Chapter four:
You only have to learn important life lessons once.
Armin woke up the next morning, sighing as he rubbed his temples. ''Does your head hurt?'' a gentle voice asked, and Armin nodded softly, before looking who spoke. He saw Eren, Mikasa, and Levi surrounding his bed. Mikasa on a chair beside the bed, Eren on the foot of the bed, and Levi leaning against the wall. ''Do you feel better now?'' a worried Eren asked, and Armin smiled before replying ''My head still hurts a little. What happened? And where am I?''Levi decided to answer those questions, as he had witnessed what happened. ''You fainted last night, after you put your friend into bed,'' he said. ''Therefore I let you sleep in my bed, so you could get a decent night's rest. It seems like you needed it.'' Armin thanked Levi. ''What next? Are we supposed to go back to the compound, along with Shadis?'' he asked, and an awkward silence grew in the room.
It was Mikasa who shook her head and said ''Shadis never came back, neither did Annie for that matter. Therefore the Corps has decided to let the recruits take their oath earlier. Our salute will be this afternoon.'' she said. ''I'll be there. How is Jean doing?'' Armin asked, while sitting up straighter. ''He's asleep'' Eren reassured Armin. ''Good. He needs it, after the loss of Marco.'' Armin said. ''I'm going to get breakfast. Do you want anything, Armin?'' Mikasa asked, while she got up. Eren got up as well, deciding he should tag along, because his stomach started rumbling. ''No thanks, but I'll try to get something to eat later on.'' Armin answered, Mikasa nodded, before she and Eren walked downstairs to the mess hall.
Levi, on the other hand, moved from the wall to the bed, and sat on the bedside. ''Heichou?'' Armin asked. ''You worried me, last night.'' Levi said, it almost seemed like a soft, caring voice. Armin took a closer look at Levi's face. Levi still had his bored expression, but nevertheless seemed nicer, more vulnerable then usual. Armin replied, ''I am sorry, I was exhausted, Sir.'' All the while his blue eyes kept exploring the emotions crossing over Levi's face. Levi placed his hand on Armin's cheek and caressed it. ''I am glad you're doing fine.'' he said, as his grey eyes looked back to Armin's blue ones. ''Sir?'' Armin asked, as Levi gazed back at him. ''You liked her, didn't you? You miss Petra, like we miss Marco?'' He continued asking and even though Levi wasn't one to talk about feelings, he nodded thoughtfully.
He did miss Petra a lot, even though she died but a few short hours ago, ''Have you ever lost someone?'' he suddenly asked, and Armin's eyes teared up. ''I have, Sir. Several times, to be honest.'' he told Levi, who said nothing, but was curious to hear what these traumatic experiences meant to Armin. Armin seemed to notice this, as he continued speaking. ''Even though Marco and Jean were best friends, I was fond of Marco as well. He was so gentle, and a great person to talk with. I am not sure whether or not I am able to process the fact he just died, before my own eyes.'' Armin fell silent before he continued ''But I don't have the time to process it, I have to help Jean see there was nothing he could have done to save Marco.'' Levi didn't know what to say, and therefore remained silent.
Armin took a deep breath before saying ''I almost lost Eren as well, when he jumped into a Titan's mouth to save me, I thought I had lost my best friend.'' Levi nodded to spur Armin on ''But the most important person I lost.., was the man who raised me. My grandfather was one of the most important people in my life, he taught me about the world outside the wall and protected me until the very end. When he was de...-'' Armin stopped to sob. ''...devoured'' he finally finished, then couldn't hold his tears anymore, put his hands before his face and started crying.
Levi stopped caressing Armin's cheek, only to move closer to Armin, and cupped Armin's chin to make the weeping boy look up. ''Armin'' he said softly. ''I am sorry, Sir. But I feel like I could have saved my grandfather. Then he would still be around, and travel around the world with me.'' Armin said. Levi pulled Armin into a protective hug, ''There was nothing you could have done for either Marco or your grandfather. Just as I couldn't have prevented Petra's death. The only thing that could have happened differently, is me dying in her place. It is the same with you and your grandfather, and it is probably how Jean feels about Marco. It is foolish to want that, though. I believe Petra wants me to live and continue our work so humanity will be safe, and the way I see it, your old man would want you to do so too.''
