Chapter 9:

"Samantha"

She awoke suddenly when she heard him calling her name. It was dark. She had to get out. She was not going to let him find her. Ripping out lines and needles, fighting the pain radiating through her body, she slipped out of the room.

"Samantha, I will let you go if you tell me about the weapon."

'Why did he keep asking her about the weapon? She didn't know anything. She never knew anything. Why didn't he understand?'

The corridors twisted and turned yet somehow she knew the way. Guards patrolled the area. 'They were looking for her.' She needed a weapon. She turned another corner and ran into a guard falling to the floor.

"Major Carter?" The SF asked surprised to find her wandering the SGC in the middle of the night. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know anything," she said frantically trying to push herself away from the guard.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Major," he said as he reached down to help her off the floor.

"No…" She took her right foot and kicked him hard in the groin. The SF dropped to the floor groaning in pain. She quickly scrambled to her feet and grabbed the guard's weapon shooting him before he could get up.

O'Neill quietly entered Carter's room. He knew she was having nightmares and flashbacks and wanted to be here incase… He wanted to be here for her. The room was dark but he saw immediately that her bed was empty and her IV line had been removed. "Shit." He ran out of the room and hit the base alarm.

She jumped when the alarms started. Her heart rate increased. 'They knew.'

O'Neill phoned the control room informing them of Major Carter's disappearance. He was worried.

"Sir," the airman on the phone was saying, "there has been a report of shots fired near your location on Level 21."

'Shit. This is not good. Carter, what the hell are you doing?' He thought to himself heading toward the location where the weapons fire was reported. He found an unconscious SF on the floor bleeding from a bullet wound to the leg. O'Neill grabbed the SFs radio and reported the situation.

"This is Colonel O'Neill. I need a medical team to Level 21. Be on the lookout for Major Carter. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to apprehend her. She may be armed." He needed to find Carter before some trigger happy SF got to her first or worse, she shot someone else. 'Shit.'

She approached the end of the corridor. 'They were going to find her soon. She did not know anything.'

"Halt, Major," a guard shouted, weapon drawn.

She turned to head in the opposite direction but encountered two more guards. She aimed her weapon ready to fire. She was not going to die in this hell hole.

"Major Carter, lower your weapon," the guard ordered.

"No. I'm not going back in there. I don't know anything," she shouted and moved against the wall for support. "Don't make me hurt you." The weapon was heavy and shook in her left hand.

"Major, we will shoot if you do not lower your weapon."

"Samantha," he called out to her.

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Stand down!" O'Neill shouted running toward the SFs their weapons still aimed at her. "Stand down, that is an order!" He shouted again.

"Carter," he said calmly. He didn't approach her, not yet. "Carter, put down the weapon."

"Colonel?" She asked. 'He had come for her.' She was suddenly very tired. The adrenaline that propelled her was quickly leaving her body.

"Stand down, Major," he replied stepping closer to her; his arms held in a non-threatening position.

"I didn't say anything, sir."

"I know you didn't," he said taking a few more steps closer.

"I can't go back in there."

"I won't let them take you." He was almost within arms length.

"I'm tired of fighting, sir."

"It's okay, Carter, you can rest now. You made it." He carefully reached out and took the weapon from her hand and held her as she slide down the wall. He sat with her while the sedative Doctor Frasier gave her took effect and then carried her back to her room.

He stood outside her door and watched as the medical staff reattached and reinserted lines and IVs, reapplied bandages, and checked vitals. Frasier exited the room looking as tired and worn as he felt.

She answered before he could get the question out. "She's fine, Colonel." The relief in his features was evident. "She popped some of the stitches on her leg and probably did some more damage to her shoulder. Just more for the surgeon to repair when she has surgery." She paused and looked back in the room and the staff still working on her and then back to O'Neill. "General Hammond has ordered Sam placed in restraints."

"What?" He could not believe what he just heard. "You can't be serious. Hasn't she been through enough in the last six months?"

"Colonel, she shot an SF."

"If you do this, we're no better than the wackos that took her in the first place." He knew he was right and could tell by Frasier's reaction that she agreed but at the moment, it was out of their control. Shit.

He waited by Carter's bed for three hours for her to wake up. He wanted to be there, to reassure her that she was safe despite the fact that she was restrained. He had to remind himself that they were the good guys.

She began to stir and struggle slightly no doubt suffering through another nightmare. She screamed suddenly and opened her eyes. She tried to move fighting against the restraints. He could see the fear in her eyes.

