Authors Note:
Leah: Woot! Another chapter! This one requires a bit of explanation. This takes place the day before the previous chapter (before the Akatsuki and the girls went on the missions). So yeah, we warned you that the next few chapters were gonna be a little confusing.
Anyways. It's summer! YAY! We went to the Fanime thing in San Jose a couple of weeks ago and it was totally wicked. My Allen Walker cosplay turned out beautifully thanks to Claire and her mad sewing skills. We got so many pictures taken of us and I felt like a celebrity (kinda, not really, but it was awesome).
Since it's summer, we should be updating more but I can't make any promises =P
Claire: I AM SO HAPPY. For you guys, ya know? IT'S SUMMERRRR AND THAT MEANS I'M NOT STRESSEDDDD—wait, no it doesn't…I have a job now…and stressing is my nature…
Well. Anyway. For you, it means I write, and that's all that matters =)
This is what we've been calling the 'Charli Chapter', cuz it's all about Charli and the gang back home. We needed an update on them. As Leah mentioned, it's a bit confusing to read. Basically, just know that this entire chapter takes place on Christmas. For the brief period the Akatsuki exist, it is happening AFTER the handcuff incident and BEFORE they go on their missions. Ooh…as promised, this is a slight inconsistency. I probably shouldn't have pointed that out…people might not have noticed. –glance-
Forgive us…for that. Not for our failure at updating. That does not deserve forgiveness.
This is the part where I (to quote Roy Zimmerman) cut out my heart with a grapefruit spoon for you people. You're so awesome. I read all the reviews and then I just had to write, fuck my job.
I will shut up for now and let you get on with the craziness.
Chapter 14:
December 25; Christmas Day
Jason left for work around nine o'clock in the morning even though it was his day off. Apparently there had been some sort of emergency at the hospital and he was needed because most of the staff had gone away on vacation. Kakashi had decided to go with him for duty's sake, but Jason was dumbly excited to have the company.
Charli had gone up to her room to pass time by playing video games with TenTen. Gaara was also ever-present, though he refused to submit to take part in something as childish as Mario Kart.
Rachel remained at the house to wrap Christmas presents in a spare bedroom (the one that Kisame and Itachi typically shared when the whole group decided to visit on rare occasions) before they went to her parents' house for dinner. Hinata and Chouji had offered to help Rachel out with all the gifts and she gladly accepted. Kankuro secretly kept a watchful eye on Rachel just in case.
Rachel finished tying a bow around one of Jenny's gifts. "Phew, that's it for Jenny." She put the box on top of the pile of gifts for her little sister.
Chouji taped down a neatly folded corner on the large box he was wrapping. "Wow, you sure got a lot of presents," he commented.
"Yeah. Your family's going to love them." Hinata added, looking at a pretty watch before putting it in a bag and adding some tissue paper.
Rachel smiled. "Thanks you guys, you've been a huge help." She stood up, stretched and walked to the end of the table. "Do either of you want any snacks or a drink? I'm going into the kitchen…"
"If you don't mind, can I get some of those barbeque chips?" Chouji asked politely.
"No prob. Hinata, you want anything?" Rachel asked.
Hinata smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine. Thank you." She started to wrap the box with colorful wrapping paper with Santa Claus printed randomly on the green sheet.
Rachel smiled and went to the kitchen. Kankuro followed her, making no move to hide the fact. Jason's blonde fiancée turned around and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Can I help you?"
"Yes actually. We'll talk in the kitchen." Kankuro said and motioned for her to keep walking.
She rolled her eyes at the teenager in a 'whatever dude' way and continued onwards.
Several other ninja were in the kitchen, including Lee, Gai, Neji, Ino, and Temari, but Rachel had adjusted to their presence. She didn't exactly enjoy it, but she knew she didn't have the authority to kick them out since it wasn't her house…yet.
Rachel filled a teapot with water and set it on the stove. "So, Kankuro was it? You wanted to talk to me?" she said, carefully masking the skepticism in her tone as she turned the knob next to the teapot.
He leaned against the refrigerator. "I'm just going to cut to the chase. What do you know about the Akatsuki?"
Every set of eyes in the room turned towards Rachel. She arched a thin eyebrow. "Who?"
"The Akatsuki. The group of men that stay here on occasion." Kankuro said.
She snapped her fingers. "Oh those people! Dudes and one chick group, that's what Jason calls them. Yeah what about them?"
"Anything." Temari cut in impatiently.
Lee smiled contrastingly. "Anything you can tell us will help!"
Rachel clicked her tongue as she thought. She pulled the bag of chips out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. "I've only met them once in person, but Jason's told me loads about them. They seem like they're good guys."
"What makes you say that?" Ino inquired.
Rachel shrugged. "Jason hasn't said anything particularly bad about them. I mean, Most of them swear a lot, especially that religious dude. And there's the blonde kid whose name always seems to escape me…" she snapped her fingers twice while she tried to remember it.
"Long hair, scope on one eye, kind of short?" Kankuro described Deidara briefly.
"Yes! That's the one! Jason doesn't like him much he's totally interested in Leah and Jason sometimes suffers from overprotective brother syndrome," she snickered. "But Leah told me that doesn't mind—Oh, I remember! His name is Deidara."
"Is there anything abnormal about him? Appearance wise? Other than things we mentioned?" Gai asked in a serious tone that most of the other ninja weren't used to. He was thinking of the terrorists characteristically missing arms.
The teapot began to hiss and Rachel turned off the stove. She pulled three mugs out of the cabinet, having made the magnanimous decision to bring Hinata and Chouji some tea even though they had politely refused it. "Jason said his arms were in pretty bad shape the first time they met, like the guy had had some kind of 'ghetto surgery'. They're a lot better though, since Jason worked on them," she told them, strikingly in key with Gai's thinking. She poured the hot water into the mugs and dug through another cabinet for some tea. "Other than that, he's just a guy."
Knowing that they weren't going to get much information on that particular member, they moved on to another topic. "What about the other members?" Neji asked.
"Kisame is blue and Zetsu just looks like a freak," she replied. She didn't mean anything by her seemingly harsh comments. From any normal person's perspective, Zetsu did look pretty scary. "Both of them are nice though."
Neji motioned for her to go on.
