Chapter 18: Living is Hard

Ikuto's POV

She wasn't breathing. She wasn't breathing. She wasn't breathing.

"Amu! Amu please wake up. God I am so so sorry. Just please, please wake up," I cried as I held her lifeless body.

Everything had happened so fast that I barely had time to process what was going on. I had broken free from the sleep spell and woken everyone else up. We'd then teleported up to the Hall of Ages and found Amu and Tadase in a deadlock with Akanoko. Without thinking, I had called out her name. The next thing I knew, she was standing in front of me, shielding me from a blast that would've killed me. That should've killed me.

This was all my fault. This was all my fault.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Nagihiko gingerly step forward and tentatively placed two fingers on where her pulse would be. His face sobered.

"Ikuto," he choked, "I'm so sorry-" he began but I cut him off.

"No! She's not dead! She can't be dead!" I screamed, hysteria getting the best of me.

"I'm sorry, Ikuto...but she has no pulse," he said quietly as tears began streaming down his face.

"NO! She is not dead!" I denied furiously.

"Hinamori Amu! You absolutely cannot die! You hear me? There is no way I'm going to let you die. Not like this. You are going to live a long, happy life! You are not dying because of my stupid mistake!" I growled as I shook her.

I began summoning up my magic, channeling everything I had into a healing spell and casting it over Amu. A dark blue light encased her body but otherwise she remained the same. Still and lifeless. No blood rushed to her cheeks and there was no life left in her face.

I tried to hold up the spell, but eventually I couldn't summon up any more magic and I collapsed.

Panting hard, I looked at her again, but instead of the girl I knew and loved looking back and me, I saw an empty shell.

Utau was the first to break. I heard her sob as she collapsed into Kukai's arms, the latter in no better condition. Nagihiko immediately embraced Rima as she cried into his chest and him softly to her ear. Yaya and Kairi held each other, both stunned speechless and sobbing. Tadase stood there, looking at Amu's cold body with tears running down his cheeks.

And all the while I just knelt there on the cold marble floor, cradling Amu's broken body as I cried for a girl that would never hear me again.

I don't remember what went on during that period of time. Everyone tells me that I just stood there, looking dazed and lost. And I was. I saw Amu die right in front of me. I caused her death. I caused the love of my life to die because I was too stubborn to not listen to her instructions.

It was all my fault. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think.

You always hear stories of people losing their loved ones. Of them trying to describe what that kind of grief feels like. But it can't be described. It can't be comprehended. All those stories you hear can only give you an inkling of a feeling of what it is like to have someone you love die. To have them gone from your life forever.

It hurts. That much it obvious. It makes you feel like your heart in being wrenched into a million parts. It makes you fell hollow and empty. Like you will never smile again. Like you will never know any other feeling besides pain ever again.

I couldn't concentrate on anything and at the same time everything was crystal clear. I could see everything. I just couldn't feel anything.

And I've known grief before. Trust me. I know what grief feels like.

I've been on this earth for eons, and I have had people I cared about die. When I was younger, I befriended a mortal. It was a stupid mistake. His name was Yoru. He was one of the best friends I ever had. Admittingly, I was closer to him than I ever was to anyone else…except for Amu.

But he was mortal. And I wasn't. I had revealed to him my secret early on in our friendship. He had accepted it (almost fainting in the process) and we'd remained friends for the remainder of his years. It was hard to see him die. To see him wither away. He was like the brother I never had. And when his time came, it was too hard to accept.

I never got close to any mortal again after that.

So believe me. I know what grief feels like. And you don't move on after the person you love dies. It's a lie. You can't move on. You can only accept it. But ultimately there is someone that is suppose to be in your life right now, but isn't because of that incident. And suddenly, the world doesn't seem the same anymore.

It's like everything, all your emotions, hit you at one go. And it feels like a thousand bricks to you chest. You can't breath, you can't think and you can't speak. It just hits you that you're never going to see them smile again. Never going to hold them in your arms. Never going to tell them you love them again. And the lists goes on and on. The pain is more intense than you would ever think possible.

But even Yoru's death couldn't prepare me for the agony I was in right now. Everything inside of me screams for this to be not real. For it to be just some twisted dream. But it isn't she's really gone. And there's nothing I can do about it.

