Author's Note:
Eva: Yaayyy! Okay. I have returned. :D I am finally done with my writer's block for this story, I do think. –knocks on wood-. Well, more like my boredom with it. But EITHER WAY. I'm back. And this makes me really really happy, so I wrote stuff. Not much for this chapter, but quite a decent amount for the next one.
And and and and yeah. Yeah.
Claire: Lolll I feel so nostalgic, we're all hanging out and we haven't for a while. It's cool.
I think I'm really lame for feeling like we've accomplished something awesome for posting this chapter after a month. Because it's still been a month…But since we decided to split the missions again (the next chapter would have been ridiculously short otherwise) we have a good chunk of it done. Although I don't think I'll be able to write like…any of the next chapter for reasons I cannot say right now. I just fail. I CAN'T THINK OF WHAT ELSE TO SAY, WHICH I GUESS IS GOOD. Cept for business-like stuff.
People keep asking things like 'are you still going to have the characters die like they did in the manga' and such. No, we aren't going to kill them off. We essentially are writing this as the manga portrayed it when we started writing, which if you remember was July or August of 2007. We try to integrate small things as we learn them. The only example I can think of is that Hidan says 'seriously' like Deidara says 'un' (and of course Naruto's 'dattebayo'), which we started laying on heavier in the last few chapters.
Also, a lot of people commenting on the first few chapters of the prequel feel the need to inform us that Blue's name is Konan. Obviously if you keep reading, you notice we found that out. If you want us to though, we could go back and change them. I think in any case we might post a note on the first chapter explaining this.
SMALL SPOILER WARNING!!!
If you're reading this story you really should know about what I'm going to address next, but I just figured I should warn you.
No, we aren't going to reveal Tobi as the secretly evil mastermind and true leader of the Akatsuki that he really is. We just have him be evilly annoying :)
Uhh…Ramble Master is done now. –glance-
Leah: Haha I love this chapter. It is fun even though I was kinda useless. Oh well! I've come up with very many crack-filled ideas that we may or may not use! Claire and I keep having these conversations on AIM at late hours of the night and their really hilarious! WE'RE GONNA SELL SHIA LEBOUF (or however the hell you spell his name) ON EBAY AFTER HE MAKES CLAIRE WAFFLES AND WE'LL SELL HIS NOSE HAIRS TOO (Claire: because he wore them in his nose)!
Chapter 15:
Hidan had been demanding for several hours that they stopped for lunch. Claire was not as rude as he was, but she had neutrally agreed that she was hungry a couple of times in a suggestive, somewhat pleading manner. Kakuzu relented after discerning that they were half way to their destination, and could afford to take a break. He offered them a few words of consent to silence their complaints, and then said nothing else as he guided them on a small detour to a neighboring town.
Claire wondered if all towns had disreputable districts, or if the Akatsuki just knew of the ones that did. She felt very uncomfortable as they walked through the narrow, slimy streets. Unsavory-looking characters lurked in doorways of shabby houses, if you could call them that. She had to constantly repeat a mantra in her head saying that if something bad happened, Hidan would help her if only because it might give him leverage to make her marry him. She wouldn't, of course, but he didn't know that.
"May I ask why we're here instead of a place that's less…dank?" she whispered to Kakuzu, as if she were afraid the dejected houses would be offended by her antipathy towards them.
"I thought it would be obvious," he replied gruffly. "As Akatsuki members, we don't get quite the same privileges as normal, law-abiding citizens. We're safer blending with others of our profession."
"But wouldn't it be smarter to be where they didn't expect you to be? Like...a place sunlight doesn't avoid simply on general principle? If the authorities or whatever wanted to capture some bad guys, couldn't they just go in to one of these places and round up a bunch of people?"
"It's not that simple."
Claire waited for him to give evidence to this conjecture, but it was apparent he didn't plan to. She didn't have the courage to ask anything more. As childish as it was, in situations such as these she would resign herself to saying nothing more than necessary and brooding sulkily to elicit guilt. She knew it wouldn't work, but maybe her bad mood would deter any attempts at conversation. Or marriage proposals.
Speaking of marriage proposals, Hidan smoothly quickened his pace so he was next her and whispered, "The sunny places are much more expensive." Then he caught up with Kakuzu and started arguing with him about directions.
They turned off the already dark and narrow main road into an even darker and narrower side street. And from there they turned on to another, and then another. At times Claire had to turn sideways to avoid scraping her shoulders against the packed, decrepit buildings. She was beginning to doubt Kakuzu could navigate efficiently while arguing with Hidan, and was about to say something when they turned again and were met with an unimpressive brown door. The only thing that separated this dwelling from the others, which Claire supposed to be references, was a sign hanging next to it suggesting food. She unhappily followed the two Akatsuki members inside, hoping the setting would be more agreeable than its exterior.
It was, at least, brighter, though not by much. There were bare light bulbs strung along the ceiling by fraying cords, and gas lamps dotted the tables and the bar. It had the comfortable volume of a restaurant; there was the familiar sound of fryers in the kitchen and glasses clinking. The people looked as homely as would be expected, given the neighborhood, and chattered indiscernibly in their small groups of two or three.
Thankfully, no heads turned to ogle at the signature red-clouded cloaks Hidan and Kakuzu were wearing. Still arguing, they moved to the menu, which was tacked to the wall next to the bar. They didn't seem to stop to consider the menu, but stopped momentarily to bark their orders to the bartender. The man nodded, and then turned to Claire with an impatient and expectant look on his face. She started and peered over at the paper, and after a few moments of hesitation ordered the simplest kind of ramen she could see. Feeling very awkward, she scurried over to the table her companions occupied and stayed quiet.
"Okay, look, you fucking idiot," Hidan was saying irritably to Kakuzu, "It will cut two hours off if we just go across the fucking river, seriously."
"It's fast to go across the river but the forest on the other side is too fucking dense to go through, asshole," Kakuzu retorted.
Hidan swore and shoved his fist in the pocket of his cloak, pulling out a very crumpled map. He struggled to unfold it and tore it a couple of times in his haste, then finally slammed it down on the table. "We don't fucking have to go through the forest if we go along the bank." He stabbed at a line on the map.
Kakuzu swatted his hands away and traced another route. "That way you have to go around the fucking forest. If we go my way we skip the forest and the river. The distance is shorter!"
"Goddamn, you're blinder than Itachi! This—" he stabbed his fingers down on the map "—is way shorter than this."