''Thank you, Levi...'' Armin said, but then noticed how close Levi was to his face. ''Levi'' he said again, blushing heavily. ''What is it, Armin?'' Levi said, but before Levi could lean in, the door openend behind them. ''Armin, I know you aren't hungry, but I still brought you an apple so...,'' then Eren froze as he saw how close his rival was to his childhood friend and he lost it.
''WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO ARMIN!'' Eren exclaimed, as Levi cursed him under his breath. ''Nothing particular, Brat. We're talking about how death affects people,'' Levi answered, as he disentangled himself from Armin, and got up. Eren was trembling with rage by then, and his right hand made a fist, as he approached Levi fiercely. When their heads almost touched, Eren hissed, ''Whatever you're doing to him, stop it. I forbid you to hurt him, or else I'll make it the last thing you do. Leave my friend alone.'', then swung his fist towards Levi's face, but that didn't even impress Levi who caught the fist in his hand and shrugged before replying ''Just try it and see what happens. But you're in no position to forbid me to talk to him.'' Then he let go of Eren's fist and walked out of the room.
Eren faced the weeping Armin, and gently sat down beside him. ''Did he hurt you? Because I swear to God, if he did..-'' Armin didn't give Eren a chance to finish his sentence, but looked up and said, ''He did not hurt me, on the contrary, he gave me the opportunity to share feelings I've kept for myself for such a long time.'' ''Armin...'' Eren said softly as he cupped Armin's cheek, but Armin pushed his arm away angrily. ''STOP PROTECTING ME LIKE THAT. HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG, AND NOW, BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID, HE MAY NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!'' Armin screamed angrily, still crying. ''He is affecting you too much in a bad way'' Eren said, sounding hurt, but Armin would have none of that. ''He is NOT, Eren. Why won't you give him a chance?'' Eren glared before saying harshly, ''I'm sorry, Armin. But I won't allow anything to happen to you. You are my best friend and I care about you, you just can't trust everyone that is nice to you, especially not to such a bastard as Levi.''
''You are not my grandfather, Eren. Stop doing this, I can choose my own friends!'' Armin said. ''This isn't like you, Armin! This is exactly the reason I don't want you to befriend Levi, because he is changing you,'' Eren said, then continued in a softer tone; ''You are my best friend, Armin. I know what is best for you, and Levi isn't.'' Armin glared daggers at Eren before saying ''Right, best friend, and NOT my guardian. I am not some kind of porcelain doll you have to protect, I am a person. And as a person I have the right to befriend anyone I want to, no matter what they are like. I can judge that for myself perfectly fine, Eren.'' Before Eren could reply, Armin continued ''I don't feel like fighting, Eren. We're still good friends no matter what, right?'' Eren smiled before replying ''You're right, we're buddies, no matter what. I don't like fighting with you either, so I will try to keep calm around you and Levi, but I can't promise anything, he really gets on my nerves.''
Armin and Eren shared a hug. ''Thanks Eren, I really do appreciate that'' Armin said, once they broke the hug. ''Shall I go and get you another apple?'' Eren asked, as he walked to the door with Armin. ''Yes please, could you bring me two, at the infirmary? Jean might be hungry as well, and I want to see how he's doing'' Armin answered and Eren nodded lazily, saying he would bring one for the horseface as well. Armin wandered of to the infirmary, hoping Jean would be feeling slightly better.
Levi, on the other hand, had gone to his office, and now sat in his chair as he thought about what had just happened. 'If Eren hadn't walked in, things might have gone too far in the vulnerable state Armin is in.' Levi thought, when he heard a knock. ''Come in.'' he said in a bored tone, and saw Commander Erwin enter the room, concern written all over his face. ''A search party found Shadis and some other Survey members. They're dead. Only a small girl named Annie survived, and she's still in shock. Hanji is taking her to the infirmary. I thought we might have to discuss this, since the field was empty when we left.'' Erwin told him. ''That sounds like a serious concern.'' Levi replied. ''They found them severely wounded, but no signs indicate a Titan attack did occur after we left.'' Erwin said. ''That is a curious situation, what about the girl? Did she say anything?'' Levi asked, folding his hands. ''Not a word, we hope that in time, she can tell us what happened there.'' Erwin said. ''Very well, I propose we visit her when she recovers, and question her as to what happened out there, as she is the only eye-witness'' Levi said. Erwin nodded assent before making to leave, Levi however, bade him to stay. ''Wait. I do have something to discuss with you as well''. Erwin turned back, resigned, '' If this is about the cleaning-rosters again, then we will discuss that later on, after the trainees have taken their oath.'' he replied. Levi shook his head, and Erwin sat down again. ''It is about one of the trainees'' Levi said.
