"Help I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train."
-'Help I'm Alive' by Metric
XXX
"Wait, she actually stayed through the entire night? You didn't wake up with her trying to sneak out?" LaF asked as they sat across from Laura in Perry's room.
Laura grinned widely, nodding, "Yeah, when I woke up she was still asleep."
LaF chuckled, "You must have brought you're A game Hollis to get her to conk out."
"LaFontaine." Perry scolded from her spot at her desk where she was answering a few emails to concerned girls in the dorms about the ghost that had been haunting the dorm kitchen.
LaF rolled their eyes before shifting closer to Laura, "Are you going to ask her to the formal?"
Laura shrugged, "I don't know, I mean I want to. I just keep thinking that she's not into that sort of thing."
LaFontaine nodded, but scrunched their eyebrows up after a moment in confusion, "What do you mean, that sort of thing?"
Laura sighed, "Well it's just, for the exception of last night she hasn't wanted more than sex. I think she might be aromantic."
LaFontaine nodded, understanding now. "She could be, but you can never really know for sure unless you ask. I mean before I identified as gender queer, I was homoromantic."
Perry looked up and smiled at LaFontaine before going back to her email.
Laura was confused. "Homoromantic?"
"Yeah, it basically means that although I was sexually attracted to both sexes, I was only romantically interested in girls, but now that I don't identify as a girl I'm just me. I love who I love and that's good enough." LaFontaine said smiling as they looked over at Perry's hunched shoulders in awe.
Laura smiled, she couldn't think of a time where she saw someone so in love with the exception of her parents when her mother was still alive (or when her father looked at a picture of his wife or when he went to the cemetery to talk to her).
LaFontaine looked back at Laura, "But just, don't assume anything until she tells you, and if she cares about you, which to be quite frank it seems like she does, then she will tell you. Just be open about it when she does. It takes a lot of guts to come out as something that isn't as common or seen as real."
Laura nodded, "Of course. I should probably go though; I have a lunch date with Carm in half an hour."
LaF grinned, "A date huh? You're certainly moving on up now, L."
XXX
Carmilla sat on a stool at the bar. Work didn't start for another couple of hours but she needed to get out of the house, away from mother.
"What are you moping around about?" Will asked as he washed and dried off a few tumblers that had been left out from the night before.
Carmilla rolled her eyes. She wasn't moping, just partaking in her favorite past time- self-loathing. "Why aren't you? I hear lover boy has his eyes on someone else, a girl someone else." She said, hoping to cut through his arrogance with her words.
He barely flinched, throwing a towel over his shoulder and leaning onto the bar. "That's all you got Kitty? Such a shame, you used to bite harder."
"I only bite the ones I find worthy of it, a good scratching on the other hand can be arranged."
He chuckled as his eyes left Carmilla and instead landed on something behind her. "Mother, lovely seeing you here." He called out across the bar as he watched the older woman enter the club through the back where her office sat.
"Hello William, Carmilla." She said in passing as she walked up to her son and smiled down at him.
Carmilla wanted to vomit. Will had been right about one thing. Ever since she had turned Elle, mother hadn't looked at her the same. She may have been her 'diamond', but William sure moved up the ladder to her favorite during Carmilla's time in solitary.
"I have to go." She said, standing from her stool.
"No you don't, I haven't dismissed you yet." Mother said, not even bothering to look over at her.
Carmilla's teeth grinded together as she glared down at the counter top.
"I came down here to talk to the both of you. Since you two are my best, I need you to let all the other girls know that a sacrifice isn't necessary this year."
Carmilla looked up at her mother. What the fuck was she talking about? There was always a need for sacrifices once a year to keep the light at bay.
Mother looked over at Carmilla, a smirk creeping its way onto her face. "We're doing something different this year, my darlings."
"What do you mean?" Will asked, did this mean he wouldn't have to hide Kirsch once he turned him?
Mother looked over at him. "Well we've always been sure to keep the light from swallowing us whole, but this time I want to try something different. There was a reason I went to Italy. There is a coven there; the oldest vampires reside in Sicily."