"Claire, which one is shorter?"
Claire snapped out of her trance and muttered, "What?"
"Which distance is shorter, bitch?" Hidan repeated for the other. He indicated the routes as she watched.
"The second one," she said. Hidan snarled and Kakuzu crossed his arms triumphantly.
"Well what the fuck do I care. You're the one who's gonna be complaining about your feet being tired after two more hours, stupid bitch," Hidan sulked.
Claire did not reply for once. A few minutes later, the bartender appeared and roughly set their food down on the table. She looked into the bowl and hoped the brownish color of the broth was from spices and not dirt. Just to be safe, she picked out the noodles and vegetables individually, making sure they were clean, and chose to ignore the liquid altogether.
XxX
Ninja shoes were amazing. Period. At school, Eva would complain about having to walk around a moderately cool, flat-surfaced gym for forty minutes. But they had gone for four hours over occasionally hilly, sometimes mountainous, and always rough terrain and her legs felt fine. She felt so physically well that she didn't even mind the heat much. She had been marveling at her own endurance and noting the apparent lack of reason for it aloud, when Kisame blankly pointed out her shoes. They were the very boring, standard shoes that almost all the Naruto characters wore that they had gotten in Konoha. She had always thought they looked kind of stupid, but now decreed that she would wear them for the rest of her life.
Eva was surprised when Itachi announced they were stopping, since she felt as if she could walk four more hours before needing a rest. But they weren't stopping to rest, they were stopping for food. They were near a small village cast in cool blue shadows by very large trees. It appeared to have large open spaces perfect for relaxing interspersed between large stucco buildings. Kisame told her the village was a known interval spot for travelers, which explained the large quantities of people milling about that could not all possibly live there. They would be safe from recognition in the crowds.
Still, Itachi suggested that Kisame and Eva stay out of the way due to their conspicuous bindings. He said he would get supplies and food, and would return in an hour or so. The odd pair ambled over to the trunk of their tree, and sat in the shade listlessly.
Eva got bored quickly, and wished she had porn to read. She glanced at Kisame. His eyes were closed and he was sleeping. At least, he appeared to be until he bolted up and became suddenly alert. "I just got an idea!" he announced.
Eva didn't know what to say, so she decided on confused silence. The blue man continued. "I think this town might have a blacksmith! We might be able to get these handcuffs off!"
"Yay!" Eva agreed. "But wait…Itachi told us we should stay here…"
Kisame shrugged. "We can just use the back roads. As long as we don't make a scene or anything it'll be fine. Come on, let's go!" He got up so quickly that Eva was jerked along with him, so she had to do a sort of stumble run to get upright.
They weaved quickly through the cool square buildings, casually hiding their hands behind themselves when they passed anyone. Kisame stopped once in a while, debating which way to go, or peering out at the street to look at some signs.
"What if there isn't a blacksmith here?" Eva hesitantly inquired.
"There is," Kisame said.
They weaved through the streets some more at a quick pace. They passed all sorts of small shops selling baked goods or flowers or simple trinkets. Kisame barely glanced at them as he walked. They were just about to turn when something caught his eye, and he turned the other way. His abrupt movements jerked Eva's arm in an awkward manner, and she fervently hoped Kisame's plan would work.
It was very warm in the store due to the large blazing stove they could see through a door that led out of the main room. Something similar to a peg board held a variety of metal wares from kunai to kitchen ladles against the wall. An elderly man with a very long and pointy white beard was cleaning some strange tools that looked to Eva like miniature fire pokers. He set the tool and his rag down and placed his palms on the counter, looking friendly.
"What can I do for you two young'uns?" he offered sociably.
"Uhm," Kisame coughed. "By some weird chance the two of us were, um, handcuffed together by one of our friends. Well, he's not really our friend but—"
The man interrupted Kisame's embarrassed ramblings and walked around the counter to face them. "Let's see it then."
With some effort Eva tugged hers and Kisame's handcuffed wrists to the man's view. The man's bristly white eyebrows rose slightly.
"They're not ours," Kisame said hurriedly. Eva rolled her eyes.
"I didn't say they were," the man replied neutrally. He examined different aspects of the chain and pulled the pink fuzz away to look at the cuffs. Then he retreated to the room with the stove and brought out some more tools and several pairs of gloves. "Ya might want to put these on," he said, handing each of them a glove of a different size, "for safety's sake."
They obliged, tugging the stiff material of the gloves through the small space around the cuffs. The man instructed them to lay their hands on the counter and put a pair of gloves on himself and affixed some goggles to his eyes. For half an hour he tinkered and poked and pried at the chain, often exchanging implements for more complex ones. A few of them sparked and whirred, while others just scratched. More than once Eva flinched away from the workings instinctively, but Kisame's arm kept hers from getting too far.
He put down his tools and pushed his goggles up to his forehead. Kisame and Eva blinked, wondering if he had separated the cuffs without their noticing. Eva tugged her hand away from Kisame's, but the chain was still intact.
"Sorry folks, I don't think I can get 'em apart. I'm guessin' some very powerful kind of ninja put a jutsu or two on 'em to make 'em so strong. Looks as if the only way to get 'em off is with a key."
"We don't have the key," Eva said despairingly, "We don't even know whose they are."
The man scratched his beard thoughtfully. "I might be able to make a key, but it would take a couple hours."
Kisame sighed and Eva put her head on the counter. "Looks like we're stuck then," Kisame said. "Come on, we have to get back before Itachi…"
He offered the man some money for his time, but the man refused on account of his failure. Besides that, he claimed he couldn't take any money from such a "nice young couple". They were both too absorbed in their misfortune to contradict him, but Eva blushed and stared at the ground while Kisame just kept staring ahead. They navigated back to their spot, and all was just as it had been an hour before.
xXx
"Senpai…" Tobi whined again, plopping down cross-legged on the bird, the wind tousling his dark hair in every direction. "I'm hungry Deidara-senpai…." He clutched his stomach pathetically for emphasis.
Leah's arms were still wrapped around Deidara's waist as they stood between the bird's clay wings. Deidara huffed. "You should have eaten more before we left," he said as if he was talking to a toddler.
"But I didn't know we were going be assigned a mission!" he argued lamely. He dropped his head and stared at his shoes. He looked towards Deidara suddenly with his hand still holding his stomach. "Can we stop and get food? It won't take long!" he suggested brightly.
