Chapter 16

"This is…"

"Different than you expected?"

Sam looked at Hibah as she took in the sights around them with quiet attention. She had seen it before so she wasn't quick to be awed. "Something like that," he finally said.

"The dream realm is as the dreamer shapes it," Hibah repeated her earlier statement with a shrug. She knew it was true but she didn't like that she had to see what was obviously a compilation of memories and worst fears; it wasn't a dream but a nightmare. "Memories, hopes… worst fears."

Sam looked around. He had been dream walking before. The first had been when Bobby was in trouble and that was when they learned that Angela didn't even drink the stuff. She had been… playful about it saying that she didn't need dream root. They both learned what that meant. And Hibah was right with her assessment.

It pained Sam to see what was in her head. True he was willing to concede that there was the possibility that the bastards drugged her but… the mixture of memories and most of them bloody… He could see better now why she made the choices she did and would continually beat herself up. It was also why she hid from them.

Hibah watched Sam observing the area they would have to traverse. She didn't like it either and understood why her surrogate had enforced strictly the no seeing into people's head rule. The mind was its own worst enemy at times and given that Angela had seen and experienced more than anyone ever should… "You should find her," she said in a quiet tone.

"Yeah."

There was nothing more to say as Sam picked a direction and started walking. From his experience it was all about pounding pavement until you found something. He was silent for a few moments before turning to Hibah and asking, "So how do we find her in here?"

"Not me. You. I'm here to keep you grounded." It was overly simple but Hibah figured that it was better than trying to get into the mechanics of things. While it would have interested Sam on some level, now wasn't the time. "You have to do the work."

"Right." Sam gave a slight eye role at that. There was always something else to it. He put his hands on his hips and looked out at the area that was pretty much all of Angela's head. Well the inside of it. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

Hibah studied Sam as he looked at what was before them. She took a peek herself and reverted back to him. "You know her better than anyone."

"Dean does," Sam replied with a shake of his head. It was the honest truth. "They connect more than me and her."

"Cars, pie and beer. Hardly big bonders." Hibah shifted on her feet and looked upwards as if that were an answer. It helped as she took a breath and looked back at Sam. "That is what pretty much anyone sees. You see her heart."

Sam frowned at that since it sounded ridiculous. "I don't know what you're thinking but that… I mean we talk and she tells me things only because I ask. What do you want from me Hibah? I don't even know if this is going to work." He paused and ran a hand through his locks and turned away. "I don't even get why I…"

"What Abba?"

"Nothing. Just…" Sam started walking in the direction he had picked. He only paused when he realized Hibah wasn't following. He turned and saw her staring. "What?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"You pointed out that it was a possibility."

Hibah shook her head. She knew things had come to a head. If Sam was going to find Angela, he really needed to dig down and acknowledge a few things. "Why?"

"I don't know. I just want to find her. She's important to me and Dean."

It wasn't exactly what Hibah wanted to hear but it was a start. The more time they spent there, maybe it would become clear. She heaved a sigh of resignation and started to follow. This was going to be difficult and she was following the rules her father did; the whole observe but not interfere and if she did to do it minimally. Not that he was that good with rules anyway but it was important to him especially concerning Angela.

Sam was suspicious that Hibah wasn't pursuing it further. He knew she was like Angela in that if she wasn't satisfied she would follow through. He would accept it but it had him wary and wondering what she was up to. He knew she had to be learning the things that gods were expected to do and it did cross his mind that she was doing that but she was also half angel.

They traveled in silence, Sam glancing at Hibah who was walking in silence. He felt bad she was there since he knew how much as a child she clung and believed in Angela. It was hard to be hit with reality; the putting her on a pedestal and then disappointment because she fell short. He was guilty of that himself and certainly was a failure as far as it concerned her.

"You know Ima is happiest when you're okay. Right?"

"She shouldn't. Not after everything."

Hibah frowned at that since it didn't make sense to her. "I seriously doubt that. She smiled more when you were around… from what I remember." Then as if she knew what Sam was going to say she added, "And it wasn't because of my benefit but for you."

Sam looked at her. "You think so?"

"I might have been nine in the human sense but… I could see things." Hibah gave that smirk of hers as she teased, "Especially that wild party and karaoke."

Sam couldn't help but burst out a laugh at that one. He remembered being roped into that and Dean was too after a time but… "That was a better time. Things went downhill after you left Hibah."

