The ride back was pure torcher.
The thick grimness contaminating the air chocked me up, the lump in my throat causing my breathing in hurried breaths. Meanwhile my mind ticking, ticking away, a mass of confusion that engulfed me in its darkness, and the eerier quietness of the vehicle giving it a cold, dull vibe. Long ago had I stopped sounding like a broken record, realizing then how pointless it was-there was nothing, absolutely nothing in the world, not anything I could possibly say to convince them that I am April.
Nothing could be done to convince them of the truth.
The hessian bag that irritated and scratched my face did nothing to calm my shattered nerves. As if this were y first time to the lair. As if I didn't already know the way. And how do I know this? I ask angrily to myself, allowing it to build up, the first burst of anger that I finally feel,
Because I am April.
And I know I am
Splinter had less to say then I did, yet after some inaudible conversation held by the turtles-my friends, left me with the clone. She stared at me in such a way, as if I would attack at her at any point in time, her eyes bulging and quickly glancing away every time I caught her staring.
I sank deeper into the spring less couch that smelled of something in rot, allowing it to devour me.
The room we sat it was dank and dull. Could this be the same room I was in just a few days ago? I questioned myself gloomily,
Could this be the place where the walls seemed alive and glowed, the place that I had eventually become to call home?
And now….
A sudden burst of anger, sending a veil of red over my mind over took me by surprise.
How dare she look at me as if I were some kind of sick animal.
How dare she look at me that way as if I were the clone.
She ruined this. She ruined everything, she-
My burst of seething, loathing, hid by a wall of an emotionless state of face was then interrupted by splinters appearance in the doorway. The clone quickly fleeting to the others, almost as if she were hiding behind them, leaving me enough space to talk freely with splinter, yet close enough to hear everything that would be said.
My anger had calmed to a soft glow as he approached.
He would make everyone see, thinking hopefully, feeling the last of my anger slip away, now imaging the apology they were going to have up for me, imaging how things could finally go back to normal.
I didn't even care for the apology part.
I just wanted my friends back.
He approached me with a wary look, sizing me up, and I gave him my full stare, silently pleading with my eyes,
Please, please know its me,
Look! I'm April! I'm the real April!
You have to believe me-you're the last one left.
his eyes softened for a second, and in that second a bust of sunlight shone through me, so warm and so comforting to know that he knew.
Finally, everything could go back to normal.
My now bright eyes glancing up at him hopefully, giving the tiniest of smiles, even my chest was puffed out, just a little.
"If you say who you suppose to be, then I would like to ask you a few questions, If that it okay with you, of course"
My body deflated, suddenly aware of how tiny my stature was compared to him.
Its okay, he just wants some questions-he still believes its you.
A tiny, tiny voice spoke softly at the back of my head, only just head by the roar of frustration burning my hopes into ashes. His last sentence, "if that's okay with you" struck me with such intensity, how much he distrusted me-
And finally, just to top off my humiliation, I gave a single frightened hiccup that bounced off the stained walls of what I thought was once a home now just four walls and a roof. A house.
Fine, I thought, feeling my anger my anger returning, slowly filling up my mind, again, bursting at the seems.
Let the questions begin.
"Leonardo, show her to her quarters for the night" he added, just as turned away, hands behind back, his mind now ticking, ticking away just like me, just like the rest of them.
So that was that.
I didn't need to be told twice, following him up the creaking stairs, dragging behind slightly, a mass of miserableness surrounding me in its globe, choking me, blocking my vision.
He didn't intend to look at me, yet as if by mistake his eyes caught mine, and in that moment I saw another soft, sympathetic look-something that took an inch of my globe of darkness, a little easier to breath.
He shut the door softly, hearing the lock being clicked into place.
Of course he couldn't trust me. In his mind, I'm still just a clone, just an evil, plotting clone waiting for the right moment to kill them all.
I felt my frustration deflate a little bit more.
When they find out who I really am, then they'll know to trust me.
Until then-
Suddenly, a roar coming from my stomach, taking me on by surprise, falling to my knees I felt an overwhelming feeling of hunger.
Why hadn't I felt this before?
I answered my own question almost immediately
I wasn't exactly in the right mood to be focusing on my stomach.
But now, that nothing was here to distract me from the fact that it felt like my insides were eating themselves, I collapsed into a little ball once more, my hands desperately clutching my stomach, as if trying to contain a beast, ready to lash out.
The pure intensity I felt was like nothing, nothing I'd ever felt. It was almost like, almost-
As if I had never eaten before.