Chapter Twenty Two: Saying Good-Bye

Jeff's POV

Amy picked me, Ruby, and Taylor up from the airport early Monday afternoon. Matt and the rest of the family would be coming later in the day, renting cars and staying at a hotel. I still wasn't sure who from TNA would be coming to the funeral.

Taylor wasn't saying much in everything, but she had eaten breakfast before we left the hotel, so I knew she was still trying to hold herself together. When we got to the car with Amy, she still wouldn't say anything, just went to put Ruby into the car seat that we travelled with. Amy looked at me.

"She's trying to hold on, but it's hard for her," I explained.

"Has she eaten since yesterday?" Amy whispered to me.

"Yeah. She ate both before and after the event and even ate before we left for the airport today. I think she's trying to think about what he would want her to do to keep her going. That and I don't think she wants to let Ruby see her break completely. Ruby's never seen her refuse to eat except the morning of her graduation and she ate after the ceremony."

"At least she hasn't totally shut down."

"She's trying, Aimes. Nick was a really special boy."

"I know. I spent all of yesterday learning about him and his family. All of them have always been nice and generous. They don't deserve the fates they've been given."

"No, they don't. But don't let you hear Taylor say that. I don't know how she'll react to that."

"You're right."

"Ruby's secure in her car seat," Taylor said to us from the other side of the car before she got in next to her.

Amy and I got into the car. I looked at Taylor, she was zoning out. I just let her be. When we got to Grace's she seemed relieved to have us with her.

"Mr. Hardy, thank you so much for making sure I'm not alone in all of this. Last time I went through this, I had Nicky at my side," she said to me.

"Grace, we look at you as part of our family, you can call me and Amy by our first names," I said to her as I hugged her. "And Amy and I agreed you shouldn't be here alone right now, so she came down by her choice. She's a strong-willed woman. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to, trust me."

Grace let out a little laugh.

"Still, I really appreciate all of you being here. I don't know that I can do this alone. Not this time."

Ruby went running over to her and hugged her.

"Don't be sad, Gracie. We'll make you happy again."

Grace almost started crying, but picked up Ruby and snuggled her to her closely, like a lifeline.

"Thank you, Miss Ruby," she replied, trying to keep her voice even.

I took Ruby from Grace and Amy led me and Ruby to the room we'd be staying in. We left Taylor and Grace in the living room. We all knew they'd need some time alone.

Taylor's POV

"I'm glad you're here, Taylor," Grace said to me, as she hugged me to her.

I held her tight. I knew the day would come where Nick wouldn't be part of my world anymore, but now that it was here I couldn't process it anymore. Why was the sun still shining?

"Anything for you and Nick. You guys were always there if I needed anything when I was here in San Antonio, why wouldn't I be here now?"

"Maybe because you're a big-time wrestler?"

"I'm not that big-time, Grace. Not big enough that I'd ever forget the people who mean the most to me."

"How did Slammiversary go last night? I'm sorry I had to call and tell your Dad before the event. I just didn't know who else to turn to."

"I knew. At least part of me did. I had a dream about him before my Dad told me you had called. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't remember what happened in the dream. When I saw the hoodie he gave me last year, I knew it was about him. I asked Dad if he'd heard anything about Nick. He wouldn't answer me. That was enough for me to know my dream was telling me he was already gone."

"I'm still sorry I took away from your first major event, Taylor."

"Don't be. It would've been worse if I found out right after. It would've made anything good that happened last night feel tainted, like a lie. At least I knew the truth the whole time and I had a reason to fight."

"So what happened?"

"I had my championship match with Havok."

"The really brutal one that like nobody can beat?"

"Yeah, her. I cut and bruised my back in the match, but I won. I'm the new Knockouts Champion. And I did it for Nicky. He would have wanted me to go out there and kicked ass, so I did."

Grace hugged me.

"What else happened?"

"Technically, I helped Dad win the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. He was wrestling in Nick's memory last night, too."

"What do you mean, technically?"

"Well, if I actually touched his opponent Dad would've lost due to disqualification. But Dad has this move called Poetry in Motion. He usually does it with a tag partner or he uses a chair. I slid into the ring so he could use me to do it. Essentially, he runs across the ring, launches himself off his partner's back or the chair, slamming himself into a dazed opponent leaning on the ringpost."

"How is that legal?"

"I didn't touch his opponent once. Once Dad launched himself off of me, I slid out of the ring, and I stayed out until the match was over."

"So technically the two of you did nothing wrong."

"Right."

"It's interesting to hear. I wish I'd been up to seeing it."

"Maybe it's better you didn't watch it live. We'll get you a copy when it's on DVD."