"No doubt. I was imprinted. That kind of thing… doesn't go away."

"The worst was Angie. I'm surprised she even considered talking to me after a couple of days. I wasn't exactly the best."

They walked past what looked like something out of a sci-fi movie with the craggy canyon walls. It was dark like it was night but it didn't make it better. Sam shuddered inwardly at the thought that this was what was in her head. Hibah looked around trying to find the right words to prompt Sam. She would hate for him to find a memory… or nightmare. She continued the conversation, "You mean the whole thing with the demon. The one called Ruby." At Sam's look, she explained, "There was a lot of talk and I eavesdropped."

"You shouldn't do that. Nothing good comes of that. And I think it hurt Angie's feelings," Sam replied recalling when she mentioned his spiel to what he thought was Adam. "Then again she picks up most everything."

"She's only human… well as human as you can get."

Sam would have said something when the subject they were talking about ran right past them. It was automatic for Sam to call out to her but she didn't stop. He would have taken off and chased her but Hibah stopped him. When he looked at her, she pointed out and he turned to look. It was a memory definitely and back to when they first met. She just landed in front of him and Dean on the ground and faced off against vampires. The setting was a bit wrong but he remembered that. Then it faded away. He looked at Hibah and asked, "Memory?"

"Yes. This is her world after all."

Sam looked around before looking back at Hibah, "So how are we going to find her?"

Hibah looked at him, "You know how."

Sam raised his brow at her. "No I don't. Hibah, you said that this would help."

"And I said she wouldn't recognize me."

"So are we supposed to just wander around?"

"You have to find her." Hibah knew that this was going to be difficult to achieve. Sighing she added, "I can only open the gate because of the connection which is here. The rest has to come from you. You just have to find a way. Trust yourself."

Sam could have argued about it but he could see Hibah's point and the last thing he wanted was to turn her away. But there were some things he couldn't do. "I can't."

"Yes you can. I know it sounds like hero worship but I always saw you capable of anything. I remember the one who almost killed Ima and how you came." Hibah took a couple of steps forward, barely glancing at another memory of Angela only this time it looked like it was from a job some time in the past. She knew that Sam saw it too given his glance. She sighed again and looked up at Sam, "There is only so much I can do since I am bound by the rules of the gods and goddesses and there are a few things I can say fuck you to… well let's just say I can see wisdom in things."

"Don't swear. It sounds… wrong coming from you." Sam turned away to think after saying that. It was the only thing he could say since he needed a moment to process this. He never liked the partial tellings from the beings they had encountered; it was damned annoying and led to people getting pissed off. Yet coming from Hibah, it was different… and it seemed right this time around. "I don't know if I can."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because every time I try to help out or… watch out for her, it goes horribly wrong. And I almost lost her."

Hibah listened to Sam but noticed the background and the appearance of a little girl. It was another memory she knew but it wasn't from this place. She didn't betray her thoughts as she watched the little girl smile, the amber eyes looking up at Sam with complete trust and faith. "Perhaps you are thinking on this too hard. You hear but do you listen?"

Sam looked up at Hibah. He then twitched his lip slightly and out came a chuckle. Seeing Hibah's inquiring look, he explained, "Just a memory. Angie said the same thing but… not in the way you'd think. She was uh… four at the time." He turned away and walked a few steps. "Things have changed since you left."

"I can see that." Hibah looked away to think. There was a fine line with things but she knew where she could step over it. "Abba, don't doubt Ima."

"I don't. Even through the ways me and Dean have treated her." Sam would have gone into more but decided not to say anything else. He turned abruptly and said, "Come on. We shouldn't stay."

Hibah said nothing more but followed. She could say that Sam was right. Things had changed. The abruptness was something new but there was a confidence there was… pleasant to see. She could also see the worry still etched on his face along with determination. He was going to see this through.

They passed through more disturbing images and memories until one made Sam stop. Hibah drew up alongside him and watched and noted the slight frown and pensive expression on his face. She looked at the scene that showed Dean holding onto Sam and Angela, looking rather beat up, was trying to save him; it was the day that Sam died. She looked at Sam as he watched his brother trying to bring him back and then Angela screamed a sound that was almost inhuman.

Sam stared at the memory and waited for it to fade. But it didn't. Like she was aware, Angela stood up and walked away from the scene still looking like, for lack of a better expression, hell. She walked towards them and peered at them with that look of hers. All of a sudden her eyes widened and she bolted. It startled him.

