Chapter 31 - Doubt

Leonard woke up shivering and disoriented, plus terrified, he was having trouble catching his breath too and the only thing keeping him from screaming her name was that he had her crushed against his chest, holding her so tight it actually scared him. He tried to steady his breathing, and relax his hold on her, as the bits an pieces of the dream came back to him, the nightmare of loosing her again and knowing it was forever. He didn't think he could do it again, loose her, and he didn't want to live in a world without her. He fell in love with her months after meeting her and when they got married he became lost in her, she was part of his soul, she made his life worth living, he'd die without her. The horrible dream and her in his arms now was too much for his emotions, and as tears he couldn't stop fell down his cheeks, he prayed to any God who would listen, that if he was really to loose her, that his live be taken now while he had her in his arms.

Penny felt him relax, she had been awake since he pulled her tightly to his chest, holding her like she had never remembered her husband doing before. She couldn't wake him up, because to be honest to herself she didn't want him to stop, so as long as she could breath, she laid there being squeezed in his arms. However now she was worried, she knew he was awake, but his breath was ragged and she thought she felt moisture on her neck, that with his head so close to hers, could only be from tears. She loved him so much that his pain was her pain and in her mind her thoughts were to immediately make him feel better. Penny rolled in his now loosened grip and scooted up a little so she could be on his level, seeing his face in the pre-morning light, her heart breaking at the grief on it. They just stared in each others eyes for a couple seconds, then Penny brought up her hand to wipe his tears away, it was so hard to look at him, so she kissed his cheek and curled tight against him. Penny put her head into his neck, giving him another small kiss, she didn't dare look at him again, otherwise she would turn into a blubbering mess, her own tears now only being held by extreme will. Her mind was so conflicted, but one thing was clear, she couldn't loose him, life would not be life without him, he was everything she ever wanted in a man, a husband, a mate and he was the Prince Charming she dreamed of as a girl, she just didn't know until she met him. She felt his arms encircle her again as she lay on his chest, and she couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips, because if there was anything in life that she wanted, it was this, him with her always.

Penny and Leonard fell back to sleep, the comfort of being together, holding each other, making them both relax and the fears go away. It was three hours later when they finally stirred again and Penny woke to the wonderful feeling of Leonard gently stroking her hair. "I like that." She whispered.

"Good morning sunshine, did you sleep okay." Leonard was trying to sound cheery, the thoughts of a few hours before still in his mind.

"Sunshine? Is that a nickname?" Penny teased.

"Sorry, old habits." Leonard felt bad about using a nickname with her that he used with his wife.

Penny scooted up to look at him, "No, I like it." She said and then immediately regretted what she had done. They were in bed, warm and comfortable, and looking at him made feelings she had learned to suppress over the last year, scream to come out. This was not a need to comfort him, but something more and she felt it was too soon, she still had doubts and was still confused, it was not the right time to take the next step, no matter what her husband said on the video. The problem was she was paralyzed looking at him, her mind torn, one half of it telling her to stop and the other wanting to take the next step with him.

Leonard was lost in her eyes and it took his a couple of seconds to realize how dark her eyes had gotten, they seemed to have dilated before his eyes. He wanted her so badly it hurt, but he also knew, he was already in this so deep with her, that if they took the next step, he would completely loose himself with her. He fought to get a grip on his emotions and found some strength deep inside him, he didn't know he had, a strength he knew was based on his need not to hurt her. So Leonard tore his eyes from her, "I'm a little hungry, how about you?"

Penny had been only a moment from kissing him, not on the cheek, but really kissing him, when he broke the spell between them. "Yeah, I guess I'm hungry."

Leonard didn't trust himself right now, "It is 10 AM, so it is really almost brunch. Do you know any good places that serve brunch?" He thought them in a public place would be better right now.

"Yeah, I do. There is a hotel that has a nice brunch on Sundays, just 10 minutes from here." Penny responded.

"That really sounds nice." Leonard lied, laying in bed with Penny sounded nice, going to eat brunch out was just a necessity.

"Yeah it does." Penny forced out, acting happy. The thought of getting out of the bed and leaving his warm comforting body, seemed like punishment.

"Okay, then lets get ready and go." Leonard forced himself out of bed, then offered his hand to help her out of bed, too.

It might have been that this Leonard was stronger than her Leonard or maybe she was weak kneed still from moments before, but as soon as she was pulled up she started to fall. Leonard immediately grabbing her around the waist while she wrapped her arms around his neck, stopping her fall, but now leaving them holding each other, their faces only inches away, their breaths warm against each others cheeks. They stood their staring at each other, both afraid to move, afraid what moving would do and where it would end up.

