Author's Note:
Leah: I didn't write like, any of this chapter and I feel really really guilty since Claire wrote most of it while I was being a lazy bum and goofing off and playing Kingdom Hearts and texting and yeah.
I don't really have much to say. Jason left for Virginia to visit my dad last week and everything's extremely quiet. It's creepy.
Eva and Claire came over last night and we got all dressed up in our Death Note cosplays, it was fun (even though due to my mother I cannot attend AnimeExpo after all).
In other news, random fun-ness will be returning very soon after this rather dull and long chapter )
Also, we have an account on Fictionpress and our user name is "Nairo and Kiyo" put it's mostly poetry up there right now but go check it out. We should be posting stories there shortly.
Claire: ZOMG. –explodes-
This is like, twice as long as our usual chapters.
We could have made it two.
But. I am so damn sick of Sasuke and Charli and fancy plotting and MY DAD. I had to go to Sacramento with my dad (who pisses me off to no end) and be at my cousin's house…my cousin is creepy. And my aunt got drunk and took her shirt off and jumped in the pool. Thank god I had my book to use as an eye shield…oo
-twitch-
And I woke up one morning and had this thing on my ARM that looked like a HICKEY. WHAT THE SHITTTTTT. Alsdkfjskldjfsldjfkldsjokdsjfiosadjfoisdjfiosdjfiodsjfioesajfoiaed –has seizure- I do not see how I could have done that in my sleep…it would have to be a very odd angle and…a bunch of other unrealistic things…I hope it's actually a bruise or something.
-twitch twitch-
And I lost my tablet pen. Which is really frustrating. Cuz it's gonna take me forever to figure out what one I have to buy, and I don't want to waste my money on a stupid pen! Kasldjfaklsfjaslkdfjdslkfj
AND THEN I WROTE THIS. WHICH TOOK FOREVER. AND I WAS NOT MOTIVATED. Basically, I forced myself to write it, and I so can't wait to get to the last part of the story with the Akatsuki and stupid random shit that I sort of rushed through it and wasn't being very funny or interesting and got very repetitive and I didn't feel like editing cuz this is like 19 pages (as opposed to our usual ten-ish…even then I usually don't edit cuz I'm lazy).
So sorry…But I thought maybe we'd give you a really long chapter as a reward for waiting so long and still reading and reviewing and being awesome. )
Chapter 11:
Charli stared at the screen in horror. Then the sound was muted out and all she could hear was the distant crackling of the fire. She dropped her head heavily against the table. It knocked the frustration loose well enough that she decided to do it again a few times. At least Deidara was gone already, that made things easier. He had insisted on leaving immediately after learning the girls' exact location. Pein had insisted Itachi go along to keep him in check, and Hidan claimed he was bored (even though he had already been on a mission earlier that day) so he had also gone.
"Great," she slurred into the wood.
"Where's the phone? We need to call them," Pein grumbled, searching the counter.
"Tobi found it!" Tobi held up a cell phone and waved it happily above his head.
"Isn't that the one they were supposed to take?" Zetsu commented, surveying the phone more closely.
Charli prepared to bang her head on the table again but Pein quickly grabbed her by the hair to stop her. Not out affection, to be sure, but because the sound was causing him to develop his own headache. He also didn't want her to knock her brain loose because then she wouldn't be able to monitor the tracking device. "It's okay," he sighed, "We can just go get them."
"What about the other two imbeciles?"
"It's not as if we're short on people…"
Charli had to admit this was true. They were good for multi-tasking. There was still a hitch though. "How are you going to find Sasuke if he's leaving?"
"If we bring phones, you can track Greg, right?" Konan suggested.
"Hold on a second, I need to think," Charli said, holding up her hand for silence.
Pein felt his temple twitch. "While I appreciate you trying to…help me out, giving instructions and all, Charli," he said, keeping his voice calm though his eyes were narrowed dangerously, "I am the Akatsuki Leader. Not you."
The blonde girl raised an eyebrow at him. "Pardon me…Continue…"
Pein nodded and cleared his throat, turning to his subordinates. "Minus Hidan, Deidara, and Itachi, we have six people. We should split into two groups. The first group will go to Konoha to get Eva and Claire. The second group will find Itachi and the others and inform them of the situation. Then that group will split up again. Three people will track down Sasuke and retrieve Leah, and the other three will perform the usual security measures around the nearest hideout while we get things organized."
"So basically we have to find Deidara, Hidan, and Itachi—and then Itachi's brother or find Eva, Claire, and Kisame's retarded cousin…I don't know which is least appealing…" Kakuzu muttered.
Pein shot him a threatening look. "It doesn't really matter since you aren't going to be choosing anyway. You, Kisame, and Tobi will go to Konoha. I don't suppose I need to remind you to be very careful. Even more than usual. After today, they've surely tightened security. You'll need to disguise yourselves very well, since all three of you are rather…distinguishable." The Akatsuki leader's face took on a slight aura of concern as he surveyed Tobi and Kakuzu, with their overly conspicuous headgear, and Kisame, with his blue skin.
"Right, well," Charli muttered, "as far as communication goes, since you're having so many different groups you probably shouldn't use phones. It'll get too complicated." She picked up her computer bag from the chair next to her and started rummaging around inside. The Akatsuki members had to avert their eyes to keep from laughing. It was pretty funny to see an 11-year old girl digging through a giant black bag so seriously, but mostly because the bag swallowed up all of her arms and head.
Finally, she emerged, and with her she brought a small plastic box containing several tan blobs, and one black headset. She put the headset on herself and flipped open the clear lid and pried one of the blobs from its black foam cubby. "These earpieces allow reciprocal communication between each other, and my headset," she explained. There was a second of silence, then Tobi tentatively raised his hand. Charli sighed impatiently. "That means I can talk to you, and you can talk to me and everyone else. It's a shared frequency, so if I calibrate them all correctly, we should have a simpler way to communicate." Tobi put his hand down.