She raised an eyebrow and sighed, feeling like she had indulged them enough for now. "I'm not even sure why you want me to tell you all this. You seem to be familiar enough with them by the questions you're asking. And I don't care if you're asking my opinion or not but I'd like to say I trust Jason's judgment and that they seem like good enough people to me. If you guys have a conflict, fine, but you can work that out yourselves."
She piled the mugs and chips on to a tray and turned to walk out of the room. "Seriously, I'm the wrong person to be going to about this." She added and returned to the spare bedroom.
"Obviously." Ino scoffed.
XxX
Jason returned around noon, his urgent job at the hospital also having been a relatively quick one. He literally danced into the house, ran over to Rachel, and attacked her with an unexpected kiss. "Merry, merry-MERRY, merrymerrymerry Ccccccccchristmas!" he sang loudly.
Rachel laughed and gently pushed him off. "Down boy, not while I'm baking," she said as she dusted her hands off on her apron. Charli, Kiba, and her other helpers from earlier in the morning were helping her make sugar cookies.
Jason grinned stupidly and glanced around the room. "Where are the girls?" he asked, having forgotten he'd already made this inquiry before and hadn't waited for an answer then.
"In Canada, with the guys…and chick," Charli answered sarcastically.
Jason screwed up his face in a way that made him look like he was about to throw a tantrum. Luckily he repressed the urge, sighed, and after a few seconds of pondering became determined. "It's only a twelve hour drive! We can make it!"
Charli ran her hand through her hair in an effort to disguise the face-palm. "Eastern Canada."
"Damn."
Charli and Rachel giggled. Kakashi whispered something to one of the ANBU members, looking slightly confused, but said nothing else.
Jason clicked his tongue. "I should probably call them, at least wish them happy holidays," he said as he reached for the phone.
"I bet they're busy," Charli said quickly. If Jason called them, it could only turn out badly. "I think they have their own holiday plans."
"Daww, but what kind of brother would I be if I didn't wish my little sister a merry Christmas?" He ruffled Charli's light blond hair and dialed a number into the phone.
xXx
Pein stared at the cell phone. It was vibrating and ringing at the same time with the word 'House' illuminated on the screen. He took a few minutes to consider the dangers of answering or not answering. It probably wasn't Konoha because they wouldn't know how to use a phone (or even know his number) unless Charli or Jason taught them, but that was unlikely. And then there was the fact that the Konoha ninja were trying to ambush them by occupying the house in secret.
It didn't take him long to decide that it should be answered but he brought it to Leah for safe measure. He simply told her to answer the phone, and she did so without much hesitation for two reasons. One, she figured Pein would have analyzed the situation carefully enough that he knew what he was doing. And two...she was Leah, meaning she was a doormat and wouldn't have denied him anyway. If worst came to worst she could just hang up anyway.
Pein requested the other Akatsuki member's silence, even though he knew that they'd long since been given away. The 'Alaskan' thing just wasn't working. 'Alaskan' didn't even sound close to 'Akatsuki'. He had considered telling the girls this, but decided they probably already knew and were just being stupid on purpose now.
Leah pressed a little green button on the phone. "Hello?"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Jason, Rachel, and Charli's voices blared out of the speaker, making Leah jump and utter a noise something like 'eep'.
She looked to Pein unsurely and he quietly told her to put it on speaker so the rest of them could hear. Maybe there would be some background chatter about Konoha's plans, though it was doubtful. Again Leah did as she was told.
She laughed nervously. "Merry Christmas to you, too."
"Merry Christmas!" Eva said enthusiastically as she tried to pull Kisame closer to the phone. Kisame was distracted by trying to pick the lock on the handcuffs (something he'd been attempting for the hour after Tobi had cuffed them) though it had yeilded no success and showed no sign of doing so with future effort.
Claire jumped to the phone as well. "Did call to tell us you got me a giant stuffed dolphin? If not then you can just go away."
"Tch. What's with you and that dolphin?" Charli replied.
Claire glared at Leah. "Me and Leah and Edward went to Seaworld and and and there was a giant dolphin and and I wanted it. But they wouldn't let me get it," she whined.
Before Leah could say anything in her defense, Jason intervened. "Where are you guys? It's Christmas, and this is family time."
Leah frowned. "I'm sorry," she replied with no intention of saying anything more.
"Yes you are," Charli agreed flatly. They could hear Rachel addressing someone in the background about the oven.
Hidan laced his hands behind his head and looked at Pein out of the corner of his eye. "What's the point of this shit?"
"To get information, dumbass," Kakuzu answered sharply.
"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Claire hissed, pointing to the phone.
They heard Charli cough. "You're on speaker you know," she informed them as casually as she could. "Don't say anything that Jason wouldn't like." Hint, hint.
"Yeah!" Claire yelled, staring at the Akatsuki members behind her. The glare was most directed at Hidan who flipped her off in response.
Rachel laughed, rejoining the conversation. "Where are you girls? Jason wants you home for Christmas."
"Uhhhh....In a place!" Eva offered.
Unfortunately, Hidan and Kakuzu had not ceased their arguing, but had simply relocated it a couple of feet to the left. As always, it was escalating. Pein, sensing this, gave them a very menacing glare and requested their silence, but as neither of the zombie duo had their attention focused on him, this went unnoticed. The argument went up a few notches in severity, and everyone knew it would only be a little while longer before they could not be mistaken as a bickering couple, and would be irrevocably revealed as the two violent murders they really were.
"STOP OR I WILL KICK YOU IN THE TESTICLES!" Konan yelled over them.
There was silence on both ends of the phone.
Eva quickly recovered and gave a high pitched nervous giggle. "Wellwe'regonnagonow, bye!" She snapped the phone closed quickly and handed it to the dumbstruck Pein.
Pein raised his eyes to the ceiling briefly and put the phone in his back pocket. He didn't say anything and walked out of the room, presumably returning to whatever it was he had been doing before the call.
Kakuzu glared at Hidan. Hidan scowled at Kakuzu. A few seconds later, there was more screaming and the couch Hidan was sitting on was snapped in half. No one said anything as Kakuzu chased Hidan outside the hideout.
"That was weird," Zetsu noted.
XxX
"That was weird," Jason said as the dial tone hummed. He placed it back on its silvery stand and stretched his arms.
Charli rolled a small amount of dough between her tiny hands, molding it into a spherical shape for cookies. She glanced up at Jason. "Told you there were busy."
