Chapter Seven: The Hardest Goodbye

Jeff's POV:

Flashback: Sixteen years ago:

I rang the doorbell of Tamara's house. I had to try one more time to convince her not to take our daughter from me. Standing in the doorway, the light came on and her father answered the door.

"Mr. Adams, Sir, may I please speak to Tamara?" I asked him.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jeffrey."

"Please, please let me talk to her. The thought of her taking her child and never letting me see her is too much to handle," I begged him.

"You should have thought about that before you chose your addictions over my daughter and your family, Jeffrey. Goodbye."

He slammed the door in my face and I knew it was over. Tammy was leaving. My last chance at trying to change her mind stopped before I could even see her. I went home and became more determined than ever to lose myself in my wrestling, not able to bear the thought of focusing on that child I'd never be able to see for long, knowing I'd lose my mind if I did think of her for long.

Present:

I had stayed in Taylor and Tammy's house the night before the funeral with Taylor and Amy, figuring the familiar would be easier for her before the hardest day of her life. Amy was busy helping Taylor get ready for the funeral. I was dressing myself in the new suit Dad had gone and bought for me while I had been going back and forth between the hospital and the house taking care of things. It wasn't like I had thought to bring anything for this kind of thing from back home.

"Do you need help with that tie?" Amy said in the doorway of the bathroom.

"I'm about to burn it. I hate ties."

"So don't wear it. It's not that serious, Jeff."

"My hair is being a pain in the ass," I said looking at her from the mirror.

She walked in and took my brush. Within minutes she brushed out my hair and had it in a low ponytail. She handed my brush back to me.

"What's this really about, Jeff?"

"She left me, Amy. She left me because she wanted me to choose between her and my child and everything that makes me happy. I don't hear anything from her in years. Now, I'm holding her funeral? I had to let her go a long time ago and now all those feelings are coming back. I keep remembering what happened, when it all fell apart before she left. And, damn it, I'm mad as hell at her!"

"You have every right to be mad at her, but today you need to put that aside for Taylor who is still blaming herself for the accident."

My anger faded a bit and I realized that's what was gonna happen more and more now. I was her father. She had to come first. She needed me, now more than ever.

"Thanks for reminding me, Amy," I said as I hugged her and wiped the tears that I had started forming in my eyes away.

Taylor's POV:

Amy had left me in my room. It was still hard to move around. The doctor's said it would still be a few more weeks before I was moving normally, and even longer before I had my normal strength back. I got up and went into my closet, pulling out a box of things that Mom had given me over the years and I had refused to wear. Digging through it, I found an old necklace and limped back to my bed. I was staring at the necklace, lost in thought when Jeff came in to check on me.

"Whatcha got there, Taylor?"

"A necklace Mom gave me when I was thirteen. I've always refused to wear it, but I think now is the right time," I said handing it to him.

Jeff looked at the necklace and his expression changed a bit. I wasn't sure if he wanted to smile or cry. Instead he put the necklace around my neck and fastened it.

"Are you okay, Jeff?"

"Yeah," he said, coming around to face me. "I just recognize that necklace."

"Really? I didn't know Mom had it that long."

"I didn't think she'd still have it."

"Why?"

"I gave it to her when we were still dating. I always thought she was so beautiful and that nothing could stop her. It's why I got her the lotus flower necklace," Jeff said.

I couldn't believe it. I'd had something my father had given my mother for nearly three years and I hadn't known it.

"She never told me where she got it. She just said it had been her necklace for years and she wanted me to have it. I hid it in the closet with a bunch of other things she gave me I didn't want."

"I think it fits you as much as it fit with her. I'm glad she gave it to you," Jeff said.

Just then Amy came and knocked on the door.

"Matt and Gil are here, Jeff. The limo's ready for us," she said.

I looked at Jeff. I didn't know how to do this.

"We'll be down in a minute, Amy," he said to her.

"How do I say goodbye to her, Jeff?"

"Whatever way you feel you need to, Taylor. Don't feel like you need to act a certain way because it's what people expect. If you want to break down and cry, cry. If you don't want to cry, don't. If you want to say something at the funeral, say it, but don't feel like you have to."

"Shouldn't I say something since I'm the only one she has left?"

"You're fifteen, Taylor. This is a lot to handle. Just do what you feel is right for you, forget what anyone else thinks. The only person whose opinion matters here is yours."

"Is this hard for you?"

"I lost Tammy a long time ago. I had to face that then. I never thought I'd see her again. But, yeah, this is really hard for me too, Taylor," Jeff said sitting down next to me, wiping tears from his eyes. "I loved your mother so much and a small part of me always hoped that someday she'd forgive me and come back. I never thought this would be the way we would all be reunited."

I hugged him. He hugged me back.

"I don't want to do this, Jeff."

"That's something I can't let you do, Taylor. If you don't go to your mother's funeral, you'll never forgive yourself."

"I can't say goodbye."

"You don't have to do it alone. I'll be at your side the whole time. I'm not gonna let you go," Jeff said to me as he stood up and took my hand.

We made our way downstairs and into the limo. When we got to the funeral parlor I was like a statue, just looking at the coffin, not focusing on anything. Jeff, Matt, Gil, and Amy sat around me. Jeff held my hand the whole time, like he promised. After people started leaving the funeral parlor, Jeff and I got to say goodbye to Mom privately before going to the church.

The church was a lot like the funeral parlor for me, only I stared straight ahead at the altar. I couldn't look at the closed coffin. Not knowing that in that airtight box my mother was no longer breathing. Amy and the Hardy men kept close to me the entire time. Mom's friends talked about how much they loved her. Quietly I cried. When Jeff noticed, he pulled me closer to him. I looked up at him, and saw he was looking at the coffin and crying.

In the cemetery I had to keep from yelling at the priest. As he spoke about everlasting life I almost yelled at him that he was a liar, because for someone who preached everlasting life, the hole in the ground we were all standing around held the only family I'd ever known until now. As soon as he finished talking, I placed a flower on Mom's coffin, turned and walked away from the grave, going back to the limo.

Jeff's POV:

It was hard to go through the funeral for me, but watching as Taylor tried to be strong, my heart ached for my daughter that I had just met. I watched as she handled the final goodbyes in the funeral home and even the church with strength and grace. It was the cemetery that finally made her crack.

She was sitting down in the front. I was next to her, with Amy standing behind me. Taylor had been keeping her hands in her lap, so I thought she was just trying to put on a brave front for everyone. Suddenly, Amy squeezed my shoulder. I looked up at Amy who nodded in Taylor's direction. Taylor's hands were balled in fists. I reached over and grabbed her hands trying to soothe her anger, knowing it wouldn't stop her anger, but it might stop her from saying or doing something she might regret later.

As soon as the ceremony at the ceremony ended she went right to the limo. I looked at her and wanted to go to her. Before I could, Amy stopped me.

"Let me talk to her first, Jeff. She's really upset right now," Amy said, walking towards the limo.

I looked at Dad and Matt.

"I don't know what to do for her," I said, trying not to break.

"Yes, you do, Jeff," Dad said to me.

"You remember what we needed when Mom died," Matt said.

I nodded, watching, waiting for Amy to call us over to the limo.