Pein frowned slightly as Charli handed him an earpiece. Ever since a few months ago, his evil-doing career had been all but snuffed out, and he had a feeling that the general ninja skills of he and his colleagues had declined greatly. His grimaced deepened, but he had no choice but to wedge the small lump of plastic uncomfortably into his ear and take instructions from a very small girl with a ridiculously high IQ.
XxX
It was around sunset. Despite the fact that it was winter, the Fire Country remained true to its name and the warm air felt like a blaze against their shoulders and arms. Their feet were starting to squeak in their shoes from sweat rubbing against them, and the girls especially were starting to get tired. After all, they had walked several miles pretty much nonstop.
The orange glaze cast a sickly glow on everything in sight, looking and feeling like honey had slimed the entire landscape. Suigetsu weakly swatted at a fly buzzing around his head with his hand. Perhaps being more water-inclined, he too was suffering in the heat. His grip had loosened on the massive sword over his shoulder, and he had let the handle slip into the crick of his neck so he wouldn't have to support it as much. It had pretty much the opposite effect, since it kept leaning backwards, making him adjust it every thirty seconds or so.
"Tch…go away ya damn fly," he mumbled, hitting it again with his hand. The persistent bug, like all other bugs, simply buzzed back into place.
"What's wrong?" Eva asked innocently, wondering if perhaps Suigetsu had been struck with Tourettes all of a sudden.
"Fucking fly won't leave me alone," he grunted in reply, still fighting with the creature.
Claire grinned. "Sucks for you. Usually they follow me. Then again that could be my blood…because they usually turn out to be mosquitoes…" Her taunt had taken a bit of a turn, causing her to scratch her arm absently at the memory of family vacations to Hawaii or Yosemite, where she was constantly eaten alive. Not enjoyable.
Suigetsu stuck it out a few more minutes, trying to dry himself off with his shirt so the fly wouldn't be tempted. His efforts were to no avail. He still had to whack at the stupid thing, and apparently he kept missing, since it kept buzzing.
"Aarrrrrrg!" he yelled in frustration, dashing ahead of the girls about ten yards.
Eva and Claire glanced at each other, but obligingly trotted to catch up with him. He kept twitching around, under the illusion that he was still being pursued. But after a minute or so (during which time the girls had actually edged a few feet away from him to avoid his violent jerking) he seemed confident.
"Ha ha!" he smirked, "Goddamn insect can't even keep up with a little—NO YOU STUPID FUCKER, DAMMIT!"
"I think it's in love with you, Suigetsu…" Claire said, looking amused and falsely empathetic.
Eva giggled. "At the very least you have a stalker."
Suigetsu wasn't listening. "Fucking—Gah! Get the hell away!"
Without warning he stopped walking, grabbed the handle of his sword with both hands, and lunged at the tiny black dot. Claire and Eva got out of the way just barely in time, and retreated to the far side of the path behind a tree. Suigetsu swung blindly around himself, taking clumsy steps backward only to slice through the air of the space he had occupied seconds before. His swings got so wild that he notched up the caked dirt in a few places and flung it into the air, even chopping a few of those into smaller dirt chunks instead of his buggy target.
As his attempt to butcher the insect led him indirectly closer to the edge of the path, Eva and Claire could start to predict what would happen. It surely did. A few near misses, and then a very heavy thud. The splintering cracking sounds told the girls they could open their eyes, and they saw their white-haired guide watch, a little abashedly, as the oak he had struck split open where his sword stuck in the trunk and fall to the ground.
A moment of stunned silence followed, then, hesitantly, Suigetsu crept forward to de-wedge the tree and survey the wreck. He peered closer at the spines and spikes of the wood, and, surprised, he stood up. "Hey, I actually got it!"
"Eva…?"
"What?"
"Do you think we're almost there?"
"I kinda hope so…"
xXx
It was not hard to find Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU STUPID IMMORTAL BASTARD!" Deidara yelled as he crashed through the trees after Hidan, who had taken off seconds before laughing at his companion's misery.
"C'mon Deidara, it was a joke! Take it like a man," Hidan called over his shoulder, nearly tripping over a branch as he was struck by a fresh snort of laughter.
"FUCK YOU!"
He was already forming some sort of clay bringer-of-death—a bit awkwardly, running as he was—and would not have stopped until he had blown the silver head in front of him into a billion pieces. And then stomped said pieces securely into the dirt. But yes, he would not have stopped unless he had been brought to an abrupt stop by a hand clamped roughly around his neck. The force put him horizontally off balance, his feet getting ahead of the rest of him and, therefore bringing him in contact with the ground in that way. Hidan's frantic (yet giddy) flight was put to an end in a similar way. And of course both of them were proceeding Juugo's fall from hours earlier.
Hidan sat up and rubbed his neck gingerly, still grinning from his previous accomplishment of pissing of Deidara to the point of getting himself blown to smithereens, if not killed. "Geez Itachi, what took you so long? Didja have to straighten your ponytail or something?" he wondered rather un-innocently, being the only one in the group who did not have a ponytail himself.
Itachi did not answer, and as usual, simply offered chastisement. "You're being too loud." He walked around his fallen comrades and continued on his mission.
Deidara had forgotten his rage, as it was replaced by pure astonishment at how laid-back Itachi could be. "Itachi, do you enjoy being such a boring person?" he asked while dusting himself off.
Itachi glanced over his shoulder briefly, without stopping, then turned back, the tiniest of possible smiles perking up the corners of his mouth. "Yes."
Hidan and Deidara both stopped in their tracks, even offering each other a bewildered glance. Not so much at the answer, but at the fact that Itachi had given an answer.
In the end, Pein and Konan hadn't needed to rely on Zetsu's tracking skills, or their own less potent ones. They simply followed the half-fallen trees and signs of intense and careless, thrashing chase.
"Konan, please remind me why I ever let Deidara go on this mission…at all…" Pein asked as he pinched the rare un-pierced space on the bridge of his nose.
"I honestly have no idea, Sir. But then again, you're the boss, not me," Konan offered a little less than respectfully.
The three of them heard quiet giggling in their ears from Charli's end of the line.
