"Just please don't say you love me

'Cause I might not say it back

Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that

There's no need to worry when you see just where we're at

Just please don't say you love me

'Cause I might not say it back."

-'Please Don't Say You Love Me' by Gabrielle Aplin

XXX

Carmilla sat up all night, staring up at the opaque ceiling.

Her heart had only beaten once, but it was a warning. At least to her it was. The last time this had happened Carmilla had fallen ass over heels for Elle. She had been punch drunk and love stupid. It couldn't be happening again. She wouldn't allow it to. Carmilla Karnstein had been hurt enough times, and even if Laura didn't have it in her to hurt her, mother would. Mother would have her head, literally.

But Carmilla wanted this, she wanted Laura. She had been biting her tongue for long enough. She deserved this, she deserved happiness and Laura. She finally wanted to start living a life worth having, centuries of brute force and monstrous ways only brought on a depression that Carmilla had wallowed in for far too long. She wanted an out, and this looked like as good a chance as any.

She finally fell asleep knowing that things could get better if she let it.

XXX

Carmilla woke to a dead weight beside her, the mattress dipping slightly beneath it. She peaked out through her lashes, turning her head to see Laura asleep next to her.

It was as if she could feel eyes on her, without opening her eyes she burrowed further into Carmilla's side. "Not a word."

The vampire chuckled before letting the moment sink in, Laura was knowingly cuddling with a blood sucking demon. It made her heart swell, biting her lip and willing her heart not to beat so close to the human's ear. Thankfully it didn't, and she fell back asleep just like that, holding Laura close in a awy she never expected to.

XXX

When Carmilla woke again, she was alone. She sat up, taking her time to stretch before eyes landed on a sticky note stuck to her discarded pants. She smiled, picking it up:

Had class will be back around 5pm.

xx Laura

Carmilla grinned, standing up as she decided to make use of the shower. She was half way through her shower when she heard a banging at the door followed by a voice worriedly calling out for Laura.

Carmilla quickly got dressed, running a hand through her damp hair and then wrenched open the door, nearly getting punching in the face.

"Where is she?" Danny growled when she saw Carmilla, her canines bared and her eyes a sharp and icy blue.

"Calm down wolf, she left a note that says she's in class." Carmilla said, leaning back into the door.

Danny scoffed, narrowing her eyes down at the darker girl. "It was my class she should've been in, and she wasn't there."

Carmilla's brow furrowed in confusion.

Danny pushed past her, "Let me see that note."

Carmilla watched from the doorway as Danny snatched up the note she had left on the shelf, her note.

"This isn't even her handwriting." Danny ground out before turning towards a clearly upset Carmilla, "That just shows how little you care about her."

Carmilla frowned, before shaking her head. She should be angry and putting the wolf in her place, not upset. She clenched her hands into fists before grabbing her phone and quickly scrolling through her messages:

Rat (3:34am): Where are you? Mother is not happy.

Rat (5:42am): Seriously, are you with Laura?

Rat (8:39am): I don't know where Mother went but it can't be good.

"Fuck." Carmilla swore. She couldn't believe herself. She let herself forget who she was for just one night and now look where that's gotten her.

Danny looked down at her, murder bleeding through her irises. Carmilla wasn't exactly sure what was keeping the red head from ripping her throat out right now.

"I think I might know where she is." Carmilla said.

Danny raised a brow, "You think?"

Carmilla rolled her eyes, nodding her head. All of this was embarrassing enough as it was. "Just check around campus, ask if anyone saw her." She instructed, grabbing her jacket and slipping into it.

"And where are you going?" Danny barked.

"To go see my mother."

XXX

Carmilla entered the mansion, already knowing that her mother wasn't there. Not a single heartbeat, aside from her faint one (it hadn't stopped beating since she woke up), it was off, maybe beating four times a minute.

She wasn't alone though. Sitting on the white leather chaise in the foyer was Elle, so different now from what she looked like in 1936. Frozen at 19, but no longer the girl Carmilla had once loved. She no longer looked like someone who cared for anyone, like the boy she had posed as just to get some form of money. No longer a homeless orphan.

No, now she looked like a debutante, hair blonder, face paler, nails manicured. Lips redder and eyes more dead then her own. Elle was staring down at her nails, as if inspecting them for stray blood flecks.

"Where is she?" Carmilla nearly growled.

"You know, you're the only woman I've ever been with."

The much older vampire rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't make me feel special."

"No, I'm trying to point out the exact opposite. You're poisonous; you ruined me for any other woman."

Carmilla scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest, digging crescent moons into her skin. "Is that your excuse for fucking so many dirty old men?"