The doctor ruffled Charli's hair again to annoy her as punishment for being a brat and she ducked away. Jason had a frown on his face and his eyes were staring off at nothing. "I hope they're okay…" he mumbled.
Rachel rubbed his shoulder and gave him a weak smile. "I'm sure they are."
Jason raised his eyebrow at her. "What's with that look?"
His fiancee dropped whatever 'look' she was wearing and tried to look neutral. "What look?"
Jason turned towards her wagging his finger playfully at him. "You aren't telling me something," he sang, advancing.
She laughed and pushed him away, eyeing their many surveyors somewhat bashfully. "I'll talk to you about it later."
"Aw come on. Is Leah okay?"
"She's fine Jason."
"….I don't trust that tone……"
Lee beamed at Jason, eager to help Rachel get out of what would be an awkward situation for everybody. Or maybe he just wanted to be enthusiastic about something. "Everything will be fine, Jason!" he gave him a thumbs up and his smile grew even wider.
Jason stared at his green jumpsuit with an unreadable expression. "I've been inspired," he told them. He kissed Rachel on the cheek. "I'll be right back!" he called as he ran out of the kitchen. They could hear him pounding up the stairs and then the door to his bedroom slam.
Rachel rolled her eyes and went back to baking.
xXx
Jason reentered the kitchen with a new outfit that would definitely earn the approval stamp from both Gai and Lee. The only problem was that the youthful green color had been replaced by a vibrant purple. And a minor second problem was that it wasn't a full jumpsuit; it cut off at the knees and it had no sleeves.
Rachel snorted. "Oh good God Jason."
Charli frowned and tightly shut her eyes. "I hope I can un-see this."
"How youthful!" Gai praised predictably and clapped a hand onto the doctor's shoulder.
Jason rubbed his hands over his spandex wrestling singlet in a remarkably disturbing manner. "It's been a while since you've seen me in this." He grinned stupidly at the memories of high school wrestling. The friends, the fun, the sweat, the vomiting, the nine mile runs, the fainting, the unconsciousness, his friend Keoni being the first freshman to go to State and the first to lose to a girl three times at said tournament, the dieting, the eating disorders, the broken bones, the nosebleeds, the ring worm, the impetigo, the staph infections...All that good stuff.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I was hoping I'd never see you in that again."
Jason shifted uncomfortably. "It's making my balls itch," he announced loudly.
The girls looked disgusted by his vulgar comment while some of the guys snickered. Charli still refused to look at her big brother, ashamed that she was actually related to him. "Jason, take that thing off," Rachel pleaded good-naturedly.
Jason saluted. "Yes ma'am!" He brought the shoulder straps off his shoulders and had rolled his down to his chest, attempting his best stipper face as he did so.
"Do that here and I'll kick your ass," she threatened.
"I have no ass! This outfit proves it!" He slapped his own nonexistent butt as if to emphasize his point.
Rachel shook her head and tried to ignore him. "Go upstairs, take that off, and go get a tan!"
Jason saluted her again and ran upstairs to change into normal clothing.
Charli opened her eyes. "And why are you marrying that idiot?"
She shrugged. "He's good looking, he's funny, and he's…..special."
"As in he's mildly retarded and he makes you feel better about yourself. I had thought you were better than that Rachel."
"I never said that!" she said with mock offense.
Charli smirked. "Of course you didn't." she replied sarcastically. She placed the last bit of dough she was shaping onto a stiff metal cooking sheet and dusted her hands. She stared at them, her expression unreadable. "I'm bored again."
XxX
It was around four thirty in the evening when the last pie was pulled from the poor, overworked oven. All the cookies—sugar, gingerbread, and chocolate chip were neatly arranged on a circular dish under a film of clear plastic meant to keep them in place. Rachel had also made three pies: one pumpkin, one pecan, and one apple to bring to her parent's Christmas party that had started half an hour ago. Oh well, they wouldn't be missing much...
As ordered, both Charli and Jason had unwillingly changed into nice clothing for the event. Jason only wore simple khaki slacks and a green pinstriped button down shirt, and refused to wear anything more formal ever unless it was the tuxedo he was to suffer in on his wedding day. Charli was pouting in a powdery pink dress that had a skirt MUCH too poofy for her liking. Nevertheless she looked adorable, wearing white patent leather shoes and decorative white hair clips that pulled her light hair into a messy bun.
She felt herself blush when she heard Ino and Tenten commenting on how cute she looked. Briefly, she wondered what Pein would think. She closed her eyes hard and wondered why she wondered that. His opinion didn't matter when it came to these things. She must be getting so used to gaining his approval on business matters that the notion was seeping into petty things.
She scrunched her nose, looking towards the silver haired prick entering the kitchen. "Why're you all dressed up, Kakashi?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer.
He straightened the collar of the blue button-down that Jason had lent him. He found it strange that Jason's clothes were a little tight on him considering that the doctor was taller than the shinobi. "Jason invited me to come along." He smiled.
Jason beamed at Kakashi and gave him a friendly pat on the back. "It's 'cause you're awesome dude." He hummed and looked at the red-head seated next to Charli. "You coming too?" he asked, gesturing to Gaara's attire—nice black slacks and with a white shirt that mimicked the style of his and Kakashi's.
Gaara nodded. "Charli asked for me to accompany her," he lied simply.
Charli's jaw slacked. "I did n—" she hissed.
"She was too shy to ask, but she would like Shino and Kiba to accompany us as well." Gaara spouted more fabrications without so much as a blink. Charli's eyes narrowed and she almost snarled. What an asshole.
Kiba and Shino turned to each other, just as surprised (but not as pissed off) as Charli. Why would Gaara want them to go to a family dinner party? The only thing they could be sure of was that it had to be a damn good reason, seeing as Gaara was probably the most solitary creature between their two worlds. Kiba smiled at Jason, going along with the Kazekage's plan, and Shino just stared at the red-head, trying to figure out his motives.
Jason turned to his fiancée. "Rachel?"
She shrugged. "Fine by me. I feel bad that we can't bring everyone though. It seems rude," she worried.
Gai quickly dismissed the comment. "Don't worry about us Ms. Rachel, we really don't want to intrude on your family time."