"It's not my fault Hidan's such a dickwad…" Deidara grumbled. His arms were crossed and he looked a bit like a toddler that had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.
"It is your fault you lack self control," Pein snapped, realizing a second later that he had cheesily mimicked Itachi. "Which reminds me, Itachi, what were doing that prohibited you from stopping their nonsense?"
"I was straightening my ponytail," Itachi replied with absolutely no trace of humor in his voice. Nonetheless, Hidan and Deidara immediately started laughing.
Pein gave them a curious look, but decided he didn't want to deal with everyone's ridiculous excuses today. They did have more important things to do after all. "Right…Well, the reason we came after you…" He paused, remembering the real reason was these three had forgotten to bring their damn phone…Best to ignore this too. "The reason we had to come here…there's been a change of plans."
"More like we've been tricked by Itachi's brother," Zetsu commented less-than-helpfully. Itachi raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
Pein wondered what he'd done to undermine himself so. "Yes, well. The point is, they're going to be moving—with Leah. Eva and Claire are on their way back to Konoha. Kakuzu, Tobi, and Kisame are taking care of that. Just to simplify things, we should meet up at one of our old hideouts before all of us go back. So the six of us should split up again. One group will go to the hideout, and one group will go—"
"I'll be in the second group," Deidara volunteered, raising his hand. Hidan chuckled quietly and Deidara punched him in the stomach.
"Ow! Hey—"
"SHUT. UP," Pein hissed, glaring at them with rigid irritation, "Neither of you are going. I want you far away from any place it needs to be silent. Konan will go with you back to the hideout."
"Hold on a second—"
"Deidara, if you don't start following my orders I'm going to castrate you!"
The blonde was silenced. Pein gave himself a mental pat on the back while maintaining a dangerous and commanding facial expression. "That goes for the rest of you too—except Konan."—Konan nodded understandingly at this—"I'm sick of all this recent disobedience. You all have gotten lazy and stupid."
He took their grim silence as comprehension, though he still felt mildly as if he was scolding a bunch of 6 year-olds. He shook off the feeling and chose to dismiss them before his recent respectability was lost.
Pein had hoped for some silence for a while (seeing as Itachi and Zetsu were practically mute) so his headache would have a chance to dissipate, but before they had traveled thirty feet, a new nuisance buzzed loudly in his ear.
"Nice speech back there leader, good way to command your crew. Now you're gonna want to head South now, because your bearing is—"
"Charli!" he all but shouted to silence the small peppy girl, though she was a dimension away from him—and then some. "Now that I'm back in my own dimension," he continued a bit more calmly, "I would like to hone my skills without the help of your fancy technology. If you don't mind…"
Charli coughed an awkward little cough. "Of course. Carry on. You know what to do if you need me."
XxX
Suigetsu stopped walking for the first time since the fly incident. The girls followed suit a few seconds after, their ears unconsciously registering the lack of a third pair of footsteps rather than their weary eyes having to view the evacuated space to their left. They both turned to look at him, slightly fearful for what cataclysmic event was due to follow. He had closed his eyes and his brow was furrowed slightly in concentration. And he appeared to be…sniffing…the air…or something.
"Eva, what's he smelling…? You know my sinuses are always being retarded…"
"I don't smell anything," Eva shrugged.
"It's chakra…" Suigetsu muttered in slight annoyance, since he would prefer silence to the distracting chatter he was getting. "A lot more than there usually is around Konoha." His frown deepened as he tuned his senses further to the distant chakra vibes. "Something must have happened to freak them out."
The girls looked at each other, each with a very small hunch that neither of them dared to voice. Suigetsu opened his eyes and sighed. "Looks like I can't go any further. You dudes are on your own. So…later." He leaned back on his heel and pivoted around.
"Wait a minute, you're seriously just leaving?" Eva asked.
Suigetsu stopped. "Yes…Why…?"
Eva shuffled her feet. "You aren't even going to say goodbye? Who does that?"
"You kidding? We kidnapped you…now we're letting you go…and you should be glad to be rid of us. Me, specifically."
"But it was rather hilarious watching you try to chop up that fly," Claire pointed out.
She received a scowl. "Yeah, so I'm leaving then."
"Can't I at least have a hug? You are one of my favorite char—I mean…It was cool meeting you, even if it was under odd circumstances," Eva said, blushing slightly.
You just like talking to someone else about porn, Claire thought dully.
Suigetsu was just staring at her, totally confused. He was, apparently, still trying to figure out if the girl was serious. "Huh…" he grunted almost involuntarily.
Eva squealed, unfortunately misconstruing Suigetsu's verbal materialization of his mental struggle as a shy 'yes'. She leapt forward and squashed him like a giant teddy bear, somehow managing to avoid getting dismembered by his sword as he was forced to drop it. "Um…" he mumbled, his voice only slightly inhibited from Eva's grasp.
"Okay, okay," Eva said. She let her hands drop and swung them around behind her back, rocking on her feet innocently.
Suigetsu looked a little dumbstruck, he rubbed the back of his neck and picked up his sword. "If that's all, may I leave now?" he grumbled.
"Please…this is getting awkward enough…thank you Eva…" Claire whispered to herself, rolling her eyes.
"Bye," Eva said, seeming not to have heard Claire.
"Yeah…Bye then."
Somehow this was made more awkward than it would have been if Eva hadn't said anything. Claire told her this after he was out of earshot.
Eva grinned slyly. "Yeah, I guess…but how often will you get to hug one of your favorite characters from a show when they really shouldn't exist?"
"Suigetsu's not exactly huggable. You just proved that, if anything."
"Hmm. Well I did have another motive…" Eva finally moved her hands back in front of her.
Claire assumed an 'I really should have known' expression. Hugging Suigetsu seemed to have been a mildly suicidal goal, that she assumed even Eva might not attempt. Unless she had something to gain. Or regain, rather. "Just put the sword in your bag…I don't want to deal with your squealing for the rest of the walk back," Claire huffed, already slumping towards the Konoha gates as her friend hugged the deadly piece of metal before catching up.
xXx
"It still looks like a cliff," Hidan said.
