Chapter 13:
When Carter fled the Volostrian government building, she didn't know where she was going. She just ran. She ran away from the questions, the stares, the memories, away from him. As much as she needed to come back to this god-forsaken place to face her demons, now all she wanted to do was go back to the 'gate and go home.
She arrived at the 'gate and collapsed on the steps and dropped her head in resignation of her failure. When she saw him enter the meeting room, heard his voice, she was overcome with rage and vengeance. This was her opportunity to finally end the nightmare. 'You're not a killer, not a killer, not a killer.' She heard the Colonel's words repeating over and over. She was a solider, dammit. She had killed before. Yet, when she stood in front of him staring into his eyes, Reynarc daring her to kill him, she couldn't do it. She was nothing more than a coward.
She heard the footsteps approaching the gate. She knew it was him. She knew he would come.
He did not say anything as he approached. He hated seeing her like this, defeated. Jacob's words echoed in his mind 'Take care of her.' He had failed miserably.
'Some pair we make,' he thought before approaching her.
"Here, you forgot this." He said holding out her forgotten weapon. When she did not respond to his words, he blew out a frustrated breath and sat down beside her. "You know, Carter, this is becoming a bit of a habit."
She turned to look at her commanding officer, confused by his words. He took the look as a cue to continue. "You know, you with a weapon, me taking it away before you do something..." O'Neill paused searching for the correct word.
"Stupid." Carter finished for him.
"No, not stupid. "
"Crazy."
"Something…" He raised his hand for emphasis, "unCarter like." He smirked, obviously pleased with his answer.
She raised the corner of her mouth in an almost grin, which did not go unnoticed. He smiled to himself; the real Carter was still in there somewhere. Just as quickly though the almost grin disappeared. She sat up straight squaring her shoulders transforming back to solider Sam. "I'm sorry, sir, for my behavior."
"Already forgotten, Carter."
"No sir, I'm prepared to return to the SGC and face the repercussions of my actions."
"For cryin' out loud, Carter!" He yelled. "I'm going to bring you up on charges."
"Sir?"
"Look, Carter, if you hadn't gone after him, I probably would have or Teal'c or even Daniel. Hell, I even threaten him after you left." This time there was no almost smile. Her eyes narrowed and her expression hardened.
"I can take care of myself, Colonel." Okay, she was pissed.
"I know you can, Major," he said emphasizing her rank. "However, when it involves someone on my team…" He paused. His thoughts were taking him into dangerous leave it in the room territory. "Don't you get it, Carter? When it involves you…" He rubbed his hands over his face. He was quietly debating with himself as if he was pulling petals off of a flower 'I should, I shouldn't, I should, I shouldn't, she loves me, she loves me not, she… "I care for you a hell of a lot more than I'm supposed to."
There was no response just silence. 'God, what was he doing? Spouting forget me nots like a love struck teenager. Bringing up The Topic.'
"I know." Her words came out in a whisper.
"When you…dammit, Sam, they knew where you were, but we couldn't get to you. It took six months. You suffered for six fucking months. I suffered for six fucking months." He was looking at her, trying to read the expression on her face even though she was still staring head down at her hands. "If you had died…"
"A part of me did die." Her words were quiet but filled with emotion. "After everything that has happened Jolinar, Martouf, the entity and now this, I've lost little bits of myself and I…I don't know how much is left."
What could he say? He understood. Special ops, Iraq, Charlie, the entity. God, he understood so he did the only thing he could. "C'mere," he said and gently put his arm around her and pulled her close. "It's going to be okay, Sam. You're going to be okay."
"Is that an order, sir?"
"Nope, just a fact, Major."
They sat in companionable silence on the steps of the Stargate, two friends, two people bound by duty and stupid rules and regulations.
"Knock, Knock." His words surprised her.
"Who's there?" She said quietly, trying not smile.
"Jack." Daniel's voice echoed through their radios.
O'Neill sighed heavily. "God, he has the worst timing."
"Yes, sir." Carter turned her head into his shoulder as she tried to suppress her smile and giggle but failed miserably.
"You know sometimes he's like…"
"Jack, come in."
"A bad rash that won't go away." he complained, sighing again before reaching for his radio to answer. "Yes, Daniel."
"Jack, where are you? Did you find Sam?"
"Everything's fine, Daniel, we're on our way back eta 30 minutes. Oh, and Daniel, don't call me, I'll call you."
"Wait, Jack."
"Thirty minutes. O'Neill, out." He turned his radio off and reached to turn Carter's off. "Worst timing ever." He mumbled to himself.
After the radio call ended, Carter did not immediately move from her place on his shoulder. She needed a few more unguarded moments, a few more minutes of refuge before returning to reality.
"You don't have to go back. We're here at the gate."
She reluctantly pushed herself away from the Colonel's shoulder and looked up to meet his gaze. "I know." She stood from her position and headed down the 'gate steps leaving O'Neill behind. She turned when he did not immediately follow. "Coming, sir? You did tell Daniel thirty minutes."
He smiled and pushed himself up to follow. Yep, everything was going to be just fine.
"Who's there?" Carter asked as they started their walk back to the Volostrian government building.
"What?"
"You said knock, knock before…"
"Daniel interrupted with his impeccable timing," he finished.
"It is uncanny."
"Cows go."
"Cows go who?"
"No, cows go moo."
She smiled the first real smile he had seen in eight months. Yep, she was going to be just fine.