Erwin raised his eyebrows, wondering what Levi was thinking, as Levi continued: ''It is about Arlert. He was the one who came up with the plan to save wall Maria, letting Eren seal the wall in his Titan-form.'' Erwin knew about this part, and nodded at Levi to continue. ''I was thinking, maybe he should join us when next we plan our strategy. I think he might have unexpected insights, and we could use another tactician, besides the two of us.'' Levi proposed. Erwin considered this, before replying ''Sure, I don't see a problem with that. Is that all?'' Levi nodded, and Erwin left the room. Levi sighed, as his morning had started quite eventfull, something he hadn't expected. He anticipated the entire day would be a drag, due to the many things going on. He also figured this would be the only free time he would have to mourn the death of Petra. So he locked the door, making sure no one could bother him, as he shed a small tear, at the death of the red-headed girl.
Eren whistled as he brought the apples to the infirmary, only to find Armin smiling, while talking to Jean, and Hanji sitting next to a sleeping Annie, seemingly concerned. ''Hi,'' he said, as he approached Jean and Armin, and handed the apples to each of them. Though he wasn't close with Jean, Eren felt sorry for him. ''How are you doing?'' he asked Jean. ''I've slept well, but feel rotten all the same, I just wish Marco would still be alive'' Jean replied with a soft voice. Armin noticed the change in their behaviour, and stood up. ''Where are you going?'' Jean asked. ''Nowhere in particular. I just think you and Eren should talk a little, it will do you good.'' Armin said, and motioned for Eren to sit down. Eren smiled, and sat down. ''I'm not sure how you feel, Kirchstein, but I do know I would feel bad too, if had lost my best friend.''
Jean nodded ''It is not that I have lost Marco. Sure, I do feel bad about that, and I don't know how to process that yet, but that is not the part bothering me.'' Jean told both of them, making Eren confused, and Armin look at Jean with sympathy. ''It is that you think you could have prevented it, by talking with Marco, instead of him talking with Reiner about whatever had been bothering him.'' Armin said, and Jean nodded. Eren still had no clue on what they were talking about, but noticed the tension between them. Jean hestitated before asking ''Do you agree with me, Armin?'' Armin wasn't sure how he should answer this question, but before he could, Hanji joined them ''That's a ridiculous thing to say. It's like asking wether I could have stopped the attack on Sonny and Bean, without even knowing anyone would attack those sweethearts. The only thing we can do is honor their memory and fight for humanity, but don't stop there, move on with your life, it's what they would have wanted for us''.
All three of them turned silent after her sudden outburst,before Jean started laughing. Eren joined him soon enough, while Armin remained silent. Hanji smiled, as the boy finally was doing something other then moping. ''You're right,'' Jean suddenly started ''I should quit moping, Marco would hate to see me doing that. I was planning to join the Military Police before, but I think I can do even more for the city by joining the Survey Corps.'' Hanji replied, ''The oath is in less than three hours, we'd be glad to have you.'' Jean nodded, making Armin and Eren smile. ''It's good to hear you say that, Jean. We are going to let you rest a little.'' Eren said, whereupon Jean nodded thanks. Eren left the room first, to train awhile with Mikasa, and Hanji went to Levi, reporting about the state Annie was in. ''Armin, I still would like to hear your answer.'' Jean suddenly requested. Armin replied, ''To be honest, I agree with what Hanji just said. But I didn't know how to put it in words. I still feel the same about everyone that died, and that includes Marco. I was his friend as well, and... shit!'' he cried. ''Armin?'' Jean asked, pulling the petite boy in a hug.
''I don't want people I care about to die anymore.'' Armin sobbed, and Jean nodded, before using his thumb to wipe some tears away. ''Armin, things can change if we put our minds to it. We have learned from our experiences, and I can only conclude one thing. If we choose to join the Survey, we have the best chance to fight for a better world.'' he told Armin, seeing the blond nod thoughtfully. ''Hey, I do like your company, but I kinda want to rest. Do you mind?'' Jean asked. Armin shook his head as he replied ''Not at all, see you at the oath.'' before walking out of the infirmary. Just as Annie opened her eyes...