Leah wasn't going to complain, but she was getting rather hungry herself. Unlike Tobi, she was unwilling to irk Deidara, and she held her silence unhappily. Hopefully Tobi could convince him. Either that or annoy Deidara until he consented. As long as it resulted in food, Leah would be pleased.
"No. Not until dinner. We're going to be late as it is. Two days to get there, at least another day looking for the guy, and another two days to get back. We'll stop for breakfast, dinner, and sleep. You can pack food then."
Tobi whimpered. "How long until dinner?"
Deidara resisted the urge to punch Tobi. "When it gets dark out, Tobi," he said through gritted teeth.
"But the sun isn't even close to the horizon yet," Tobi said.
"Tobi if you don't stop talking I'm going to kick you off the bird again." Deidara surveyed the landscape ahead of them. To his dismay, he realized the glimmer of the ocean was just barely visible and they would actually have to land soon. They couldn't start crossing it this late in the day, but it would definitely still be light when they got there. So technically they were early. Damn. Deidara felt like he had lost an argument, but he wasn't going to admit it.
Instead he turned to his orange-masked partner and sighed. "Okay Tobi, I'm bringing the bird down a bit. I need you to be on the lookout for a port town. We'll stop there for the night."
"Yes, Deidara-senpai!" He saluted the blonde and bounced to his feet.
"What did I just say about talking?"
"Sorry, Deidara-senpai," Tobi said, again violating the regulation. He jumped over Deidara and Leah to sit on the head of the bird where he would have a better view of the terrain. He then proceeded to scrutinize the landscape with very superfluous gestures, turning left and right so he would have fallen off if he didn't have chakra, and his hand shielding where his eyes would be. The tall trees obscured the shoreline but he could see a couple of lighthouses spaced a good distance away from each other, one for each port, most likely.
Deidara shook his head and Leah smiled to hold back her giggles.
Suddenly the bird dropped a good twenty feet in altitude. Leah yelped, panicked, and wrapped her arms even tighter around Deidara. "What happened?" she asked, fearing that there might be something wrong with the bird.
Deidara turned his head to look at her. "What, you don't like it when it goes like this?" The bird made another nearly vertical drop that forced Leah to recall the hundred foot tall tower rides that slowly brought you up and then dropped you, letting gravity do the work. "I think it's kind of fun, un." He made the bird dip a few more times.
Leah relaxed a little and laughed, knowing that they weren't going to crash and die. It was fun, despite the obvious danger of falling hundreds of feet to her doom. But trusted Deidara not to let anything bad happen to her. She realized this trust was strange, because he was a criminal and often did things just to get a rise out of her. But she was good-natured enough to believe that deep down he really didn't mean any harm, and when he picked on her or made unwanted advances, he was just playing around.
Tobi pointed to one of the lighthouses at the shore. "Deidara, that town looks good. What'cha think?"
Deidara adjusted his scope and peered at said town. "Yep, that's the place, un," he said, seeing various shinobi and even a few pirates. He figured they would blend in easily, and Leah would be safe as long as she was with them at all times.
Leah felt Deidara's hand wrap around hers he pressed her hand against his firm stomach and blushed. He looked over his shoulder again to talk to her. "Hold on tight, we're landing." The bird's nose tilted steeply and the wind made Leah's hair fly even more wildly around her. She was glad to be shorter than Deidara, else she would have had to deal with his hair as well as her own. Her heart raced and she held on as tightly as she could in fear that she'd fall off. She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the ground racing closer and closer to them.
The next thing she knew she felt her stomach lurch again and her hair immediately flopped onto her face. She opened her eyes just as the bird planted its feet on the ground. They had landed on the border of a farmer's field and the forest. Deidara had the bird walk a few dozen yards into the forest before it settled in a spot well hidden by the trees.
He pried Leah's hands gingerly off of his waist and started to untie the rope that held them together. "So, did you like the bird?" he asked, watching Leah's expression carefully.
Leah chuckled nervously. "I liked it." She frowned. "Landing is terrifying though."
The artist laughed too as he coiled the untied roped around his hand. "Landing's the best part!" he said and offered Leah a hand off the bird. "Well, second best anyway." She stumbled a bit when she hit solid ground, but Deidara helped her keep her footing.
"It's scary!" Leah argued.
He dismissed the comment. "You'll get used to it."
"Senpai! Can we get food now?" Tobi piped up, holding both his and Leah's backpacks. He would have gotten Deidara's too, but had been instructed not to touch his partner's stuff, or else.
Deidara rolled his visible eye. "Not yet. I need to talk you guys through the new plan."
Tobi dropped the bags and hung his head in disappointment. "Aww, I liked the old new plan."
"Ha, ha," Deidara muttered sarcastically. "The new new plan is better."
"I just don't like the old old plan," Leah whimpered.
"Well you don't have to worry about the old old plan because now we have the new new plan, un."
"You just don't want to dress up like a girl," his partner pointed out.
"No, I don't. But this plan will be easier to execute, and more efficient," he said triumphantly. He pulled off his cloak and put it in the bird's beak along with Tobi's so they wouldn't be as conspicuous when they entered the town. He instructed the bird to hide itself, so it walked off and crouched behind a bush half its own size. Deidara shook his head at the brainless clay beast.
"Okay, here's the new plan, un. Now just bear with me on this it's going to sound a little weird," he began.
"It can't be as weird as you dressing up as a lovelylady," his masked partner remarked with a snicker.
Leah giggled behind her hands.
Deidara glared. Little bastard was seriously trying his luck. "Shut up Tobi," he barked. "Anyway, Leah I'm going to need your cooperation on this, and before you object," he added in quickly when he saw her open her mouth, possibly to object, "I promise that absolutely no harm will come to you and you don't have to say a word. Okay?"
Leah sighed. "So what's the plan?"
"You'll help?"
"Yeah," she agreed with a nod and immediately regretted it. Somehow she felt like she had been tricked. How had she forgotten so quickly the reason for asking about the plan was to decide whether or not to help with it?
But her fate was sealed. Deidara knew this, and merrily clapped his hands together. "Alright! So, Leah, we're going to dress you up in some nice robes and we'll find Wakahisa, un. If Leader's information is correct he should be in a bar, casino, or some sort of nightclub. There won't be too many on that little island, so we shouldn't have too much trouble finding him. When we do find him, I'll start up a conversation. You don't have to say a word; in fact, it's better if you stay quiet. I'm going to pretend to be selling you off—"
"Excuse m—" Leah squeaked, her eyes wide with shock.