Rachel smiled. "Well I'll leave you all some money so you can get yourselves some dinner if you want. Feel free to raid the fridge, we have a lot of extra food." Gai nodded, making a mental note. The extra food would most likely mean the Akatsuki visited frequently; proof, as far as he was concerned. And though it was already apparent due to the entire family's willingness to protect them, it confirmed their friendship since they would be so willing to spend that kind of money.
"Kiba, Shino" Rachel addressed the two teens. She looked them over. "Jason, you think that Itachi's and Deidara's clothes will fit them?"
Charli's face turned the color of her shoes. Even though the Konoha ninja had no doubts about the Akatsuki's semi-permanent residence in their house, Rachel's mentioning was a bit much. And now they were inextricably tied to them, having bought the criminals clothing.
"Probably. Come on you two, you got to look nice or Rachel will rip your faces off." Jason led the two males of Team 10 upstairs.
Charli muttered curses under her breath. Oh, if only that idiot of a brother and his clueless fiancée weren't around, she would have been able to manage the secret. She felt terrible, like she had betrayed them, even though she hadn't really done anything wrong. She worried that Pein would resent her for not telling Jason and Rachel to keep their mouths shut, even though Gaara's constant vigilance left her no opportunity to communicate with them safely.
No...If she quelled her emotions and thought about it with the most critical logic, it had been futile from the start to hide the fact that the Akatsuki had a second home here. Frankly she didn't know why she had kept up with the charade as long as she did. The only thing left to do was to keep information of each individual to herself. Jason and Rachel knew minor personality aspects, but not much. She was the only one besides the girls with valuable information. That comforted her a bit. As long as she kept that to herself, she would have accomplished something. After all, Pein couldn't expect her to be able to keep everything in the house a secret. There was simply too much evidence.
Charli bit her lip. She didn't want to disappoint Pein.
Kiba and Shino, both changed into their formal attire, followed behind Jason and started to help Rachel carry trays of goodies out to the car. Charli made a mental note to wash Itachi's gray shirt and Deidara's blue one very well so they wouldn't be contaminated with bugs and dog hair, respectively.
Now that she thought of it, she'd probably have to disinfect the whole house. Well, she wouldn't do that kind of work. Maybe she could get Konan to order the boys to clean it themselves. That would be nice.
xXx
Because so many people had decided to tag along, they ended up taking two cars. Jason, Charli, and Gaara took Leah's truck and trusted Akamaru to stay in the bed, while Rachel drove her own car with Kakashi, Shino, and Kiba.
Charli turned in her seat to see Akamaru snoozing in the back, the wind ruffling his fur in every direction. "How far away do Rachel's parents live?"
Jason stopped roughly at a red light, causing everyone's seatbelts to lock. He wasn't a graceful driver. "About another twenty minutes. Don't ask again," he said.
Charli sat back in her seat and clicked her tongue, trying to think of something to keep herself entertained. The blurry images of the dried up shrubs speeding by along the highway seemed to be enough to keep Gaara entertained, but she had seen this road a thousand times and knew it by heart so it had no entertainment value to her.
"So…Gaara…" she said slowly.
Pale eyes turned towards her attentively.
She stared back at him, not entirely sure what she was going to say now that she had his attention. "How are you?" she said with a smile. She crossed her legs and put her hands daintily on her knee, trying to look as friendly and cute as possible.
He stared at her for a few moments, perhaps considering whether or not to answer. At last he decided not to and turned back to the window.
Charli frowned sourly.
"Hey Gaara," she addressed him again.
He glanced at her without turning this time. It wasn't worth the effort.
"I like your tattoo," she said, lacking better conversation topics than his physical appearance. It was true after all. He was a good looking kid, except for his unfortunate lack of eyebrows. Pity that he was bat-shit insane, else he'd probably pick up a lot of girls.
The wedge of his eye that she could see at this angle widened slightly in acknowledgement.
"It's very unique." She clicked her tongue again. "What's it mean?" She already knew the answer to this, but trying to get him to talk was her mission at this point.
He didn't respond.
Knowing that she had ventured into some personal territory with that question, she moved to something more neutral. "Your hair is a very lovely shade of red. Is it natural?" she complimented honestly.
Again. No response.
How boring. Charli huffed and blew a stray strand of hair from her face. She spent a minute or so trying to squash her skirt down, but it was stubborn and triumphed against her efforts. As a last resort she also turned her gaze towards the window, hoping the boring view would allow her to zone out.
"GOAT SCROTUM!" Jason yelled suddenly. Charli jumped and Gaara twitched his head towards their driver.
"What the heck?" Charli demanded.
Gaara shook his head. "Strange," he commented dryly.
"Ha! I got him to talk." Jason exclaimed triumphantly. Pumping both of his fists into the air he accidentally punched the roof of the car. "Owie…"
"Hands on wheel!" Charli shrieked, reaching forward as if to grab the wheel herself as the car swerved dangerously close to the large concrete barrier that separated the directions of traffic.
"Fine, fine," he replied nonchalantly and righted the car.
Falling back into her seat once more with wide eyes, she sighed. "I hate my life."
XxX
They parked a little ways down the street from the house since the driveway and the adjacent sidewalks were packed with cars. Charli hoped there would be someone her age to distract herself with. But she knew it would most likely be teenagers, adults, and grandparents, all of whom would want nothing to do with a tween such as herself, besides commenting on how adorable she was. Yuck.
The sky overhead had turned a deep blue that faded to purples, pinks, and orange at the horizon. A beautiful white glare on the distant ocean and clouds painted by the setting sun's last rays didn't bring the same soft joy that it usually did. Knots twisted in her stomach and she swallowed, turning away from the view. She had admired the same view from Jason's backyard while having meaningless conversations and laughs with the girls and the band of criminals. Funny how she found herself wanting nothing more than to be with them right now, when she spent most of her free time playing cruel pranks and insulting them. Except for Pein, she wouldn't do that to Pein again. She held too much respect for the man now. And sympathy. Eleven idiots probably gave him enough trouble as it was.
Gaara had gotten out of the car as well and was helping the others bring treats into Rachel's parents house. She thought of trying to sneak a text to Pein but she knew that despite his being comically dwarfed by the large column of treats Rachel was loading into his arms, Gaara was watching her. Like how a praying mantis watches a slow, soft caterpillar before striking. She desperately wanted to know what the limits of his allowance to punish her were, but was afraid to test them. Rachel called her into the house and she raced Jason to the front door, losing by only a few steps.