Carmilla listened intently. Waiting for the catch, there was always a catch.
"I was told that if there was a body strong enough, the light could envelop it and become a living breathing thing. I want to use it."
"What's the catch?" Carmilla found herself asking, her eyes widening as she quickly looked down, only allowing herself to peak up through her bangs.
"Catch? Why Mircalla, there is no catch. I know what you see me as, but the only thing I want more than anything else is for my darling daughter to see me as more than a monster. After all you too are a monster. I wish you could see yourself as you truly are, if you did, I wouldn't have to worry about you repeating past mistakes."
Carmilla bit her lip. Unshed tears burning her eyes, she was not a monster. Well, she used to be and then she wasn't, and then she was again. She is a monster. Mother was right, she always had been.
"Anyways, all I need is a body strong enough to house the light, and the good news is that we already know who that body is." Mother continued after a long silence.
"And who's that?" Will asked like the good student he was, always eager to learn from his mother's hand.
"Carmilla found her already." Mother answered, staring at Carmilla's bowed head, mirth in her eyes. "Laura Hollis."
XXX
Laura sat at a booth in the small café. Carmilla was late; really late.
"Sorry I'm late." Carmilla said gruffly as she flopped down across from her. She was drenched.
"Did you walk here?" Laura asked.
Carmilla looked up from the menu, her eyes wild and bewildered. "What?"
"Did you walk here, you're soaked."
Carmilla looked down at herself, "Oh, yeah I guess I did."
Laura looked at her confused, opening her mouth to speak when a waitress came over to take their orders.
Once they ordered and were alone again. Laura decided not to ask Carmilla why she walked all the way to the café that was on campus, and a taxi ride away from the club. It was a decent walk, especially in the rain.
"I have to ask you something." Laura said instead, deciding just to go for it.
Carmilla looked up once more from her coffee cup. Her eyes intent on Laura's face, "And what would that be, cupcake?"
Great, so back to nicknames, Laura thought. "The Silas Formal is in a few days, and I wanted to know if you'd want to go with me?"
Carmilla continued to stare at her. Mother would want her to go, she wanted to go; which meant that she couldn't, not if she wanted Laura to stay alive.
"I don't think that'd be wise, cutie." She said, looking back down at her coffee.
Laura pouted, "And why wouldn't it be wise?" she asked.
Carmilla shrugged, "It's on Saturday right?"
"Well, yeah."
"I have to work."
"Can't you take off?"
Carmilla shook her head, "Sorry buttercup, but work is work, can't skip it for some silly dance."
Laura flinched at the carelessness in Carmilla's tone, a lump jamming its way into her throat. Suddenly the booth was too small, and she wanted to be anywhere that Carmilla wasn't. She reached into her bag for money to cover her half of lunch and stood to her feet.
"Where are you going?" Carmilla asked, wishing she hadn't. The look on Laura's face was enough to know that she had hurt her. Something she thought she wouldn't care about until she had done it.
"I think we need some space." Laura said, shifting from one foot to the other. She couldn't look at Carmilla, if she did she would sit back down and she may not get another chance to stand up and walk away. Maybe this would be the end of whatever it was they were. Carmilla clearly didn't care whether they did more than just fuck. When she brought it up to her she didn't want to be more than what they already were. Maybe it was for the best that she breaks it off now, before she got hurt more than she already had.
"I have to go." Laura said before leaving the café, welcoming the rain as it mixed with her tears, letting Laura forget that they were there to begin with. She wasn't a child anymore that needed to be consoled by someone bigger and older than her. She had only been with Carmilla for three weeks, and even then she had never been with her past the physical part. She wasn't worth her tears.
Carmilla sat back at the café, stunned. She hadn't thought that when she agreed to a lunch date that it would end with Laura walking away. She hadn't thought what they had would be over so soon; before it had even started.
She clenched the edge of the table in her hands, feeling it threaten to splinter beneath her fingertips. She needed to fix this, before her mother found out about it. She couldn't fail her again.
She quickly placed her money down on the table and then left. She still had a dress in her closet that she had been saving for the right occasion.