"Yes it does," Konan agreed, looking up at said natural landmark.
"Are you sure it was 'pig, horse, sheep, fire'?" Deidara asked.
"I am."
Hidan walked over to the jagged tan rock, tapping his fist in certain spots to check if it was hollow. "We do have a lot of fucking hideouts…I wish Pein wouldn't make us move so damn much, especially since we have to have a new fucking jutsu password thing every time…"
"I think it was 'pig, horse, tiger, fire', un."
"It's not tiger, you're thinking of the one that's over by the forest with all those dead trees…"
"No, I think it's this one because I remember there's this blood spot somewhere on the wall…Remember? Because Kakuzu got pissed at that random guy and threw him against the cliff wall and his head started bleeding? Before he actually killed him, that is…Cuz they all bleed when he kills them." Deidara trailed off while Konan and Hidan gave him skeptical looks. He noticed this and snapped back into attention. "Anyway, I always thought it looked like a tiger, and that's why I remember, un."
"That spot was over by the goddamn dead forest Deidara! The reason Kakuzu killed that guy was because the forest was dead and there wasn't as much tree cover, so he spotted him! Pein made Kisame chop off that piece of the rock anyway because it was conspicuous!"
"Oh yeah…Well then maybe the incantation's wrong…"
Hidan kicked a small pile of rocks at Deidara's feet (which actually didn't go that far since they were big and he hadn't kicked hard, but still caused the blonde to scowl) "Shit, Deidara, shut up! The incantation isn't wrong! Let the woman work…"
"Thank you Hidan…I think…" Konan said, frowning at the rock.
"If I may…" Charli cut in for the first time since Pein had told her to put a sock in it.
Konan held a finger to the device in her ear since it had come a bit loose. "Yeah Charli, what is it?" she asked patiently.
"Not that I'm trying to…weaken your ninja skills or anything," she drawled suggestively, even though she had put Pein and Zetsu on a different channel from Konan so as not to provide unnecessary noise, "But I think you may be in the wrong spot. There's a big region of what looks like magnetic interference on my map about forty meters to the right of where you are."
Konan looked down the long-dried out riverbed. She suddenly realized that, yes, she was standing a bit too far to the left of the chakra concentration she felt. She walked passed Deidara and Hidan to stand in the middle, tried the incantation again, and sighed as the entrance rumbled and appeared.
"Thanks Charli," she said jadedly, "We haven't been to this hideout in a while since it's so close to Konoha…"
"No problem," Charli squeaked happily, cutting the feed.
"Huh," Deidara said as he and Hidan ambled over, "Guess it wasn't tiger after all…"
The other two ignored him and walked inside the dark hideout. Konan lit some lamps on the side, and tried to brush of some of the dust. It coated the outer surface of the lamp pretty thickly, and when she finally managed to get it off, the light still barely seeped through the glass. Deidara sealed the entrance and the three of them went around lighting the rest of the place.
"How long exactly has it been since we've been here?" Deidara asked, tossing a few bombs the size of grains of rice into some lamps, and detonating them to light the wicks.
"Don't do that," Konan said, noting his unorthodox practice, "I think it's been at least two years."
They heard a thunk from behind them. An enormous cloud of dust had risen when Hidan had run into it, and he coughed and tried to fan it away with his hands. "Fuck…fucking…Oh goddammit Kisame! Left this giant fucking box of sword wrappings in the middle of the room."
"Ha…I can't believe you're whining about running into a giant box of toilet paper…the whole box probably weighs, what, 10 pounds, at the most, un?"
A giant gray oval sailed through the air a few seconds later and hit Deidara in the head, raising another could of dust. The object fell to the ground with a heavy thud and another large puff of dust.
"Yeah, I can tell how fucking light it is by how it didn't bounce," Hidan sneered.
"Damn, for the first time ever I wish Tobi was here, cuz that would mean Claire would be too and you'd have someone else to PMS at!"
"The only good reason to have that bitch here would be to clean this mess up! You just want your girlfriend back so you can—"
"Dear god what did you two have for breakfast this morning? Bitchy-Os? Shut the hell up or I'm reporting you to Leader! And we aren't waiting for everyone else to get here to clean this up, you're going to do it."
"Hey, good idea! I bet Itachi has some sort of maid outfit or something—you know the quite ones always like that shit—We can get Deidara a little feather duster and he'll be all set!" Hidan mocked, making his way to the closet.
Konan shook her head and patted off a section of the couch to sit down on. "I don't know about the maid outfit, but if either one of you wants to wear it, be my guest. I'm not promising I won't take pictures though."
"With this mess you won't have time for pictures, un," Deidara muttered. He foolishly blew across the nearest table, ending up with a face-full of dirt when it was launched into the air.
Konan smirked a bit as she put her hands leisurely behind her head. "I'll have plenty of time. You and Zombie-boy over there are doing all the work. I'm not doing anything."
The other two gaped at her. "Tell me Kakuzu just walked in because not only can I not believe she just referred to me as 'Zombie-boy', but that she just handed half this job to me," Hidan said.
"Nope," Konan replied smugly, "I. Outrank. You. Therefore, I get to give the orders. Get to work boys."
XxX
"Tsunade-sama!"
"Sakura…what is it?" Tsunade asked, concern heavily evident in her voice at her pupil's discontent.
"Well…" Sakura hesitated.
"Tell me already! If you're this worked up it's obviously important!" Tsunade shouted, locking her elbows as she stood up and leaned against her desk in anticipation.
Sakura blinked and glanced to the side guiltily before straightening herself to face the Hokage. "Two of the girls we believed to be associated with the Akatsuki have reappeared."
"What?! They—wait…two?"
Sakura nodded.
xXx
"So…long time no see…looks like you beefed up the security in this place," Claire remarked absently as she and Eva were escorted into the Hokage's office by four ANBU members (one of whom had confiscated her only recently liberated sword, thus her slightly tearful appearance).
