Chapter 19 - Married Couples
Penny's mind was a jumble of thoughts as she moved through the corridors of Cal Tech, some basic, like she should have told Sheldon Amy was now at the party before she left. and others more complex, like what was she going to say different to Leonard if she found him. She seemed to be on autopilot as she headed to the Physics Department, her destination the Deans office, she thought maybe Leonard was there and as she got closer it dawned on her that maybe she should have thought things better through before barging in there to see him. However that thought, like other rational thoughts about Leonard soon lost out to the concern she had after Sheldon told her Leonard was sick, her worry for him made it so she wasn't thinking right anymore and could only now think about finding him. Penny knew she become useless now, way too worried about Leonard function or continue to be at the party, so she was doing the only thing she could, trying to find him.
The recent events filled her mind as she walked, it had been just over a half hour since she had seen Leonard, in the hall with Sheldon, and she had actually thought he would come to the party this time, because Sheldon was still his friend. However his not showing up should not have been a surprise to her, and she blamed on herself again for his absence, she knew he still probably didn't want to see her and that was the cause for his current actions. It had been the main reason she had not come to any university social functions the last year, because if she showed up he wouldn't, it was that way now between them and she now avoided them to give him his solitude.
She entered the department and went directly to his office walking right into the Dean's office suite and right to his door, since there was no one there to stop her, his secretary was at the party. She had planned on just walking in and confronting him, but now on thinking more about that, on her way there, she slowed her pace as she approached his door. She didn't have the right to confront him on anything anymore, she had made it difficult between them, and she couldn't blame him, for not wanting to see her, none of it was his fault, only hers. So when she got right up to his office she almost didn't go in, her shame so great, but just stood there trying to screw up the courage to open the door. It took everything she had, one big last surge of will, to turn the door knob and when she finally did, she found he wasn't there.
Penny stood there, in the dark empty office, for a minute deflated and now took out her phone, sadly hitting an APP, she had installed six months ago, to see where his cell phone was located. It was another thing she was ashamed about, he didn't know she had done it and she never told him a thing, but she convinced herself it was okay, because she worried and just wanted to know he was okay. She was pleased he didn't go home, when she saw he was still in the building and even though her APP couldn't tell her what room he was in, Penny had an idea where to look. She left the Physics Department and went down the corridor to the basement stairs, nervously hoping she would find him there, but still afraid it wouldn't do any good.
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Amy giggled, "Honey it is good to see you too, but you just saw me this morning when you went to work. I'm sorry I was late getting here." Amy smiled then scooted up to him to try and give him a kiss.
Sheldon stood still stunned looking at Amy as he took in her words, quickly looking for his wife, at least the person he thought was his wife. Sheldon now was very confused and tried to think of a question to answer his concern about who he was actually with in this time. "Amy Farrah Fowler…." he stopped speaking when he saw her eyes go wide is surprise. His saying her name like that and avoiding her kiss obviously disturbing Amy as he watched her surprised look at him. "Did I say something wrong?" he weakly asked, not knowing what else to do.
"Why are you calling me by my maiden name, you've been calling be Dr Cooper since we got married." Amy quietly asked, so no one but him could hear. The now hurt look on her face evident even to Sheldon.
Sheldon's knees seemed weak and he thought he would faint, Amy was his wife, could that be true, and he stared at her for a moment trying to understand all that was happening. Then a sudden thought came to him as he realized something, if Amy was truly his wife, and he had won the Nobel Prize, he had done it, he got what he wanted, Amy back and she was now his wife, he wouldn't loose her again. However as that wonderful thought filled his head, he noticed she was still looking at him funny, and he knew he had to tell her something, "I'm sorry my mind is so full of stuff right now, I am actually having a hard time processing it all."
Amy's smile returned again. "I understand cuddles, what you did was amazing and this is your day, being horribly excited is only natural." She lifted her self on her tip toes to try to kiss him again.
Sheldon looked down at her, she was his wife, he had noticed with married couples that it was social convention to kiss in public and deep down inside something new stirred inside him. He had gone without her for so long, now remembering how good it actually felt to kiss her, he really wanted this so he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. It felt wonderful and he felt like a thirsty man who was just given a drink, as he started to feel all the happiness that came to getting all he wanted, especially her. The extreme happiness he felt now, overcame his reserve and he leaned down further, taking his wife into his arms, deepening the kiss, the need to make her his driving all his senses. They kept like that for a little while, Sheldon forgetting where he was, until someone, Kripke, walked by and said 'Get a room' making them both break and gently laugh.
"Wow Sheldon, you kissed me like you haven't seen me in years." Amy looked at him quizzically, but still smiling.