XXX
Two days later LaFontaine was getting ready for the formal in Perry's room.
"Perr, have you seen my bow tie?" LaF asked as they ran hand through their hair to push it back and out of their face.
Perry rolled her eyes, smiling warmly as she asked LaF to stand in front of her so she could put it on them herself (if she didn't they would no doubt nearly choke themselves like they did last time).
LaFontaine stared down at their feet, hands fidgeting. All they could think about was the box that felt as if it was burning a hole through their slacks. "Um, Perr?"
"Yes, sweetie?" she asked, eyes fixed on their bowtie, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she tied the bow just right.
"I got you something, well us something."
Perry looked up at them, "It better not be like the last present."
LaF's face flushed red as they thought back on the dinner they tried and failed to make for their anniversary. "No, it's an actual present this time."
Perry finished tying the bow tie and stood back, letting her hands drop down to her sides. "Well what is it?"
LaFontaine nodded, right. They fumbled with the box, pulling it out of their pocket and nearly dropping it. "It's um, just open it."
Perry took the box, eyes wide. It couldn't be, could it? She opened it and nearly began crying, tears threatening to spill over and onto her cheeks.
Inside the box lay two silver bands. One that said 'My Person' and the other said 'My Heart'.
LaFontaine looked up at Perry's confused look. "They're promise rings, one for you and one for me."
Perry sniffled, "I'm your heart?"
"And I'm your person."
They slipped the rings onto each other's fingers, and shared a kiss before pulling away. LaFontaine wiped Perry's tears away and said, "We should probably meet up with Danny before she and Laura get in another argument."
Perry nodded, turning to grab her bag before shutting the door on their way out.
XXX
"All I'm saying is that you don't need to read Beowulf to fully understand what's going on." Laura said to Danny as they stood in the lobby waiting on LaF and Perry.
"And all I'm saying is that you are just a know-it-all that got lucky." Danny bit back, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration.
"Guys, maybe we just shouldn't talk until Perry and LaFontaine get here." Grayson said from her spot beside Laura.
"Why did you bring her anyways, what happened to Kitty?"
Laura ignored Danny as she turned back to her date.
Grayson was an art student who worked commissions for restaurants and the like. Her blue hair made her one brown eye stand out brown her other blue one. She was tall but not too tall, standing at 5'7. She was wearing a knee length black dress, a contrast to Laura's purple one.
Perry had introduced them to one another in the beginning of the year, and Laura had always found the girl's whimsical side endearing so she asked her to the formal.
"Oh good, everyone is still alive." Perry said on her entrance into the lobby, LaFontaine trailing behind her.
Danny rolls her eyes, glaring at the door. "Can we go now? I need a drink."
They set out for the gymnasium, walking along the sidewalk and ran into Kirsch and Will.
"Hey, Danny." Kirsch greeted.
Danny looked up, flustered from her earlier argument in addition to seeing Grayson and Laura walking so closely together. She still had feelings for Laura, but then there was Kirsch, and she was just really confused. "Hi, Kirsch." She said, walking around him when she caught Will's eye.
"On your way to the gym?" he asked, following her down the pathway.
"Yeah." She said, continuing to walk when a figure in front of her caught her eye. She stopped dead in her tracks and fought back the urge to laugh, and failed.
Everyone looked at Danny, confused.
"You really fucked up now, Hollis." Danny said mid laugh. This was just too good.
Walking right towards them was Carmilla in a silk black gown that was snug in all the right places, flowing down past her knees and kissed her ankles.
Laura looked up from where she was talking to Grayson about her most recent English paper, confusion soon turning into anger. "What are you doing here?"
Carmilla stopped walking when she reached the group, eyes first meeting Laura's, giving her outfit a once over, before landing on her date. "I thought I'd surprise you." She said, her voice weaker then she had meant for it to be.
Laura shook her head, laughter bubbling up out of her throat in bitterness. "You said you had to work; besides this isn't happening. We're taking a break, which means you don't get to try and sweep me off of my feet and just show up unannounced looking like that."