Deidara quickly shushed her. "I told you to bear with me, un. If he's as lewd as Pein says he is he'll take the offer. At that point I'll tell you to go to the bathroom to fix your make-up or something so I can discuss the deal in more detail with Wakahisa. You'll meet Tobi in the bathroom or just outside of it depending on the location and he'll help you put this—" Deidara pulled a small vile full of a clear liquid out of his pocket and held it up for them to examine. "—on your lips as a precaution. Alone it's practically harmless, but when mixed with alcohol—and I'll make sure Wakahisa has some—it has the power to kill a grown man in under a minute.
"When you return you will go off alone with Wakahisa, most likely to his hotel room or wherever he is staying. Don't worry because Tobi and I will be watching closely and we'll kill him on the spot if we suspect he'll do something to hurt you, un. But ideally, whenever Tobi or I get the opportunity to kill him without witnesses (present company excluded) we'll take it. We just need you to hold his attention."
"Wait, wait, wait! I'm just going to briefly ignore the fact that I'm pretty much a prostitute in this plan of yours and ask why you can't just snipe him?!" Leah asked in all seriousness.
"'Snipe him'?" Deidara repeated, not familiar with the term.
Leah sighed. "Stealthily kill him from a distance? You know, like what people with sniper rifles do?" she explained.
"We can't have him in a public place. Naturally when ninja are in a highly populated area our senses are heightened, especially when you're an S-class criminal. If he has a pretty girl with him and you're in a private spot, he'll let his guard down. Womanizers like him are almost always extremely sexist, and he'll feel safer and be distracted. There's a much higher chance that we'll be spotted if we just tried to take him out right away, and Pein told us not to get into a fight with him."
"You're ninja! You're supposed to be good at not getting caught!" Leah argued weakly.
"But we're also good at not being caught off guard." Having finished explaining the plan he swung his bag over his shoulder. "Get your stuff."
She and Tobi did as they were told. "Tobi, please tell me you see flaws in his plan. Please," Leah whispered.
Tobi shook his head. "Sorry, Leah-san, but this would work better than our other plans." He patted her back. "Don't worry though. We'll make sure he doesn't molest or rape you. That's Senpai's job!" Leah gaped at his bluntness.
"I heard that!"
"I didn't say anything!" Tobi returned.
"You just—never mind, un." He dragged his hand down his face. "Hurry up. I'm not waiting for either of you."
XxX
Claire had hoped she could pass the second leg of their journey in silence. She was completely fine for a few minutes. But despite her efforts, her idea that all silences were awkward silences resurfaced in her mind. She tried to endure, but her boredom was interminable. There was absolutely NOTHING to do. She couldn't enjoy the scenery because she was too busy walking in it. There were no road signs to count. She didn't have a book, and if she did, she wouldn't have been able to read it. Kakuzu was as antisocial as always, and Hidan was sulking because they hadn't gone his way. Or he was praying again.
So Claire unwisely broke the silences with desperate, pointless questions. She asked how far they had gone, and how far they were going to go. Kakuzu told her to stop whining. She pointed out that that hadn't been her intention; she was just bored. Didn't they ever get bored of walking in silence? Hidan and Kakuzu both laughed coarsely at this. The latter remarked that silence was golden in a rather sinister manner. The former called the latter a money-grubbing dickwad, and added that nothing he said had any value.
The quietude reemerged. Claire debated trying to start another conversation. She actually had a question she wanted answered that her company might want to answer, but it could also result in a long, rambling speech. So she pondered more, vaguely realizing she couldn't offer any compelling or discouraging reasons for either path. Finally she gave in to the whim of 'why not?' and decided to ask.
"So," Claire began. For whatever reason, thinking about it so much made her nervous, but she tried to sound casual. "What the hell is the deal with your religion?"
Hidan glanced at her without turning his face. "What, me?"
"Well, yeah. I doubt Kakuzu's the religious type."
"Why do you want to know?"
Claire frowned. "Just curiosity. I thought it was supposed to be unusual. Not that I know what's normal for any religion…"
"Hn." He smirked. "Maybe I'll tell you…If you marry me."
Claire groaned and kicked a rock. "I thought you forgot about that. You are such a bastard…Well maybe if you tell me now I'll understand and actually will marry you."
"Yeah, right. We Jashinists kind of enjoy our secrecy. That way the meanings and lessons can't be corrupted by idiots. You can only really know if you believe in it, otherwise it's wasted on people who don't understand."
"Maybe Jashinism doesn't even exist. Maybe you're just crazy and you dreamed up this whole facet of reality."
Hidan snorted at the idea, and Kakuzu turned around from several yards away to glare at him. "Fuck that, it exists. But even if I did dream it all up, I dreamt that I'm not supposed to tell you. So I won't. Especially not around that guy, seriously."
"As if I give a shit," Kakuzu growled to him.
"If you don't care why are you listening?" Claire asked. Kakuzu muttered something akin to 'hmph' and kept walking. "So how would you know if someone believed it if they didn't know what it was about? Isn't that kind of a vicious circle?"
Hidan exhaled in a kind of loud sigh. "Yes. Stop asking questions." It wasn't said in a very threatening way, but Claire inferred it was best to obey. He had been surprisingly accommodating up to this point, and she was never really keen on trying her luck in dangerous waters.
The sun had been drifting downward for an hour or so, melting the icy white color into oranges and reds. Claire wondered apprehensively if they were going to be camping out. None of them had brought a sleeping bag, as they were travelling light, and a tent seemed unlikely. At least when they were with Sasuke's group there had been tents. But being totally outside was not agreeable. There were bugs.
Claire chewed her lip to keep from saying anything. She felt guilty about being assigned on this mission anyway, because she knew she would be a hindrance. She didn't want to top it off with being whiny and spoiled. No, she wouldn't say anything.
But as soon as she made this resolution, she looked up and saw little orange lights glowing in the black voids between the trees. They moved promisingly toward the lights. Claire waited until she was close enough to be sure the lights weren't just fireflies, and then attempted to ask in the most neutral way she could, "Are we taking another break?"
"Yes, for the night," Kakuzu managed to reply.