Sheldon was feeling light headed, but really happy, so he just smiled at her. "I missed you, sometimes it seems like I haven't seen you in a long while." he noticed her face formed a bigger smile and it made him smile even bigger. However, then he looked around for Penny, he now understood her mood had something to do with Leonard, she had just greeted him in the hallway to congratulate him, Leonard and him just took it the wrong way. If Penny went to look for him, he hoped Leonard would handle things right, because knowing Leonard he was probably devastated right now.
"Sheldon is something wrong?" he looked back down at Amy and saw concern now on her face.
However all these thoughts could be wrong so he tried to make his response generic to his wife. "Penny seems to be concerned about Leonard." He hoped he was right.
Amy shook her head. "Yeah, when I talked to her earlier, she was looking for both of you. She thought you were together. She said she would take care of you until I got here." Then Amy sighed.
Sheldon nodded then looked at her, seeing something was still bothering her, "What's wrong Amy?"
Amy looked back up at him a sad smile now on her face. "I don't know how much longer they are going to last Honey. The last year has been so hard on them and Leonard is just falling apart, which is destroying her too."
Sheldon was stumped, he had no idea what the problem was, but again the reference was made about the last year, and he wasn't sure how to ask her about it without her being suspicious. So Sheldon gave her what he hoped was a knowing nod, "Penny does seem extremely distracted tonight." hoping Amy would tell him more.
Amy nodded, "Sheldon, she still loves him and has been worrying about him a lot, but you've seen how Leonard has been, after Penny broke his heart. It has been a year now and he keeps getting worse, becoming more alone and withdrawn. Penny has been crying on my shoulder so much, I think she is just getting worse and worse too, this can't go on, something has to give."
Sheldon nodded again, still in the dark about what was going on between Leonard and Penny. "Yes Leonard is very sensitive." The thing was Sheldon thought, was the Leonard Sheldon had with him was not the broken Leonard Amy was describing.
"Do you think that is where she went, to find him?" Sheldon looked at his wife. "Dr Cooper."
"Yes Honey, I would bet she is probably looking for him now." Amy sighed again, then gave his another little smile. Sheldon loved her smiles, and as he watched her he thought that he was going to like this timeline after all.
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Penny slowly made her way through the hall in the basement until she got to the room, Leonard had taken her to before, slowly stopping to look in. She was both pleased and saddened when saw him there sitting in a chair, with his head in his hands, obviously upset. She could tell he didn't even see or hear her, so she slipped off her heels, she wanted to be shorter then him when he looked at her, she wanted to try and make him feel in control, she would do anything to get him back and with that thought she walked barefoot to him. As she approached she could see there was something wrong with him, so she stopped some feet short from him and just watched, her heart slowly breaking as she realized he was crying. The pain formed in her heart again, as she knew she had done this to him, destroyed him, it was all her fault, she had made him just a hollow version of his former self. However this was really bad, she hadn't seen him cry since that day when he brought her home, he had just got quiet after that, so now seeing him crying again only meant things were even worse, her hopes of ever getting him back dissolving before her eyes.
That night, just over a year ago, was burnt in her memory, the night she, as his wife, betrayed him, everyday of her life since then was filled of regret for that night. They had been just told their show had been renewed for two more years, everybody was ecstatic and it wasn't long until their happiness turned into an impromptu cast party that night. Everyone Penny worked with was happy and a party quickly started, drinks soon appearing making the party really take off after that, she began to drink way too much, and worse, she didn't have Leonard there to protect her. Leonard was running a very important experiment that night with Sheldon, that taken 6 months to plan and he couldn't leave his work, but she told him it was okay, she would be fine and would see would see him later that night. She never got home, she got passed out drunk and woke the next morning up in the bed of their producer, she was sicker than a dog and what made things worse, it was Leonard that found her. He had worried about her all night and went looking for her, stopping at all the people she knew, until in the late morning he came to the producers door to ask if he had seen her.
She would never forget the expression on his face, as she saw him there, and all she could say was 'I'm Sorry', when he took her home and took care of her. The worse she feared came true when he put her to bed, their bed, and didn't join her, she knew she had destroyed them, because after that they never slept together again. She wished he would have screamed at her or even hit her, anything was better that becoming quiet and not saying a thing. However, it was only the beginning because after that he just folded into himself, then she watched him die inside and she had to live with knowledge that she done that to him.
That memory and seeing him crying now, brought all the pain back up and that made the tears start to come down her cheeks too. This last year, Penny had been dying inside with him and for her it was getting harder to go on anymore, knowing she did this to him. It was that renewed guilt and grief that made her, act now without thinking, as she walked the final steps up to where he was sitting, and fell on her knees in front of him sobbing, the only words she could say, "I'm sorry Leonard, I am so sorry." as her tears dripped down her face.