"Follow her," Hibah prompted. "Go Abba," she urged when he hesitated. It was enough and she watched him follow.

"Treading a fine line kiddo."

Hibah turned to look at Gabriel. "Much like you when you spy on her in her dreams." She scanned the terrain. "Now I know why she insisted not teaching me this."

"Too many memories, Hibah," Gabriel replied with a slightly sad expression. "Too many and some that I wish I could change."

Hibah nodded. It was easy to wish to change the past. Though she had learned that true strength was how you dealt with what was handed to you. "I guess your suggestion will work. I don't think I want to be like Mother. I'd rather… be my other half."

"If you want," Gabriel left hanging. "Sam will do what he has to do. Unfortunately this could blow up in our faces too. Stubborn ass." He gestured her to move forward. "You should go and catch up. It will fall apart if you're not there."

"Don't remind me." Hibah started forward in the direction Sam had taken. She put on a brave face as she faced the good, the bad and the ugly. She heard her father's good luck whisper as she started forward. "This was just to establish what was previously one sided."

Angela knew she was asleep again. It was easier to tune out the reality of the situation and it didn't help that she had a nasty hit to the back of the head to thank for her current state. She looked around and noted that the area was very familiar to her. It was helped by the fact that she saw a few of her memories playing out. So yeah she was dreaming but it was like a twisted version of her memories. It had her confused a bit as she started walking around.

The dream realm is easy for you because you are in tune with what makes it so.

"Yeah I remember that conversation," she muttered as she looked around. She remembered when she first met the god of dreams and how she had almost killed him. He laughed at her attempt and it made her madder. It was then he revealed who he was. "Bloody dream king."

She walked past some of her better memories; they were like pockets of havens within the larger picture. She had heard of the dreamscape, a type of journey one could take into the realm of Morpheus, meaning his castle. Other versions were like the vision quests though much more intense. Basically if you died in the dreamscape… you died in the real world. It was called the ultimate test of courage and inner strength by some cultures. Thinking about it had her voice, "Please don't tell me I got myself stuck in one."

Dreamscapes can take on any form. The main thing is that it is a journey to find the connection.

"Yeah like that will help now."

Connections are not always apparent but they are what roots the individual to the living. Call it the thing that gives you the will to fight.

Angela rounded a corner and looked around. She recognized when she and her old friend MacTavish were in that village; the last time she met war. She was talking to him and his men explaining the situation. They were about to be led into the trap that had them nearly wipe out that village of Lycan werewolves. She hissed at the memory, wishing she could change it.

The dreamscape will show you everything. Things that were, things that are and that which has yet to come.

"And I feel like I just remembered Lord of the Rings." Angela shook her head and turned her back on the memory. She couldn't really stop since she remembered that dreamscapes did trick the dreamer. It wasn't done with malicious intent because in the end the dreamscape was nothing more than what the mind came up with. That was the scary thing since living as long as she did… it was hard to forget a few things.

Angela passed a few more. Some were designed to entice her to stop and pay attention. It was getting difficult the more she walked through her own head. It was worse when she saw her happiest memories like the good times with the boys and when they had Hibah. She wanted to stop and relive them fully since those made her happy. Until she saw Lenya.

It was the memory of the time Lenya kidnapped her when she was her child self. Actually it was the one in the hood that kidnapped her. The funny thing was that he was accompanied by Lenya while he fought with Sam and stabbed him. Angela gasped as she watched and then she saw herself screaming at the hooded man and then it was gone.

Of course the strongest often come from what we almost lose.

Walking further, she recognized the place. It was exactly like when she experienced it the first time. Looking ahead she saw Dean and Sam looking at each other and she started jogging, knowing what was going to happen. She muttered to herself that it wasn't going to happen again and ran full out but it was too late. She watched the knife being driven into Sam's back. She continued running and thinking, That was the day that a hole had been ripped in my soul. The day I knew that I would always be a target for anyone who wanted to fuck with people like that.

Angela knelt there. She shouldn't have but she felt a part of it now and found herself doing the same motions as she remembered everything. She didn't scream because she already remembered everything. She then looked up and saw… Sam?

Frowning, she stood up to take a look. She had to be sure. Too many times had her own feelings and emotions been played against her.

