Miscarriage
Some hours later she just couldn't take being in the house anymore. Jack had already gone out to spend it with Jordan because he couldn't handle the grief and the silence. Aaron hadn't even come out of the study for dinner let alone anything else.
She'd never felt so alone and she just wanted a breath of fresh air. She hoped it wasn't going to be like this from now on. She needed her family and they were pulling away. She'd failed her son. Maybe this was what she deserved but why couldn't they grieve together. It didn't even look like her husband wanted to. She was sure he was working on files in there.
She grabbed her coat and headed out for a walk. She just wanted a breath of fresh air and time to think. She just couldn't do it in the house. Everywhere she looked it reminded her of Toby. What was only last night a home was now almost like an empty shell of devastating memories.
She headed to the local park and walked around in the moonlight on her own trying her hardest not to cry again. Crying wasn't doing any good and she felt she was all cried out. She was still in shock that her six year old boy was dead and never coming back. There had always been the worry that maybe she or Aaron would never make it true but they'd never expected anything to happen to Toby. They'd always presumed he'd be safe; now he was dead.
She suddenly felt an intense pain in her stomach and was forced to sit down on the bench. Was this a physical manifestation of her grief? Suddenly the pain built up into cramps and she laid herself out on the bench. What was going on? Why was she getting these cramps? Was it grief or something else? This was the first time she'd focussed on herself in seven years. She'd always tried to be the supportive wife and devoted mother and now it was all falling apart.
A woman jogged up and said, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she lied as a cramp ripped through her stomach again.
"You're bleeding."
Emily looked at her scared. What was going on? Why was she bleeding? Was this really grief or something more? What was happening to her body?
The woman got her an ambulance and rushed her off to hospital while she insisted no-one else got told. They'd only just lost Toby. She couldn't lump more on their plate. She just kept reassuring herself she'd be fine; everything would be alright.
At the hospital she got checked over and the doctor said, "I'm so sorry, you miscarried."
She looked up at him in shock. She hadn't even known she was pregnant now she'd lost the baby. Was God punishing her for something she wasn't aware of? Was she not allowed to have children?
"I didn't even know I was pregnant," she answered shocked. "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive, I'm so sorry. Is there anyone who can take you home?"
"I'll take a taxi," she replied. She wouldn't tell anyone this. They were already grieving Toby; they didn't need the extra grief. They didn't even know she was pregnant since she sure hadn't.
"Alright, we'll get you one."
She nodded and once the taxi arrived she fell apart again. She was thankful that by the time she got home her tears had subsided. Much to her dismay she found her husband had just gone to bed without checking where she was. Did he even care anymore? He didn't even stir when she climbed into bed with him.