Maybe somehow she could lose Gaara long enough to get in contact with the Akatsuki leader. Or anyone else for that matter. Why was she so dead-set on talking to Pein? Anyone would do. They wouldn't keep a secret from everyone else when it concerned their return to their home, second home—WHATEVER! That didn't matter. Point was, get in contact with them. Somehow.
xXx
Pein rubbed his nose for possibly the twentieth time within the past few hours. "You guys should of cleaned this place better," he muttered to no one in particular as they sat down to eat the Christmas cake that Eva and Kisame had made. Not that Kisame had wanted to make the cake. Everyone had wanted cake, so he obligingly agreed to stand there as Eva prepared the desert. Unfortunately, his pity and frustration at watching Eva attempt to do anything one handed had gotten the better of him. So help make cake, he did. Nevermind that it looked like it was trying to escape the plate. A little lopsidedness never hurt anyone.
"Shut up! We did a damn good job." Hidan snapped, slapping a palm against the table.
"All the dust is making my nose itchy." Pein said, rubbing his nose again.
Eva giggled. She and Kisame set the cake on the table. "Maybe someone is thinking about you, Leader," she teased with a sly grin.
Pein looked to Konan. She looked back at him. "What? It wasn't me," she said honestly.
Eva snickered again and called the others to the table. With the promise of cake, they all arrived in less than thirty seconds. Kisame cut the cake while Eva served it since Eva was not to be trusted with a knife.
Pein rubbed his nose again.
"Konan, stop thinking about Pein. We all know you love him." Eva scolded playfully.
"Who the what now?" Claire snapped out of her glazed stare that had been directed at the cake in front of them.
"Apparently Konan's thinking about Pein. Because she loves him. And it's making his nose itch," Hidan informed her matter-of-factly. He proceeded to shovel half his cake into his mouth.
Konan sat straight. "I am not. Besides, I don't believe in wives tales."
Pein sneezed into his elbow. "Me neither. I'm probably just allergic to idiots. No one is thinking about me."
"No, someone's just talking about you now." Eva smiled.
Kisame flicked her forehead. "You're such an idiot."
"Yeah, say Eva. My eye just twitched, does that mean someone's thinking about me, un?" Deidara asked, sarcastically. Though his eye really had twitched.
Eva put her hand to her face and hummed thoughtfully, smearing frosting on it unknowingly. "Which eye?"
"The left one," he said.
"Oh no. That just means someone close to you is going to die soon." She sat down once everyone was served and took a bite of the cake that she had spent the majority of the day baking. It was probably one of the best cakes she's made in a long time. She felt very proud of herself. Then she backtracked briefly and wondered if the cake's loveliness had anything to do with the fact that Kisame had helped. Maybe it was an omen, or something.
Deidara frowned at the rather morbid comment, then smiled. "Can it be Tobi? I really don't like him."
Tobi half moaned, half whined at this comment, his shoulders slumping dejectedly. Normally Eva would have offered something in his defense, but she glanced towards her left wrist lying next to Kisame's blue one, and said nothing more.
XxX
Opening the door to Rachel's parents' house was like walking into a rave, minus the flashing neon lighting. They must have had remarkably thick walls that no one could have heard the talking and loud but indiscernible music from outside. Luckily there was at least enough room for the newcomers to maneuver safely to the kitchen to be rid of their burden of skillfully baked goods. To their credit, the Konoha inhabitants blended in nicely. Each of them had an expression of either amusement or slight irritation at the noise.
After a little bit of difficult they each found places to deposit their trays on an island in the middle of the kitchen packed with assorted casseroles, chips, vegetable platters, and other dishes. A woman of about fifty with gray streaking through her wavy oak hair and lots of make-up on turned around at that moment. Spotting Rachel, she set her wine glass down and tip-toed over to give her a hug.
"Rachel!" she exclaimed. "And Charli!" The woman knelt down to give Charli a hug as well.
"Don't forget Jason, Mom," Rachel pointed out gently, drawing Jason forward.
After a moment's hesitation, Rachel's mother smiled and gently squeezed Jason's shoulder. "Of course. Glad you could make it. I see you brought some friends along."
"Yes Maddie, they're actually friends of Charli's more than ours—" Jason began, but the woman cut him off.
"Your father's around here somewhere, I'll go find him!" Maddie offered, disappearing into the throng of people.
Rachel turned to face her younger company. "Don't worry about her, she's probably a little tipsy. Feel free to wander around if you want, have some food. Kiba, you can let your dog run around in the backyard with the others. I'm sure dinner will be soon," Rachel explained amiably.
Charli let her eyes roam to all possible exits from the kitchen. Each one was clogged with elderly people who would be sure to pinch her cheeks and tell her how cute she looked in her silly pink—wait. This time she looked around her with a feeling of wonder. There were so many people. Rachel's mother had easily disappeared within a few seconds. She was a smaller target, she should be able to get away from her captors long enough to send a text. Kiba was dragging Shino outside with him so they could retrieve his beloved dog. Kakashi was asking another guest if she knew what the shiny wobbling green thing with bits of...stuff...was. Gaara was still staring at her though. She pretended she hadn't noticed him and skipped off towards the crowd without saying anything. Normally she'd feel weird, like when you invite someone to a party and have to talk to them even though it's awkward and you'd rather be doing other things. But he had invited his own damn self, and on top of that he was, like...stalking her, for lack of a better phrase.
However, Gaara was not the awkward party guest. In fact, Gaara probably never felt awkward. He just carried out his duties, which consisted right now of following Charli as she darted between the clumps of people. It was rather creepy, actually. She was getting an adrenaline rush because every time she thought she was safe, Gaara would appear from around an endtable with his emotionless face and leisurely walk. It was like a dream; she'd rush up, tripping over her own feet and panting in fear so she could escape. Admittedly it was a bit dramatic, because she wasn't doing anything that would invoke his sandy wrath, and even if she did he wouldn't do anything in the presence of so many witnesses, no matter how old or intoxicated they were.
After her eighth near heart attack, Gaara appeared to tire of the game. "Do you mind stopping this? It's not really working and I'm pretty sure it is as unpleasant for you as it is tedious for me," he said blandly.