The dreamscape has but one purpose and that is to connection the journeyman to his goal. However, there are others who would use the face of those that are familiar to achieve their own ends.

At that moment, Angela saw the strange girl from her dreams earlier. It had been a brief moment but it left a strange feeling with her. Looking back at Sam, she decided that it was a trick her desperate mind came up with. She wanted to be found and while she didn't want to risk their lives, she wanted to be found. But not like this. She turned and ran, picking a random direction and took her chances.

She ran past memories. The good started turning darker and darker. Finally she ran past a memory of hell and the torment and anguish. She stopped even though she didn't want to really see that again. She had lived it once. She didn't need a high definition replay. That was too much but she needed to see if she was being followed. She turned just as it faded and looked face on with Lucifer and Carter. Carter was taunting her, "You see you can't escape. Why don't you admit it that they will never come for you?"

"Kind of stupid since it is not what you want," Angela muttered trying hard not to overreact from it. She looked up to see Carter grinning, the grin taunting her while Lucifer looked on a little bored and amused at the whole thing. She took a couple of breaths trying to figure out what to do and coming up with nothing.

"Angie."

Angela turned to see that Sam caught up. She glanced over her shoulder behind her and noted what was going on. She gestured, "Stay back Sam."

"Yes, do what you always do. Sacrifice yourself," Lucifer drawled in a bored tone. "It's what you wanted to do in the first place."

Angela looked down, trying hard not to lose her temper. If she did anything rash, she could get herself killed. But she had to protect Sam… even if he was just part of the dream she had created. She looked up and saw that it was the Sam she knew meaning that it wasn't from a memory past but more recent. How she could tell… it would make her sound like a pervert.

Sam for his part had followed Hibah's prompting and chased after her. He had forgotten how fast she could run especially when she was running for her life. He managed to keep up somehow and the things he saw… He managed to ignore them until he found her. She looked better and in fact much more like how she was now. He looked at what was behind her and recognized Lucifer but the other he had no clue. He focused on Angela and called out to her. She turned and warned him back… like that was going to happen. He stood his ground and watched the exchange between her and the two in the back. He wasn't going to take it at face value since when would she have met Lucifer? He kept his focus on her. "Angie, don't listen to them. It's me."

Angela looked at Sam and studied him. Her head was starting to pound. It was a full blown migraine or something but it was painful. It could also mean that her body was either waking up or being mistreated to get her awake. Either way, it suggested consciousness was coming.

"No it isn't. Because you know that he killed them."

Angela ignored Carter and focused on Sam. He was different from everyone else here. She took a couple of steps forward to look him in the eye. She studied him and the fact that he looked like he ran a marathon. She then said with a slight smirk, "You're always embarrassing me."

Sam twitched his lip feeling relief. "And you're always gonna win."

Angela gave a pensive look and replied, "Not always." She was tempted to reach out. She started to but then she noticed the girl from before and tensed up and didn't relax until Sam explained that she was a friend; someone who loved her. She looked at Sam and then the girl and said, "I'll buy it for now. What are you doing here in my dreamscape?"

"What?"

"Dreamscape." Angela looked around and didn't like that Carter and Lucifer were still around.

"It's a journey through dreams," Carter said, "One that requires completion otherwise the journeyman dies." He grinned maliciously at Angela making it very clear.

Sam looked back and forth until he locked onto Angela and saw that her expression was signaling the truth. "Then complete it Angie. Do what you have to do."

"It's not that simple."

Sam looked down and tried not to lose his patience. At the moment the ground rumbled at his feet. He vaguely heard Angela saying that something was forcing her to wake up. He didn't know if it was true but he got the feeling that if she did, she could die and he wasn't going to let it happen. "Then finish it Angie."

"I don't know how."

Sam thought about it as the world started to crumble. He then looked at her as he put his hands on her upper arms. "What do you want most?"

Angela was silent. "To be found."

"Then help me find you. Whatever you have to do. Please."

Angela looked around as the world started collapsing. She saw the girl looking worried and then Sam looking at her. She had shut Kesset, Castiel and Gabriel out because she didn't want them to feel her pain and then go nuts. But she had one thing that could help but she wasn't sure if it would help. Looking at Sam, she reached up and ran her fingers through his locks and gently brushed his temple. "Remember when I found you in the storm."

A/N: Looks like things aren't simple as Hibah made it seem. But it looks like Angie is on board. Stay tuned for more To Hell and Back...