She's gone.

Nagihiko's POV

Rima was the first one to recover from the shock. It happened in a blur, one second she was bundled up in my arms, crying the life out of her, and the next she was suddenly standing up pin straight, a look of horror and realization on her face.

"Rima-chan? What's wrong?" I whispered.

She didn't say anything but instead pushed me away and I tried to keep the hurt from showing on my face.

She immediately turned to Utau and Yaya, "The spell!' she exclaimed frantically, "How could we have forgotten about the spell?" she cried.

While the rest of us were confused, the same realization seemed to hit the other two girls and they wormed out from their boyfriend's embrace.

"We have to do it now, or it won't work anymore," Utau urged and they nodded their heads before moving towards Amu's body.

Rima wasted no time as she marched towards Ikuto, "Move aside, Tsukiyomi," Rima said coldly.

I looked up, tears blurred my vision but I stared wide eyed as Rima glared Ikuto down, the latter too shocked to react to her words.

"Rima-chan," I said tentatively, placing my hand on her shoulder, "It's not his fault."

She brushed me off angrily, "Butt out of this Nagihiko!" she growled at me and I stepped back in shock.

"Step away from her right now," she hissed, not even looking at me.

"Rima-chan, calm down," I tried to placate her, but she just ignored me again.

She glared at him even harder and when he was still paralyzed on the spot, she growled and waved her hand over his frame and suddenly he was standing beside me.

"What are you guys doing?" Kukai asked as they gathered around Amu's body.

"Saving her life," Rima snapped.

She was obviously distraught, all three of them were, the tears were still fresh in her eyes and they were all sniffling, but she had a determined look in her eyes. They all did.

"Rima-chan, I'm sorry, but it's too late. She's…she's gone," I said quietly, biting back a wave of tears.

"No. She is not," Rima growled through gritted teeth.

"You are not going to get off that easy from us, Amu," she swore, but her voice was gentler, kinder.

"Come on," she muttered to the other two girls, "We have to do this now."

I watched as they gathered in a triangle around Amu. Utau stood at her head, while Rima stood at the bottom right of her body and Yaya the bottom left. They nodded towards each other before stretching out their hands in front of them and began reciting the spell.

As they chanted, a light glowed around them, silver for Rima, gold for Utau and ghost blue for Yaya. And as the spell continued, a light glowed around Amu, multicolored like her aura.

"What spell is this? I've never seen it before," Kairi muttered as he stared at them.

He was right, the lights were acting strangely. Amu's one was dim, almost nonexistent, while the others three shone brightly. But, then, their lights began streaming into Amu's one and hers began to glow brighter as theirs became dimmer.

"It's almost as if…" Kairi trailed off as he squinted at the lights that were surrounding them.

"They're giving her their life force," I continued breathlessly.

"We have to stop this," Kukai interrupted, "Who knows what might happen to them!" he exclaimed as he reached out to grab Utau's shoulder, only to be flung back by an invisible force.

As he was thrown back, he crashed into the beam behind him, nearly splitting the marble in half.

We immediately rushed over to him…well all of us except for Ikuto, who was still staring dazedly at Amu's body.

"Ow," Kukai muttered as he sat up.

"Are you okay?" I asked concernedly.

"Yeah, just fine," he grumbled as he rubbed the back of his head and winced, "It'll heal up in less than a minute. We should be worrying about them," he said as he gestured towards the girls, "Is the spell even safe?"

I glanced over to them worriedly, "It can't be. Tapping on their own life forces to bring Amu back to life isn't going to be easy."

"It isn't," Tadase spoke up for the first time since Amu's death, "I know this spell. Amu told me about it before. It's like a reboot spell, so to speak. It gives the Celestial Ange;s one chance to revive the Eternity Angel. One chance and that's it. It can be successful..." he trailed off, biting his lips worriedly.

"But...?" I prompted.

He sighed, "But it can also be fatal..." he looked at us grimly, "To all three of them."

What? You didn't think I would let her die, did you? ...Or maybe all three of them will die, who knows? Depends on my mood ;P

Find out in the next chapter!