None of them offered any response except to thrust them a little less than gently into the Hokage's office. She looked just as they had remembered…frustrated, tired, and furious, surrounded by a set of papers, and ready to stand up, both palms firmly on the desk to yell threateningly at them when they pissed her off. Which they would. Inevitably. No one in the room doubted it.
"Where is Leah?" Tsunade's starting question was finally delivered, after a few minutes of silence to build the tension.
"For all we know, she could be in this room. No one's wearing name tags today."
"Glad to see your delusions haven't fully deserted you, Claire."
"Glad to see you haven't fully developed a sense of humor, Tsunade."
Tsunade chose to be un-riled. "Eva."
Eva had fully regressed into pouty toddler mode. She said something unintelligible while glaring at the floor.
"What was that?" Tsunade prodded.
"I'm not telling you anything because your cronies stole my sword!" Eva nearly yelled. She turned from Tsunade to Unnamed ANBU member #3, who shuffled his feet subtly so he could inconspicuously shift away from her while keeping his gaze dutifully forward and the sword in his hand farthest from her.
"Fine. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised how you girls don't care about your friend," Tsunade remarked viciously, "After all, you show no concern for the fact that you are aiding the Akatsuki, a dangerous bunch of murderers."
Eva and Claire were getting genuinely pissed off now, how Tsunade was insulting them and suggesting that they betray their friends for people who hadn't even bothered to lower their hostility from the beginning. Now she was suggesting that they didn't even care for their innocent friend, who they had no business incarcerating and therefore shouldn't bother asking about. Their only reason to want to help Leah be free of Sasuke would be for the selfish reason of gaining information.
Tsunade ended the interrogation for the night. This was a huge relief to both of them, whose tempers were short due to how tired they were. The relief was short-lived as they were reminded, being steered into the hallway to face Sakura and Sai, that they were still captive of Konoha, and would have to stay in this place where almost everyone seemed to hold a grudge against them.
For whatever reason, the grudge was heightened by their recent abduction. Maybe people had started harboring the notion that their departure hadn't been without consent. Now people were under the impression that the girls were also in league with Sasuke. Truly a mark of a village scarred by past conspiracies. Though it was a bit ridiculous to be taking it out on three teens from another dimension that obviously lacked any destructive skills. Maybe they were also indulging in the Suspect-the-Least-Suspicious Complex.
Claire and Eva were split up again, Claire going with Sakura and Eva with Sai. No one said anything. The girls could have asked about Naruto's absence, but it was really pretty obvious that their return was undisclosed to him to keep all hell from being raised. So they made the trek to their residences in grim silence.
XxX
"Damn, they weren't kidding about security being tightened up around this place," Kisame growled to the other two as he picked up the chakra signatures of over forty jounin level or higher ninjas roaming around the first main street of Konoha.
"We should just kill everyone," Kakuzu hissed in annoyance, "This is gonna be so much work."
"Don't be ridiculous, we can't possibly take out all of them—including civilians, because we don't want witnesses, God forbid—with just the two of us. My ego isn't that big that I can forget that."
"Um, what about Tobi, Kisame-sama? Wouldn't that make it three of us?" Tobi piped up nervously.
Kakuzu and Kisame both looked at him skeptically.
"Right…Well…even with, er, three of us," Kisame hesitated before adding one to his previous statement's number, "It isn't a good idea."
Kakuzu gave Kisame a 'Nice cover, dumbass' look that he figured Tobi was too incompetent to pick up. Whether or not this was true, Tobi continued to appear perky and unperturbed across from them.
"We need a good plan…disguises aren't going to be enough," Kakuzu sighed, his eerie green eyes mere slits as he trained them on the ground, concentrating.
Breaking the silence came static through their earpieces, vaguely recognizable as typing. "With a few adjustments," Charli said, "I was able to readjust my map and I can monitor large chakra deposits around the area. If that helps," she added with deliberate innocence.
She allowed them time to register this fact without interrupting for several minutes. Finally, when she figured they weren't picking up any of the successful options that she had just opened up for them, she cut in again. "I also have a plan…Up for grabs."
xXx
"Your brother thought no one would be able to follow this trail?" Zetsu snickered after about half an hour of successful tracking.
"I think he found it more likely that he would be followed by Konoha than us," Itachi stated indifferently.
"He must have really low expectations of them in that case. Or he's just not as good at hiding himself as he thought."
Itachi's silence was equivalent to that of a shrug in a normal, social person.
"I thought Orochimaru would have trained him, since he's so good at disappearing himself," remarked a conversational Pein.
"He could just be lazy."
Had Itachi been struck with the notion to be slightly comical, he might have said, "He lacks motivation." But he did not. The three of them let the conversation drop from there.
Night had descended. The forest was nearly black, the only light being the glint of moonlight off the leaves and the few beams that had managed to maneuver between. The cover of night gave them more of a margin for error when covering their own tracks, but they preferred to be more professional than their quarry.
They stopped a few times, only to be absolutely sure of their bearing before continuing. Only at this stop did they hesitate, not fearing their opponent's skills of detection or the like, but wanting to prepare a plan before barging in too far.
"Charli," Pein called, lightly pressing the small device into his ear in time to hear a crackle.
"Yeah?" she answered eagerly. She must be growing a bit bored, being away from all the action and having no one to torture.
"How far are we from Greg's signal?"
"About twenty yards."
"Perfect. That's all, thank you."
"Wait, really?" She sounded a bit crestfallen. "Sure you don't want me to monitor their positions or tell you if—"
"No, actually we'd prefer if you were absolutely silent. I don't want them to hear any static and get suspicious," Pein brushed her off.
Charli sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to Konan then, she's nicer than you." There was a click and the feed to Pein and Zetsu's earpieces was cut off.
"I think you hurt her feelings," Zetsu pointed out. Itachi raised an eyebrow but said nothing, having missed most of the conversation anyway due to his lack of an earpiece.
