A/N: This didn't come out as long as I wanted it to be, but Lily finally shows up! And yes, this fic has somehow switched over to Sirius's point of view, against my attempts to keep it in general third person.

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Do I look like J. K. Rowling to you? (Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know if you've secretly installed a camera and am somehow watching my every move.)

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By three o'clock, Sirius has made a mental note to never partake in one of James's schemes again, even if it means giving up pranking forever (they haven't pulled off a magnificent prank in a while now, anyway, ever since James came to the conclusion that he did not simply fancy, but was in love with Evans four months ago, and that pranks were "immature and the wrong way to win her heart". Sirius had to resist the urge to tell James that this kissing booth was even more idiotic and immature than fart jokes, and this would lead to her slapping him, not giving him her love forever.).

Since Bertha Jorkins laid one on him an hour ago, every girl in the seemingly never-ending line has decided that he is fair game as well, and Sirius is being given James's sloppy seconds. James has also forced him to brush his teeth every ten minutes, because "No one wants to taste your lunch, Sirius." (he can't exactly help it when Peter, Remus, and Marlene are all chowing down on roast beef and pumpkin juice while Sirius has to settle for breath mints).

He feels like a prostitute. A male prostitute that's making less than an unpaid ministerial intern and only kisses people (so it isn't the best comparison. He doesn't care.). All the girls are way too eager to pay money to kiss someone, and they all seem to have the twisted idea that one kiss will make him fall madly in love with them.

That's not to say that there aren't any nice ones, of course. Hestia Jones pecked Sirius on the cheek and asked him, blushing, if Peter would go to Hogsmeade with her tomorrow (he would). A fifth year wished him good luck with the charity they were raising money for (which made him feel guilty that this would all be going to the Marauders Foundation for Trivial Things).

"Why so glum, Black?" Marlene asks him after his twenty-something kiss. "Potter still isn't tired, and he's been doing this a lot longer than you have."

"If it's so easy, why don't you do it?" he snaps at her.

She looks taken aback for a second, and Sirius sighs.

"Sorry, sorry," he says. "And the reason James hasn't given in to despair is that he's still holding out hope that Evans will come riding in on a rainbow unicorn and be his pretty little princess forever."

"It looks like that wish is going to come true, then," Marlene says, pointing to a flash of red hair. Sure enough, it's Evans, in all her fiery Prefect-badged glory.

Luckily, it's Remus and Peter, not Sirius, that face the brunt of her rage first. "Remus, how could you allow Black and Potter to do this?" She shouts. Sirius wants to protest, because hello, does it seem like he wanted to be part of this? "And Pettigrew, I thought you were nice." Peter looks ashamed of himself, and Sirius wants to hug him (he knows all too well how horrible a scolding, to put it lightly, given from Lily Evans can be).

Remus is, however, quite possibly the smoothest person Sirius has ever met, so in a voice oozing with charm, he says, "Lily, you know I wouldn't have willingly agreed to this, and neither would Peter. It's just that, well, Sirius and James made such a convincing case, you know?"

Yes, Remus Lupin will be dying tonight. Maybe not Peter, though. He could always do something more horrible to him, like throw out all his fudge flies.

And Evans has officially turned to Sirius. "You," she practically screams into his ear. "You and Potter are taking advantage of poor girls, and forcing them to pay for harassment!"

He's taking advantage of girls? Did no one see what Bertha Jorkins did to him?

"Evans," he replies, in a faux-calm voice, even though he's quite sure he will be pulverized sometime in the next few seconds. "Are you jealous of all the girls that are lining up to kiss James? You? Miss Perfect Prefect?" And yes, he has just signed his own death warrant, but it's worth it to see Evans's face turn a shade of red that is completely unhealthy.

"I. Do. Not. Want. To. Kiss. Potter." She practically growls. "I do not, and never will. Every other girl is simply deluded by Potter's many charms and ploys, and they will come to realize their mistakes one day."

"So you admit he has charms?" Sirius cocks an eyebrow, as if he hasn't heard every word of her lengthy and frankly impressive argument. Suddenly, he's aware that the common room has fallen silent, besides the sound of Marlene's quiet snickering, and all eyes are on him and Evans.

Evans has her wand in her face now, and looks as if she's about to hex him very painfully. Luckily (or probably unluckily, since every illusion of good luck Sirius has experienced today has turned out for the worse), James pops up at that very moment.

"Evans!" He says, running a hand in his hair in an attempt to make it look normal (something that will be as likely as Evans running off and having twenty children with James). "What brings you here this fine day?" It is decidedly not fine outside, as the clear weather of the morning turned into pouring rain an hour ago, but James doesn't seem to have noticed that.

"Potter, you are the most despicable, arrogant person on the face of the earth!" Evans is screaming even louder now, if that's possible. "This—" she gestures at the kissing booth "—is the most disgusting thing I have ever witnessed!"

"So you didn't come here to kiss me?" James asks obliviously, looking crestfallen. Sirius has an urge to close his eyes, because he can almost see what is going to happen next.

Slap. The sound echoes around the room, and Evans looks almost startled at what she's just done. There is silence again, but this one is shocked, almost painful.

Peter is the first one to speak, weakly whispering to Sirius, "So I guess you were right about the slap, huh?"

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So, cliffhanger/not really cliffhanger. Somehow, I'm still on my one chapter a day goal! Feedback, review, favorite, follow, etc?