Leonard had been clueless she was there and now this sudden surprise made him raise his head from his hands to look at her in shock. Penny kneeing before him sobbing was the last thing he ever expected to see and he was beyond dumbfounded, saying the only thing that came to his mind. "Sorry for what Penny." he asked, totally stunned, his tears now stopped.
Penny blinked at the confused and surprised expression on his face, her sobs turning to heavy breathing as the tears still fell, as she tried to process his question and respond to him. "Leonard, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I love you."
Leonard just stared at her, he didn't know what to say, did she mean Sheldon and what did she mean 'I love you'. "Penny, I'm….confused right now, and am having trouble understanding you." Confused was a simple word right now he was way beyond confused.
Penny didn't understand, finding him crying there could mean anything, but she would do anything for him right now, so "I'm sorry Honey, I made you this way. I will do anything you want, anything, if it will make things better for you." Penny then took a ragged breath. "I just want you to get better and if…divorce is what you want…" Penny suddenly couldn't find the words, the thought of loosing him was almost to hard to bare. It took her a second to compose herself before began to speak again, "Please Honey tell me what you want, we can't go on like this, I can't watch you in pain anymore."
Leonard looked at her in shock, her words running through his confused mind, divorce him? Was she was his wife? The thought that he could be married to her, suddenly made hope come alive in him, but then he remembered that he wasn't from this timeline and she was probably actually married to someone from it, not him. Leonard sighed, he needed to understand what was going on. "Penny, how long have we been married now." Leonard just blankly looked at her.
"Seven years, Honey, if you count the last year." Penny's voice cracked again. Tears now coming from her eyes again, as she wondered if he was going to ask for a divorce, she really didn't know if she could survive without him.
'Seven Years!' That was longer than the timeline he just left. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't speak for her husband, but this Penny was really upset and he never could stand Penny upset. "Penny I don't think this is the right time to be talking about divorce." 'At least with me' Leonard thought.
Penny now just stared at him, the words 'right time' sticking in her mind, he seemed so calm now, something didn't seem right, Leonard had never been like this since the day he found out she cheated. It was like he had just changed, he was talking to her and he was so more controlled then before, it both confused and scared her. "Leonard, what has changed? Why are you acting different?" Penny was now worried Leonard had finally hit the end, he was so composed right now, almost like someone who knew what he was going to do. Then a chill went through her, he acted like someone who was about to do something permanent, she knew because she had felt that way this last year herself. The tears started to well up again as fear started to take her over, "Leonard, I can't live without you, please don't do something to yourself, please don't leave me." her voice now cracking again as the new tears fell down her cheeks.
Leonard knew his words were not helping a thing now, he could see he was only making her more upset and her kneeling and crying was something he could not bare, so he just did something he always did with his Penny, he took her hands and helped her stand up. She just let him lead her up to a standing position, offering no resistance, so he went a step further with his plan and pulled her close into his arms and hugged her, feeling her grab on to him tight and begin crying again. He just held her and let her cry, he knew it was the best thing for her and holding her was comforting to him too.
Penny had not hugged Leonard for over a year, so him pulling her into a comforting hug, overwhelmed her, her grief spilling out, while she held on to him for dear life. She stayed like that for twenty minutes, unable to move, while Leonard rubbed her back, it was like it was before and she never wanted it to end. Finally no more tears would come, her face was dry, covered in dried up tears, but she still hung to him, she knew that this would eventually end and she didn't know if she could take him letting her go. "I love you Leonard." she whispered.
Leonard wanted to say 'I love you too.' but he couldn't mislead her, because he actually did love her. He knew then he had to tell her, he had to tell her everything, she needed to know, he loved her too much to deceive her. "Penny we need to talk, I need to tell you something." He then slowly pushed her off him, at first feeling her resist, but finally letting go. He pulled up another chair and sat her down in front of him as he sat. "Penny I'm not who you think I am."
Penny blinked, "I don't understand?" Her grief was now temporarily put aside in confusion.
Leonard sighed, looking around, "Penny this machine around us is…."
"Sheldon's time machine." Penny finished for him, seeing his eyes go wide in shock.
"You know what it is? How?" he was stunned.
"You told me." She now looked at him in even greater confusion. "Don't you remember, we use to come down here a lot while I was getting my Physics undergraduate degree.
"You have a physics degree!"
"Just a Bachelors…Wait a minute, you know that." Penny now stared at him, her eyes getting wide. "Leonard you told me all about time travel and the physics of it….but you don't seem to remember." She now looked around the room at the equipment and the machine, finally looking at him with concern, "Leonard, what did you and Sheldon do?"
Leonard sucked in a breath, "Penny, I'm not from this timeline."