Claire followed happily at the prospect of an enclosed space. This town was much cleaner than the last, and obviously smaller. The buildings had more stability and the lanterns in the windows gave off a honey-like glow. But it still had that eerie feeling to it that the Akatsuki members seemed to feel at home in. The light did not extend to the streets, and pedestrians were scarce. Curtains were drawn and doors were built in private nooks, seeming to discourage visitors and solicitors.
But Claire remained optimistic. The interior of the hotel they entered was cleaner than the hideout had been after Hidan and Deidara had cleaned it, and although that wasn't saying much, it was inspiring. She was surveying a large painting of what appeared to be a map of the Naruto world with a sticker comically marking their location with the words "You Are Here" when she heard Kakuzu ask for two rooms. She had been expecting a room with two beds and a couch, which she would have gladly claimed. The generosity of getting her own room was shocking and admirable, and her spirits were raised to the point of feeling a bit spoiled.
"Wow…thanks. You didn't have to do that," she mumbled, embarrassed.
Kakuzu glanced at her. "Do what?"
Claire averted her eyes and picked at her nails. She was very uncomfortable with receiving favors, and was even more uncomfortable with thanking them. In this case it was especially weird, considering the recipient. "Getting me my own room."
Kakuzu snorted. "Yeah right. Leader always pays for two rooms. I usually save the money and get a room with two beds, but you two idiots will probably keep me up all night."
All traces of humility were immediately vanquished. "Wait, you want me to share with him?"
'Him', who had been leaning against the door muttering another weird prayer while all of this took place, suddenly jerked his head up as if he had been slapped. "What?"
"I refuse to share a room with Hidan," Claire insisted, horrified.
"What the fuck?" Hidan said as an invitation for someone to explain.
"He wants us to share a room while he has one to himself!"
"Oh, Hell no! If you're getting your own room, I want one too!" the religious man whined.
"Then pay for it yourself," suggested Kakuzu.
There was a three-way glaring contest of admirable hostility, then Hidan dropped his bags and scythe to the floor and stomped to the reception desk. "Fine, fuck it! Get me another room." He shoved a couple of wadded-up bills at the greasy-haired man behind the counter.
"Sorry guy, no vacancy," the man returned, not sounding very sorry at all.
"This is not cool," Claire hissed at Kakuzu. "This isn't appropriate either. Don't you have any sense of decency?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't. You're the one who said I 'didn't have to'."
"Augh! Well then, let me give you a lesson from Manners 101: that's just something people say, you never fucking mean it!"
Kakuzu ignored her and decided to harass Hidan. "I'm surprised you're not happy about this. I would have thought you'd want to get used to sharing a bed, since you're gonna be married and all." He had unlocked the room door, it being at the front of the adjacent hall in the small building. Before slamming it shut, he chucked the other key at Hidan, who numbly caught it.
Claire irritably stomped over to him and grabbed the key from him. "Don't just stand there like the fucking idiot you are, bring the stuff."
Hidan sighed again and, after roughly picking up the bags, followed her. "I call the bed, you get the couch," he offered courteously.
"Fine with me, Princess."
xXx
Eva found one thing to be glad about—she got to cook. When they had found a clearing to camp out in for the night, she realized dinner was in order, and immediately volunteered. Neither of the Akatsuki members had any reason to reject this proposition; thus, the meal-making was left to her (with the cooperation of Kisame's arm). It was only when she had looked up to observe Kisame and Itachi talking quietly about the mission that she realized how amazing it would be to see either one of them cooking. She tried to imagine it without much success. Kisame looked very awkward and Itachi just looked…wrong. Knowing what an overactive imagination she had, she didn't doubt her interpretations were off, and scolded herself for cheating herself of the chance to observe the real thing.
When they were done eating, Eva felt the need to intrude on their conversation. She had been listening for a while but none of it made any sense to her, and she wished for a cure for her idleness. "What are you guys talking about?"
There was no reaction from either of them. She assumed she had not been heard and repeated the question a bit louder.
Kisame sighed and Itachi just looked at her. "Mission stuff," Kisame replied vaguely. He then continued talking about 'mission stuff' without any more clarification.
Eva did not take the hint and continued to inquire. "What kind of mission stuff?"
"We're planning."
The persistent girl contemplated this. "Shouldn't you guys tell me the plan?"
"It doesn't concern you."
Eva lifted her wrist as much as she could and the cuffs consequently jingled, making her point. "Maybe if you tell me the plan I can figure out what to do or not do so I don't…like…get in the way as much," she replied.
Kisame tried to keep his tone the same, but it was evident that this comment had softened his manner ever so slightly. "Don't worry about that."
"It's late," Itachi said simply. "We should sleep. We can plan more tomorrow when we're walking." He got up settled a couple dozen yards away from them. Whether it was to be away from the fire or his intellectually inferior companions, no one but Itachi could say. Not that he would.
Kisame stabbed at the fire with a stick before tossing it in. It crackled loudly, and the two of them watched as it blackened and turned to ash. "Itachi's right, we should get some rest. You're probably tired," he said.
Eva shook her head, only half present as she watched the ribbons of yellow and orange twist through the air. "I'm not that tired actually. I think it's these shoes. They're really awesome." She wiggled her toes as if they were so excited by the superior footwear they could not contain their excitement.
"Nonetheless, sleep is necessary. First I think I should check that, though." He pointed to her bandaged arm. She had forgotten about it (no doubt thanks to Zetsu's amazing pain pills) and was slightly shocked to see a rather large splotch of blood that had soaked through. Being aware of it caused the pain to resurface to the front of her mind, though it was only a stiff, dull ache.
Kisame removed the bandages and observed the wound. Despite her fear and repulsion, Eva involuntarily looked at the wound. It was actually a very shallow cut, but to Eva it looked like a deep chasm carved out by a river of blood. In the most superficial places weak scabs had formed. They were laced with cracks that threatened to open and spill more blood.
"Don't freak out," Kisame said, noticing her expression. "Keep your heart rate slow or it might start bleeding again."
Eva gulped and forced herself to look at the fire again, but it reminded her a little of the bloody gash Kisame was gingerly re-wrapping. She looked to the sky instead, at the deep blue velvet salted with stars. After a few minutes and some awkward-head turning, she realized she couldn't find the Big Dipper. Then she realized they probably had different stars in the Naruto world.
"Do you have constellations here?" she asked.
The shark-man glanced upward. "Yeah. I don't know any of them though."