Pein wasn't paying attention to them anymore. He was looking through the trees to see if he could locate any sign of their objective. He could vaguely detect a clearing due to the lightened effect of the space between tree trunks some sixty feet ahead. There was no fire. Either Sasuke hadn't lit because he was smart and wouldn't want to give off extra signals, or had already put it out and gone to sleep. Pein tried to ignore the part of his mind that was underestimating his opponent by saying he wouldn't have thought of the first option.
"I think only one of us should go, just to prevent things from getting too complicated. The other two will serve more as backup, but hopefully shouldn't even have to execute their jobs. This should be a pretty fast job, just in and out."
"I'll go," Itachi volunteered. The other two were vaguely surprised at first. Then they remembered Itachi's history with his family and chuckled to themselves, thinking if anything he would just enjoy having another chance to embarrass his brother.
"Very well," Pein nodded.
XxX
Leah sat next to Juugo, feeling very sad. She hugged Greg and stared at her feet, thankful only that Sasuke and Karin weren't around at this very moment. She wasn't really thankful why they were gone, since it was to set traps around their new campsite should any of her friends or the people from Konoha try to recapture her. But at least she was free to sulk in her mind-set state of inevitable doom in peace.
Juugo knew of her situation, and felt a bit bad, but offered nothing in ways of consoling her. After all, he was supposed to be on Sasuke's side. So he said nothing and just watched little mice scamper across the forest floor or squirrels dash up the trunks of trees to their nests.
His neck itched a little, so he scratched it, only to be reminded of his cornrows when his fingers scratched the ends of one or two loose. Leah looked up at him, and then immediately away again. She had probably been reminded of her friends.
Juugo felt very awkward. He kept his hand poised on his neck while trying to determine the best course of action to get rid of the tension. Finally he decided he should just take the cornrows out; they were probably what were causing his scalp to itch anyway.
Leah knew what he was doing and just stared ahead of her. She could have tried to be friendly and offer to help or something, but figured that would probably just making things more awkward. She didn't want to ask anyway.
After ten minutes or so, he lowered his arms, seeming to have finished. Leah stared ahead of her for a little longer before sparing him a glance.
Juugo looked at her, surprised, when she suddenly said "whoa" and started trying to stifle giggles. He blinked, confused.
"Um…what is it?" he asked, a little concerned for how quickly her attitude had shifted gears.
She shook her head, though it was still highly apparent that she was trying to hide her laughter.
He frowned, knowing it must have something to do with him and feeling slightly offended. He reached up to feel his hair, suddenly being struck with a sense of dread when his hand made contact sooner than he was used to. Both hands now on his head, brushing the tips of his hair in a spherical shape, he knew why Leah was laughing.
"I have an afro," he stated more than asked, slight shock and annoyance tinged in his voice.
She nodded unnecessarily, and he glumly waited for her giggles to stop. After a couple minutes though, it became apparent that his presence was enough to be comedic.
"S-sorry…" was all she could manage to choke out.
He didn't bother to say it was okay, as bad as he felt for feeling frustrated with her when she as in such an unpleasant situation herself. Juugo tried in vain to de-'fro his hair. It didn't work, and he gave up.
He didn't know when she stopped laughing, but he was feeling tired either then or some time after. The fact that he couldn't exactly remember was enough proof for him, so he finally got up and said 'good night' to her, going to the tent.
Sasuke and Karin turned up a little while later. Leah gave nothing more than a nod of understanding when Sasuke told her that she would be…inconvenienced, to say the least, by their traps—if she tried to escape. They too, went to their tents. Suigetsu still hadn't turned up by the time she figured it was 11 o'clock.
Leah put her head on her knees, wondering how much longer she had before Sasuke killed her friends. The whole time she had been sitting there she had been trying to think of alternatives or stories that she could tell him, or some way to at least get more time. But instead she was just feeling guilty that she had gotten impatient with them before they were gone, and overwhelmingly depressed and helpless that she might be the death of them.
Leah sniffled loudly, feeling her eyes sting and blurrily watching dark spots bloom on Greg's teal head. The tears made her eyes itch, and she closed her eyes tightly in frustration, willing herself to stop crying. She viciously scraped them away with her arm and repositioned her eyes onto her knees, hoping the compression would stop the flow of tears.
She sat there for at least another hour, barely moving, her mind numb, but still aware that she was feeling sorry for herself. Her breath didn't seem to sustain her. She tried to take deeper breaths, but the air simply felt foggy in her throat. Reluctantly, she lifted her head out into the open air and inhaled it, eyes closed. It was crisp and cool, soothing her warm, constricted throat.
A second later, the flow of air was cut off as a hand darted out over the lower half of her face. Leah opened her eyes, panicked. She thrashed her arms around, and the hand pressed harder, urging her silence. The hand kept a firm hold as the owner carefully, but swiftly moved around so she could see him.
Leah stopped flailing. Itachi let go. Leah stared at his expressionless face, unable to suppress her growing smile. Before he could react (and seeing as they were already in close proximity), Leah squashed Itachi in a powerful hug, conveying how happy she was to see someone who didn't want to interrogate her and would stop offering her ultimatums.
"Leah…we need to leave," Itachi whispered, perhaps even a little quieter than he meant to due to his slight lack of breath.
Leah released him and gathered up Greg and her bag, which was conveniently right next to her since she had been to busy moping to deposit it in the tent.
Itachi started toward the clearing hastily. Leah lagged behind momentarily to rip out a piece of paper and a pencil. She slung the bag over her shoulder and followed Itachi, scribbling hastily and sloppily on it as she walked, and then dropping it behind her.
"What did you just do?" Itachi asked suspiciously.
"I left your brother a present," Leah replied, grinning.
Itachi looked as if he was trying to figure out if she was serious or not, perhaps wondering if she had even just betrayed her rescuer to his brother.
"Don't worry," Leah reassured him quietly, "He won't appreciate it."
Itachi turned his head back to face forward, narrowly avoiding a tree, but gracefully making it seem as if it had been a part of his plan. He had a feeling he knew what that scrap of paper said.
xXx
The best type of diversion, in the case where your target was already heavily guarded during a previous scare, was to give them exactly what they wanted. Or rather, what they were expecting—dreading. People would be so panicked by what was going—that their worst fear was being realized—that they would surely flock to the scene to try to subdue the incident. Because of course, nothing worse than that would come.