"Why?"

"They interviewed me about Nick, put up a montage of pictures of him with the different wrestlers. He was really loved at TNA, Grace. A bunch of the guys were talking about coming down here for the funeral. I'm not sure who will definitely be here, but they're talking about it and Dixie said she's definitely coming."

"Wow. That's a lot to take in."

"There's more."

"What else?"

"Dixie decided that all sales from yesterday, online and at the arena, a portion would be donated to cancer research in Nick's name."

"Really?"

"Really. People at TNA really cared about the two of you. Everyone agreed to it."

Grace hugged me. She started crying and I started crying with her. I hadn't even told her about the personal donation from TNA to help her financially. It would be too much for her right now. I decided to let Dixie handle that.

Jeff's POV

By Tuesday afternoon most of the TNA roster had shown up for Nick's funeral. The Young Bucks had also flown in with their families because they had also gotten close to Nick since I had met him. Everyone was wearing the armbands that we wore at Slammiversary to honor him.

The funeral home had a room where small children could be entertained. People were taking turns manning that room so anyone with kids could leave them there instead of having them where Nick was. Taylor wouldn't leave Grace or her other San Antonio friends' sides. When Collin showed up to the funeral with Dad, she introduced him to her other friends, but she wouldn't leave them. Collin came over to me.

"Is it normal to be so consumed by this?" he asked me.

"Everyone grieves their own way, and she goes back and forth on being able to deal with this."

"Is it okay that I'm here?"

"Yeah. If it wasn't, she wouldn't have been so relaxed with you back there. She would've ignored you."

"What do you mean?"

"Anything she can't handle right now, she's tuning it out. It's her way of dealing right now. She's overwhelmed. Just like you were her first real friend in Cameron, Nick was her first real friend in her life. Losing him is something she knew, on some level, was coming since that night in Raleigh, but she'd never really thought she'd have to face it."

"Is she eating?"

"At least once a day. I'll take it for now. Considering she stopped for a few days when she found out he was sick, I'll take her eating at least something for right now."

"Is there anything that I can do to help?"

"Just be the guy who she learned was the one person she could trust in Cameron no matter what. Just be you. That's all you can do right now. Be here and just be and do what she asks to help her."

"Is that what you're doing?"

I nodded.

"I hate seeing her in so much pain."

"So do I, Collin. She's in more pain now than she was when her mother died. And I can't do any more now than I could back then. All I can do is be here and wait to see what she needs."

"It sucks. I feel helpless."

"It happens in life. Just don't focus on it. You'll drive yourself nuts. Mingle with the wrestlers you know."

"Alright. Thanks, Jeff."

Collin walked away and Amy came over.

"You did a good job reassuring Collin and making him feel better."

"If only it was that easy with Taylor."

"She's talking to her friends who knew him best."

"I know, but I'm seeing more and more, she's more upset that Nick is gone than when Tammy died. I don't understand."

"You'll have to wait to ask her. Now would be the wrong time."

"I know."

Amy hugged me and we watched Taylor and Grace from a distance.

Taylor's POV

I was finishing with my hair when Dad came to the door. He came inside and clasped my lotus flower necklace around my necklace. I took the leather bracelets with the dragons on them and put them on my wrists. They were Nick's. Grace gave them to me the day we'd gotten them.

"Are you okay, Taylor?"

I shook my head, tears already escaping my eyes. Dad held me close. I buried my face in his chest. After a minute, I pulled back before I made a mess of his funeral clothes and blew my nose on a tissue.

"It's okay not to be okay, Taylor."

"I miss him. I can't believe he's gone. It's not fair he's gone!"

"I know, Sweetie."

"No, you don't! Why is it fair that Mama got to live as long as she did when she kept us apart for all these years, she taught me to hate myself, and she used to beat the hell out of me for being me, but Nicky dies before he has a chance to really live?"

"What do you mean your Mama used to beat the hell out of you, Taylor?"

"If I did things she didn't like. Like I got into a fight at school when I was in eighth grade because I didn't know who my dad was. When I tried to tell her maybe kids would stop picking on me if I knew, she insulted you and beat me into unconsciousness with my belt. I woke up on my bed. Why do people like her get to live when people like Nicky die young? He never hurt anyone! He even tried to convince Gracie to put him in foster care so she didn't have to give up her life for him. He was always thinking of taking care of others, so why did this happen to him?"

I was crying pretty hard by now and I was glad I had decided not to wear make-up because it would be ruined. Dad pulled me close to him again.

"Baby, I'm sorry you went through so much with your Mama. But maybe it was Nick's time to be with his parents again. Maybe his Mama and Daddy missed him so much that it was just time for him to go."