Eva accepted this without disappointment, the subject having thrust her mind into deeper thoughts. "Do you think our world is out there somewhere, like, millions of galaxies away? And the jutsus you use to go between them are just transcending space, not dimensions? Or are we in a parallel Universe?" Kisame didn't respond, as he was busy setting up the sleeping bags. She kept voicing her train of thought as it came to her. "I wonder if in every parallel Universe there's only one world. That's really lonely. Or maybe there are a different number of worlds in every Universe, but in each parallel one there's a different version of the one before that…" She blinked and knit her eyebrows together. "Okay, I'm starting to confuse myself."
"Good. Take another pill and go to sleep," Kisame ordered.
She obligingly swallowed the medicine and shuffled into her sleeping bag, her handcuffed arm lying outside a bit awkwardly. "Do you ever think about that stuff?"
"I think everyone does."
"Yeah, but do you?"
"Eva, I'm part of 'everyone'."
"Oh, right." She was silent for about a minute. "Do you think Itachi does?"
Kisame groaned tiredly and put his hand over his face. "Itachi's part of 'everyone' too."
"I don't think so. I think Itachi knows everything already, so he doesn't have to think about it."
He had to laugh at that a little. "Okay, now that we've determined Itachi is God, go to sleep."
"I'm not tired yet."
"You're not getting anywhere by talking."
"Yes I am. I'm getting to know you better. It might make being handcuffed together more tolerable," Eva explained.
Kisame lifted his wrist with no real hope and attempted to pry the hinges apart for the millionth time. He gave up very quickly and dropped his wrist again.
"Whose handcuffs do you think these are?" Eva tried, sensing he didn't feel like talking about himself.
"I've already told you, I don't know."
"I know you don't know, but what do you think?"
"Eva, you are really starting to annoy me. You MUST shut up, now."
"Fine." She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but she really wasn't tired at all. It vaguely occurred to her the pain pill might be keeping her awake. Eva was tempted to ask Kisame if he knew if it did that, but had a feeling he would say he didn't know. Instead she closed her eyes again and let her thoughts drift from place to place about meaningless things.
The fire had died down and Kisame was almost asleep when he heard her giggling. "What now?"
"I just thought of something. If you take the first letter from your name and my name and Itachi's name and arrange them, you get IKE! Like from Super Smash Brothers!" She giggled more. "Hee hee…we're Team IKE!" She mimicked the dramatic voice of the announcer poorly as she said 'IKE'.
"That's lovely, Eva." Kisame didn't actually think it was lovely. He continued in a condescending tone as if he were speaking to a four year old. "Now think of one for Leah's and Claire's group too, and you can tell me all about it in the morning. But if you say anything else right now, I will kill you."
Eva peeked over at Samehada leaning against a tree like a menacing bodyguard. She nodded as a sign of comprehension and silently contemplated her task.
XxX
As expected, Tobi wasted absolutely no time following the delicious aroma of hot food to a small restaurant just off of the main street of the town. Deidara and Leah followed the overly excited masked man at a leisurely pace while Tobi pranced ahead like a hyper puppy on a walk.
He pressed his mask to the window but to his dismay he couldn't see into the dimly lit interior. "Deidara-senpai! We should eat here!" he said anyways, pointing to said dining establishment.
"I really don't care anymore Tobi, un," Deidara said flatly.
Tobi rushed into the restaurant without waiting for them to catch up.
Deidara shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "The kid is going to drive me insane, un."
Leah smiled awkwardly. "Yeah," she agreed. "Maybe we should drug his food," she offered jokingly.
He laughed for real this time. Leah couldn't tell if he was laughing at her or with her. It didn't really matter because she laughed too.
The inside of the restaurant was warm and comfortable and very brown. The walls, as well as the majority of the furniture, were wooden and each seat was covered with leather giving the restaurant an old rustic feel.
Tobi motioned for the two to join him at a table in the corner. Deidara surveyed the other costumers as they made their way across the restaurant. As expected, there were far more shinobi than civilians. And most of those shinobi had the signature of a missing-nin slashed across their headbands. They watched the odd bunch, mostly Tobi because he was the most noticeable and most suspicious looking. The hyperactive masked man seemed to take no notice.
Deidara sat close next to Leah in the booth across the table from Tobi. The closeness wasn't to be a creeper to freak her out as was his usual motive. It was because he noticed the missing-nin looking over to her with a little too much interest. He knew she wasn't in any real danger since he and Tobi could probably take out every ninja here blindfolded, but he really didn't want to get into a fight.
"Deidara, do you think you can order for me? I don't know what any of these dishes are." Leah said shyly, looking a little embarrassed. Her very limited kanji knowledge made it impossible for her to read anything on the menu.
Deidara glanced at the menu, confused. He had heard of all of these dishes and he was pretty sure Leah had heard of the majority of them. "Uhh sure, un," he said. "Anything to avoid?" he asked.
"As long as it's not super spicy and it doesn't have salmon. I'll eat anything else." She paused for a second, remembering the stories her Japanese teacher had told her class about eating out in Japan. "And nothing that's still alive please…" she added for good measure.
Deidara laughed. "Fair enough."
When all the orders had been decided, Deidara called the waiter over and politely told him what they wanted. Leah didn't know why she was trusting Deidara with her food choice because she had no idea what he had ordered for her, but for some reason trusting Deidara seemed smarter than trusting Tobi. Call it intuition.
"I'm so hungry," Tobi whined impatiently, leaning over the table and holding his stomach.
Deidara rolled his eyes. "Imbecile," he muttered. "Tobi, why couldn't you have picked a civilian place to eat? We're being watched."
"We are?" Tobi whispered.
Deidara rested his head on his hand and subtly nodded in the general direction of the other costumers. Several of the shinobi were still glancing at them every minute or so, some just stared openly at them because their seating arrangement allowed for it. Leah leaned towards Deidara, trying to get away from the weird looks whether they were directed at her or not, she didn't know or care. She just felt uncomfortable.
Tobi shrugged. "They're probably just staring at Leah," he said nonchalantly.
"What?" Leah squeaked, feeling terribly self-conscious. "Why?!" She wanted to draw her legs up to her chest to hide herself but years of etiquette lessons courtesy of her dad would not allow her to do so at a restaurant.
"Because you're pretty, Leah," he explained. "And because they're not used to seeing, erm," he cupped his hands into the rough shape of breasts and put them over his chest like he was…endowed. "…the size of yours." One hand came up to rub the back of his neck like he was embarrassed, and his other one dropped back onto the table.