Carmilla smirked at that last part. She did make a point to look good.
"We're gonna go ahead, we'll catch up with you later Laura." Perry said as she took a hold of LaF's hand and tugged them along in the direction of the gym.
Kirsch and Will followed, Danny trailing behind still chuckling to herself.
"Laura, what's going on?" Grayson asked, confused. LaFontaine had told her that Laura had been involved with a girl but that it had been put on hold, so to speak.
Laura looked to her date, "I'm sorry Grayson, this is my-" how was she to explain who Carmilla was to her? They were never girlfriends. Ex fuck buddy? Ex-fling?
Carmilla spoke up, "I'm Carmilla, and who might you be?"
Grayson looked down at Carmilla, still not exactly sure whether or not this woman was trying to start something. She wasn't one for fighting. "I'm Grayson."
Carmilla nodded, stepping closer to them. "Why have I not seen you around before?"
Grayson shook her head, suddenly feeling a bit dazed. "Um, I'm usually working."
Carmilla cocked her head to the side, "And what is work for you?"
Laura watched, confused. What was happening, what was Carmilla doing?
Grayson stared at Carmilla, "I paint, usually murals for libraries or restaurants."
Carmilla smiled sickly sweet, "And what are your intentions with Laura tonight?"
"She asked me to the formal and I've always thought she was cute so I said yes."
The vampire froze, feeling her resolve begin to slip as she looked over to Laura and realized what she was doing. She was falling back into old ways, mother would be so proud.
She turned back to Grayson though because she was selfish, because she wanted Laura all to herself, and because mother would kill her if she let the tiny human slip through her fingers. "Yes well, Laura is with me, or she was with me and I'd like to fix that. So if you wouldn't mind, I'm going to have to cut your date short."
Grayson nodded sluggishly before blinking a few times, turning to Laura, "Hey Laura, I don't feel so good, I didn't really sleep all too much last night. I'll see you around though."
Laura stood, watching as Grayson walked away before turning back to Carmilla. "What the fuck was that?!" she was pissed. Carmilla didn't get to just show up here and scare her date away, and she wasn't some prize to be won.
Carmilla looked at Laura, she looked like a predator. "You are in far over your head, cutie."
"Don't call me that."
"What would you like me to call you then?"
"Laura, you used to call me by my actual name. Ever since your mother came back you've been cold and distant. We had a great night and now you are acting like this whole other person that I don't want to know. I thought we were actually getting somewhere."
Carmilla nearly growled, shifting from one foot to the other. "Wrong, you thought you were breaking me down into the mold you wanted me to fit in."
Laura clenched her hands down by her sides into fists. "You are insufferable!"
Carmilla raised a brow, biting her lip in amusement. "And you like to find the good in everyone, just face it cupcake, not everyone is good."
Laura shook her head, "You could be; you just choose not to even try."
Carmilla nearly flinched. This girl knew nothing about her. She didn't know what she was or what she had been through, yet she was pushing her in any way she could just to get a rise out of her. "Being the good guy wasn't necessarily a good color on me."
Laura looked up at her, "I doubt that."
Carmilla looked away, not really knowing what to say. She tried to scare her off, after all isn't that what she just did? She enchanted someone right in front of her and yet she was still standing there, looking up at the vampire like she hung the stars in the sky. Laura was angry though, that much was obvious. It made a chill run up Carmilla's back, imagining what it would feel like to be pushed back into something hard and bitten and scratched. It made her flustered to think what Laura was capable of once she was truly mad.
She shook her head to rid herself of the images of Laura fucking her. Clearing her throat, she spoke. "Do you really want to know?"
Laura raised a brow, arms crossed. "Know what?"
"What it is I did to that girl."
"Grayson."
"Whatever."
"Yes I do, want to know."
Carmilla nodded, the girl was curious. She had every right to be. She had been curious once herself. She looked around the quad before shaking her head, holding out her hand. "Not here."
Laura stared at her outstretched palm, "We are not going back to my room to have sex, you understand?"