"Easy, Carter." He tried to calm her and gently placed his hands on her injured shoulders. "I'm not going to hurt you, but you've got to relax." He felt foolish telling her to relax. How could she relax, feel at ease, when all that she had probably know for the past six months was fear, pain, isolation, and hopelessness?

Doctor Frasier rushed in alerted by the alarming machines ready to sedate her again.

He could see the pain in her features as she pulled at the leather straps holding her down. "Screw it," he said unable to watch Carter struggle any longer. "Major Carter!" He yelled in his best colonel voice while unfastening the restraints. Frasier stopped at his outburst and questioned his current actions with a sharp look. O'Neill put up a finger to quiet the questions he knew were coming. "Trust me," he mouthed.

Carter turned her head toward his voice visibly relaxing when she saw him. "Sir?"

He did not know what to say. 'Welcome back, we missed you. Sorry it took us six months to get off our asses and find you. Sorry we didn't have your back. Sorry we left you behind. Sorry I wasn't there for you. Sorry…Just sorry.' He replied simply. "Carter."

"Where am I?" She asked moving her head around trying to focus and clear her mind.

He was not surprised that she was disoriented. She had not been conscious for more than a few minutes since coming back, coherent one minute trying to shoot up the SGC the next. He understood.

"You're home. Back at the SGC."

"Home" She repeated as if she did not fully comprehend what he said. Memories flashed through her mind, fragmented images of darkness, pain, torture, blood, dying, him. "What happened?"

"Sam," Doctor Frasier interrupted trying to distract her friend from the painful memories.

"Janet?"

"Hey, Sam," Janet replied smiling. "How're you feeling?"

She did not respond looking at Janet and then Colonel O'Neill.

'How did she feel?'

"I don't know," she replied honestly.

Five days and two shoulder surgeries later, Carter officially debriefed General Hammond and SG-1 about what happened on P4X-532. O'Neill knew she didn't disclose everything. Some things you don't want to relive.

She was getting better, physically. She said that she was fine. She was always fine. She took her medicine like a good patient; ate her food; smiled when she was supposed to, spoke when spoken to. She was the picture of mental stability. She was not fooling anyone. At least she was not fooling him.

No one noticed she always wanted the lights on and her door open at night or that she did not sleep because the nightmares would torment her. No one noticed that she really did not talk unless she had to perform for Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, and Doctor McKenzie. It was all an act. She was not fooling him.

He sat by her bed at night when she could no longer keep her eyes open and watched her. He knew. He knew the internal battle she was fighting. If she left the lights on, if she didn't sleep, the demon of her nightmare, the memories she did not want to remember would not haunt her. She was losing the war and all he could do was stand by a hapless spectator.

It was inevitable. They would not be able to stay out of the mission rotation forever. General Hammond was sending SG-1 on a five day reconnaissance mission to some backwater planet O'Neill felt for sure was like all the other uninhabited backwater planets they visited, full of trees and rocks and nothing interesting.

He walked into her room. She was sitting in bed staring blankly at a spot on the far wall no doubt her thoughts light years away. He watched her for a few unguarded moments. She was still suffering the physical effects of what happened to her. The bruises on her face were still there having faded to a sickly yellow instead of the angry purple when she was found. She could finally see out of her left eye again although she still sported a nice shiner. Both arms were in slings from recent surgery, her wrists and ankles were permanently scarred.

"Colonel," he heard her say his name.

"Carter," he said quickly afraid she caught him staring. "How ya' doing today?"

"I'm fine, sir."

"Look, I just wanted to stop by before…"

"Before you leave. Daniel told me General Hammond is putting SG-1 back on the mission rotation."

"You heard?"

"I heard. Five days." He heard the sadness in her voice.

"Yep, five days of trees, rocks, and nothing to do. With my luck Daniel will find the meaning of life inscribed on one of his rocks and we'll be stuck there longer." He supplied trying to lighten the somber mood in the room.

"Don't forget your yo-yo, sir."

"So, Carter, any chance you'll be getting rid of those slings any time soon?"

"The left one in a couple of days. Aside from the dislocation, there was no significant damage."

"That's great. Left handed arm wrestling when I get back. I'll have to practice with Teal'c so you don't make me look too bad."

"It's a date, sir," she said smiling slightly at her sort of faux pas.

He smiled. This seemed so right. The two of them just talking like everything was normal, like the last six months never happened. He was kidding himself and so was she.

"Sooo. I guess I should go." He did not move. Carter looked at him but she didn't say anything. "Carter."

"Sir?"

"Um…Look, um…" God, why did it have to be so hard? "Carter you know that I really suck at the touchy feely stuff. This is more Daniel's territory, but I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you, sir, but I really am fine."