Tobi yelped suddenly but managed to keep it relatively quiet so more people didn't start looking. "What was that for, Senpai? I wasn't being bad!" he protested, sounding hurt. Apparently Deidara had kicked him under the table.
"Don't freak her out like that, un. It'll make them more suspicious," Deidara scolded in a hushed tone. "You know damn well that it's probably because they think they recognize us," he reasoned.
"Ohh," Tobi said.
Deidara muttered a few insults under his breath but went back to acting casual. The waiter came by with their food and Deidara told him that they were in a bit of a rush and asked to pay the check then. The waiter happily obliged.
Deidara and Tobi immediately dug in, but Leah, who had been given a dumpling-type entrée, stared at it, wanting to know what was inside of it. Deidara grabbed her wrist gently, "Eat it, Leah. Please? I promise you'll like it." He sent her a goofy smile.
Leah picked the food up with her chopsticks and took a bite. Of course, Deidara was right and she quickly finished the first dumpling. He was content.
They all ate in happy silence for a few minutes, and then, suddenly, Leah let out a large sigh. "Deidara, What are you doing?" she asked calmly.
He looked honestly baffled. "What? I wasn't doing anything other than eating…" he gestured to his food.
"I hardly believe that Tobi would try to feel up my leg."
Tobi looked uncomfortable. "Um, Leah? I'm really really sorry! I thought it was Senpai's leg!"
Leah just looked shocked, but Deidara looked doubly offended. "Why the fuck would you try to feel me up?"
"No one was talking and I felt like I should do something…and I wanted to test my theory about Deidara-senpai's hair!"
Neither one of them needed clarification about exactly what that theory was.
Deidara stood up, but Leah immediately pulled him back down. "Don't make a scene."
"That little twerp has just about snapped my last nerve. Tobi. I am not gay. I am not a girl. I am not girly. I just like long hair. Fucking deal with it, un."
"Actually, Deidara-senpai…I just wanted to see if your hair would stand on end when you felt something creepy. I thought it might be too heavy, but I wasn't sure."
"Huh. Sure." He let it go though, not wanting to seem defensive.
If it was possible for someone to send a mischievous grin at someone while wearing a mask, Leah would have sworn that's just what Tobi did.
xXx
Upon entering the room, Claire had dashed to the couch (her gratitude that there was indeed a couch was interminable) and squashed herself in the corner farthest from the bed. Hidan swore at the doorway for inhibiting his entrance and kicked the frame. Somehow the jolt helped and he staggered forward without much composure. He noticed his roommate watching him suspiciously and scoffed. "You look fucking ridiculous, seriously."
"Hypocrite."
Hidan turned his head and saw in the mirror that his silver hair had been disheveled by his stumble. He ran his fingers through it, replacing the hairs with surgical precision.
Claire felt the need to explain her state, though unbidden. "I'm trying to pretend I don't have to share with you by being as far away from you as possible. I'd think you'd like to do the same."
"What gave you that idea?" he asked, still messing with his hair.
The girl narrowed her eyes, suspicious. She was quite good at recognizing sarcasm, but that had been a straightforward question. "The tantrum you threw in the lobby or whatever that room was."
Hidan snickered, obviously relishing what he would get to say next. "I'm just pissed that Kakuzu's getting to do whatever the fuck he wants, fucking bastard. I don't mind sharing with you." He took off his shoes and cloak and flung himself down on the bed. "Besides, the bastard made a point. We should get used to sleeping in the same bed." He patted the space next to him with a very sadistic look on his face.
Claire hissed at him.
The smug look on the ninja's face was replaced with one of utter disbelief. "You did not just fucking hiss at me."
Claire hissed at him again.
"Fine, be that way." He turned over and pretended to be hurt.
Claire scowled. No fucking way she was going to sleep. Still, she knew she had made that resolution before and had failed due to extreme fatigue. Looking around the room, she saw the typical cheap hotel fittings. There was a lamp without a shade and a pad of paper on a simple end table in the corner across from her, and a very small painting of some unoriginal scenery on the wall behind her. That wouldn't be enough though…
She got up and opened the closet door with some effort, as it was broken. There was one wire hangar in it, and, to her great disgust, a few dead bugs. Claire grabbed the hanger and quickly closed the door, hoping they were indeed dead. Otherwise she'd have two reasons to stay awake all night.
The tiny bathroom contained a very disturbing trashcan. Despite her need for objects of any kind, she chose to leave that one. Instead she grabbed the nearly empty bottles of shampoo, soap, and whatnot, and her bag from the floor on her way back to the couch.
The medley of stuff was dropped in a pile on the floor and neatly arranged so that it was spread as evenly as possibly before two thirds of the couch's length. The picture from the wall was then retrieved and added to the mix.
Hidan chose to watch these strange proceedings with silent amusement, but could not for the immortal life of him discern her purpose. Currently, Claire was glaring at him with a very vindictive hatred evident at having to be so close to him to unplug the lamp. The bulb flickered out and she quickly retreated to place it next to the couch with everything else.
"Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?" Hidan finally asked.
Claire seemed to be considering something. Hidan was about to insist on her answering, thinking she was pondering whether or not to answer him, when she made an unrelated decision to move the small end table, too. "I'm making a barrier," she huffed, stepping over her said barrier to burrow into the couch.
"That barrier wouldn't keep a lemming out," he informed her skeptically.
"I know. It's more of a warning system. Hopefully noise will alert me to any intruders."
"Have you forgotten that I am a ninja? We tend to be good at sneaking."
Claire made an incomprehensible whine that made her sound a lot like Leah. "Just stay over there," she demanded feebly.
"You're the one who invented the whole 'Hidan's a creepy rapist wooo' scenario." He wiggled his fingers to indicate the 'wooo'.
"Even you can't deny the creepy part. As for the second thing, I didn't invent that either. Do you not remember what happened just this morning?"
"That was a fucking accident."
"Yeah, sure. And Zetsu is secretly Michael Jackson's child."
Hidan considered this. "That would make sense, actually."
"DIE."
"Sorry, can't."
Claire screamed with less gusto than she felt into the pillow for fear of disturbing neighbors. "I wish there was some way I could make you stay over there," she muttered. "But there isn't, so I'm not going to sleep."
Hidan sighed deeply. He was feeling exasperated at her stubbornness, and he would rather she shut up than keep arguing, as much fun it was to torment her. "Claire, look, I won't go over there, seriously. I swear on Jashin-sama."