Charli's plan, depressingly, was going without a hitch.
In five minutes, the ANBU members were flocking to the west side of the city, to the site of the 'breach', and civilians were being hastily steered toward the more secure facilities by lower-ranking ninja.
Kisame, Tobi, and Kakuzu sighed as they watched noticed the scattered guards flock to the area where their clones were creating a disturbance, while also hosting 90 of their chakra. The three of them prepared, grudgingly, for the second stage of the plan.
XxX
Claire and Eva had both just gone to sleep (without saying a word to their hosts in the process) when the alarm went off. Messengers stopped at both Sakura's and Sai's residences to tell them they were required to help fend off a threat at the Western border.
After several minutes of contemplation (Sakura's more frantic and worried than Sai's) it was concluded, by both parties, that they would have to take their hostages with them. If they didn't, there was the possibility (influenced by the laws of the universe) that the girls would be kidnapped again. And if their half-hour rant received from Tsunade hadn't been hell, frozen over once and thawed out to be even fiercer than before, then what they would receive for having it happen the second time could surely be nothing short of eternal incarceration as Tsunade's slave…in the afterlife.
They met up with each other when dashing among the frantic crowd toward the source of their fear, Claire and Eva tired and bitching the entire way, but barely conscious enough at this point to register what was going on.
Yet it was hard for them to concentrate on hostages when everyone was running around, yelling, and huge chunks were exploding off of buildings and raining rocky debris into the night. Eva and Claire groggily slumped behind one of the buildings that seemed to be less in danger of destruction, blinking at their feet, not bothering to correct their double vision.
Several minutes later, the shouting and destruction was still as strong as ever. It was amazing that the two girls could even obtain this sort of half-conscious state of being when it sounded like they were in the middle of a war zone. They allowed Sakura and Sai, accompanied by Neji for reasons they did not know or care about, to lead them away.
xXx
"Wake up, you stupid losers!" Sakura yelled, slapping Eva in the face.
Eva flinched and swatted Sakura's hand away a full two seconds too late. "Why the hell are you slapping me, stupid pink-haired whore…" Eva slurred.
"Claire…Eva…please wake up," Sai pleaded, trying to open one of each of their eyes with his thumbs.
Claire was struck by a sudden surge of energy as she grabbed Sai's hand and threw it back towards him. "What do you stupid bastards want?" she demanded of them, "Is this a new interrogating technique? Interrogate the half-dead people who are worn out from being taken hostage and kidnapped over and over again and—"
"Claire, shut up! We aren't those stupid novice ninjas from Konoha!" Neji yelled.
"Well, there's quite a bit of evidence to the contrary!"
"Listen you undead dorks, this is a disguise. Obviously we aren't really these…midgety shrimps."
Eva narrowed her eyes, deciding to be smart and un-gullible for once. "You're lying," she declared.
"Of all the times," Sakura sighed, bringing her hand to her forehead in exasperation. "No Eva. We are not lying."
"Then who are you?" Claire asked.
"I'm Kisame, that guy's Tobi," she said, pointing to Sai, "and Kakuzu's him." Sakura pointed to Neji.
The idiot stood up, walking over to Sakura and poking her in the sternum, in between her breasts. "Then why do you have boobs?"
Sakura's face dead-panned with shock of Eva's stupidity, and she opened her mouth to say something. But then Neji added unhelpfully, "She has a bit of a point."
Eva turned around and glared at Neji. "Now I know you guys are Akatsuki! The real Neji would NEVER agree with me!" She laughed in what she thought was an evil manner. "You fell right into my trap!" Of course, there had been no trap. She just wanted to pretend there was. Everyone in the group but her knew this, because she had managed to convince herself that it had been a trap that her sub-conscious had made, and therefore of her own design.
Claire turned to face Sai. "If you wanna stay in character you should say something about a penis right now."
Tobi (whose face they could see for once) looked appalled. "But that would be completely inappropriate! Tobi's a good boy!"
She shrugged. "Whatever."
XxX
Hidan threw his dusting rag thing hard against the table in front of Konan. His hair was slightly disheveled and he had discarded his cloak hours ago while he very masculinely cleaned the house in nothing but his Akatsuki issued pants and his rosary. "That is it woman! I'm seriously not cleaning anymore!" he all but yelled and stared at the blue haired bitch as if he was waiting for her to tell him otherwise.
She leaned forward and neatly folded the abused rag that Hidan had mercilessly slammed against the table. Poor thing. "Did you get—"
"Yes! Woman, yes! I cleaned Sasori's old room," he threw his hands up in the air as he continued to talk very loudly so that Konan almost wished that he would just yell so she could hit him for it. She was feeling quite evil today for whatever reason; maybe she was PMS-ing. Oh well. "I dusted the goddamn room, I put the goddamn puppets in drawers and the closet, I washed the fucking mirror and the fucking bed," he rambled on, counting on his fingers as he did.
Konan nodded and leaned back against the couch. "Good work Hidan," she smiled in a Charli-like demeanor.
"Anything else, your majesty?" he growled with sarcasm thick in his tone as he bowed deep at the waist in his most mocking manner.
"Nope."
Hidan blinked. He hadn't been expecting that, having been almost looking forward to continuing this one-sided argument. He had thought up of some extremely rude and witty things to say to Konan but now he couldn't say them since she had appeased him.
Deidara stormed into the main room, mimicking what Hidan had done almost exactly mere minutes before. He had also rid himself of his cloak and he had put all his hair up into a ponytail since he kept getting chemicals and other undesirable substances in it while he was cleaning the bathroom. He dropped two garbage bags by the couch Konan was sitting on and leaned his elbows on the arm of it, letting his head hang and his ponytail flop in front of his face.
"Not cleaning anymore, un."
"It's okay, you don't have to do anymore," Konan said.
Deidara and Hidan blinked and glanced at each other with looks of near relief on their faces.
