Accusation
"How could you leave the gate open?" Charles Carson had never before raised his voice to his wife in the month since they had married.
Elsie Carson, generally a peaceful soul, was livid at her husband's accusation. Stepping around the kitchen table, she sidled up to him and answered in a volume slightly louder than his own, "How dare you accuse me! I didn't leave the gate open!"
"Well, I didn't leave it open!"
"Well, someone did because there are two cows in our front garden and our first paying guest is due to arrive any minute!"
Mr. Carson felt his blood pressure climb as he looked into the angry face of his wife. "I am well aware there is a guest due at any moment! Do something!"
She couldn't help but laugh. "Do something? Do what?"
"You lived on a farm!"
"So that makes me the designated cow remover?!"
"I've never even touched a cow!" Charles couldn't continue his explanation as to why the predicament was hers' to solve for a knock at the front door. "Oh dear Lord!" He almost knocked Elsie down as he ran towards the front of the house.
He was greeted by a thoroughly amused Mrs. Patmore. "You've two cows in your garden."
"Thank you, Mrs. Patmore. Nothing gets by you."
"I have brought Mrs. Hu-Mrs. Carson some jam and canned vegetables I had promised."
Charles looked down in exasperation, "Oh, go on through. She's in the kitchen."
"No, she's coming around the side of the house to get rid of the cows because her husband has never even touched one!" Elsie Carson made long strides as she entered their sight from the west side of the property, a shovel in one hand and a bucket in the other.
Charles watched in puzzlement as she set down the bucket and shovel to pick up a branch that was only a meter long.
"Go on…go on…." Elsie skillfully ushered one cow towards the gate, swiftly moving in an arc towards the back of the other. Within a minute, both cows were safely outside the now firmly latched gate.
"Well, done, Mrs. Carson. That was very impressive." Mrs. Patmore smiled at her friend, before looking up at Charles, "Don't you think that was impressive, Mr. Carson?" She was met with a familiar raised eyebrow.
Elsie discarded the branch before bending over to retrieve the bucket and shovel. She fell back into her long strides as she crossed the yard to her husband and friend. "You think that was impressive, Mrs. Patmore, wait until you see Mr. Carson shovel cow pats."
Charles inhaled deeply, resignedly taking the shovel and bucket from his wife's hands. Elsie gave him a brief, but satisfied smile before stepping around him and taking Mrs. Patmore's arm. Charles was still within earshot as he heard Mrs. Patmore say, "And he's really never even touched a cow?" He had turned to defend himself when he heard the creak of the garden gate.
"Pardon me, sir. I am looking for a Mr. Carson? I believe I am expected." Charles turned his head to find a well-dressed gentleman standing just inside the gate. The man smiled brightly, "I must say, I don't get to leave London for the country very often and I forget how marvelous it is here. The air is so clean, and did you know? There are two large cows just outside your garden gate! Marvelous!"
Quickly discarding the bucket and shovel, Mr. Carson drew himself up into his most butler-like stance, "Good morning, sir. I am Charles Carson and it is my pleasure to welcome you. Please, let me take your bags. I am sure my wife will be happy to offer you a cup of tea."
"Oh! Oh dear."
Charles watched the man lift his expensive shoe from the middle of a freshly dropped cow pat.
Closing his eyes and sighing, Charles offered, "And we offer complimentary shoe cleaning..."