She managed to overlook the compliment of being sworn to on a god. "Did you just call me 'Claire'?"
"…Yeah, so?"
"I don't think you've ever done that before. It sounds weird."
"Oh really? Claire."
"Stop it, I much prefer 'Bitch'."
"I dunno, it's kind of fun. Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire!" He basked in the refreshed aura of hatred she was sending him. "It's like water. Just rolls off the tongue. Claire-y Claire, Claire-Bear. Cla—Ow, fuck!" He grabbed the pad of paper she had chucked at his head before flinging it to the adjacent wall. "WHAT IS WITH YOU AND THROWING FLAT GEOMETRIC SHAPES AT MY HEAD, DAMMIT?!"
"Now that you've sworn on your Jashin-sama, I suppose I can sleep. Because I know you wouldn't dare defy him, and risk him smiting you."
XxX
After dinner, they went straight to the hotel next door. Deidara purchased two rooms with a very bored, I've-done-this-more-times-than-I-can-count way, and he and Leah took one, while Tobi took another right next to theirs.
It was a decent hotel. The beds creaked, but the covers weren't stained or eaten away by moths or worn. There was only one stain on the carpet, and there was a small desk with a rickety chair. Leah sat down in it and idly started sketching in the complimentary notepad she found. She drew very absent-mindedly, though, thinking more about the upcoming mission and the situation in general than about the bug, strangely resembling a table, which was currently being depicted devouring a large grape with confused eyes that looked suspiciously like the symbol. Then, a large top-hat clad pentapus hovering above them, fork and knife in each front tentacle, preparing to feast on them, when she realized something: she was getting used to it. She was beginning to get used to running around with Deidara and Tobi, and all of them. She, probably very stupidly, felt very comfortable around almost all of the members of the Akatsuki. She was used to having them all in her life, and was pretty sure she didn't want them going anywhere.
The groan of the bed alerted Leah to Deidara's flopping back on it. "What're you thinking about, un?"
"Eh, nothing important." Leah laughed nervously and turned around, so he stared at her expectantly. She didn't want to talk to him about it, because the thoughts were cheesy and nostalgic, but if she said so, she would just come off as being a tease, so instead she said, "I think I'll trust you next time you ask me to eat something."
"Heh. I'm glad." He turned onto his stomach, head buried in the pillow. "What time is it?"
"Uh…" She looked at the small clock on the far back corner of the desk. "About seven."
"Ughhhh. I'm bored, un." He turned onto his back again and pulled out some clay, quickly letting his hands eat it, and sending a small hummingbird around the room, until it finally perched on Leah's shoulder.
"It's…not going to explode, is it?"
"No, no, it will."
"D-Deidara!" Leah spluttered, attempting to lean away from her own shoulder in vain. He had it hop closer over to her neck and rub its head lightly on her skin. She shrieked and clasped her hands around her neck tightly, causing the small clay bird to flitter aside in the interest of self preservation. "I don't like things on my neck," she squeaked. "Please make it go away…"
Deidara shrugged and obliged, flying the bird to the center of the room before making it explode. Leah yelped again at the sound. The sparks of residue drifted to the carpet…and instead of smoldering out, glowed brighter until reigniting. She started screaming at him to put it out in panic, but he just frowned and took his time getting off the bed to stamp out the hazard.
"At least the carpet was already dark, un," he said, nudging the slightly ashy blackened spot amid the navy blue with his foot.
She hesitantly went back to sit down where she had been before, and began drawing once more. A little less than a minute later, Deidara walked over and looked over her shoulder. She hurriedly covered the paper up with her arm, but he patiently removed it. "What the hell is this?" he laughed.
"Just doodles. Go away." She took the paper, crumpled it, and threw it in the trash can.
He frowned. "I didn't mean to make you throw it away." He took her by the hand and had her stand up. Leah looked extremely weary, but didn't resist or say anything. He picked her up and jumped onto the bed, still tightly latched onto her. "There's nothing to do, so let's just lay here until we fall asleep." Leah's eyes were wide as he settled down next to her.
"Uhh, I thought—"
"—just get some rest, un."
"O-okay…"
He smiled and snuggled into her hair, so they were almost spooning. And strangely, Leah didn't mind.
Author's Note:
Claire: Durr hurr. Claire' fails at everything always.
LOLOLOLOL SPEAKING OF FAILING WE'VE BEEN PLAYING MARIO KART AND WHEN THE PIZZA CAME I WAS LIKE 'WE SHOULD PLAY WITH OUR TOESSSS' AND IT WAS AWESOMELY EPIC FAILURE.
BUT BUT BUT BUT ONE TIME I GOT FIRST. WITH MY TOES. TOES!!!!
I just feel like being a retard again but I loooooooooooove Charles Dickens. I just discovered this recently because I randomly decided this summer I would read a whole bunch of classic literature. So I read Oliver Twist, Pride and Prejudice, Candide, the Picture of Dorian Gray, and I'm working on Great Expectations. Hart.
But I hated Candide. Why do I always hate books Eva recommends….
Cept I don't think I'll hate them as much as Grapes of Wrath, which we HAVE to read for AP English –dies-
Leah: I got everyone to read the Vampire Chronicles and they are EPIC! Lestat and Armand are the most awesome vampires in existence even though Armand is a total dick! –rambles about books for ten minutes-
Haha, Deidara didn't knock on wood D:
Eva: OMG YES! Thank you for bringing it up Leah!! Vampire Chronicles is now my favorite series. Ever. It has philosophy, psychology, ridiculous amounts of sexy, really amazing writing, etc etc etc. I'll spare you most of my spazzing. But Armand is amazing. I love him. 0.0 Lestat is second coolest, because he knows he's sexy.
Uh…right.
Yeah. Okay, so I'm really looking forward to the next chapter because of all the cool shit I get to write. Because it's fun. :) It'll be really easy to tell which parts I dealt with. I get more perverted as it gets later, and I wrote a lot around midnight and 1 last night…or this morning. Whichever. Fufufu. Look forward to it. See you sooon~~
Claire: Although. It kind of sucks. Because Leah's internet isn't working…and the chapter's on her computer. So we won't get to post this until it decides not to fail. OTL
(And Charles Dickens is awesomer than Vampire Chronicles –hides from Leah and Eva-)
Leah: He probably is BUT ARMAND AND LESTAT ARE STILL AWESOME!