"I'd like not to pretend how old I am Marcilla. The men I fuck could've been my husband, my peers. They are my peers. I'm sorry I don't meet your standards by gallivanting around with teenage girls and try to pretend that I am the sun in their skies." Elle said, standing.

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up." Carmilla spit out.

Elle studied Carmilla, keeping her distance as she took notice to the shorter girl practically vibrating in anger. "You always hated the fortune teller when we went to the circus; it's a miracle you wanted to keep me around as a constant reminder of your mistakes."

Carmilla snapped, she lunged forward, hand wrapping around throat, and slammed Elle back into the wall, the drywall splintering beneath them. "I kept you around because I loved you. I begged mother to turn you and when she said no I went behind her back and did it myself, and I know it was messy, and I know I almost didn't stop, but don't ever question why I did it, because I sure as hell don't."

Elle choked, feeling the pressure of Carmilla's hand, if she didn't let up she was going to crush her windpipe.

Carmilla was seeing red, her vision blurry through her tears as she gritted her teeth. "I spent ten years in a fucking box for you and what's the thanks I get? I come back to find that you aren't the girl I thought you were. You acted like I robbed you of your life, but you wanted this. You asked me, you told me that you wanted to spend the rest of eternity with me." She dug her nails into Elle's neck, eliciting a hiss. "You wanted my money. You never loved me." She pressed into her harder.

Elle's eyes were threatening to close. "Mar."

Carmilla looked up at her, lip quivering. She was being so stupid, but she was blind to it.

"Please." Elle choked out. "Do it, kill me."

Carmilla gasped, she couldn't do that. She couldn't kill her. Carmilla couldn't remember the last time she had killed. It had been a long time ago; an accident. She couldn't go through that again.

Elle could feel Carmilla's hand slackening. She grabbed her arm, tears streaming down her own face now. "Please, I can't keep doing this. I was a kid, a stupid fucking kid that was selfish and way in over her head."

Carmilla looked away. She couldn't look at her. "Try going through what I did. I was eighteen and watched both my parents and siblings die along with all of my friends at a ball, my family's Christmas ball. My life was ripped away from me. I didn't get to choose, for some of us it's not that simple."

Elle didn't want to fight anymore, even that was clearly what Carmilla wanted. She knew it was the older girl's way of trying to get her to fight, to stay. "Mar, please. It's what I want."

Carmilla let out a shuddered breath. Elle knew that she would've done anything for her once. Carmilla's voice cracked, "You were supposed to stay with me forever. You were supposed to love me. You were supposed to make sure I didn't turn back into a monster."

Elle shook her head. She couldn't say how sorry she was, but she couldn't keep living like this. When mother had locked Carmilla away for a decade, she had lost herself. Without someone who cared to guide her, she became a blood thirsty fiend; a drone for mother to use whenever deemed necessary.

Carmilla could barely keep her own head above the surface when she came back.

In those ten years they had changed, and when they came together again they no longer fit; jagged corners with rounded edges. Elle wasn't able to help Carmilla with her nightmares when she had her own to worry about.

"I'm so sorry I put you through what I did. You more than anyone deserve someone that loves you. I couldn't give you that, but she can." Elle said, going silent for a minute. Carmilla knew she could hear it, her heart slowly beating away inside her chest. Elle smiled, "She already has."

Carmilla was no longer holding her by her neck, but just staring at her.

"Mar, I'm not gonna ask again. I'm not a beggar, but please don't make me do it myself." Elle pleased.

Carmilla bit her lip nodding; there was no getting out of this. Whether she did it or not, Elle wouldn't be seeing tomorrow's sunrise. "Okay."

Elle deflated in relief. She was getting what she wanted even if it was Carmilla's biggest fear; losing someone she loved, and by her own hand.

"Just tell me one thing."

Elle looked down at Carmilla, a girl she had once pretended to love. How simple and easy it would've been to do so. "Anything."

"Do you know where she took her?"

Elle frowned, shaking her head. She didn't know.

Carmilla nodded, and with a surge of courage she pushed forward, pressing her lips into Elle's in a bruising kiss, their tears intermingling as she shoved her hand forward, ripping into cloth and flesh, breaking through bone, and clenching around the human prize. Yanking her arm backwards, Carmilla ripped Elle's life source out of her chest, and felt a gasp again her lips. She looked up to blank wet eyes and back down at the glowing heart in her hand. Closing her hand into a fist, she grounded the organ into a pulp as she watched the light dim form Elle's eyes.

A sob erupted through Carmilla's chest, escaping past her lips, as she clutched at Elle's dead weight, sliding to the floor with her.

She felt her heart begin to beat harder; at a much normal pace now that she no longer had two people to love. Now she only had eyes for the living.

She needed to find Laura.