"I miss him."

"I know you do. We all do, but I know that nobody here misses him like you, Grace, and his other friends here in San Antonio."

"I don't want to do this. This final act, the funeral, it makes it too real."

"You have to go today, Taylor. Grace needs our support. Your friends are going to be there with you. Your family is here, the wrestlers who loved him too. You can get through this, even though I know it's not fair that you should have to go through so much at such a young age."

Matt knocked on the door.

"The limo is here for you guys and Grace," he said.

"We're coming down," Dad said.

Matt turned around and left. Dad handed me a tissue. I cleaned up my face. He held my hand and together, we made our way downstairs. We said good-bye to Ruby, Matt, Reby, and Grandpa who were all driving in another car. Then Grace, Amy, Dad, and me got into the limo to go to the funeral home. Before it pulled away I stopped the car and ran back inside and to my room. When I got upstairs, I grabbed the hoodie I meant to bring with me. I forced myself to go back down the stairs and to the limo, where Dad was standing outside the open door waiting for me.

At the funeral home, everyone got to say their good-byes. Grace let the director know that me, Amy, and Dad would be the last ones to leave with her when the casket was closed. When everyone else but us were gone, Dad and Amy went up and said good-bye to Nick first. When they were done, I noticed they had each left something from their wrestling career in his casket.

Next I went up. I had gone to his casket and said prayers for him during the wake, but I had never been alone at his casket. I started crying. I squeezed his cold hand and stroked his cold, hard face. Taking the hoodie that I grabbed to bring with me, I put it over his chest. It was the new hoodie TNA put out for me, the one he helped Dad design for me. I kissed my hand and touched his cheek.

"I'll always love and miss you, Nicky," I said through my tears.

I turned and walked back to Dad and Amy who just held me as we waited for Grace. She stood up there for a few minutes. I could tell she was talking to him, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. Finally, she came to stand by us, and the four of us watched as they closed Nick's casket. Grace and I held onto each other for support because we were crying so hard. Amy leaned on Dad, though both of them were weeping. We went out to the limo.

Jeff's POV

The church ceremony and the graveside service went by fast, but Grace and Taylor both had problems dealing with it. Both girls zoned in and out during the services, cried inconsolably during other parts. It was a relief to get them out of the cemetery and back to Grace's house, where I'd ordered catering so she wouldn't cook for everyone.

After about two hours, Dixie asked me to ask Grace if she could talk to her alone. When I asked Grace, she insisted on Taylor staying at her side. We went back to Dixie.

"Grace, I'm sure you remember Dixie Carter, President of TNA," I said.

"Grace, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, Darlin'," Dixie said.

"Thank you, Ma'am," Grace replied.

"I'm sure that Taylor or Jeff told you that TNA decided to make a donation to the American Cancer Society in Nick's name by now," Dixie continued.

"I did, Miss Dixie," Taylor spoke up.

"Did she also tell you about the other part of that?"

"What do you mean, Ma'am?"

"Grace, we at TNA wanted to make sure that you were taken care of as well. So, in addition to partial proceeds of sales going to a donation in Nick's name, we wanted to give you something to help with any expenses you have. Some of the wrestlers even donated parts of their checks to help out," Dixie said, handing Grace a check.

"This is a fifteen thousand dollar check, Ma'am," Grace said in shock.

"Well, we announced on our website that of the portion of the proceeds that were being donated, half would go to the American Cancer Society in Nick's name, the other half would go to help his surviving family member pay expenses. Our sales skyrocketed. On top of that, I donated money as did some of the wrestlers," Dixie explained.

"This is a lot of money. I don't know if I can accept this," Grace said.

"Yes, you can. We want you to put this towards any expense you need to cover, medical bills, funeral expenses, whatever, Darlin'. We just wanted to show we cared and help in any way we could," Dixie replied. "Really, the money is yours for whatever you need."

"This is very generous. Thank you. Please, if you can, get me a list of those who donated, so I can thank them properly."

"Of course, Darlin. You can start with Jeff and Taylor here. They both donated one hundred percent of their sales and then donated on top of that."

Grace looked from me to Taylor.

"Thank you. For everything you've done for me."

She hugged both of us, then she hugged Dixie.

"We're here for you no matter what, Grace. You're part of our family, I told you that," I said to her.

"It's weird to have people to help me," Grace replied.

"Get used to it," Taylor said.

Taylor's POV

We stayed with Grace for two weeks. I got to spend time with my friends in San Antonio while they came to visit her, but I was there with my family for her because of Nick. She let mine and Nick's friends come by and take some of his things so they would all have pieces of him to keep, but it was hard for any of us to go into his room.