Penny knew now she was in trouble, her resolve from before gone, Leonard could do anything to her now and there was no way she could resist him, her body again screaming its need for him. The thought of kissing him, and letting what would happen, happen, the only thought her mind could concentrate on at that moment. But Leonard again saved her, his arm coming up to cradle her head and slightly turn it so he could kiss her cheek. Penny sighed, then buried her head in his neck, putting a small kiss there while they now hugged each other. They stood like that for a few minutes before finally separating to get ready for brunch, both of them lost in their thoughts as they went to get ready.

xxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxx

Sheldon ate breakfast with his wife, it felt so easy to be with her and Sheldon thought back to before and wondered again, how could he have made the biggest mistake in him life by breaking up with her. He was actually enjoying being intimate with each other, and instead of hating it, he found it was comforting and a little exciting. He liked waking up with her and he liked her being there all the time, she was like having a friend that was always there with you, who cared for you and would have your back. She was perfect, and this life he found himself in was perfect, it was everything he dreamed of, even more, because he had Amy to share it with.

It was only about 30 minutes after they cleaned up after breakfast when Amy casually addressed a normal domestic concern that had Sheldon having to cover for himself again. It seemed that Sunday was their day to go to the grocery store and Amy asking Sheldon if he wanted to come, made him have to make a hard decision. Sheldon still couldn't drive and he knew she would expect him to drive her to the store and back, but at the same time the thought of her going alone bothered him, he really didn't know what to do. "Amy do we really need anything that can't wait till next week?"

"Sheldon, Sunday is always grocery day and I have the list. It even has some things you wrote down we didn't get last Sunday." She looked at him confused and concerned, like it was something he should obviously know.

Sheldon just nodded, "It is just that I have some work to do today and I have to have it done before I go in tomorrow."

Amy cocked her head while she looked at him, something didn't seem right, "Really you have work to do and you waited till Sunday to do it?" Amy knew that Sheldon was not one to procrastinate unless something was up.

Sheldon wondered if he could use the lie from yesterday to save him, "I'm sorry Amy, but with all that happened yesterday, I guess I was worried more about our relationship than my work."

Amy immediately felt bad, "I understand Honey, I can get the shopping done. You catch up on your work, okay." Amy then leaned over to kiss his cheek, and rub his upper arm, whispering, "We'll be okay."

Sheldon just nodded, he was so happy inside she accepted his lie, her kiss and arm rub didn't even concern him or he thought maybe he was just was getting use to her touching him and kissing him. It actually felt nice when she did that, plus it was so easy to see she cared for him, her feelings for him right up there with his mothers and grandmothers. He always let them hug and kiss him, and now Amy doing it just seemed as comfortable as them doing it. It was probably because he loved all three of them so much.

"I'll head off now Sheldon." Amy grabbed her bag and started to the door.

"Wait Amy." Sheldon walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, which made her smile. "Be careful and call me when you get parked so I can come down and bring what you bought up, okay."

Amy nodded with a smile. "Yes, I will." She then walked out the door to the elevator.

Sheldon stood in the empty apartment and immediately missed her, everything seemed so empty without her there. He found himself just standing there thinking about her, until he finally accepted she would be gone a while so he went to sit at his desk. He had some more research to do, so he opened his laptop and started to look at every file and email on it, to learn about the Sheldon Cooper who lived in this timeline, whose live he had now taken.

xxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxxTIMExxxx

Penny stood in her bathroom leaning on the sink trying to get back in control of herself. The smartest thing for her to do right now would be to put a little distance between him and herself, at least till she could control her emotions, but she knew she wasn't strong enough to do that. She felt she was being given a second chance, and the man in the guest room was so much like Leonard when she married him, she just wanted him to take her, so she could be his again and him hers again. She was already missing being around him, and she closed her eyes trying to remember every detail of just a few minutes ago when he held her. Her mind only coming back to the present when she heard the shower come on in the quiet house, to remind her she needed to get ready. So she quickly stripped off her pajamas and got in the shower knowing the faster she got ready the sooner she would be with him again.

Leonard stood in the shower, letting the hot water flow over him, his mind too thinking about minutes before when he had Penny in his arms. He now questioned his whole rationale from making Sheldon leave this timeline, because for the first time since he got there he understood why Sheldon wanted so much to stay. Sheldon wanted the love of his live back and Leonard was now feeling the same way, he wanted Penny back. He really didn't know what to do, he felt so confused and which way was the right way anymore and he just felt he needed time to think.

A/N: I'm sorry, but I didn't realize what I did to my Leonard character until I reread some of the last few chapters I posted. It never occurred to me that I would basically put him in the same position as I did with Sheldon, in the beginning of the story. I took his wife and child away, his friends and his life, until now like Sheldon, he has nothing anymore. I didn't see that before, when I drafted the story, so I am going to have make changes on how this story goes in upcoming chapters, because Leonard is going to have to deal with the same things Sheldon is dealing with, except with a Penny that knows everything. This chapter is part of the change.