Konan made a light humming noise from the back of her throat and looked up. "Actually, I'm sure you two wouldn't mind tidying—"
"NO!" they said simultaneously.
"No fucking way in hell. I'm going to bed," Hidan decided. He turned on his heel and out of the main room.
"Same here," Deidara agreed and followed after Hidan into the corridor that led to their bedrooms. Luckily, everyone had their own room here so they wouldn't have to spend 100 of their time in close proximity to their partners. This was also especially good for Hidan and Deidara, since they were struck with urges to murder Tobi and Kakuzu on an hourly basis.
Konan sighed and stared at the garbage bags that Deidara had left for her to take care of. Well, she had just been sitting on the couch, playing with her paper and bossing around the Jashinist and the arsonist for the past four hours. She pushed herself up off the couch and carried the two garbage bags to a giant trash can that was behind a stone door in the very back of the hideout to be taken care of later.
Konan flopped back down on the couch, as if that small effort after hours of laziness had drained her. She decided to do some chakra exercises with the hundred or so paper swans and butterflies that she had made while being a lazy bum.
It hadn't even been two minutes before she heard the entrance of the hideout open. She detected the chakra right away and looked towards the front of the hideout, and although she couldn't see the entrance from where she was sitting, she knew who it was.
Kisame was carrying Eva on piggy-back while Tobi carried Claire in a similar fashion and Kakuzu followed shortly behind them, looking rather entertained.
"Hey, Deidara, Hidan!" Konan called.
"Go to hell bitch!" Hidan yelled back.
"Whatever it is, I'm not doing it!" Deidara yelled back as well.
Konan rolled her eyes. Oh well. Their loss. They shouldn't be that tired, after all; it had only been four hours worth of cleaning. That should be an easy task for shinobi of their caliber. Then again, they were men, and men by nature are lazy and are not built for cleaning and other such 'feminine' tasks. She was being really sexist today on top of being plain evil. Definitely PMS.
"I hate being carried," Eva pouted, glaring up at Kisame.
"I hate the fact that you move slower than molasses," Kisame grumbled and set her down.
Tobi gingerly set Claire on her feet (who immediately decided she was more comfortable slumping down to the floor) and practically skipped over to Konan, looking around the hideout as he did so. "Wow. This place is so clean!"
"Yeah. All of you should go get some rest, it's been a long day," she said in a very motherly tone. "Leader and the others should be back shortly. They already had Leah the last time I checked in," she continued, knowing what their future questions might be and answering the in advance.
"I'm not going to bed until Leah gets back," Eva said and flopped down onto the couch and looked as if she wasn't planning to move for a very long time.
A very long time turned out to be about three minutes later when Pein's group returned with Leah in tow. She saw Eva and Claire and suddenly looked very sheepish. Pein had told her about how Sasuke had tricked her, and she felt a bit stupid, but relieved. Now she simply felt guilty for leaving in a huff before. Eva hugged her without saying anything, letting her know she was forgiven. Then she kicked Claire in the side for not even acknowledging their friend's return. Claire raised her arm from the floor awkwardly and gave Leah a sort of backwards wave.
Pein cleared his throat, extremely weary from all of today's drama and not eager for more nonsense to follow it up. "I think everyone's probably tired. This whole situation has been more of an ordeal than necessary. Now, there's an extra room—"
He, Konan, Tobi, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Kisame suddenly cringed as a loud static whine pitched over their earpieces, audible even to the ones without them. Claire's head shot up from the floor quickly, and Eva and Leah were suddenly fully awake. The six of them frantically tried to wrench the little pieces of plastic out of their ears before their heads exploded. When they finally did manage this, the whine immediately stopped.
It was replaced by a short static crackle, and then voices. Everyone without an earpiece unconsciously shifted closer to those with them, as they heard unfamiliar, muffled voices emit from the tan buds.
"—wasn't anything on the computer," they heard the end of an unfamiliar man's sentence.
"I don't believe that for a second." This second voice was heart-sinkingly familiar. They waited in helpless fear for confirmation of their suspicions. "She must have done something to it."
"She's just a kid, Kakashi."
Eleven hearts nearly stopped at the name.
"She's capable of much more than you think," Kakashi retorted, "She's an accomplice to the Akatsuki. Isn't that right, Kami?"
"I find it a bit ironic that you're treating me like a criminal even though you're the ones breaking into my house and accusing me of…consorting with…Alaskans, did you say?" Despite her confident bravado, they could detect the small evidence of panic in her voice. She had not been expecting this at all.
Neither had they.
"I can smell the chakra residue on everything," mumbled another familiar voice. Jiraiya.
"Hey you, don't touch that!" Charli yelled suddenly at someone. There was a clattering sound, and Charli exhaled, annoyed. It sounded like the person had dropped her black bag that held all of her spy gear.
"I'm investigating," the person snapped back at her, apparently having been shocked by her sudden exclamation.
"That's really expensive—"
"You're going to have to get used to it little lady. There's going to be twenty of us here, and we aren't leaving until the Akatsuki come back."
Charli's objective had been to reveal that number. Having it accomplished, she flicked open a panel on the headset she held behind her back, and pressed a small red button. The connection was severed. All six earpieces beeped twice, and silence filled the room.
"Hey…" Eva said softly after a minute of silence, "It's after midnight."
"What's your point Eva?" Claire shot at her numbly.
"It's Christmas."
Author's Note:
Claire: In case you were wondering, Hidan basically called Deidara a lesbian to piss him off so much. He's bored since he has no one to argue with, and resorts to insulting people instead.
And as far as you know, Itachi could have been kidding. Just because he didn't show humor didn't mean it wasn't meant to be humor.
But he could have also been serious. XD
We will never know.
I think that was the only part of the story I wrote that I was happy with. I wrote too much.
Leah: Eva kept mentioning "Leah torture" last night. I'm once again frightened.
…
…
I had three pickles today and they were yummy.
Claire: Get over yourself Leah, we were just trying to creep you out. You and Leah are different. P
(It was fun. –giggles evilly-)