Grace started spending time with Amy, leaning on her to help her cope, like I had after Mama died. I didn't mind. Amy was really good like that, and if she could help Grace, I would be forever thankful. It was during one of these sessions with Amy that I happened to overhear something I never thought I would.

"If you don't think you can live in this house anymore, sell it, Grace," Amy said.

"I've lived here my whole life. Other than when I was away at college, this is the only home I've ever known."

"So what's the problem?"

"It was one thing after Mama and Daddy died to stay here. Nicky was here and there was no way I'd move him away from all of his friends, not right after we'd lost them. But now, all this house reminds me of is all the people I've lost. I feel like my family just left me behind."

Grace was crying quietly.

"Then don't stay here."

"I wouldn't know where to go."

"Do you have any friends? Or any place you ever wanted to go to?"

"I don't really know anymore. I hadn't thought about anything like that in a long time."

"You could always come stay with us in Cameron for a while and then decide what you want to do."

"You and Jeff have already done so much for me…"

"Like Jeff said, you're a part of our family. If you need someplace to stay to get away from all of this, you're welcome to stay with us. Hey, if you like it there, you could always sell this place, buy a place in North Carolina, and maybe go back to college."

"I'll think about it before you leave on Sunday."

"That's all you have to do. I'm not trying to force you to do anything, but if you don't want to be here, I want you to have an option to get out, even if it's only temporary."

"Thank you, Amy."

I walked away, not sure I would want to hear any more of the conversation. I found myself standing outside of Nick's room. It was still almost exactly the way he usually kept it. He had posters of wrestlers and skateboarders alike on the walls, though now some of the wrestling posters were actually autographed. I didn't realize I had been standing in the doorway for long, but eventually Grace came upstairs to me.

"It's hard to believe he's not coming home anymore," she said to me.

I nodded, still looking at the room. More specifically, I was looking at the jean jacket on the bedpost. I was with Nick when he took it and had the dragon design on his skateboard put onto the back of it. He wanted to do one for me, but I told him I'd never be able to get it into my house, hiding a skateboard was hard enough. Grace saw what I was looking at.

"Take it. He would want you to have it."

"You should keep it. It was his favorite jacket, Grace."

"I don't want to keep it, Taylor. I'd rather have pictures, some of his necklaces, things like that. I don't want things that if I smell them, I'm going to smell him. You should keep it. Weren't you with him when he got it anyway?"

"Yeah, I was. He wanted to get me my own. I had to tell him no. I'd never have gotten it into my house."

"So take it. Besides, skateboarding was a part of his life I wasn't part of. You were. It's just another reason for you to keep it."

"Thank you, Grace."

Grace stayed quiet for a minute.

"What would you think if I sold this place, Taylor?"

"Don't you want to keep it?"

"Not really. It has a lot of bad memories for me now."

"I get it."

"What did you and Jeff do about your mama's house?"

"Sold it, put almost everything into storage that I didn't throw out or donate to charity. He kept pictures and some of Mama's jewelry to bring directly to Cameron, at his insistence. Other than that, I didn't really want anything to do with anything having to do with the house. Tons of bad memories and I would've burned it to the ground if I didn't think I'd have gotten into trouble for it."

"I don't know about burning this place, but I don't want to live here. Amy suggested selling it, but there's also leasing it so I keep ownership but just don't have to live here."

"Yeah, I kinda overheard her telling you that downstairs," I admitted and Grace gave me a shocked look. "She's right, though, Gracie. If you don't want to be here, leave, sell the place, rent it, whatever, just don't be the one here. Amy is really good about helping people. She got me eating when I moved in with Dad after the accident. I trust her and her judgment completely. Think about what she said. She's impartial here, so she's not as emotionally attached to the house as you are."

"She has been really helpful."

"Maybe you should take her advice and just come stay with us for a while. Stay in Cameron while we're there, travel with us on the road when we go out, or I'm sure Dad would be fine letting you stay in the house alone. If you needed anything Grandpa's down the road anyway."

"Maybe I should."

Jeff's POV

We were getting ready to head back to North Carolina. I had made sure that Ruby was completely packed. Amy made sure both me and her were fully packed. I was going to check on Taylor when I ran into Grace in the hallway.

"Jeff?"

"What's up Grace? How're you feeling?"

"Amy said that it would be okay if I stayed with you guys in North Carolina for a while. Is it okay?"

"Yeah, of course it is!"

"When you guys leave tomorrow, can I go with you? I don't know I can stay in this house alone."

I pulled her into a hug.

"Of course you can, Honey. You can stay as long as you want. Like I said, we're all family here."