She sighed and let her head fall back against the wicker bookshelf she had been leaning against. "Fine." She'd have to try something else.
xXx
Charli wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry when Rachel's mother rang a cowbell to announce that dinner was ready. And even though all of the guests filtering through the house to get to the giant table setup outside in a way that was remarkably similar to the shuffling of a cow herd might be considered hilarious from a third perspective, in person, it was a bit pathetic. So, being unable to decide on whether to laugh or cry, and realizing she might aquire a headache if she thought on it much longer, she decided to cough. It was unsatisfying.
Somehow Kakashi, Gaara, Shino, and Kiba had all managed to get seats near Rachel's family and her brother. Said brother had saved her a seat right between him and Gaara, and seeing as the dozens of other adults had taken up all other availible seats, she was forced to accept it. Charli said nothing as the adults called over each other demanding certain dishes of food, several of the least appetising being shoveled on to a plate for her in great heaping quantities. She stared at it intently while ignoring Gaara's burning stare from her left.
"So," said the man next to Maddie that Charli assumed was Rachel's father. "Rachel, dear, who uh...are your friends here?" He gestured mildly to the Konoha inhabitants.
Rachel turned to Jason, faltering. "I think Jason knows them better actually, why don't you let him introduce them?"
All the people at the table who had even the smallest acquaintance with Gaara were beyond shocked that he intervened. "This is Kakashi, Shino, Kiba, and I am Gaara," he said coolly.
Rachel's parents, not recognizing the rarity of his forwardness, nodded. "And how do you all know each other?" her father continued.
"Shino and Kiba are Kakashi's children." The aforementioned three blinked noticeably. "I am adopted," he added after a short pause. "Kakashi is Jason's drinking friend."
"He is?" Jason demanded while the others tried to process this story with difficulty. "I didn't think I recognized him..."
"Well, how would you? You're always drunk!" Kakashi supplied helpfully.
Rachel's mother, being rather drunk herself, shrieked with laughter at this. Everyone else cautiously joined in, and the unlikelihood of the situation was forgotten. Having been satisfied with the introductions, Rachel's parents began chattering sociably with a few nearby guests.
"That was rather bold of you," Charli muttered to Gaara without looking up. He returned the favor with no reply but a shrug. She scowled and looked around the table at the collection of ninjas. "You know, I'm getting really bored with you all. If you're supposed to be my 'captors' or whatever, you should at least lay down some ground rules," she hissed at them. "If not, learn some manners. Geez."
Kakashi folded his hands across the empty space in front of him on the table. "Miss Charli, I'm sorry you're feeling neglected. If you'd like to talk about the Akatsuki, we'd be more than happy to listen."
Charli stuck her tongue out at him.
"Listen brat, we aren't here to be nice to you. You got involved with dangerous criminals, don't expect a fricken' parade of well-meaning friends," Kiba growled.
"You could be a little nicer, son." Kakashi winked at Rachel's mother, who had let her gaze wander over to the hushed conversation. At that moment Charli was overcome with a wave of mischeif.
"Uncle Kakashi," she said loudly, her voice dripping with acid-honey, "why aren't you eating any of this delicious food?"
"Oh goodness, Roger dear, she's right! Get that man a nice healthy bit of pork!" Maddie campaigned, motioning frantically to her husband.
Roger jolted immediately and reached for a plate in front of him. "Of course! You really ought to try this, our dear Mable made it and it's exquisite—"
Kakashi was holding up his hands and muttering a bit. "No, really, I'm all right! You see I have a cold, and I can't take off this mask—"
"Nonsense, we aren't afraid of a few cooties, are we?" insisted Maddie, sloshing her wine around as she waved away his denial.
"You see, I'm foreign and it's part of my culture..."
"But you must be hungry!" Roger added, pushing the plate of pork towards him.
Everyone, even Gaara, was watching Kakashi quite intently now, curious to see if the man would have to reveal his long-guarded face. While their attention was directed away from her Charli quickly jerked forward from her chair and made a grab at the ninja's mask—only to have her fingers fall a few inches short. She slumped back quickly, assuming a pouty face to disguise her disappointment at her own failure.
Kakashi cleared his throat, having finally thought of an undeniable excuse. "I really didn't want to worry anyone, but I've just been worried about the Swine Flu," he lied smoothly.
There was an almost simultaneous exhalation of 'ohhh' from the ignorant masses around them. Charli stabbed a bit of potatoe with her plastic spork. Damn him for watching the news. Damn ninjas. Damn! Feeling sulky, she stared at a spot on the shiny plastic tablecloth for a few solid minutes as the others discussed the 'epidemic'. It was easy to get lost staring at the miniscule dips and ridges in the pattern of it. After a while of contemplating the creamy blue color of it, she effectively zoned out.
Until her focal point was disrupted by an intruder in the guise of a small black insect. Charli raised her hand up above the table before anyone knew what she was doing, and with a shout of "HEY LOOK, A BUG!" brought it down with a loud smack.
"Oy!" Jason chastised. A paper plate had been uprooted to land in his lap.
"Charli, honey, why don't you go wash your hands..." Rachel suggested meekly.
Charli hopped up obligingly and smiled at her palm. Gaara tapped her on her shoulder. "I'll hold your phone for you." It wasn't an offer so much as a demand. She fished it out from the pocket hidden in the frills of her dress and slapped it roughly into his open hand, then proceeded to skip off towards the house. As she went, she noticed with unpreceedented joy that Shino, who had been quiet as was characteristic of him and Gaara, was staring with slightly open-mouthed horror at the dark smudge that was the bug's grave. She had forgotten about that. Oh well! Her attempt with Kakashi had failed, but at least she had one-upped someone.
XxX
"So Dad, what do you think about the napkins? Because I've asked a lot of people and they say the green ones are nice, but I think the color is a little overpowering...I would ask mom, but she's a bit smashed..." Rachel glanced in the direction of her mother, who was cackling loudly as she escorted some of her escaping guests to the door.
Roger hesitated. "Darling, it makes no difference to me. Why don't you ask Jason? His input is more important than mine anyway."
"NU-UH," Jason refused vehemently, holding up his hands in protest. "I don't want anything to do with this wedding planning crap. I've told her before, obsessing over napkins is just one step away from obsessing over toilet paper."
"Oh! I should speak to the janitorial staff about that! Thank you so much for reminding me!"
Jason gaped at her while Roger chuckled. "That was not what I meant—Are you serious? You aren't. Right?"