Carmilla grimaced. She hadn't wanted to be seen in such a light by Laura, but it came to her attention that she never gave her anything else to go by. "I won't do anything you don't want." She replied, smug but honest. If anything she didn't want to do the hunting tonight, she wanted to be the prey.
Laura nodded, placing her hand in Carmilla's. "I want answers."
"And you will get them." Carmilla said before beginning the walk back to the dorms.
XXX
Kirsch took a sip of his punch. He had made sure to spike it before those gnomes got a chance to (last year everyone had turned purple for a week. LaF had never been so happy to have kept all of their Barney jokes stored away for a rainy day).
"So this is kind of boring." Will said beside him, looking up at Kirsch like he was the only one in the room.
Kirsch nodded along to the music, watching Danny talk to a bunch of Summer Society girls. He couldn't help but watch her, she looked beautiful tonight. He wished he could tell her just that.
Will took notice to Kirsch's blank stare, putting two and two together before nearly crushing the cup in his hand into dust. He grated his teeth together as he formulated a plan in his head. He didn't want it to have to come to this, but from the looks of it, it was the only way he was going to get what he wanted. He reached up, grasping the back of Kirsch's head and directed his eyes towards him.
"Dude, what are you doing?" Kirsch blurted out.
"You have eyes for me and only me." Will said, as he stroked the nape of his neck.
Kirsch blinked, before he stood up straight. "You look good, bro."
Will scoffed; of course. Well at least mother had taught him well.
XXX
"Wait so you're a vampire?"
Carmilla nodded slowly, not exactly sure where Laura was going with this.
Laura paced the room. It wasn't so bad. It was believable. She wasn't an amateur when it came to the supernatural, but she had never been intimate with one, or at least she thinks she hasn't.
"Not going to run for the hills screaming bloody murder?" Carmilla asked, staring down at her chipped nails, she had to act indifferent; otherwise Laura might really run away.
"Of course not." Laura quickly said, whether it was to assure Carmilla or herself, she wasn't entirely sure yet.
"Are you sure?"
Laura nodded, slowly sitting down in the desk chair. "So if you're a vampire, what you were doing back there to Grayson, were you doing that to me too?"
Carmilla flinched, how could Laura possibly think that? "What I did to that girl is something I haven't and never would do to you."
Laura nodded, wanting to believe her. "What did you do to her? It was like she didn't even know herself."
"It's called enchanting. Basically it just means we convince them to do or to think whatever we want them to. Elle was doing it to you that night at the club. Will does it a lot too."
"But you don't?" Laura asked, confused. The way Carmilla was describing it made it seem like she wasn't a big fan of it.
"Tonight I got mad, I wasn't thinking. Normally I'm not so petty. I like people to have free thoughts." Carmilla said simply.
Laura let all of this sink in, or as much of it as she could. It still wasn't the easiest thing for her to understand, but looking up at Carmilla who had lost all traces of indifference and instead looked lost and even nervous, it made her want to.
"I'm tired." Laura announced, standing up from her chair.
Carmilla nodded, they had been talking for a couple of hours now. "I should probably get going."
Laura froze, she didn't want Carmilla to leave, that much was clear, but she didn't want her to think she was off the hook either. "Betty transferred."
Carmilla looked confused. What did Laura's roommate have anything to do with this? "What?"
Laura moved towards the armoire to grab her pajamas. "You should stay, it's pretty late. You can sleep in Betty's old bed."
Carmilla nodded all thoughts of mother and Will all buried in the back of her head. She just wanted Laura to be happy, so she nodded her head.
Laura smiled, pressing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt into Carmilla's chest. "You can go get changed first."
XXX
Later that night as Carmilla lay awake; she couldn't help but think how fortunate she was for the outcome of the night. She was so sure that Laura was going to be angrier with her.
She could hear Laura shift in her sleep, and smiled. She couldn't even chastise herself for sleeping in a completely different bed because Laura wasn't mad at her, and that was enough.
Carmilla looked over at Laura's sleeping form and felt an all too familiar flutter in her chest. The smile she had on her face quickly sliding away into a frown. Her heart had let out a faint beat. Fuck.