"Thank you, Jeff," she said as she pulled away from me. "I should probably go call and book my flight."

"Sure. Go ahead."

Grace walked away and I continued to Taylor who was sitting on the bed that had been hers, flipping through a photo album and crying. I walked into the room and sat down next to her. The pictures in the album showed her, Nick, and their other friends, but they didn't look any older than thirteen.

"We swore nothing would ever separate us. We knew even with me, Mama could only try to stop me until I was eighteen. Now, it's barely four years since this picture was taken, and I live in another state and Nicky is dead. Why is life so unfair? We were all so close, and considering all the sneaking around I had to do to see them, that says something."

"I don't know why life is unfair, Taylor."

"I'm not saying I don't love being with you, it just wasn't easy to lose the few actual friends I had. At least to lose being able to see them every day. I do love you, Dad. This all just really sucks."

"I know."

She pulled the jacket she was wearing tighter.

"Where'd you get that?"

"It was Nick's. Grace told me to keep it. It was his favorite jacket. I was there when he had the design put on the back. It was the design on his skateboard."

"You two were really close for a long time, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

I hugged her to me and gave her a kiss on the head.

"Listen, Grace is coming back to Cameron with us when we leave tomorrow. She doesn't think she can stay here alone. It's not a problem for you, is it?"

"No. I knew she was probably going to do it. She told me a few days ago this place is nothing but bad memories now. I can't blame her. I get it."

"Alright, I just wanted to check on you and let you know. Are you going to be okay leaving here? Because if she sells this place, you're never going to come back here again."

"I know Dad. I keep thinking about that. But then I keep thinking about whether or not I can handle coming back here knowing he's not here anymore. I don't know if I can handle that any more than Grace can."

"I get it. It's hard to leave but it's hard for you to stay because the last of him is here."

"Yeah. Nothing about this has been easy, but we need to go back to work. We're the top champions in TNA and we've been out of action for two weeks now."

"You don't sound like a teenager."

"I guess I never really was one."

"I guess not. Not with what you've slowly been telling me about your life with your mom and grandfather. They expected you to be an adult by the time you could cross the street. It wasn't fair to you."

"You can't change it, Dad."

"No, but you shouldn't have to work so soon, since you finished high school early. Why don't you tell Dixie you want to take time and come back next year?"

"Because I'm doing what I've really learned to love. I don't want to give it up now. I'm living my life now, Dad, and I don't want to change that because Mama and Granddaddy messed up the first fifteen and a half years of my life. I've finally figured out who I am, what I like, learned to trust, and I don't want to go back on any of that. If anything, Nick's death taught me that life can end quickly. I might as well live it up while I have it."

"Just try not to overdo it, Tay."

"I'm not on drugs, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I'm not sleeping around. Taking those out of the equation, shouldn't I be able to have fun and live while I can?"

I hugged her to me again.

"Yeah, you should. I'm so proud of you, Taylor. At your age, I couldn't see anything besides pro wrestling and painting. I wasn't as mature as you."

"You also hadn't been through what I had. But thanks, Dad."

"We're all going out to dinner in half an hour. Jeans is fine, just be ready."

"Alright, Dad."

I left her to the photo album.

Taylor's POV

We were packing the car to go to the airport. Dad had called a car to drive us so Grace didn't have to leave her car in the airport parking lot indefinitely. Dad and Amy were doing most of the packing while the driver of the car installed the car seat. I was holding Ruby.

Grace and I were standing in the foyer of the house, just looking at it. Both of us were crying. I didn't realize I was crying until Ruby wiped my tears away.

"What's wrong, Tay Tay?"

"I miss my friend, Nicky, Ruby."

"Where is he?"

"He got sick and went to heaven with his and Gracie's Mama and Daddy."

"Make him come home."

"He can't come back, Ruby. It doesn't work like that."

Thankfully, Amy had overheard Ruby's questions and came to take her away. I wrapped Nick's jacket tighter around me and hugged Grace to me. She hugged me back.

"It feels like a haunted house, Taylor."

"A little bit."

"I don't think I can ever live here. I think I'm gonna sell."

"Do what you need to do. Figure out where you want to move first, but if you want to sell, sell the house."

"Thanks for being here to support me."

"Any time. I love you, Gracie."

"I love you too, Taylor."

"Girls, come on. If we don't leave soon, we might miss our flight!" Dad called from the car.

Holding each other's hands, we walked out the door, and I waited as Grace locked the door. Stopping one last time to look at the house, we both said good-bye to not only Nick, but to part of us that just couldn't be fixed. Finally, we went to the car to head to the airport and back to North Carolina.