her.

But they sound muted and forced. Complete lies.

"James, you know I love you, too. Why are we even having this conversation? I care about you a lot and you mean a lot to me as well."

Muted. Forced. Complete lies.

I can't believe her this time. The way she couldn't look me in the eyes to respond makes me finally understand that we've been lying to each other the whole time. I don't love her. She doesn't love me.

There is no reason for me to hold onto her any longer.

I don't love Julia.

Flashes of memory from the previous year come to me as I stand on the platform holding Julia's hands in my own. She always treated me like dirt.

I wasn't much better.

Fred knows this. I doubt that Phillip and Roger don't. Meredith…

Julia has always been horrid to Meredith and wouldn't even listen to me when I asked her to leave Mer alone.

Every meal… every party… every moment we were together was a production. Julia wanted the attention. She was using me and she succeeded.

I look down the platform a little way and catch the deep blue eyes that I was just thinking about. Meredith is watching us, curiously. She notices me, jumps slightly, then turns away quickly and climbs into the carriage in front of her.

I never fancied Julia. I never even began to fancy Julia. She showed an interest in me, so I just went with it. It was a mental decision, not a feeling.

But I do fancy Meredith. I can't deny it. I've never experienced feelings like this before, but there's no doubt in my mind that that's the truth.

I jolt back to reality when I hear an aggravated tapping on the floor beside me. Focusing, I see Julia tapping her foot impatiently, crossing her arms, and waiting. She's expecting a full apology from me.

This puts me over the edge. I seriously can't stand her for another moment. "Julia," I huff, "I can't do this anymore. We're through."