"Of course I am! Now about invitations—"
"I told you I don't care if you go with the Susie-Lou or Jenny Craig or Martha Stuart font or whatever!" Jason assured her quickly.
"I meant who we're inviting. I've got my half covered. So you'll want to invite your parents—"
"No. I do not want my crazy mother to come. It's supposed to be a wedding, not a slaughter," he said in all seriousness. "And to tell the truth," he began quietly, eyeing Roger, who was watching patiently. "I'm not sure I want demon child there either."
"You mean Charli?"
"Yes!"
Rachel pouted. "Aww...I was going to ask her to be my flower girl."
Jason blanched. "She has a thing about dresses, if we tried to get her in one again so soon after today she'll go beserk! You don't want to do that."
"I heard my name." Charli popped up on the other side of the couch Rachel and Jason were whispering over.
"No you didn't."
"Yes, I wanted to know if you would like to be our flower girl." Rachel smiled.
"I'd love to!" Charli agreed, if only so she could relish at her brother's unhappy expression.
"You'd have to wear a dress," he offered desperately.
Rachel shrugged. "Not if you don't want to. I want everyone to be comfortable."
Jason cocked his head at her, breaking into a grin. "In that case, I'll be wearing my boxers, and that's it."
"The rule doesn't apply to you," Rachel monotoned, annoyed.
The eccentric doctor groaned and slumped his head against the back of the couch.
Rachel's mother's quarry had escaped her, and she had returned to hear the last bit of the conversation. "Good job hon, keep him on a short leash," she cackled.
xXx
Kiba and Shino had remained outside when everyone else had gone in for dessert. "There, there, dude," Kiba said awkwardly, patting Shino on the back with one hand and scratching Akamaru's ears with the other. "I'm sure he lived a good life."
"I hardly think you'd be the one to judge," Shino muttered skeptically.
Kiba sighed. "That's the best I've got. Sorry."
But Kiba and Shino's uncomfortable moping was interruppted by the arrival of two painfully giggly people. Upon looking up, the ninjas also discovered that they were painfully sparkly and neon.
"Hi!" offered the pink one loquaciously. Her curly blonde hair was stiff with product, and her four inch stilletos were sinking into the grass.
"Are you old enough to drink that?" Shino asked, pointing to the pale bubbling beverage they each clutched with pink-taloned nails. The giggling went up a notch.
"It's just cider," said the other, clad in a slinky purple dress with a dangerously low-cut neck. "But Daddy said we could have some wine if we wanted," she added slyly. "I'm Nicole."
The other one shifted her weight to her other foot in an effort to halt the sinking. She flicked a curl off her neck as she did so. "I'm Jenny," she said.
XxX
"Charli, why don't you and your little friend take the dogs for a walk and when you get back we'll open presents?" Maddie suggested.
By now most everyone had left, save for Rachel, Jason, Kakashi, and a few of Roger and Maddie's close friends. Charli rolled her eyes. "He's not my friend, but I'm sure he'll come anyway. He's pretty much stalking me," she sighed.
There was a loud uproar of laughing from all her naive elders as she got up. Gaara followed predictably.
"Oh look at that, just like a little puppy!" Roger cooed.
"How sweet," chortled a lady wearing a ridiculously cliche Reindeer sweater.
"Charli, if you're going, could you take Tracey too? She should be upstairs," Rachel said.
"Who are those young ladies outside talking to my sons?" Kakashi asked after the two kids had left.
"Ah," Rachel said, her expression slightly less jubilant than it had been a moment ago. "Those are my sisters, Nicole and Jenny."
"Do they know Jason and his sisters?" the ninja continued on a hunch.
"Yes, Jenny goes to school with Leah, and Nicole is a couple years older. They heard a door squeak open and close somewhere else in the house.
"So they're friends with Leah? They go around the house sometimes?"
Rachel thought for a moment, watching the group of teenagers outside absentmindedly. "Sure, they're friends. They go over and hang out once in a while."
"Interesting."
As they continued to watch in silence, a large white blur darted across the yard, followed soon after by an alarmed looking Kiba. Shino apparently offered some apology to the bewildered girls, and followed his friend.
Rachel laughed quietly and turned back to the conversation. Nicole and Jenny, having lost their entertainment, made their way back towards the house.
xXx
"...Why are you here again?" Charli asked Kiba.
"I think Akamaru likes that other dog," Kiba whispered. There was really no reason for him to whisper, actually. For one thing, Akamaru and Tracey were dogs. And because they were dogs, it would have been very easy for them to hear Kiba's comment, which Kiba well knew. For another thing, there was no reason his words would have been a secret or something that caused offense. So yes, the whispering was stupid.
Indeed though, the gargantuan canine was trotting happily beside the slightly dwarfed Tracey with his tongue hanging out. Charli watched them while loosely clutching Tracey's leash. It would have been as pointless as Kiba's whispering for her to hold on to it tightly. In a battle of physics between an eleven year old girl and an Irish Wolfhound, the dog would win. Luckily Tracey was equally enthralled by the friend of Charli's enemy, and had no intention of starting such a war.
"I don't understand why that requires your supervision," Charli mumbled. She was having trouble enough avoiding Gaara, let alone Kiba and Shino. With this unfortunate new development, she couldn't hope for Gaara to be distracted by Roger and Maddie's basset hound, which she had put in his care. The fat beast simply sniffed along the sidewalk nearly tripping over its own droopy ears. Gaara was having absolutely no trouble with him, though he did look uncharacteristically domestic…
"It just does," Kiba supplied lamely. For some reason he appeared to be sulking. "Why are you guys walking out here anyway?"
"The adults told us to. It's basically just because they don't want kids hanging around them. I think it's because they talk about sex or something," the girl explained.
Kiba broke out in unashamed laughter, and she couldn't quite tell because of his glasses, but Charli was pretty sure Shino had directed his eyes to a nearby ant trail they were passing, pretending he hadn't heard.
"I am the Kazekage of the Sand Country," Gaara mentioned as indifferently as he could, "I am not a child."
Charli smirked. "Yes, but you are very short."
Kiba snickered again. Shino focused on a moth. Gaara was silent again.
Small victories, the girl thought contentedly. She watched Akamaru and Tracey sniff each others' faces as they walked.
"Um," said Gaara more awkwardly than Charli would have thought possible for him. He pointed to the basset hound, which had stopped at the yard they were passing and was assuming an unmistakable position.
Charli shrugged and kept walking. "Don't look at me, , I'm sure you can handle it."
XxX
Kakashi tried not to appear as a pedophile as he started a conversation with Nicole and Jenny. "So I see you two have met my sons," he began as they joined the group.
"Yeah," giggled Jenny. "They were cute. Except Kiba kept laughing when I said his dog was huge…" She frowned, her eyes wide and empty of any modicum of intelligence.
Kakashi was very thankful he had not been drinking anything, as it would have spurted out his nose in an ungentlemanly manner. He managed to disguise his snort by giving a small cough. "Well, I'm sure he meant no offense," the ninja said. "I've heard you're also friends of Leah and Jason and Charli. They have a lovely house."
"Oh my gosh yeah! It's like, so big!" gushed Nicole.
"Yes, they certainly have enough room to accommodate all their strange guests," he continued smoothly. "Myself included, of course."
"Oh you mean like those guys that were there before?!" Jenny squealed. She glanced at her sister and they both giggled ferociously. Kakashi shrugged slightly, leaving his reply open to interpretation. As he hoped, they took this as a sign to continue.
"That one guy with the hair!"
"And his eyes!"
"No the other one."
"Oh my gosh I know!"
"He was sooo pretty."
"I liked that one guy, you know? He was kind of short but he was really sexy."
"Which one?"
"The guy you said was shiny."
"Oh yeah he was really hot!"
They went on like that for about a minute, waving their hands around like a crazy psychic, all their bracelets and bangles jingling together almost as loudly as their high-pitched words. Kakashi's brow furrowed and he stared at them, focusing so hard it almost hurt. But try as he might he couldn't figure out who in the hell they were talking about, and none of the information was even remotely valid anyway.
He cleared his throat and they stopped momentarily. "Did you ever talk to any of these people?" he asked, hoping their lack of astuteness would overlook the weirdness of his question.
"Yeah, I talked to the blonde guy," Nicole said.
Deidara. "What about?"
"I asked him what he did to make his hair so soft."
"…And you?"
"Oh I told the really sexy like, emo guy he would look good if he got red streaks or something," Jenny informed him happily.
Kakashi stood up. "Excuse me," he said. The girls gladly went back to their reverie.
The ninja leaned against the kitchen cabinets and put a hand over his eyes. He had a feeling that Naruto on his worst day was at least twice as smart as those two girls. Combined.
xXx
It was around eleven when they finally detached themselves from Rachel's family. Most of Rachel's cooking had been consumed, but there was still enough stuff to carry back to the cars that everyone had to help.
Rachel's parents were very generous when it came to gifts. Charli didn't hold it against them that they had gotten her an array of Pretty Ponies, Barbies, and Hannah Montana merchandise. How were they to know she was an evil genius child who would have been more pleased with a gift certificate to Spies-R-Us? Anyway, she had kept them in the box under the pretense of not breaking them, so Roger and Maddie were not put out by her lack of excitement over playing with them. She could make a few bucks on eBay with them later. All was good.
Anyway, at least her presents hadn't been downright creepy. The mystery of Jenny and Nicole's promiscuous behavior was solved when Rachel opened a bag stuffed with very inappropriate items from Victoria's Secret. Jason had been laughing his ass off until Roger presented him with a particularly heinous pair of plaid golf pants and an electronic ear and nose hair trimmer. Soon after, her parents had been thanked, and they had expressed rather strongly a need to go home.
When they approached the cars, Jason and Rachel finally noticed that Tracey MacElliot the Third and Akamaru had become inseparable.
"I don't want two horny dogs hanging around in my house," Jason complained. "Two horny dogs leads to many more dogs. And Durham barking, the asshole."
"Oh hush Jason, Tracey's been spayed. And she wouldn't do anything like that anyway, would you girl?" Rachel cooed, scratching Tracey's ears affectionately. "My parent's just picked her up from the vet, he's probably just interested because she smells so fancy."
Jason glared at Kiba as if it were his fault Rachel had so much control over him. Although Kiba did deserve at least a little bit of that resentment, since it was his dog that had become enamored with Rachel's. He rubbed Akamaru's neck and whispered (or maybe growled, it was hard to tell) a few things in his companion's ear. Akamaru licked Kiba's face in understanding and hopped up into the truck bed.
Charli was so tired she didn't even have any energy to pester Gaara. She vaguely remembered she should ask him for her phone back again. He hadn't given it back to her after the bug incident, even though she had tried to tell him she needed it in case she got separated from Jason at the big scary party. The bastard had pointed out he wasn't going to lose her, so he could just as easily be in charge of the phone. In retrospect, she was lucky the ninjas hadn't confiscated it earlier. Maybe it was just because they hadn't known how to use it and now they did, more or less.
Ultimately she had failed to get a message to the Akatsuki. She felt hopeless, sure she had failed where Pein could have succeeded. By now they were probably already making plans to rescue her. Plans she couldn't help them with or be a part of. Plans that were in motion because she was a liability.
Charli was too tired to even be that depressed about it now. Tomorrow she would make more plots. There must be something she could do, a distraction, anything. Even if it was as small as annoying Neji by braiding his hair.
Authors Note:
Leah: We abuse the characters of Naruto too much….
Claire: Shut up Leah, half this stuff is your idea.
I'm sorry the last half was slightly suckish and rushed-seeming…that's the part I wrote, and I'm a bit out of practice. Plus, I'm not as good at writing Charli.
Sorry this chapter was kind of boring too…D8 It will definitely be better in the next chapter. Crazy fun stuff! Yes, yes. We hope to have that chapter to you soon! Summer is good, friends!
I love you all!
-assassinated-
XD
P.S. Eva's in Iceland.
P.P.S. (Yeah, I know, sorry. I just remembered I had to explain something) In case you aren't from America or you just haven't heard, the Swine Flu thing Kakashi mentioned is this ridiculously hyped up version of the flu that came from Mexico. People obsess over it way too much. I think it's just propaganda to allow Americans to hate Mexicans more. I would say sorry if you hate Mexicans, but I'm not, because that's racist.
P.P.P.S. I STILL HATE THE NEW VERSION OF FANFICTION, IT'S GONNA TAKE ME TEN MINUTES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO POST THIS.